- Joined
- Feb 27, 2021
General Discussion for Virtual Youtubers / Vtubers / Chuubas - it's okay to be a simp for 2D, just don't thirstpost.
- Thread starter samuraicrack
- Start date
- Joined
- Feb 18, 2021
Agreed. I still can't get over her not being confident with her voice, it really stands out (in a good way) and goes with her cool, strong personality.
She already sung a bunch of English songs.
She is also one of the girls who radiates positivity.
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2019
Not like I don't have plenty of studying to do or games on my backlog to sift through, but a whole week with no streams from Enna, Millie, Elira, and Rosemi is going to be rough on my 'things to watch in the background while I do stuff' schedule.
Good Ol' Chum
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jul 25, 2022
Don't you watch a whole other assload of indies as well? There's also always X amount of Nijis streaming with how many there are, lol. I'll miss the potty-mouthed bird for this week but she'll be back soon enough. Or maybe it's time to go check out some of the Phase girls as well..
- Joined
- Feb 13, 2018
Porean
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Apr 9, 2021
Fellas, is it gay to moan when you arm-wrestle your bro?
Hotdogs Aplenty
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jan 20, 2021
You don't have to speak Japanese to get entertainment from Subaru being scared shitless playing this game
- Joined
- Jun 26, 2021
A small indie VTuber by the name of Charlotte Van Halen has been mentioned a few times earlier in this thread, notably for this small drama last year where a bunch of Twitter fags tried to cancel her.
Twitter Link - Archive
She then proceeds to write 13 pages of her entire life story. I'm not sure if we really needed to know she was beaten by her overly strict Chinese tiger parents or that her ex emotionally abused her or that she was sexually assaulted in her story about becoming a VTuber, but we get to know about it all the same.
She eventually goes into VTuber drama and the people who tried to deplatform her, so if you remember that whole situation from last year, there's a bit more detail about it.
Honestly, this isn't anything funny, and it's about someone who might as well be a literal "who." I am aware probably nobody is going to read all this. But it's a nuclear grade powerlevel, and I feel a duty to archive it.
Link to the Google Doc NOTE: Always open Google Doc links in an incognito/private tab.
Well, she just replied to a marshmallow asking a very simple question, "What made you wanna do all this?" As in, why did you become a VTuber?
Twitter Link - Archive
She then proceeds to write 13 pages of her entire life story. I'm not sure if we really needed to know she was beaten by her overly strict Chinese tiger parents or that her ex emotionally abused her or that she was sexually assaulted in her story about becoming a VTuber, but we get to know about it all the same.
She eventually goes into VTuber drama and the people who tried to deplatform her, so if you remember that whole situation from last year, there's a bit more detail about it.
Honestly, this isn't anything funny, and it's about someone who might as well be a literal "who." I am aware probably nobody is going to read all this. But it's a nuclear grade powerlevel, and I feel a duty to archive it.
Link to the Google Doc NOTE: Always open Google Doc links in an incognito/private tab.
hi
As a forewarning, I want to say this is very uncomfortable content to read and I have done my best to condense and remove parts that I feel are not essential to the purpose of explaining the things I've experienced that have led me to my current situation.
When I discuss things like this, I do so because it's who I am and what I have overcome, and I feel it’s important for other people to know so that they understand where I’m coming from. I would like to call the VTuber community to be less judgmental and realize that anyone can change. The start of said lengthy journey is education rather than segregation, the very thing you are trying to cancel me for.
I’m aware that after I write this, I may be forfeiting my place in the community for good. I doubt there will be people who believe me; after all, no one listened the first time. Therefore I’m bringing forward new evidence that I had previously withheld to make you listen. I am going to do my best to write all of my thoughts up, and if after all my efforts, people want me to leave the community - I will.
I’m sorry I’m not the most eloquent writer, and I swear, I will answer your question eventually! Also, I’m in a safe space right now, so worry not.
--
TW: physical abuse, emotional abuse, suicide, stalking, neglect, eating disorder, self harm
As a Chinese child, your birth is a lifelong contract of fealty to the state of your parents. To whom nothing is given, especially as a woman, everything is expected. It’s common for young adults to bond by commiserating about the ways our parents torment us in the name of giving us a better life. I acknowledge that my parents’ intentions are fine, and that generational trauma exists. I know that my family and those before me have suffered in their own ways greatly to give me the opportunities that I have. That being said, I don’t have to remain a bystander in a cycle and environment of violence.
I remember the first and last time I ever reached out for help. It was 10 PM on a school night, and I was just about ready to pack my things and go to bed. I suddenly received a message from a classmate; he wanted help with an English assignment due the next day, but I had completely forgotten to do it. My dad then came home, in one of his usual foul moods, and screamed at me to get off the laptop and go to sleep.
Growing up, I was severely beat if I did not bring home 90%+ on every subject, and the severity of the beating depended on how many subjects I performed poorly in. On particularly bad days, I was beaten with a golf club or locked in the crawlspace without light, food, and water until my dad felt like taking me out. In hindsight, I was beat for so many things that I really could have relaxed on the studying because it would make no difference in the grand scheme of things.
Anyways, going to sleep was not an available option for me. I told him this and began to work on my essay. In what was perceived as an act of defiance, he grabbed the laptop and bludgeoned my head with it. Fortunately, my skull remained intact because it was a Dell laptop and all Dell laptops are made out of pretzels! However, unluckily for the laptop, the screen split in two across the center of it from the force, and I was essay-less.
We were not allowed to submit hand written assignments to this teacher, so the next day I went to class and sheepishly explained to her why I didn’t have the assignment and asked for an extension. She examined the roadbump on my head and sent me to see the counsellor.
