Resident Evil - Virgin Vampire Wine Mom vs Chad Magnetic Lebowski

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Episode 3 “Fuck Google, Fuck Facebook”



I cant believe im saying this, but I am unironically enjoying this now. Episode 1 was pretty jarring, but now that things have settled down Its getting into a good rhythm. Im actually enjoying the female lead’s performances.

Wesker is fantastic, I don’t know wtf they are doing with him, but lance is just killing it. He doesn’t even have to say anything, he can just look at somebody and command attention. Whatever you may think about the series he was absolutely the correct casting choice. I can’t think of anybody else who could pull this off and be as captivating. He hasn’t even done any fighting, but his family man dynamic combined with cutthroat navigation though boardroom politics is fascinating.

Jade has gotten past my initial impressions of her character and become compelling. She does a really good job changing her posture and personality between the past and future segments of the show. The thing that strikes me most about her is how utterly out of her depth she is. I wouldn’t call her pathetic, but she is not an RE action hero. In the past, she is a scared, insecure teen who hides her powerlessness with a smartass attitude. In the future she’s experienced but completely outgunned. The show does not go out of its way to give her powers or plot armor, she is lucky at best, and routinely has to either run away or get the shit beaten out of her.


She has a very memeable angry face though.

1658103582691.png



The actress playing Billie is doing a killer job. She’s the more pleasant sister in general and I liked how she approached the character. You can see the twist she’s gonna kickstart the zombie outbreak coming a mile away, but she does great with what’s she’s got. I was impressed with her performance.


The umbrella executive Evelyn was great. A completely out of touch, greedy, power hungry lesbian bitch. she’s the perfect bad guy. Its to the point that Im starting to wonder if her upcoming 4chan comments were made unironically or not.

Richard makes me bust up laughing every time I see him. I don’t know who the fuck thought this guy’s character up, but I want to give em a medal. He’s such a uniquely entertaining bad guy.


Really what shocks me more than anything else, is I don’t think there’s a single character I hate at this point, There’s a sincerity here that you don’t have with most Woke productions and everybody is actually trying with the effects, set design and acting. It’s a batshit idea for a resident evil series, but they are giving it their all and I cannot help but admire it.


I like the post-apocalyptic elements in this more than in the paul Anderson movies. there’s more of an effort to show actual community’s and ways of living when all the zombie shit is going down.

The big action highlights for this episode was a really fun licker fight and
Giant ass T-virus spiders! That was a welcome surprise I was not expecting. Hope to see some more out of the box giant shit.

Trivia: one of the guys in this episode has the same tri shotgun from the sixth paul Anderson movie.
 
I really do wonder how much input Capcom has over this.

IIRC, almost everything in the Street Fighter movie was not only approved by Capcom but pushed by Capcom for a still unknown reason to me (they actively wanted it to be a goofy military action adventure film), so who's to say their adaptations being goofy as fuck aren't by design.
 
That look he gives her is gold. I love how exasperated and pissed off he gets at her antics, but bottles it up.
1658111401230.png

"Coom and faggotry wherever you go! Nothing but loathsome furries!"

Zootopia porn.
I wonder if Disney has grounds to sue here. Lord knows The Mouse wont tolerate anything dirty soiling his IPs.
 
View attachment 3501618
"Coom and faggotry wherever you go! Nothing but loathsome furries!"
There's a moment where he says a line in a scene before that stuck out to me. "It's a joke.... Jade thinks she's funny"
I love how he's a dad who is just is too tired to give a shit.



Zootopia porn. I wonder if Disney has grounds to sue here. Lord knows The Mouse wont tolerate anything dirty soiling his IPs.
One of the mutated rats is condescendingly referred to as mickey by the umbrella chick at one point.



Is it one of these badass boys from Chiappa? I can hear Doomguy's heavy breathing all the way from the Wikipedia page.
View attachment 3501692
Wait 3 barreled shotguns are real?



"Easily the best adaptation yet."
Wonder how much they were paid to say that?
If the later episodes keep the same quality as ep 2 and 3 they may be sincere. Although, there is still plenty of time for it to shit the bed.
 
Episode 3 “Fuck Google, Fuck Facebook”



I cant believe im saying this, but I am unironically enjoying this now. Episode 1 was pretty jarring, but now that things have settled down Its getting into a good rhythm. Im actually enjoying the female lead’s performances.

Wesker is fantastic, I don’t know wtf they are doing with him, but lance is just killing it. He doesn’t even have to say anything, he can just look at somebody and command attention. Whatever you may think about the series he was absolutely the correct casting choice. I can’t think of anybody else who could pull this off and be as captivating. He hasn’t even done any fighting, but his family man dynamic combined with cutthroat navigation though boardroom politics is fascinating.

