Grand Jury speculation thread

[A-№1]

Heilberg is a qualified attorney (as he should be, with his age and years of practice) but I wouldn't call him a "heavy hitter."

He's ranked in the top 5% of defense attorneys, and the DC sniper wasn't the only big case he's done.

it's not like he's Johnny Cochrane here.

And Greene County is not Los Angeles. Heilberg is likely the biggest fish they have in that very small pond.

I'm not saying Chris got the Bestest Lawyer in teh World, but he did the the best available in redneck Virginia. Better than he deserves, surely.

what if...what if Hielberg already knew who chris was. he took the case and dragged it out for a year.

He probably had some idea of who Chris was: a retarded tranny victim of the internets.

Now he knows better. Now he knows who Chris really is.

Then the streets unless some idiots chip in for an old van for Chris to live in.

Been there. Done that. Chris didn't last a day.

I would amit this would both be funny and a failure of western culture that this much man baby has conglomerated into one aera.

Sounds more like a rational containment strategy than a failure.

In places where it's an issue they just don't bother prosecuting borderline cases where nobody's complaining, even though they can, because it's just not worth their time,

Unless some angry parent makes it worth their time.

I'll do one better. I can list the states where it's legal to fuck your mom.

But is that knowledge you personally sought out for your own purposes, or was it unwillingly forced upon you through researching Chris?

We are all victims here.

Who was probably the most real life experienced lawyer on the list.

Especially in podunk Greene County.

Interesting or not, having a raving lunatic as a client who refuses to shut his mouth and take your advice is immensely frustrating for an attorney.

No good deed goes unpunished.

When Barb dies she is likely to be cremated and her ashes placed in the columbarium with Bob's ashes.

Only if Tom and Harriet know about it, though they probably do. Poor Bob. He'll never be free of Barb.

Her name is already on it.

Cemeteries are full of empty reserved spaces like that. It's a little sad, really.

It would go to Chris unless Cole tried to insert himself, which I really don’t see happening.

Why would Cole turn down free money?

Jurors aren't allowed to do their own research, because that could cause prejudice.

They can only see the evidence presented to them.

Sort of. They are allowed to ask for clarification etc. if the judge allows it. "Excuse me, your honor, but we're all a mite confused here. What the fuck exactly is a Soneechew?"

 

[RembrandtCourage]

It was explained in another thread but one of the big reasons Chris pulled a decent lawyer is because he lives in the middle of nowhere rather than some big city or metropolis where public defenders are a dime a dozen. So with a relative lack of lawyers in that area Chris lucked out and got pulled a decent one, more than he deserves frankly.

 

[My Name is Mud]

"What the fuck exactly is a Soneechew?"

"You see, it all started on the 26th of February 1994, when a news report did a segment on a public event called Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes, on which a very special young man had just won..."

 

[Yksi_Toveri]

"You see, it all started on the 26th of February 1994, when a news report did a segment on a public event called Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes, on which a very special young man had just won..."

The inevitable movie or mini-series about Chris will have to be a dark comedy. It's just not going to work any other way without it being a Faustian tale of woe.

 

[Load Bearing Drywall]

Is there a kind of dementia that only manifests itself when someone is begging for money on a video?

Pretty sure that’s what Barb has.

That's the most likely scenario.

I wouldn't be shocked if she ended up having this kind of dementia either. The timeline tracks - 3 years is about how long it usually takes to go from 'dementia is noticeable to family members' (late early stages) to 'attention span the length of a tik tok video, drinking like a fish and really needs 24/7 supervision because they can't manage using the stove without potentially burning the house down, but look outwardly normal to bystanders' (early mid stages).

I'm far too lazy, but it'd be interesting to look at older footage of her and see if she has word finding difficulties.

 

[Fareal]

Heilberg is a good and experienced lawyer and well respected at his bar. Chris is well represented. Whatever negative consequences happen to Chris, it will be nothing to do with the quality of his legal representation. It will be the result of his essential Chris-ness chaotic force being uncontainable by reason and counsel.