I told the counsellor what had happened, and then a CART (Child and Adolescent Response Team) what had happened. Then, CPS and the police came, and I had told them what had happened. (Strangely enough I remember one cop trying to make small talk with me and asking what a kiddo like me enjoyed doing in my spare time, and I remember showing him some Hetalia countries and country balls I had drawn?)
At home, things were falling apart really badly. My dad wasn’t allowed to live in the same house as us anymore and was staying at a hotel downtown until the police and CPS determined whether he should be taken away or not. I remember my mom screaming at me for “wanting to tear this family apart” and being “selfish” for calling the cops. She locked me up in my room and refused to acknowledge my presence for ages, only letting me out to go to school and go home.
Keep in mind this whole time as an incredibly autistic and confused child who didn’t understand abuse was an issue, I was simply wondering when I’d have to do the assignment. Also, I really didn’t want to keep missing more school. I was clueless and just incredibly confused because I really, really, really wanted to not fall behind on English homework.
A few weeks later, my dad came home. I didn’t realize how much of a negative presence my family was in my life until my dad had left; his return was nothing short of devastating for me. I remember asking “well, the cops said if I was telling the truth dad was going to go to jail, so why is he here?”
Turns out, the other 5 members of my family had taken turns lying to the authorities to negate my unwitting testimony. They all claimed I had fallen down the stairs and that I was having a bit of a hallucination from having a concussion. I guess no one thought that a doctor and outstanding member of the local community would lie about such a thing.
Now I realize that it wasn’t just the fact that my mom was a doctor. Who could believe that my dad could have beaten me within an inch of my life, and then my mom and brothers would cover it up? I mean, both parents advocate for human rights, serve as advisors on an immigration board, sponsor children from abroad to lead lives in a world of poverty, and are well loved members of their communities… it’s easier to believe that I did a panoramic flip down a flight of stairs and only injured the top of my head right?
I stopped asking for help that day.
During my last year of high school, I had a negative experience with a classmate who was harassing me. Things got out of hand and he ended up showing up at my home unprovoked. I had explained to adults around me what had happened and they wrote it off as “teenage love gone wrong” and said I was being dramatic. You may formulate your own opinion. In any case, after this experience I became extremely paranoid and withdrawn. Eventually, I stopped going to classes because I was afraid of seeing this classmate in the hallways. Rumors had spread and I felt uncomfortable with the way everyone ogled me when I went to school.
My parents knew about the harassment and my fears about school, but did nothing to help or intervene.I had disappeared from school and was spending my days at home in a stupor. Sure I went in occasionally to write exams, and spent some time studying, but most of my days were spent in a blurry haze of eating, sleeping, video games, and perhaps the occasional shower.
Life at home got even worse. I was beat, screamed at, and my belongings were destroyed in retaliation for trying to adapt to the circumstances that were. I was also disowned for a time, and lived off of my discord friends’ couches and the kindness of their parents for months. Even when I was asked to return, I avoided being anywhere physically near my family because I knew it would just result in another screaming match.
I didn’t go to graduation and cut off all the people I knew in high school. It might have been the cowardly solution, but I didn’t know how to tell my friends what I had been going through, and I felt ashamed for not being stronger.
My family, desperate to blame my failures on anything, decided to get a pediatric psychologist to help diagnose my shortcomings. Over the next few months I was diagnosed with BPD, autism, ADHD, depression, and anxiety. At the time, I felt happy that I was able to put words to the way that I felt all the time. It felt safe and reassuring to know that these things could be treated and I hoped that I would be better understood by my family.
Everyone was graduating and going on to dazzling new futures, and I was stuck home for another year so I could focus on “getting better”. My mom even took time off of work to help me with my struggles, which is a big deal for a woman where money means everything.
While this may sound good in theory, in practice it was miserable. I can hardly remember so much of my life up until this point because so much of it was just spent in misery… with the more miserable events being the only noteworthy landmarks in an ocean of suffering. I remember my mom throwing pill bottles at me and screaming at me “you’re sick, you’re sick” and saying I would never get better.
Everything only got worse as the people around me convinced me that I was no longer the intelligent, funny young woman that I knew I was, but rather a gigantic leech suckling on the fruits of my parents’ labor. I shut myself off even more and started to decline myself basic needs, feeling that I wasn’t worth the food in our household, at least not until I had become a real functioning human being and completed university.
I became incredibly underweight and started hitting myself whenever I did things that I was told were wrong. I’d smash my head on a bookcase for hours on end, or at least until somebody needed me to do chores. I had no sense of being. The only things that I knew were the things that I was not.
I still have very mixed feelings about what came next as do most people do in abusive relationships. Please do not try to find or harass my ex.
I met my ex boyfriend while playing Path of Exile - I’ve always been a huge Path of Exile fan but for obvious reasons I don’t play the game very much anymore because of the memories I associate with it. In any case, we would run T15s together (if anyone was wondering, I was running an essence drain and contagion build at the time because lean color cool) and we grew closer.
One day he asked me what I looked like and I sent him a photo of myself, and he became sexually attracted to me and asked me to be his girlfriend. I knew that he was mostly interested in me because of my race, and because I look young
But I didn’t really care. I had been told all my life that I would never amount to anything, and that no one would ever want to be around me, and that I should never have been born. Even if he was sleazy, I had found something or someone to live for.
Things were looking better for a time. I really felt like I was in love and I went to great lengths to improve my health and appearance for his sake. I was suddenly making very real progress towards going back to school and was feeling a lot better about myself - my parents were happy too. I finally felt like I could be a real person too!
