Prison Letters (06/27/22) - New Chris Chan Jail Letter - Eels and the Eggman talk about OCs to Chris, Helena will supposedly work with Chris on Sonichu, Chris claims that Heilberg confirmed his returning to 14BLC and that he was never attracted to Bella

[BobJones997]

From my reading of the Section 8 rules, since Chris isn't the mortgage holder, Barb would have to rent it out to him as a Section 8 eligible tenant, but regardless of the fact that they are related, any other Section 8 recipient could try to rent it and she would be obligated to let them do so. Unless he's at the very top of the list, I don't see it happening in any way that would benefit him.

Oh man, Chris would have the chimp out to end all chimp outs if he got out of jail only to find that someone beat him to renting the Sonichu Temple.

 

[Mariposa Electrique]

From my reading of the Section 8 rules, since Chris isn't the mortgage holder, Barb would have to rent it out to him as a Section 8 eligible tenant, but regardless of the fact that they are related, any other Section 8 recipient could try to rent it and she would be obligated to let them do so. Unless he's at the very top of the list, I don't see it happening in any way that would benefit him.

Also, it looks like in Virginia you have to be a Section 8 voucher recipient through rentals before you can get approved to participate in the Housing Choice Voucher Homeownership program, so even if she tried to sell him 14BC and get it paid for through Section 8, he would have to rent for a while first. Also, it looks like they have a minimum income requirement and an employment requirement to participate in the homeownership program, though these might be waived for people on disability, I haven't looked deep enough to tell:

https://www.pwcva.gov/assets/documents/housing/004962.pdf - This is for Prince William County, but most counties in VA should be roughly equivalent.

In any case, I don't see how Chris would be able to stay in 14BC in the near term under the auspices of Section 8, so he's most likely going to end up somewhere else, at least for a while.

They won't let him. He's a single man, so he probably only qualifies for a one bedroom hellhole.

 

[Cheerlead-in-Chief]

They won't let him. He's a single man, so he probably only qualifies for a one bedroom hellhole.

Can you use that horoscope website to find out how Barb/Chris die? Rhetorically naturally...he's too predictable to be MATI over.

 

[Hogar Grupal]

I wonder what those 'valid terms' are? We all know Chris' negotiation skills are shit. There's no way Chris could skate off without at least something that would effect him for the rest of his life. I read probation, Chris got that from the Snyder hit and run trial. If Chris really gets off, then he truly is the teflon tard. He could commit more offenses and still could serve another year.

 

[Kosher Dill]

If Chris really gets off, then he truly is the teflon tard.

I mean, he already served a year in jail and that's all he would ever have gotten unless they really did convict him of a felony.
I'm guessing Heilberg just played hardball and said "My client is insane and denies everything, if you want to prove otherwise you can feel free to hale a half-dead senile octogenarian into court and make her relive her rape for the jury."

 

[Rome's rightful successor]

What if we compiled all of Chris Chan's prison notes into a prison notes book in case if he dies in prison.

 

[thismanlies]

Bella and Barbara had never talked at all. She never attempted to sway me to deviating fetishes at all.

Didn’t Chris’s lawyer say he was going to paint Chris as a product of his trolls? I’m sure the prosecutor’s going to love this statement.

 

[obliviousbeard]

Semper Fidelis to all are armed legal tardwranglers.

 

[Holiday Special]

If Barb is in a nursing home, could they let Chris stay at 14BC if they haven't found a place for him elsewhere? He stays there, a no contact order with Barb and then medical assistance could get him rides to and from his mandated therapy appointments. At least until Tom and Harriet sell the house or they find something more long term.

 

[Hogar Grupal]

I mean, he already served a year in jail and that's all he would ever have gotten unless they really did convict him of a felony.
I'm guessing Heilberg just played hardball and said "My client is insane and denies everything, if you want to prove otherwise you can feel free to hale a half-dead senile octogenarian into court and make her relive her rape for the jury."

Chris is taking that year behind bars surprisingly well. Most people in his position would be broken, then again most common inmates aren't in protected sections. The common inmate would try and rehabilitate themselves, as that is what jails and prisons were made for, more or less. This is Chris: he'll look back on this and will not have learned a thing. Will not accept with what he did to Barb was wrong, and will most likely try it again but with the hindsight of not telling anyone about it.