Jade has gotten past my initial impressions of her character and become compelling. She does a really good job changing her posture and personality between the past and future segments of the show. The thing that strikes me most about her is how utterly out of her depth she is. I wouldn’t call her pathetic, but she is not an RE action hero. In the past, she is a scared, insecure teen who hides her powerlessness with a smartass attitude. In the future she’s experienced but completely outgunned. The show does not go out of its way to give her powers or plot armor, she is lucky at best, and routinely has to either run away or get the shit beaten out of her.


She has a very memeable angry face though.

View attachment 3501257


The actress playing Billie is doing a killer job. She’s the more pleasant sister in general and I liked how she approached the character. You can see the twist she’s gonna kickstart the zombie outbreak coming a mile away, but she does great with what’s she’s got. I was impressed with her performance.


The umbrella executive Evelyn was great. A completely out of touch, greedy, power hungry lesbian bitch. she’s the perfect bad guy. Its to the point that Im starting to wonder if her upcoming 4chan comments were made unironically or not.

Richard makes me bust up laughing every time I see him. I don’t know who the fuck thought this guy’s character up, but I want to give em a medal. He’s such a uniquely entertaining bad guy.


Really what shocks me more than anything else, is I don’t think there’s a single character I hate at this point, There’s a sincerity here that you don’t have with most Woke productions and everybody is actually trying with the effects, set design and acting. It’s a batshit idea for a resident evil series, but they are giving it their all and I cannot help but admire it.


I like the post-apocalyptic elements in this more than in the paul Anderson movies. there’s more of an effort to show actual community’s and ways of living when all the zombie shit is going down.

The big action highlights for this episode was a really fun licker fight and
Giant ass T-virus spiders! That was a welcome surprise I was not expecting. Hope to see some more out of the box giant shit.

Trivia: one of the guys in this episode has the same tri shotgun from the sixth paul Anderson movie.
Are you unironically enjoying this like The Room or what?
 
Here's the thing, the dialogue is Room quality at times, but its not constant. It's like erratic random bursts. After a while it feels charming. I would say the most Room like character would probably be Richard. He has the most absurd lines and reactions, but the show doesn't treat him as straight comic relief. He's oddly competent, dangerous and hilarious at the same time.

I would say they had a ROUGH first impression with the first 10 to 20 mins of episode 1. Especially when it came to the flash back scenes. They needed to cut some of that zootophia shit out to not poison the well, but otherwise.... I do think it genuinely gets better.

Ive still got 5 episodes left though.
 
This show is fucking great. I'm just going to address some of the criticism I've been seeing of the show.

>It's Woke!
I went in expecting The Babysitter's Club level of Woke / Heathers Reboot / Karate Kid Reboot levels of Woek. BLM! FIGHT THE PATRIARCHY! The Future is Queer/Trans, Yasssss Girl, etc. bullshit.

The most woke thing that happens in the show is Simon having two moms. In the case of this show, "Woke" means "it has black people and I fucking hate niggers on my tv screen"

>wesker is black

Whooptie fucking do. Wesker is a Black Guy in this adaptation. Does it change how much of an ass he was retconned into being after Code Veronica? The fact that the show recognizes the retcon as canon AND it notes that he died in a Volcano means that RE5 happened in this universe. Sadly, that means RE6 and Revelations did not happen.
Nobody complained about the first time they swapped Wesker's personality around. Nobody complained when they did it again in Code Veronica. Nobody complained when they did it in Darkside and Umbrella Chronicles and nobody complained when they did it again in 5. So why complain now?

>It's not Resident Evil!

I have never seen a single show completely expose all the newfags and faux-fans instantly.

" I love resident evil and this isn't resident evil, there's no giant spiders in resident evil."
"Oh my god what the fuck is that why are their giant bugs in resident evil"
" Why the fuck is there a giant alligator, get this jurassic park shit out of Resident Evil"
Resident Evil Remake 2/3 cut out the giant spiders, giant fleas, giant roaches, giant leeches. It cut out the remote controlled hunters, it cut out the remote controlled tyrants. People who just started the franchise with 7 have no clue about any of the wacky machinations of Umbrella. This is a company that had an employee who thought it was fucking hilarious to program a Hunter to do the Robot (the novels) and remote control a fucking Tyrant to break a single door.

>Lmao Rotten Tomatoes hates it

Rotten Tomatoes has never been a indicator of quality. It's a political weapon against directors and people who dare to have their own ideas or opinions, but let's pretend that in this case, they're absolutely correct.