A few months in, his true colors began to show. He’d become resentful if I spent time with anyone besides him, and went to great lengths to manipulate me into sending him sexual content. This might sound ridiculous to people who have never been in a toxic relationship before, but at that time he felt like the only positive thing in my life. In a scenario where you lose that fragment of hope if you refuse to do something “all couples do”, you make dumb decisions.
I had gotten into League of Legends during that time and played two games of ARAM, happening to queue into the same user twice. He pulled up my op.gg and screamed at me for hours over how I could possibly cheat on him with this guy and hurt his feelings like that. I told him I didn’t even know the person but he would not listen.
Eventually I had enough and tried to kill myself. When I was younger I remember thinking it was a “spur of the moment decision” and that it had simply felt like a good day to die, but in hindsight I think I had subconsciously known that the only “good” thing in my life had turned rotten and I wanted out.
I took a bottle of pain medication and things became hazy. I was passing in and out of consciousness from the pain it gave me, fortunately my ex and some discord friends got together and managed to contact the cops. I was rushed to the ER, and then to the psych ward, and when I finally got out months later, life was suddenly very peaceful.
For the first time in my life, my parents were actually treating me like a person. They listened to my needs and worked with the in and out house psychiatrists I had to get me the medication I needed. They got together with my boyfriend’s parents to arrange a visit since they perceived him to be a positive influence on my life (at this time I would not like to elaborate more on this visit as during this time I was sexually assaulted and do not want to go into detail).
But summer was ending and my university admission was starting in the fall. My psychiatrists and parents were both advocating for “a return to normalcy” and encouraged my return. I moved across the country to my new school and tried my best to learn and forget about my past.
I really enjoyed school but had to drop out due to the stifling relationship I still had with my ex. He forbade me from attending FROSH week, libraries, classes, and so much more because he was worried that I would cheat on him with someone I met from school. I couldn’t perform academically when I couldn’t study or even go to lectures, and withdrew from school.
I went back home, and decided to try and make some money during my break from school; the registrar understood my situation and was happy to have me back in the spring session for another try. I began working 3 jobs as an on-call MOA, EB games employee, and a Swarovski jewellery salesman. This was a magnificent amount of work to be done, but I felt guilty for the money I had wasted not finishing the last semester, and I hadn’t been expecting multiple workplaces to call me back.
Everything was going well, I was really tired but I was happy and felt like I was seeing the fruits of my labors. Getting the first couple of paychecks into my bank account was amazing! Then the pandemic happened.
As our understanding of the coronavirus continued to change, my Chinese employer at Swarovski told me I was no longer able to use my mask at work because it was "racist", despite the fact that I am also Chinese.
I got sick the next week as a result and was incredibly stressed about what I could do to make sure I could hold onto my jobs. This stress and lack of medicine, food, and water from my family contributed to me being bedridden for a month - my parents were convinced I was just being “lazy and dramatic” and that I would get over it the old fashioned way. Normally when you get a flu you just take some meds and it's a no brainer, but I was physically being pushed to my limits for a month straight. Eventually the coughs went away but the muscle pain didn't, it got much worse. Fibromyalgia acquired!
For those who have no idea what that is it's a chronic illness caused by stress that gives you migraines, musculoskeletal pain, fatigue, inability to sleep, mental fog, and more.
(if that sounds familiar to you you should really get that checked out)
Fibromyalgia is a spectrum, and some people may experience more severe symptoms and require canes or other mobility aids. For me, a bad fibro day tends to go like this. I get up, and my muscles feel very weak and I collapse. I can sit down or lie down, but now my body feels like it’s on fire. I have to take the day off! I’d like to spend that time relaxing in bed, since doing exercise is off the table. But I can’t read or watch anything because of light sensitivity and my eyes hurting, and suddenly my individual fingers hurt to move too.
I had to return to university at this point, and since the pandemic was in full force classes were now online. I made my best effort to attend classes and study hard but online classes are really difficult for me - I find that physically being in another location really helps me to concentrate and that it is impossible while in a lockdown. I withdrew from classes and wondered what to do next.
Having no method of income and no school obligations, I wondered what skills I had or could teach myself to have in order to make money online. Well, I had always had an interest in games and anime, so why not learn how to draw? So I began my art journey, slowly but steadily.
VTUBER STUFF STARTS HERE
I didn’t know how to be an artist, but I knew that I was determined. I had an old drawing tablet I had bought third hand off a classmate in high school, and started from there. My parents were furious. How could I have “thrown away” so many opportunities and decided to work a creative job instead? I remember arguing with my parents about why I wasn’t supported in my decision to try something engaging for me. My dad said “I’ve known you since the moment you were born and I know you will not be able to commit to artwork”.
That moment led me to feel like my parents never gave a shit about my recovery at all. They had simply cared because a suicide and failure of post secondary education would look like a stain on their shiny reputations and careers. I began to rely more heavily on my online friends, who encouraged me to keep working hard.
I had trouble staying focused at times, and decided to start streaming on Twitch so that I would feel the pressure of an audience, no matter how miniscule. They would be able to hold me accountable and keep me working - I had a bad habit of going on League benders whenever I felt remotely upset, and I felt upset a good amount of the time. I broke up with my ex, who refused to support my artwork and streaming because once again, he thought I’d cheat on him with a viewer.
I streamed a lot and ridiculous hours too, to no viewers. But at the same time, I was really happy. I’d finally started making progress again, and I was making progress not for another person but for myself! People supported me, liked the things I made, and wanted to grow alongside me. I might not have been making waves but I felt heard and understood.
One day, I got my first raid from another artist named critterpunk! I was blown away by her art and really surprised to meet another art streamer - I hadn’t much bothered with networking and social media, I was just streaming to occupy time. She was really kind to me and told me about the VTuber model she was making for herself, and how it could be a good opportunity for me to try commissions too.
