Info On Chris’ Case Posted By Greene County Circuit Court - Posted 7/29/22. First hearing is scheduled for 8/8 at 9:30 AM

[Norman B. Normal]

This is a part of his chemistry class, which I had trouble with in school. Tell me Bob didn't write this:

What the hell is this? Chris living at his high school address, but with professional jobs listed up to 2017? Graduated with a Ph.D. from the University of Virginia in 2004? Where did this even come from?

edit: Apparently this is a real artifact retrieved from the dumpster dive after the house fire. Why is it... why is it the way that it is?

 

[Elbow Greased Strength]

Muslims Actually DO pray to the one same God, my Mother (formerly Father) Emanuel, and I.

I really hope Chris' lawyer tells him to keep that little bit of Neo Spiritual Christianity on the very down low if he ends up in the big house.

 

[PhoBingas]

edit: Apparently this is a real artifact retrieved from the dumpster dive after the house fire. Why is it... why is it the way that it is?

Was it some resume-building assignment for school where you needed to "make" a legit looking resume or something?

 

[AnOminous]

Here's a list of the other people scheduled for grand jury on the same date. It's pretty much a cattle call starting at 9:30 a.m.

Chris is listed last, which might mean it's more difficult than the other cases and to be heard last after they clear out the easy stuff. Or it could mean nothing.

 

[Hopkinsville Goblin]

Was it some resume-building assignment for school where you needed to "make" a legit looking resume or something?

I don't want to reveal my power level too much but I've seen this sort of thing before from people who weren't fucking nuts like Chris. Basically a high school student is assigned to make a resume. The idea is that they will make a resume that can be used to apply for a job in the real world. The student then makes the mistake of creating a resume that implies years of meaningful work. The student isn't trying to commit fraud or something, they're just trying to make an attractive resume to complete the assignment the teacher gave them.

How Chris came up with the idea that he was qualified to be an air quality control chemist is beyond me.

 

[Shibaru]

So Chris's charges are Class 5? If i remember exactly, in Virginia this means Chris could be facing up to 10 Years in Prison with a $2,500 Bail, though I doubt he'll even get bail.

He's really fucked himself over with this one, but he pretty much deserved it.

 

[oopsie doodle]

You know, I really feel for you oldfags who remember Chris as a spergy goofball who couldn't hurt anyone. I can only imagine how this slide into rampant degeneracy must look from that perspective.

 

[ASeabear8952]

Do you think he will throw a temper tantrum at being assigned a job in prison?

Oh for sure.

 

[AnOminous]

So Chris's charges are Class 5? If i remember exactly, in Virginia this means Chris could be facing up to 10 Years in Prison with a $2,500 Bail, though I doubt he'll even get bail.

He's really fucked himself over with this one, but he pretty much deserved it.

If they're only charging him with class 5 I don't really see it coming out at the high end. It'd probably be a guidelines sentence. Not sure exactly what that would be.

They've made Virginia's sentencing guidelines slightly more clear, but not to the point I'm going to inflict brain damage on myself trying to figure it out for free.

http://www.vcsc.virginia.gov/datadashboard.html

It's an Excel file, which is better than the previous version they had a couple years ago.

I'd expect it to clock in at the low end if consensual with possibly slight enhancement for his priors, which aren't really related to his current offense.

 

[Shiversblood]

Barb's pony name is Sugar Darling, feel free to rate this post as horrifying.

Actually Chris Chan calling Barb Sugar Darling is down right BONE CHILLING! Remember the Doopie saga that Chris was involved in some years ago, where he was calling a girl named Doopie he was calling her Darling. And she got really mad at him and said it was too sexual for him to call her darling and said she already had a boyfriend but I think Chris he really really wanted some Doopie ass so he kept calling her Darling so eventually she said she did not want Chris chans money no more and did not want him to keep subscribing to her patreon or whatever. So much foreshadowing it’s simply insane! If someone was paying closer attention they could have remembered the Doopie saga and then immediately knew that Chris Chan was actually planning on having sex with him mom already when he drew that picture calling Barb Darling! Even back then he was laying the ground work for this crime.

 

[Dr. Silvestrechu]

"Your Honor, I call Magichan to the stand!"

*Farts loudly

 

[Neil]

You know, I really feel for you oldfags who remember Chris as a spergy goofball who couldn't hurt anyone. I can only imagine how this slide into rampant degeneracy must look from that perspective.

I miss the days where the most fucked up thing Chris ever did was draw out his fantasies of personally murdering the Asperchu crew in the most gruesome and embarassing ways after killing every 4chan and ED user in an explosion, singing a song about bringing Zordon from Power Rangers back to life to end the lives of those 1,500 4chan and ED users, and putting his blood into the water system to cure every gay person in the last episode of the Sonichu comic.


