Times you accidentally went shitposter in real life - When that smart mouth of yours outruns the part of your brain telling you to shut up

Had an endoscooy today. No sedation, literal hell.

Was shaking like a recently raped prom queen on my side after it was pulled out, the mildly hot arab looking nurse asked if there was anything I wanted. Didn't even register I'd said 'shag be good' until she laughed and got me water. Not my finest moment.
 
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I once said that suicidegirls are all cheap sluts that look like they were rejected from every other slut mill. This was in front of a dude whose girlfriend was a suicegirls model and she was right besides him.

They didn't said anything back but really fucking hated me. I learned about it from my other friend soon after, she found it hilarious. I still stand what i said though, this girl was a cheap slut and did look like she would be rejected by every other nude modeling gig.
 
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I had a Mexican girlfriend for years who (for some reason) could never dry herself properly when she got out of the shower. It became standard for me to say to her "hey, you're a wetback", but it never occurred to either of us it could be offensive.
My wife (when we'd just met) was telling me about her extended family and how she had over 20 cousins, to which I responded "well, you are a potatonigger".
Did not get laid that night.
 
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One time I went to visit a friend of mine and his girlfriend was visiting, and we love making holocaust jokes and the like, this was around when the boston bombing happened I worked up this whole routine like: "My freind was in the race, he came in first fifth and sevent, I was gonna attend but plane tickets were outrageous they cost and arm and a leg." Among other things, I did this whole routine for him and his girl, she sat aghast and I jetted because work stuff, he got back to me and told me "Dude she was from Boston."

They broke up shortly after
 
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Johan Schmidt said:
Had an endoscooy today. No sedation, literal hell.

Was shaking like a recently raped prom queen on my side after it was pulled out, the mildly hot arab looking nurse asked if there was anything I wanted. Didn't even register I'd said 'shag be good' until she laughed and got me water. Not my finest moment.
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Did they at least use a -caine type spray for your throat so it would be numb? If not, that really is torture level shit. Why no sedation (if I may ask)? No sedation is a rarity, at least here in the US. It is typically only done if a patient is very unstable.

I had an endoscopy done once without the spray, and the sedation failed. I had to rawdog the scope, which I imagine is not dissimilar to how Russel Greer eats spaghetti. I still remember it very vividly. It did teach me something about my metabolism for certain medications not being exactly normal.
 
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Manul Otocolobus said:
Did they at least use a -caine type spray for your throat so it would be numb? If not, that really is torture level shit. Why no sedation (if I may ask)? No sedation is a rarity, at least here in the US. It is typically only done if a patient is very unstable.

I had an endoscopy done once without the spray, and the sedation failed. I had to rawdog the scope, which I imagine is not dissimilar to how Russel Greer eats spaghetti. I still remember it very vividly. It did teach me something about my metabolism for certain medications not being exactly normal.
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Because the NHS is a fucking joke. I'd been waiting in A&E for 20 hours (ER for Americans) with a food bolus, retching every 30 minutes to clear saliva so I didn't drown. They told me sedation needed a free bed as I'd have to stay for a day. That could mean another wait for anywhere between 1-20 more hours depending.

So I asked for no sedation, they gave me a mouth spray, but that only went as far as the bolus was lodged. 'Hilariously' the 20 hour wait and constant retching has left me with oesophagitus and a >5cm hiatus hernia now. Plus the camera ramming the food bolus into my stomach to clear it has inflamed my oesaohagus to the point where sipping water still hurts. The entire experience was a waking nightmare actually; waiting room had a screaming heroin addict in it that wouldn't shut up.

They did give me these great dispersible painkillers that mame the pain vanish entirely for ~4 hours though, so that's good. Still though, should have gone private.
 
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I got an Ocarina for my birthday. As soon as the gifter was out of earshot, I turned to our mutual friend and asked, "Does she know I don't give a sh*t about Zelda?" Turns out the mutual friend had bought me a Triforce placemat. Didn't go down well.
Manul Otocolobus said:
I was once driving through a small town on a trip with a few friends friend and I said "Man, what a one horse town" and my friend looked at me and said "I was born here".
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I was visiting my Grandfather's grave on memorial day. Nearby was a headstone of an obvious troon, who had both his female name and deadname on it. I grimly remarked, "They'll use your real name when they bury you, indeed." My aunt didn't get it, I had to specifically spell out to her what I was talking about.

Guy even had his obituary linked on his headstone with a QR code.

Tho there were times when I recite the Attack Helicopter copypasta from memory in front of family and friends. Most of them never heard the joke before, so they dissolve into hysterical laughter when they heard me recite it, no matter how old or tired it is to people who are perpetually online.

Though my dad stopped me halfway through one time, because he took serious offense at the phrase, "dropping hot sticky loads on disgusting foreigners."
 
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Chocolate Wombat said:
I made the mistake of talking about Kiwi Farms with some people in my family only to later be accused of having been radicalized.

Apparently calling trans people troons and saying I don't think children should take hormone blockers means I'm possessed by an alt-right demon or something.
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Ahahah nice

My family is so "normie" most BARELY even have a FB/Instagram. Hell my Dad has ZERO social media.

It's nice
 
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Having trouble sleeping and thought of a nugget for this thread.

So years back I'm at a family get together, needless to say I had been drinking, and my sister was talking about how she was having trouble conceiving. Her and the husband were considering adopting a child from Africa, as she had recently been on one of those humanitarian tourist excursions. I launched into a tirade about how that is for rich vapid cunts, how pulling children out of Africa isn't going to solve anything, and that if she wanted a token there are plenty of "locally sourced black babies". They were pretty aghast, but flash forward and they have two healthy kids they shat out on their own.
 
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