At the time, I had watched Kizuna Ai but was unaware that the technology to make models was available to the common populace. When I learnt this from critterpunk, I dived right into the Live2D discord server and began to learn how to make my own model. I’d forgotten something critical though; I didn’t have any model artwork I could use to advertise my commissions! So I thought about it for a while and then recycled an old OC I had when I was 15. That’s how Charlotte Van Halen was born, and that’s why her design is rather primitive and simple.
Now came the matter of rigging, to make her into a working VTuber model. I didn’t have the money to buy the Live2D rigging program and found it confusing, since at the time there were not many English tutorials for aspiring riggers. I decided to hire Mozaic Heaven to do the rigging. Suddenly I realized I was becoming a VTuber, and that was that… I knew it was a good fit for me which would enable me to keep improving my craft.
I didn’t know what to do in terms of money, as MH was asking for $200 to rig half of my model. I wanted to start making money with model commissions, so I asked my parents for a loan to pursue this goal. My parents said it was ridiculous that I was asking them for money and that if being an artist was really worthwhile I’d be able to pay for it myself.
Bear in mind that my parents are very wealthy. My dad has stolen over $1M from my mom (he’s an accountant) and spent it on collectible stamps and coins - I feel like he’d really like NFTs. My mom likes to remind me that she makes my annual income in the span of nearly two weeks, so the money is definitely not an issue for them.
The conversation continued, and my dad got fed up. He yelled at me saying that it made no sense to try and make art for a profit, and that it was better to employ artists and turn their art around for a profit. I think about this a lot.
I know that my dad has been through a lot of suffering when he was younger, but it makes me sad that he can not possibly fathom a world where creations have value besides their price. Sure he’s an accountant, but the fact that he hasn’t and still can’t fathom how creating art makes me happy is mindblowing to me.
I was at an impasse for a while, but luckily my first model kid reached out to me for a commission. I really want to thank all of my model commissioners but especially rikaersh for giving me a chance, you have all changed my life! With the profits from this commission I was able to pay for the rigging, although for whatever reason it took 2 years for the VTube studio model to be delivered to me (it just came last week and doesn’t really work).
I kept going with the commissions and streaming, and I slowly began to grow. I started to consider debuting, but realized I didn’t have graphics. I’m not amazing with graphics and decided to hire my friend kaai davis for the graphics, but he ended up fucking me over on the graphics.
Whether this is scamming or not is debatable, but I paid for the commission and he didn’t work on it for some time. When I asked for an update, he told me he had been hospitalized from covid. I sent him extra money and wished him best luck with his recovery. A while after he returned from the hospital, I asked him for an update, and he told me he had been hospitalized from dehydration. The next time, he was unable to afford rent, so I paid his rent so that I could get my graphics. What I received was not the usual professional designs I was used to seeing on his stream and behance, but something he cobbled together over 3 nights of discord texts with me.
I found the quality of his work unusable, and at this point, FaceRig support had been closed for almost a year and the technology was outdated. I couldn’t play any game on stream because FaceRig ate 40% of my CPU, and VTube Studio was becoming the new norm for streaming. I decided to commission multiple artists for new models, because surely if I asked 5 people, at least 1 person would be able to finish it.
Despite all these strenuous things that were happening in my VTubing life and the chaos of my home life, I was feeling wonderful… I couldn’t wait for my new models to come and felt I was almost ready to debut and show the world who I am.
Eventually, I hit partner and I was over the moon! I felt like I was finally getting closer to my goals of making art and streaming into a feasible job, and immediately posted to twitter my acceptance letter and cool checkmark.
That’s when things fell apart for me.
VTUBER DRAMA STARTS HERE
I was blasted for being a partner by other people at the behest of papi and reikan. They shamed Twitch for letting someone like me become partner and painted a negative picture of me by using out of context clips. I hold no ill will over either of them, but especially reikan - reikan has had a difficult life too and as a result has a strong sense of justice. I think that she really did believe that I was these things and wanted to do good by her friend, which is understandable.
Here’s my explanation over each of the offending clips, I’m only going to be bringing forward new information in this piece today.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kRTfuqZo620&feature=youtu.be
I was very upset and anxious over the whole situation, because I was under the impression that nothing was wrong. Papi had previously come into my Twitch chat and I was starstruck - I had no idea that such a cool person would ever consider visiting my channel. I was amazed by his character design, his model’s art style, the quality of his stream, his voice, his gags and everything he did! I wanted to return the favor and thank him for stopping by, so the next time I could I went to his Twitch channel and said just that.
He coldly told me to check my DMs, and I was surprised. I didn’t think I had said anything strange, why was I being singled out? This is what was sent, with some parts about papi’s personal upbringing covered up because I actually have a baseline level of respect for other human beings.
I felt ashamed of what I had said - even though it was a joke, I didn’t know it was affecting other people in a negative way. I didn’t want people to think I was fatphobic, truthfully it doesn’t concern me what other people weigh, I just want them to not develop complications - that’s where I draw the line. I think you can be fat and healthy, a great example is Lizzo who is quite fat but is able to give great performances and is probably in better shape than me.
In any case, I was surprised as well because in the conversation we had in DMs, where he had said “your fine” and we had sorted things out. I tried to reach out to him, but he had blocked me. At this point I was full blown panicking, and tried to reach out to Reikan as well to apologize for the misunderstanding in the most genuine way I could think of - a calm conversation.
Sadly, the damage had already been done.
I was being slammed for being supposedly homophobic, racist, transphobic, fatphobic, animal abusing, ableist person, which is quite an incredible list of labels to tape on me. I’m a panromantic asexual Chinese disabled person who was abused throughout her entire life and has literally no issues with trans or fat people. I tried to explain this countless times but the mob would not relent. At a certain point, I stopped trying to placate the masses and reached out to mutual friends of mine and reikan to opt for if nothing else, peace between us.