In hindsight, this is literal child's play compared to what's happened now. Chris's mind was way more innocent 12 years ago in spite of everything. Here, he was childishly lashing out at four trolls for invading his imaginary world in the most cartoonishly gruesome way possible. Only a year after this did he start getting in active serious trouble with the police, and now, here we are.

 

[Boom Boss]

How Chris came up with the idea that he was qualified to be an air quality control chemist is beyond me.

So Chris's charges are Class 5? If i remember exactly, in Virginia this means Chris could be facing up to 10 Years in Prison with a $2,500 Bail

Chris is completely insane and mentally living in his cartoon world. I have no idea why the court system labeled him fit for trial. He literally signed a court document as "Chris Chan Sonichu" with lightning text, and writes letters to people as if he's Jesus.

I bet they will do as they always do, just give him a lenient sentence, and push him out the door without giving him mental help. Give him proper medication and teach him how to socialize.

You know, I really feel for you oldfags who remember Chris as a spergy goofball who couldn't hurt anyone. I can only imagine how this slide into rampant degeneracy must look from that perspective.

He literally tried to rape women and would attack other men. Chris Chan was never innocent.

 

[ASeabear8952]

Actually Chris Chan calling Barb Sugar Darling is down right BONE CHILLING! Remember the Doopie saga that Chris was involved in some years ago, where he was calling a girl named Doopie he was calling her Darling. And she got really mad at him and said it was too sexual for him to call her darling and said she already had a boyfriend but I think Chris he really really wanted some Doopie ass so he kept calling her Darling so eventually she said she did not want Chris chans money no more and did not want him to keep subscribing to her patreon or whatever. So much foreshadowing it’s simply insane! If someone was paying closer attention they could have remembered the Doopie saga and then immediately knew that Chris Chan was actually planning on having sex with him mom already when he drew that picture calling Barb Darling! Even back then he was laying the ground work for this crime.

And I know it’s been said to death but the prom, the spooning, the touchy-feely in the court, play me loose you silly goose, Barbie Chan….

 

[AnOminous]

I bet they will do as they always do, just give him a lenient sentence, and push him out the door without giving him mental help. Give him proper medication and teach him how to socialize.

If they actually feel like doing that after all the bullshit Chris has put them through with his retardation, they're actually in a better position to do it after a felony conviction, as odd as that may sound.

 

[TheLastJoestar]

Chris was a lot more sane back then, I imagine if he were to go to trial now and be allowed to speak uninterrupted it'd look something more like this

Finishing with the greatest curseshot we've ever seen.

Calling Magi-chan to the stand or firing off a 100x CURSE YE HA ME HAAAAAAAAA To a Jury. What I wouldn't give to see either of these happen

 

[A-№1]

Chris is listed last, which might mean it's more difficult than the other cases and to be heard last after they clear out the easy stuff. Or it could mean nothing.

It's ordered by case number (first come, first served) and they have a month to add cases to each schedule. Chris was added to the queue quite late in the month, so that's probably why he's last on the schedule. There may be more added after him.

 

[D_Tractor]

Here's a list of the other people scheduled for grand jury on the same date. It's pretty much a cattle call starting at 9:30 a.m.
View attachment 3553447View attachment 3553448
Chris is listed last, which might mean it's more difficult than the other cases and to be heard last after they clear out the easy stuff. Or it could mean nothing.

>BANE
>BANE
>BANE
>BANE
Have we started the fire?

 

[Big Buns]

You know, I really feel for you oldfags who remember Chris as a spergy goofball who couldn't hurt anyone. I can only imagine how this slide into rampant degeneracy must look from that perspective.

It’s certainly depressing.

 

[I swear she's 18]

As much as people are saying Chris is going to be bullied for his fat commissary. If he was a tad smarter, or maybe even now he could be king of the prison. Wishful thinking I know, it just reminds me of that one episode of the most desolute prisons. Where there's an inmate known as El presidente because he receives roughly 200usd a month from his family and he essentially runs the prison. Imagine CWC with his cult of cronies kowtowing to their CPU goddess for an easy $10 monthly fund for fuck all whatever. Beats smoking dick and tossing salads.

Edit: reason why I say so is sure, some fag might beat Chris and take $50, but then you're a target too. You could just mosey up to him and get a lesser amount but you'll know for sure it'll be consistent supply forever. Would you rather get a one time $50 check and might get in trouble? Or be guaranteed $20 every month? Of course this is if Chris had a brain and I'm pretty sure it'll drop off eventually. But as Big Mr C once said: "You make friends by negotiating!"

Slight PL but had a relative who used to do sponsored prison haircuts (while incarnated) and he'd get paid like 5 dollars a week. This was like 20 yrs ago.