>They just copied some other show and called it Resident evil

Have you seen Welcome to Racoon City? That movie was a line of coke and every single Resident Evil Reference they could put into a single hour and CONSTANTLY DRAWING ATTENTION TO HOW MUCH IT'S REFERENCING RESIDENT EVIL. Four games compressed into a single hour and ten minute movie. It was insane.

Now , imagine that. Except it's not produced by someone on enough Coke to kill an elephant. Imagine that in almost every scene, there's a classic resident evil reference just lurking in the background, not drawing attention to itself. From Simon's computer login, to how fucking sentimental A. Wesker is ( Keeps memories of William) , the Hydra being a casual weapon , Rocky the Raccoon Modernized, the Dog Whistle scene, The moonlight sonata bit - which is honestly a staple of the entire fucking Racoon City Arc at this point, a brief - blink and you'll miss it reference to Sheena island, the Tyrant R shows up, Billie being injected with V-ACT, Dr. Salvador showing up to do what he does best and Lisa trevor being there. James Marcus being " around", Baxter pulling off two of the zombie execution moves from Umbrella Corp, the Proto-Lickers and the fact that Lickers are now endemic to nature , unlike the rest of Umbrella's creatures. Pre-6 Lickers were not sterile and could breed.

tl;dr if you've actually paid any attention to Resident Evil in the last 30 years, the show is a fucking treat. If all you know about Resident Evil is Alice and the Movies, BIG TITTY MOMMY VAMPIRE , NO WAY FAG and WELCOME TO THE FAMILY. Then this show is not for you.

Like this is literally the best they've managed to do after 25 years.


In addition to the stupid dialog and story, what I find really off putting is the fact that the Netflix series seems to take place entirely in sterile, white, lab or corporate type locales.

While some Resident Evil games have moments in places like that, that's not the entire or even the main aesthetic, RE's main aesthetic is old, dilapidated environments like the Spencer Mansion, any clean, sterile labs are just to offer a contrast to the grimy and gothic locales of which are the main aesthetic.

It's so remote from anything to do with Resident Evil you question why they bother licensing it other than the obvious name recognition.
BECAUSE IT HAS ALL BEEN BLOWN UP.


Sterile White is Umbrella's PRIVATE Aesthetic. The labs were never rundown or decrepit until something horrible happened.

Everything else is a front. The Spencer Mansion was a Front. The Arklay Mansion was a front for the training facility, also because Marcus was a cheap jew who didn't believe in spending money nor soap. Marcus was fucking nasty. The Ashford Mansion was because the Ashfords believed in flexing while keeping their labs sparkling and shining even as the world went to shit. Even the University was a front for the Hive.

They wanted a new town where they have absolute and complete control over the residents. The children are miserable because everything is blocked on the internet and the row of pristine white houses is creepy, but that's how the labs are. They want you know that this is Umbrella property.

If every single person in the town is an employee of umbrella, who are they going to complain to about the design?

Besides, it's not about the past of Umbrella anymore. They covered it up. They bought people out and silenced those they couldn't buy. In this universe, no one believed the survivors allowing Umbrella to pack up and leave America.
 
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Episode 4: "I fucking love spongebob!"

Another fun episode. In the future Our hero and umbrella gets captured by the french resistance/ cult/ wannabee las plagas. Lead by a dude who suspiciously sounds just like Robin Atkin Downes.

They have a setup where they are in a prison filled with zombies who power the machinery with their movement. There's a queen zombie that they feed people to, in order to get compliance.

They then bust out and have a fun action scene.


Ricard is the most RE-hero style character in this show so far and he's fantastic.
Too bad they had to kill him off.

The flashback stuff isnt as great this time around. The kids decide to go to a rave and party before Billie gets turned into a zombie. While conspiracy theorist Ron Toy comes out to tell em about how umbrella is evil n shit.

We do thankfully get to see Lance Reddick have a mini desk pound moment in the lab, so that was great.

Overall solid.
 
@Starved Artist

Tbh, the whole "Black Wesker" rubs people wrong on two different levels.

1. Blackwashing is one of the oldest and most cliched red flags for a Woke reboot

2. Albert Wesker is the result of a deranged eugenics program that was both overseen and conceived by Oswell E. Spencer, who was a very blue-blooded WASP aristocrat from mid-20th Century Britain.

Wesker looking like a physically fit Nordic stereotype fits in with the whole angle. I doubt that a company that was into eugenics and was founded by the living embodiment of the Eternal Anglo would try to make their ubermensch a black man.

Granted, a lot of the stuff with Wesker emerged from Code Veronica onward and I honestly think Wesker's overall appearance in the first RE was just because they wanted him to look like David Bowie.