Fortunately, guppy was able to contact reikan and convince her to give me a chance. I explained the situation to them both as best as I could over voice. There was a lot of silence for a while, but they understood. Reikan added me and we talked some more.
The first thing she did was apologize for mislabelling me. And while I truly appreciate the apology, I feel kind of irritated that the entire world has to know the entire details of my shitty fucking life in order for me to be believed by anyone...
Heres reikan accidentally admitting that papi has been devoting his time preparing to ruin my life. So basically he lied to me in those twitch DMs, he always intended to mow me over because I’m different. He didn’t care if I was fatphobic or not. He didn’t care for anything I said. I was just an avenue to increase his twitter relevance.
We resolved the conflict between ourselves and she tweeted this
However despite everything and the efforts I made to reach out to the wrecking crew through mutual friends, I was ignored. Converted into twitter upvotes and left to rot!
My now ex friend, Fimi was in the Wrecking Crew during this time. I had been by Fimi's side for a long time at that point, over a year. I was there before Fimi changed genders, was there for them when they needed me, was a shoulder to lean on for their problems with DID, and frequently, a patient ear when they wanted to complain about people they did not like in the community. I was a firm supporter of Fimi and wish that things
When this happened, I asked Fimi if they would consider vouching for me as I was being labelled false things that they knew to be untrue.
However, Fimi left me high and dry. So did the people like critterpunk who introduced me to Fimi. I was silently cut loose from the world I had grown to care so much for and love, the one space where I could be myself, because I would be a great building block for a larger creator's platform.
No one listened to me. I tried explaining all of this but was never given the time of day. I addressed all of it, and decided at the time to keep papi and the wrecking crew's name out of it because I wanted them to succeed in the same space I wanted to shine in too. When I remembered the innocent and hopeful feelings that made me want to become a VTuber too, I remembered that these people also felt these things and I didn’t have the right to potentially take that away from them.
But now I realize that maybe, just maybe, my voice will be the first to help encourage other people to be less judgemental, and to come forward with their negative experiences with situations and people such as these
In the end, papi tried to strongarm me for an apology written to him, but i didn't, because I should never have to apologize for something that is the antithesis of what I am
Big image dump incoming, please don't hate on Fimi. I understand the feeling and need of self preservation. I just want people to understand why I have to speak out, and some people may find this unfair to Fimi but I was not given similar consideration when any of this happened. Also, I want to mention that I have no issue with sex work or "the coomer meta" of VTubing, it's just something I would not be able to do given my history as a rape survivor as my trauma did not manifest into hypersexuality.
Context: they asked to be unbanned from my Twitch and the message they sent asked to "just talk"
I feel like them coming to speak to me was not really to apologize to me, but more so to alleviate their own guilt for ruining my life. In any case, it seems that there may be more stories to this whole wrecking crew business, and if so I hope that this will encourage other people to let their story be told.
Adding on to this, various news reporting VTubers such as khyo and monty sellana have spread these false allegations about me on youtube and on private discords (yeah you probably didn’t think I’d find out). Now when you search up my name on these platforms, you find titles like “THIS VTUBER IS HORRIBLE” instead of me being myself, a simple autistic Canadian. While this is probably not malicious on khyo's behalf and definitely malicious on monty's behalf I do think it is shoddy reporting and added fuel to the fire.
--
To conclude all of this matter, I want to remind you of what I've lost. I've lost much of the love I had for VTubing, the trust I had in others, friendships, my career, various commissions (someone cancelled a model commission because of the situation), future clientele, many viewers, and more. I can't go live as often or use twitter as often because I get panic attacks from seeing the comment notification and speaking to an audience sometimes, which is why you will see me disappear at times. I can't talk to my friends because it makes them have a bad reputation. I am secluded and alone.
This is my main source of livelihood and I live in a family and living situation where I have no option but VTubing at the moment as a disabled person who wants to pursue art as a living.
You don't all have to like me, I just want you to not perceive me as the lies that other people spread about me for their own personal gain. I do want to ask one thing of you besides your patience though. If you believe me, please reshare this. There’s so many wonderful people who I’ve never gotten to properly speak with who have me blocked and blacklisted because of this slander. Your simple share or comment could really benefit my situation.
I think a nice ending to this would be some art improvement photos. Here you go.
2020:
2021:
2022:
Thanks for asking me a marshmallow question.
As a forewarning, I want to say this is very uncomfortable content to read and I have done my best to condense and remove parts that I feel are not essential to the purpose of explaining the things I've experienced that have led me to my current situation.
When I discuss things like this, I do so because it's who I am and what I have overcome, and I feel it’s important for other people to know so that they understand where I’m coming from. I would like to call the VTuber community to be less judgmental and realize that anyone can change. The start of said lengthy journey is education rather than segregation, the very thing you are trying to cancel me for.
I’m aware that after I write this, I may be forfeiting my place in the community for good. I doubt there will be people who believe me; after all, no one listened the first time. Therefore I’m bringing forward new evidence that I had previously withheld to make you listen. I am going to do my best to write all of my thoughts up, and if after all my efforts, people want me to leave the community - I will.
I’m sorry I’m not the most eloquent writer, and I swear, I will answer your question eventually! Also, I’m in a safe space right now, so worry not.
--
TW: physical abuse, emotional abuse, suicide, stalking, neglect, eating disorder, self harm
As a Chinese child, your birth is a lifelong contract of fealty to the state of your parents. To whom nothing is given, especially as a woman, everything is expected. It’s common for young adults to bond by commiserating about the ways our parents torment us in the name of giving us a better life. I acknowledge that my parents’ intentions are fine, and that generational trauma exists. I know that my family and those before me have suffered in their own ways greatly to give me the opportunities that I have. That being said, I don’t have to remain a bystander in a cycle and environment of violence.