Personally, if there is one takeaway from this is that Chris needs to be under someone's watch, as the SOB can't be trusted by himself (or around the elderly and/or vulnerable).

 

[No Batty Boys in Jamaica]

>So, if this brief letter is to be believed, it looks like Chris is returning home soon after all, or so he claims.

Nigga, Chris believed Miyamoto wanted to discuss Sonichu with him.

He believed all of his online sweethearts were real.

Let’s just add another one to the list.

https://sonichu.com/cwcki/List_of_Chris%27s_lies

I really hope it's a tard house Chris ends up in. That would be hilarious. I imagine the reaction would be very similar to the second jail photo that got leaked.

I won't be surprised if he's allowed back home though knowing Chris's track record of weaseling out of facing consequences.

Big Brother: Potato Edition.

 

[Pointless Sperg]

Still reading the transcript...he's gonna go home, just like that after years of his (reduced) sentence?! Bullshit; did Chris seduce/proposition Heilberg or something as he once offered himself as a prostitute for blowjobs?!

What? Heilberg is Chris' attorney. He's supposed to get Chris the best outcome he can -- that's his job.

Making it not a felony is a pretty sweet deal, but wobblers are wobblers for a reason -- and a wobble down on a first offense of the type isn't that weird.

If Barb is in a nursing home, could they let Chris stay at 14BC if they haven't found a place for him elsewhere? He stays there, a no contact order with Barb and then medical assistance could get him rides to and from his mandated therapy appointments. At least until Tom and Harriet sell the house or they find something more long term.

Yes.

 

[GypsyBard]

Why do people think he is getting away with anything? he lost a year of his life and it will never be the same. He in now the mother fucker of verginia and may get his shit kicked in because now people see him as a deranged sex pest.

Because to him it was nothing
Say what you want about Chris but Chris adapts extremely well
If you were me found out we would spend the rest of our lives in a mental asylum we would probably slit our wrists
Chris Wood throw a fit then just accept it and get into the routine of things
If we spent a year in solitary in jail we would consider it help for Chris he adapted to the situation so for him it was more of a minor inconvenience

 

[Testacles Maximus]

I feel bad for when he finds out his license plates are gone.

 

[Ken_Penders69]

 

[A Grey Cat]

Why do people think he is getting away with anything? he lost a year of his life and it will never be the same. He in now the mother fucker of verginia and may get his shit kicked in because now people see him as a deranged sex pest.

because chris doesn't care. he's never cared what people think of him because he's ALWAYS been a repulsive sex pest. thought a good kick to ribs is exactly what he needs. the fucker is long overdue for a good dose of ass kicking courtesy of the reality school of hard knocks .

 

[æsthetic fœticide]

...this is actually a big W for Chris

Chris seems to have convinced himself this wasted year wasn't much of a punishment, and enough people familiar with Chris also feel this way, which will reinforce his belief once he can again communicate with the outside world.

He's gonna come out a hardened criminal in that he's more comfortable with sex and more brazen about abnormal sex.

For years he's given us hints that the only thing keeping him from fucking animals or minors are "dumb laws". The question is, which will he get into hot water for banging first?

 

[Cheerlead-in-Chief]

What? Heilberg is Chris' attorney. He's supposed to get Chris the best outcome he can -- that's his job.

Making it not a felony is a pretty sweet deal, but wobblers are wobblers for a reason -- and a wobble down on a first offense of the type isn't that weird.



Yes.

I know....oh! When I mentioned "wobbler" to my mom's fiance, he asked "What's a wobbler" despite him knowing some lawyer terms and is a holder of a SC law book. He says "Chris ain't right" and predicted that if Chris was in general population and the inmates discovered what his crime was he would've either been a prison bitch or hurt by normal mom-loving criminals.

 

[Pvt. Real G]

Is there a possibility that Heilburg told Chris that he is going back to 14 Branchland Ct just to make him more cooperative for the hearing? Or is that not allowed and that lawyers got to be 100% truthful with their clients?

 

[Aldi Nord]

He must be ecstatic knowing his own mother is a broken shell of a human being, because that means she can't directly testify against him.

I doubt he realizes any of that, he probably thinks he's in a wholesome relationship with Barbie-chan which gets criticised by mean people for no reason.