"Where Have All the Good Men Gone?" - A married person looks at the current crisis of undateable men

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Women have been talking about the lack of good men on the market for about 20 years or so. It’s been the source of countless articles — college-educated men with jobs are harder to find than before. Heck, even blue-collar guys are being snapped up by women who outearn them.

Unfortunately, these articles only tell half the story. They’re looking at marriage from an economic perspective. And you know what? It’s true that most women want to have a man to financially contribute to their family since women will do the majority of the emotional labor at home.

Even so, the shortage of men in the dating world isn’t just an economic issue. Truth be told, the current economy has a lot of women rethinking their need to have a provider in the home. More and more frequently, women are open to being the breadwinner.

So, what’s the deal? Why are women struggling so hard to find a spouse? Economics aside, there are a couple of other reasons why women can’t find good men.

First off, there are some men who are choosing to drop out of the dating scene.​


Whether it’s because they were badly burnt and can’t risk it again, or they just got tired of trying doesn’t matter. A lot of men feel like there is nothing of value in dating or marrying anymore. It’s true.

To a point, I get it.

A lot of women treat men like shit. There’s also this weird current trend where being tall is basically the bare minimum for a large percentage of girls. (I don’t get this. I married someone shorter than me and get flak for it, but I like short men.) All things said, it’s easy to get disheartened with the scene.

Honestly, if a man says he doesn’t want to marry, that’s fine. He shouldn’t be forced to nor should women try to convince him. Personally, I think it’s empowering for men who have been burned to say, “Maybe I should stay single.”

I’m all for men going their own way, provided that they just stop trolling us online. It is healthier for guys to realize that they are not in a good state of mind for dating than it is to continue to try while they build toxic dynamics.

A lot of men who are economically ready for a family are also not emotionally ready.​


I’ll be honest. There’s something very, very wrong about a very sizable percentage of single men. While some single men are diamonds in the rough who just need the right girl, a lot of them are very…hateful.

Most women have received hate mail, harassment, and threats from men like these in their dating profile inboxes. They’ve also witnessed these guys pick apart their appearance, neg them, and abuse them.

This is not attractive. And it’s increasingly common from what I hear. Women talk, and that often means that women end up backing away from guys as a whole. But, that’s another issue.

What I’m saying is that men who treat women like shit and have zero self-awareness are not dateable. Many of these guys also don’t realize that a six-figure salary doesn’t guarantee you sex.

And sadly, there are more and more of them each day.

Of course, a lot of men who would have been married are also openly pursuing other men.​


In the past, not being a married man carried a MASSIVE stigma. The only stigma that was worse was being gay, bisexual, or trans as a man. In the 1960s, this is the type of stuff that would get you beaten and totally ostracized.

Hell, it still is, in many circles.

Things have still changed in much of the country. Nowadays, men don’t have to marry women just to keep up the look of a straight man. They can be openly gay. They also can marry their lovers.

While this does mean less eligible bachelors for women, this is actually a great thing. We should all have the right to date and marry who we are attracted to, regardless of gender.

The issue of male radicalization also has a serious impact on women’s standards.​


Incels. Nice Guys (TM). Misogynists. Online trolls. The list of men who hate women and who terrorize them goes on and on. And sadly, it’s all part of a bigger movement that’s radicalizing men to hate women.

Women are increasingly worried about men posing a life-threatening, life-ruining danger to them. So, what can they do? They have to protect themselves. So, they do one of three things:

  1. They drop out of the dating scene, deciding that it’s not worth the risk. It’s better to be alone than with the wrong man, and women know they’ll be blamed for “choosing poorly” if they end up abused.
  2. They vet men by pushing standards that are higher than what they were in the past and always keep a way to break up with them available. This means they may ask for standards that have nothing to do with compatibility.
  3. They choose to have cheap sex with someone and avoid relationships at all costs. They may even use a one-night-stand to get the sperm they need to have a baby.
Why am I bringing this up? Well, it’s simple. The higher dating standards become for men, the fewer men will qualify. This pushes guys who would be fine in another time out of the dating ring as a preventative measure.

Let’s look at the 6-foot standard that so many women want. It’s a perfect example of what I mean. This height thing is a symptom of what happens when women notice how many short guys have a chip on their shoulder about them being short.

A lot of short men insult women who won’t go out with them. If women have men berate them for not dating short men, they’re not going to go, “Maybe I should give the guy who just had a mantrum a chance.”

That’s not how women (or anyone logical) would work. No, they’re going to go, “I’ll opt for the tall dude because he’s not going to verbally abuse me for not dating someone shorter.”

Is this fair? Kinda, but it also sucks. A lot of great men I’ve met who would be amazing partners for the right girl are getting overlooked because of it. But once again, I understand. It’s an act of self-preservation these days.

So, what can be done?​


It all comes down to this: women have standards and they’re not willing to budge. Men have the right to determine what they want to do with that knowledge.

Dating is discriminatory by nature. Relationships of any sort are not a given. If men can’t measure up, it’s not up to women to act as charity cases or rehab centers. Men cannot force women to date them or marry them.

This means what men do is on them and will primarily be about how they react to the dating scene today. They can either drop out of the dating scene, work on their mental health, or do something to make themselves more attractive.

So, I suppose it’s time for them to decide what they want to do. Is the juice worth the squeeze? Are they willing to improve themselves?

Only time will tell.
 
This has always been the female equivalent to the incels crying about "all women are whores and that's why they won't have sex with me." The best slices of the dating market typically go to the best customers. If you have a hard time finding someone, it's because you're shopping beyond your means.