I remember the first and last time I ever reached out for help. It was 10 PM on a school night, and I was just about ready to pack my things and go to bed. I suddenly received a message from a classmate; he wanted help with an English assignment due the next day, but I had completely forgotten to do it. My dad then came home, in one of his usual foul moods, and screamed at me to get off the laptop and go to sleep.
Growing up, I was severely beat if I did not bring home 90%+ on every subject, and the severity of the beating depended on how many subjects I performed poorly in. On particularly bad days, I was beaten with a golf club or locked in the crawlspace without light, food, and water until my dad felt like taking me out. In hindsight, I was beat for so many things that I really could have relaxed on the studying because it would make no difference in the grand scheme of things.
Anyways, going to sleep was not an available option for me. I told him this and began to work on my essay. In what was perceived as an act of defiance, he grabbed the laptop and bludgeoned my head with it. Fortunately, my skull remained intact because it was a Dell laptop and all Dell laptops are made out of pretzels! However, unluckily for the laptop, the screen split in two across the center of it from the force, and I was essay-less.
We were not allowed to submit hand written assignments to this teacher, so the next day I went to class and sheepishly explained to her why I didn’t have the assignment and asked for an extension. She examined the roadbump on my head and sent me to see the counsellor.
I told the counsellor what had happened, and then a CART (Child and Adolescent Response Team) what had happened. Then, CPS and the police came, and I had told them what had happened. (Strangely enough I remember one cop trying to make small talk with me and asking what a kiddo like me enjoyed doing in my spare time, and I remember showing him some Hetalia countries and country balls I had drawn?)
At home, things were falling apart really badly. My dad wasn’t allowed to live in the same house as us anymore and was staying at a hotel downtown until the police and CPS determined whether he should be taken away or not. I remember my mom screaming at me for “wanting to tear this family apart” and being “selfish” for calling the cops. She locked me up in my room and refused to acknowledge my presence for ages, only letting me out to go to school and go home.
Keep in mind this whole time as an incredibly autistic and confused child who didn’t understand abuse was an issue, I was simply wondering when I’d have to do the assignment. Also, I really didn’t want to keep missing more school. I was clueless and just incredibly confused because I really, really, really wanted to not fall behind on English homework.
A few weeks later, my dad came home. I didn’t realize how much of a negative presence my family was in my life until my dad had left; his return was nothing short of devastating for me. I remember asking “well, the cops said if I was telling the truth dad was going to go to jail, so why is he here?”
Turns out, the other 5 members of my family had taken turns lying to the authorities to negate my unwitting testimony. They all claimed I had fallen down the stairs and that I was having a bit of a hallucination from having a concussion. I guess no one thought that a doctor and outstanding member of the local community would lie about such a thing.
Now I realize that it wasn’t just the fact that my mom was a doctor. Who could believe that my dad could have beaten me within an inch of my life, and then my mom and brothers would cover it up? I mean, both parents advocate for human rights, serve as advisors on an immigration board, sponsor children from abroad to lead lives in a world of poverty, and are well loved members of their communities… it’s easier to believe that I did a panoramic flip down a flight of stairs and only injured the top of my head right?
I stopped asking for help that day.
During my last year of high school, I had a negative experience with a classmate who was harassing me. Things got out of hand and he ended up showing up at my home unprovoked. I had explained to adults around me what had happened and they wrote it off as “teenage love gone wrong” and said I was being dramatic. You may formulate your own opinion. In any case, after this experience I became extremely paranoid and withdrawn. Eventually, I stopped going to classes because I was afraid of seeing this classmate in the hallways. Rumors had spread and I felt uncomfortable with the way everyone ogled me when I went to school.
My parents knew about the harassment and my fears about school, but did nothing to help or intervene.I had disappeared from school and was spending my days at home in a stupor. Sure I went in occasionally to write exams, and spent some time studying, but most of my days were spent in a blurry haze of eating, sleeping, video games, and perhaps the occasional shower.
Life at home got even worse. I was beat, screamed at, and my belongings were destroyed in retaliation for trying to adapt to the circumstances that were. I was also disowned for a time, and lived off of my discord friends’ couches and the kindness of their parents for months. Even when I was asked to return, I avoided being anywhere physically near my family because I knew it would just result in another screaming match.
I didn’t go to graduation and cut off all the people I knew in high school. It might have been the cowardly solution, but I didn’t know how to tell my friends what I had been going through, and I felt ashamed for not being stronger.
My family, desperate to blame my failures on anything, decided to get a pediatric psychologist to help diagnose my shortcomings. Over the next few months I was diagnosed with BPD, autism, ADHD, depression, and anxiety. At the time, I felt happy that I was able to put words to the way that I felt all the time. It felt safe and reassuring to know that these things could be treated and I hoped that I would be better understood by my family.
Everyone was graduating and going on to dazzling new futures, and I was stuck home for another year so I could focus on “getting better”. My mom even took time off of work to help me with my struggles, which is a big deal for a woman where money means everything.
While this may sound good in theory, in practice it was miserable. I can hardly remember so much of my life up until this point because so much of it was just spent in misery… with the more miserable events being the only noteworthy landmarks in an ocean of suffering. I remember my mom throwing pill bottles at me and screaming at me “you’re sick, you’re sick” and saying I would never get better.
Everything only got worse as the people around me convinced me that I was no longer the intelligent, funny young woman that I knew I was, but rather a gigantic leech suckling on the fruits of my parents’ labor. I shut myself off even more and started to decline myself basic needs, feeling that I wasn’t worth the food in our household, at least not until I had become a real functioning human being and completed university.