As a bit of an unrelated side tangent, in many ways, the original RE1 was just a fanfiction-tier mishmash of random pop culture shit that the devs thought would be cool.

Nearly all of the monsters in the first game were lifted from horror movies that Shinji Mikami and his coworkers were into, same for a lot of the locations in-game.

In fact, I'll just list what parts of RE1 ripped off a movie

1. Zombies - Night of the Living Dead (1968 version), Zombi 2 (1979)
2. Cerberus - Cujo (1982)
3. Crows - The Birds (1963)
4. Hunters - Dean Koontz's The Watchers (1987), Jurassic Park (1993)
5. Web Spinners, Black Tiger - Tarantula! (1955)
6. Chimera - David Cronenberg's The Fly (1986)
7. Hornets - The Swarm (1971)
8. Neptune - Jaws (1975)
9. Yawn, Adders - Rattlers (1976)
10. Plant 42 - Little Shop of Horrors (1960)
11. Tyrant - Frankenstein (1931)
12. Spencer Mansion - The Shining (1980)
13. Courtyards - Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992), The Shining (1980)
14. The Guardhouse - Night of the Living Dead (1990)
15. Underground Catacombs - Raiders of The Lost Ark (1981)
16. Arklay Laboratory - Day of the Dead (1985), Judge Dredd (1995)
 
@Starved Artist

Tbh, the whole "Black Wesker" rubs people wrong on two different levels.

1. Blackwashing is one of the oldest and most cliched red flags for a Woke reboot

2. Albert Wesker is the result of a deranged eugenics program that was both overseen and conceived by Oswell E. Spencer, who was a very blue-blooded WASP aristocrat from mid-20th Century Britain.

Wesker looking like a physically fit Nordic stereotype fits in with the whole angle. I doubt that a company that was into eugenics and was founded by the living embodiment of the Eternal Anglo would try to make their ubermensch a black man.

Granted, a lot of the stuff with Wesker emerged from Code Veronica onward and I honestly think Wesker's overall appearance in the first RE was just because they wanted him to look like David Bowie.

As a bit of an unrelated side tangent, in many ways, the original RE1 was just a fanfiction-tier mishmash of random pop culture shit that the devs thought would be cool.

Nearly all of the monsters in the first game were lifted from horror movies that Shinji Mikami and his coworkers were into, same for a lot of the locations in-game.

In fact, I'll just list what parts of RE1 ripped off a movie

1. Zombies - Night of the Living Dead (1968 version), Zombi 2 (1979)
2. Cerberus - Cujo (1982)
3. Crows - The Birds (1963)
4. Hunters - Dean Koontz's The Watchers (1987), Jurassic Park (1993)
5. Web Spinners, Black Tiger - Tarantula! (1955)
6. Chimera - David Cronenberg's The Fly (1986)
7. Hornets - The Swarm (1971)
8. Neptune - Jaws (1975)
9. Yawn, Adders - Rattlers (1976)
10. Plant 42 - Little Shop of Horrors (1960)
11. Tyrant - Frankenstein (1931)
12. Spencer Mansion - The Shining (1980)
13. Courtyards - Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992), The Shining (1980)
14. The Guardhouse - Night of the Living Dead (1990)
15. Underground Catacombs - Raiders of The Lost Ark (1981)
16. Arklay Laboratory - Day of the Dead (1985), Judge Dredd (1995)
I would have complained if they didn't pick literally the best possible actor to make it work. There's some inconstancy's with his power and attitude, but the fact that it's an alt universe version makes it pretty excusable to me. One wonders if Oswell Spencer was played by Sam Jackson or some other elderly black dude in this world.
 
I would have complained if they didn't pick literally the best possible actor to make it work. There's some inconstancy's with his power and attitude, but the fact that it's an alt universe version makes it pretty excusable to me. One wonders if Oswell Spencer was played by Sam Jackson or some other elderly black dude in this world.
lol watch every white and lighthaired villian will be blackwashed in this universe:

Spencer? Black
Nikolai? Black
Sergei? Black blackity black
Alexia and Alfred Ashford? Black
Salazar? Black (played by kevin hart of course) actually nvm he's going to be played by Beetlejuice
Krauser? Black
Alex Wesker? Black kween

list goes on.
 
lol watch every white and lighthaired villian will be blackwashed in this universe:

Spencer? Black
Nikolai? Black
Sergei? Black blackity black
Alexia and Alfred Ashford? Black
Salazar? Black (played by kevin hart of course) actually nvm he's going to be played by Beetlejuice
Krauser? Black
Alex Wesker? Black kween

list goes on.
Chris Blackfield: played by Idris Elba.


Yawn shows up and this is Chris's reaction:
 
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