 

[A Grey Cat]

August 8th: Jury meets at 9:30 goes over the list of dockets and rubber stamps yes no yes no after looking through them. When they get to Chris's docket a few folks are well aware of just who chris is and what he's like and especially what he's done. A select few are too old/out of touch to know or bother looking up Chris beyond the incest with own mother (will they be clarified that despite what the system says it wasn't a case of incest with own child as in minor?) They vote yes but this doesn't mean chris is going to trial not even a bench one (unless he was that stupid and demanded a bench trial in addition to denying a plea deal)

Otherwise if this grand jury was part of a plea deal he did take (albeit still a raw one) and they vote yes then the case is most likely being resolved before september. Ending with at most a year served and a 2-3 year suspended sentence. Chris will be released with a felony on his record at last. Something that would ruin most people's lives but not his. Chris will reluctantly agree to move to whatever halfway or tard house he's being sent to and hopefully hielburg has informed him by now even if he can't live at 14 branchland at least he'll get a police escort back there to collect what things he can.

Really if chris has turned down any plea deal before now the most likely reason is is his pig headed belief that the crap shack that is 14 branchland is a "temple" that he is entitled to. AS seen by the latest jail letters.

 

[MadStan]

The only defense that can work is to convince the jury that it was in fact Chris's mum that coerced and forced the sex to happen and in fact it is Chris that is the victim.

Put her on the stand and have her say as much and they probably can't convict him because it would be prejudicial to then not also charge her and see them both done for incest. And they would never charge her even if she said as much so their hands would be bound in a ways. Put the victim on the stand and have her agree she in fact is the aggressor and the case falls apart on intent but not content (i.e. incest is incest).

Just fantasy, but there is a real trial happening and I'm just writing a "Plan B" reboot for The Practice.

 

[oramge cat]

The United States will collapse into Civil War 2 or World War 3 just before Chris-Chan gets his justice and somehow escapes, once again avoiding consequences for his actions, and lives in the post-apocalyptic ruins of Virginia as a cult leader.

Hunting in Appalachia post-war and “Keep Your Rosechu by Your Side” begins playing in the distance.

 

[ilovesmegma]

Imagine chris and nick bate as cellmates

 

[TayandYou]

Trust me, he's qualified.

In fact one of the great mysteries about this case is how someone like Chris managed to get a heavy hitter like Heilberg to represent him. It can't be just his usual tard luck. Chris has been ridiculously, stupendously, retardedly fortunate at every step of his case, and the ungrateful fuck keeps screwing it all up. If¹ Chris ends up in prison, he will have absolutely nobody to blame but himself.

Yeah, Heilberg isn't just some overworked public defender, he's actually a reputable lawyer lol. He has experience in high profile cases like the D.C. Snipers, and local media approach him for legal analysis.

No idea if he intentionally selected the case or Chris was just especially lucky.

 

[TestTubePuppy]

Really if chris has turned down any plea deal before now the most likely reason is is his pig headed belief that the crap shack that is 14 branchland is a "temple" that he is entitled to. AS seen by the latest jail letters.

I doubt any offer has been made yet. Until a felony charge is made, the prosecutor has no bargaining room for probation/suspended sentences. Chris will be charged after the Grand Jury and then the negotiations for a plea bargain will begin.

 

[Bassomatic]

For Chris it's going to get worse, before it... gets worse.

 

[AnOminous]

I doubt any offer has been made yet. Until a felony charge is made, the prosecutor has no bargaining room for probation/suspended sentences. Chris will be charged after the Grand Jury and then the negotiations for a plea bargain will begin.

The grand jury proceedings are likely to be the dullest part of this unless it goes into radio silence mode again. They're just establishing probable cause. This generally means presenting as little evidence as possible. If Greene County does it like most states do grand juries, they'll come in for a session, maybe a couple weeks long, with a stack of cases to go through and do multiple cases each day, generally concluding with a true bill being returned.

The stuff afterwards is likely to be more procedurally interesting (and involve more lurid details in the event that the lawyers aren't total killjoys like they have been so far).

 

[Pointless Sperg]

I would bet on a jury instruction telling them not to do that.

It's one of the first things they tell you in jury duty. Don't look up shit on the case. Don't read news articles. Don't search the internet.

I don't get why people try to get out of jury duty. It's interesting and fun and gets you time off from work that they can't fire you for.

You can tell what sort of attorney someone is when they get called for jury duty. They know exactly how to get out of it, so it's entirely their own decision if they stay on. Attorneys who want to get out of jury duty intentionally get selected and then once the trial starts, they give a reason to remove themselves in favor of an alternate. Since they made the jury in the first place, they won't get called up again for a long time. A lot of them can't help but have a smug look on their face when they do it.