I became incredibly underweight and started hitting myself whenever I did things that I was told were wrong. I’d smash my head on a bookcase for hours on end, or at least until somebody needed me to do chores. I had no sense of being. The only things that I knew were the things that I was not.
I still have very mixed feelings about what came next as do most people do in abusive relationships. Please do not try to find or harass my ex.
I met my ex boyfriend while playing Path of Exile - I’ve always been a huge Path of Exile fan but for obvious reasons I don’t play the game very much anymore because of the memories I associate with it. In any case, we would run T15s together (if anyone was wondering, I was running an essence drain and contagion build at the time because lean color cool) and we grew closer.
One day he asked me what I looked like and I sent him a photo of myself, and he became sexually attracted to me and asked me to be his girlfriend. I knew that he was mostly interested in me because of my race, and because I look young
But I didn’t really care. I had been told all my life that I would never amount to anything, and that no one would ever want to be around me, and that I should never have been born. Even if he was sleazy, I had found something or someone to live for.
Things were looking better for a time. I really felt like I was in love and I went to great lengths to improve my health and appearance for his sake. I was suddenly making very real progress towards going back to school and was feeling a lot better about myself - my parents were happy too. I finally felt like I could be a real person too!
A few months in, his true colors began to show. He’d become resentful if I spent time with anyone besides him, and went to great lengths to manipulate me into sending him sexual content. This might sound ridiculous to people who have never been in a toxic relationship before, but at that time he felt like the only positive thing in my life. In a scenario where you lose that fragment of hope if you refuse to do something “all couples do”, you make dumb decisions.
I had gotten into League of Legends during that time and played two games of ARAM, happening to queue into the same user twice. He pulled up my op.gg and screamed at me for hours over how I could possibly cheat on him with this guy and hurt his feelings like that. I told him I didn’t even know the person but he would not listen.
Eventually I had enough and tried to kill myself. When I was younger I remember thinking it was a “spur of the moment decision” and that it had simply felt like a good day to die, but in hindsight I think I had subconsciously known that the only “good” thing in my life had turned rotten and I wanted out.
I took a bottle of pain medication and things became hazy. I was passing in and out of consciousness from the pain it gave me, fortunately my ex and some discord friends got together and managed to contact the cops. I was rushed to the ER, and then to the psych ward, and when I finally got out months later, life was suddenly very peaceful.
For the first time in my life, my parents were actually treating me like a person. They listened to my needs and worked with the in and out house psychiatrists I had to get me the medication I needed. They got together with my boyfriend’s parents to arrange a visit since they perceived him to be a positive influence on my life (at this time I would not like to elaborate more on this visit as during this time I was sexually assaulted and do not want to go into detail).
But summer was ending and my university admission was starting in the fall. My psychiatrists and parents were both advocating for “a return to normalcy” and encouraged my return. I moved across the country to my new school and tried my best to learn and forget about my past.
I really enjoyed school but had to drop out due to the stifling relationship I still had with my ex. He forbade me from attending FROSH week, libraries, classes, and so much more because he was worried that I would cheat on him with someone I met from school. I couldn’t perform academically when I couldn’t study or even go to lectures, and withdrew from school.
I went back home, and decided to try and make some money during my break from school; the registrar understood my situation and was happy to have me back in the spring session for another try. I began working 3 jobs as an on-call MOA, EB games employee, and a Swarovski jewellery salesman. This was a magnificent amount of work to be done, but I felt guilty for the money I had wasted not finishing the last semester, and I hadn’t been expecting multiple workplaces to call me back.
Everything was going well, I was really tired but I was happy and felt like I was seeing the fruits of my labors. Getting the first couple of paychecks into my bank account was amazing! Then the pandemic happened.
As our understanding of the coronavirus continued to change, my Chinese employer at Swarovski told me I was no longer able to use my mask at work because it was "racist", despite the fact that I am also Chinese.
I got sick the next week as a result and was incredibly stressed about what I could do to make sure I could hold onto my jobs. This stress and lack of medicine, food, and water from my family contributed to me being bedridden for a month - my parents were convinced I was just being “lazy and dramatic” and that I would get over it the old fashioned way. Normally when you get a flu you just take some meds and it's a no brainer, but I was physically being pushed to my limits for a month straight. Eventually the coughs went away but the muscle pain didn't, it got much worse. Fibromyalgia acquired!
For those who have no idea what that is it's a chronic illness caused by stress that gives you migraines, musculoskeletal pain, fatigue, inability to sleep, mental fog, and more.
(if that sounds familiar to you you should really get that checked out)
Fibromyalgia is a spectrum, and some people may experience more severe symptoms and require canes or other mobility aids. For me, a bad fibro day tends to go like this. I get up, and my muscles feel very weak and I collapse. I can sit down or lie down, but now my body feels like it’s on fire. I have to take the day off! I’d like to spend that time relaxing in bed, since doing exercise is off the table. But I can’t read or watch anything because of light sensitivity and my eyes hurting, and suddenly my individual fingers hurt to move too.
I had to return to university at this point, and since the pandemic was in full force classes were now online. I made my best effort to attend classes and study hard but online classes are really difficult for me - I find that physically being in another location really helps me to concentrate and that it is impossible while in a lockdown. I withdrew from classes and wondered what to do next.
Having no method of income and no school obligations, I wondered what skills I had or could teach myself to have in order to make money online. Well, I had always had an interest in games and anime, so why not learn how to draw? So I began my art journey, slowly but steadily.