Either be better or lower your standards.
 
The takeaway is that men need to try harder to meet woman’s dating standards, without the corollary that women should try harder to meet men’s marriage standards.

Why would I want to marry a woman on SSRIs, birth control, constantly experiencing extreme emotional states based on the news, has fucked and sucked half of my friends, etc.? There’s a reason that most men wouldn’t be emotionally ready to marry that woman.
 
A lot of women treat men like shit.
Nice to know that you know.

...this is just a condescending and insubstantial acknowledgment of a common male refrain, isn't it?

Women are increasingly worried about men posing a life-threatening, life-ruining danger to them. So, what can they do? They have to protect themselves. So, they do one of three things:
I thought this was an article about the lack of decent men in the dating market, not the author crying about her punching bags and how icky they make her feel.

Why am I bringing this up? Well, it’s simple. The higher dating standards become for men, the fewer men will qualify. This pushes guys who would be fine in another time out of the dating ring as a preventative measure.
Let’s look at the 6-foot standard that so many women want. It’s a perfect example of what I mean. This height thing is a symptom of what happens when women notice how many short guys have a chip on their shoulder about them being short.
This article's depressing. At the start of the article, she wanted to make herself look special by talking about how she married a short(?) man so she doesn't "get" how being tall is the bare minimum for many girls... but now she's trying to justify it.

It's not even justifiable beyond "it's just what I'm attracted to"-- the logic is that they're screening out the stark majority of men and shrinking their dating pool accordingly because they think that height insecurity has to do with height itself and not a general character defect that can exist with anyone of any size. The more I think about this the more my head splits-- someone please tell me women at large don't actually think like this, please.

This is getting dangerously close to some self-awareness.
It all comes down to this: women have standards and they’re not willing to budge.
The author is seemingly fighting either for or against that burgeoning self-awareness-- either way, self-awareness lost the fight.

At the start, the author purported to seek to answer the question of where the good men have gone, but very early on-- as if by force of habit-- snapped right back into blaming everything around her and not examining herself one damn bit, to the point that nonsense ideas like screening an entire person based on height were defended.
 
"Dating is discriminatory by nature, but if you don't suck the girldick, you're a transphobe"

nick-young-confused-face-300x256-nqlyaa.jpg
 
At the start, the author purported to seek to answer the question of where the good men have gone, but very early on-- as if by force of habit-- snapped right back into blaming everything around her and not examining herself one damn bit, to the point that nonsense ideas like screening an entire person based on height were defended.
"The standards men are held to aren't fair.... but.... we're going to keep using them because we'll end up with a wimpy, insecure, manlet with a chip on his shoulder if we don't "
 
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"The standards men are held to aren't fair.... but.... we're going to keep using them because we don't want to end up with a wimpy, insecure, manlet with a chip on his shoulder"
The standards don't have to be fair-- they just have to make sense, and the women who make them have to be in a position to make them.
 
The standards don't have to be fair-- they just have to make sense, and the women who make them have to be in a position to make them.

It’s one thing to not want to date someone shorter than you, it’s another to be 5”4 and shit on the 5”9 guy because he’s not 6”. He’s taller than you either way, the three inches are kind of arbitrary if you want someone “tall” or “taller than you”.
 
The standards don't have to be fair-- they just have to make sense, and the women who make them have to be in a position to make them.
That's the big question, isn't it? It's put up at the end of the article:

Is the juice worth the squeeze?

My position on this is firmly: "no". It doesn't matter who the woman is, what she looks like, or what she acts like. In today's economy, you are likely not going to be able to provide for a family of three on your own. And a substantial percentage of single women these days have some or multiple kinds of debt. So not only are you taking on a higher spender and another mouth to feed, you're also assuming responsibility for debt you didn't earn.

The woman is going to work, no fighting that. And if she's working, she's not raising your kids. So who's raising your kids? The state? Then what is the point of having the kid?

Dealing with a woman's financial expenses and hormonal impulses seven days a week is not worth the two hours of time you can reasonably expect to spend with her each day.
 
"The standards men are held to aren't fair.... but.... we're going to keep using them because we don't want to end up with a wimpy, insecure, manlet with a chip on his shoulder"
The article quite literally ends with that.
Article said:
This means what men do is on them and will primarily be about how they react to the dating scene today. They can either drop out of the dating scene, work on their mental health, or do something to make themselves more attractive.
So, I suppose it’s time for them to decide what they want to do. Is the juice worth the squeeze? Are they willing to improve themselves?
"There aren't enough men we find attractive. Fix this, men!" :story:

Reality's going to come crashing like a truckload of bricks in about five to ten years if this trend continues, that nagging men to get into the dating scene who clearly aren't interested isn't going to change anything. The tl;dr of this article, like all others similar to it, is "we need a larger pool of men to select from and it's your job as men to fix that".
 
"There aren't enough men we find attractive. Fix this, men!" :story:

Reality's going to come crashing like a truckload of bricks in about five to ten years if this trend continues, that nagging men to get into the dating scene who clearly aren't interested isn't going to change anything. The tl;dr of this article, like all others similar to it, is "we need a larger pool of men to select from and it's your job as men to fix that".
I think that the author managed to make it through her entire screed without realizing that if she made herself more attractive, she'd be able to better compete for a limited number of in-demand men.

"The world needs to change around me so I can get a hot date" is actual incel logic, but it's OK here because woman.
 
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