Awesome attorneys stick around and stay on the jury since it gives them a perspective they don't normally have.

The stuff afterwards is likely to be more procedurally interesting (and involve more lurid details in the event that the lawyers aren't total killjoys like they have been so far).

Which we won't see. Anything involving the assessment of evidence will be sealed, and we won't see any of it unless it goes to trial, in which case we'll see the evidence that was deemed admissible.

 

[A-№1]

Otherwise if this grand jury was part of a plea deal he did take

If he agrees to a plea deal there would be no point in convening a grand jury or indicting Chris since he would be pleading guilty and not disputing the evidence or charges against him. You don't need to indict people who admit their crime. He would skip forward straight to sentencing.

That they're moving to indict him is pretty solid proof Chris is still refusing any deals. What an idiot.

Chris will reluctantly agree to move to whatever halfway or tard house he's being sent to

Agree? Chris won't have a choice.

Well, technically he will have a choice, but it will be a choice between the tard home and finishing his sentence in prison.

even if he can't live at 14 branchland at least he'll get a police escort back there to collect what things he can.

And put them where?

Yeah, Heilberg isn't just some overworked public defender, he's actually a reputable lawyer lol.

I'd definitely hire him.

I'd also recommend him to any weens who get caught breaking and entering at 14BLC. Assuming he'd take their case.

No idea if he intentionally selected the case or Chris was just especially lucky.

I suspect he was requested by the court and agreed as a favor.

I doubt any offer has been made yet.

There probably was an offer at the very beginning when Chris still was only being charged with a misdemeanor in J&DR court. Chris obviously didn't take it, and since J&DR doesn't have any more leverage on him after a year, he's off to big boy court. They may make another plea bargain attempt, or the court may be so fed up with his antics they send him to trial where his demands mean nothing.

I don't get why people try to get out of jury duty.

It's $30 a day. They don't reimburse your travel expenses in Virginia. And most cases are boring as hell. And that assumes you get selected for a jury instead of sitting on your ass all day in the pool. As far as public juries are concerned, getting drafted is far more lucrative and (at times) much more interesting.

in which case we'll see the evidence that was deemed admissible.

Assuming weenery doesn't convince the judge to close the court. I'm not hopeful.

 

[AnOminous]

Which we won't see. Anything involving the assessment of evidence will be sealed, and we won't see any of it unless it goes to trial, in which case we'll see the evidence that was deemed admissible.

It strikes me that if they're even at this point, plea negotiations have fallen through, probably because of Chris's bullshit. I doubt they're going to make him a more enticing offer, but soon they may have charges that could put him away for life, which even with Chris being a complete retard, might get even his attention.

 

[PyrrhicRustle]

Better than he deserves, surely.

Chris doesn't deserve Lionel Hutz Miguel Sanchez, never mind an actual attorney.

 

[Bassomatic]

Chris doesn't deserve Lionel Hutz Miguel Sanchez, never mind an actual attorney.

lol Lionel Hutz is one of my favorite people in all media.

Honestly, for all my shit posting and all, I think it's so great the US will get you a good lawyer no matter what, period. You have a right for it.

I wonder if his lawyer who's got a hell of a record saw the deetz and thought this would be a hoot of a case then... met Chris.

What Chris did is disgusting and what's the worst I can see him doing it, but tbh if I'm framed for murder or I run a red light, I'm really glad to know how our country will give me a shot if I can't pay for my own lawyer.

I won't side track about morals because a lawyers job is to win, or make the damage the smallest.

Wait sorry I'm talking about constitutional rights , this is kiwi farms. I HOPE THEY GIVE CHRIS THE BRAZEN BULL.

 

[Pickle Inspector]

I don't get why people try to get out of jury duty. It's interesting and fun and gets you time off from work that they can't fire you for.

I’m sure it can be, I remember when I was chosen as a potential jury member for a rape case with photographic evidence, thankfully I wasn’t picked but similarly with this case if photographic evidence was taken of Barb I’m not sure how many people with no prior knowledge of Chris would want to look at graphic nudes of an elderly women who’s just been potentially raped by her son alongside the rest of the baggage a sexual case of this nature would contain if they can avoid it.