VTUBER STUFF STARTS HERE
I didn’t know how to be an artist, but I knew that I was determined. I had an old drawing tablet I had bought third hand off a classmate in high school, and started from there. My parents were furious. How could I have “thrown away” so many opportunities and decided to work a creative job instead? I remember arguing with my parents about why I wasn’t supported in my decision to try something engaging for me. My dad said “I’ve known you since the moment you were born and I know you will not be able to commit to artwork”.
That moment led me to feel like my parents never gave a shit about my recovery at all. They had simply cared because a suicide and failure of post secondary education would look like a stain on their shiny reputations and careers. I began to rely more heavily on my online friends, who encouraged me to keep working hard.
I had trouble staying focused at times, and decided to start streaming on Twitch so that I would feel the pressure of an audience, no matter how miniscule. They would be able to hold me accountable and keep me working - I had a bad habit of going on League benders whenever I felt remotely upset, and I felt upset a good amount of the time. I broke up with my ex, who refused to support my artwork and streaming because once again, he thought I’d cheat on him with a viewer.
I streamed a lot and ridiculous hours too, to no viewers. But at the same time, I was really happy. I’d finally started making progress again, and I was making progress not for another person but for myself! People supported me, liked the things I made, and wanted to grow alongside me. I might not have been making waves but I felt heard and understood.
One day, I got my first raid from another artist named critterpunk! I was blown away by her art and really surprised to meet another art streamer - I hadn’t much bothered with networking and social media, I was just streaming to occupy time. She was really kind to me and told me about the VTuber model she was making for herself, and how it could be a good opportunity for me to try commissions too.
At the time, I had watched Kizuna Ai but was unaware that the technology to make models was available to the common populace. When I learnt this from critterpunk, I dived right into the Live2D discord server and began to learn how to make my own model. I’d forgotten something critical though; I didn’t have any model artwork I could use to advertise my commissions! So I thought about it for a while and then recycled an old OC I had when I was 15. That’s how Charlotte Van Halen was born, and that’s why her design is rather primitive and simple.
Now came the matter of rigging, to make her into a working VTuber model. I didn’t have the money to buy the Live2D rigging program and found it confusing, since at the time there were not many English tutorials for aspiring riggers. I decided to hire Mozaic Heaven to do the rigging. Suddenly I realized I was becoming a VTuber, and that was that… I knew it was a good fit for me which would enable me to keep improving my craft.
I didn’t know what to do in terms of money, as MH was asking for $200 to rig half of my model. I wanted to start making money with model commissions, so I asked my parents for a loan to pursue this goal. My parents said it was ridiculous that I was asking them for money and that if being an artist was really worthwhile I’d be able to pay for it myself.
Bear in mind that my parents are very wealthy. My dad has stolen over $1M from my mom (he’s an accountant) and spent it on collectible stamps and coins - I feel like he’d really like NFTs. My mom likes to remind me that she makes my annual income in the span of nearly two weeks, so the money is definitely not an issue for them.
The conversation continued, and my dad got fed up. He yelled at me saying that it made no sense to try and make art for a profit, and that it was better to employ artists and turn their art around for a profit. I think about this a lot.
I know that my dad has been through a lot of suffering when he was younger, but it makes me sad that he can not possibly fathom a world where creations have value besides their price. Sure he’s an accountant, but the fact that he hasn’t and still can’t fathom how creating art makes me happy is mindblowing to me.
I was at an impasse for a while, but luckily my first model kid reached out to me for a commission. I really want to thank all of my model commissioners but especially rikaersh for giving me a chance, you have all changed my life! With the profits from this commission I was able to pay for the rigging, although for whatever reason it took 2 years for the VTube studio model to be delivered to me (it just came last week and doesn’t really work).
I kept going with the commissions and streaming, and I slowly began to grow. I started to consider debuting, but realized I didn’t have graphics. I’m not amazing with graphics and decided to hire my friend kaai davis for the graphics, but he ended up fucking me over on the graphics.
Whether this is scamming or not is debatable, but I paid for the commission and he didn’t work on it for some time. When I asked for an update, he told me he had been hospitalized from covid. I sent him extra money and wished him best luck with his recovery. A while after he returned from the hospital, I asked him for an update, and he told me he had been hospitalized from dehydration. The next time, he was unable to afford rent, so I paid his rent so that I could get my graphics. What I received was not the usual professional designs I was used to seeing on his stream and behance, but something he cobbled together over 3 nights of discord texts with me.
I found the quality of his work unusable, and at this point, FaceRig support had been closed for almost a year and the technology was outdated. I couldn’t play any game on stream because FaceRig ate 40% of my CPU, and VTube Studio was becoming the new norm for streaming. I decided to commission multiple artists for new models, because surely if I asked 5 people, at least 1 person would be able to finish it.
Despite all these strenuous things that were happening in my VTubing life and the chaos of my home life, I was feeling wonderful… I couldn’t wait for my new models to come and felt I was almost ready to debut and show the world who I am.
Eventually, I hit partner and I was over the moon! I felt like I was finally getting closer to my goals of making art and streaming into a feasible job, and immediately posted to twitter my acceptance letter and cool checkmark.
That’s when things fell apart for me.
VTUBER DRAMA STARTS HERE
I was blasted for being a partner by other people at the behest of papi and reikan. They shamed Twitch for letting someone like me become partner and painted a negative picture of me by using out of context clips. I hold no ill will over either of them, but especially reikan - reikan has had a difficult life too and as a result has a strong sense of justice. I think that she really did believe that I was these things and wanted to do good by her friend, which is understandable.
Here’s my explanation over each of the offending clips, I’m only going to be bringing forward new information in this piece today.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kRTfuqZo620&feature=youtu.be
I was very upset and anxious over the whole situation, because I was under the impression that nothing was wrong. Papi had previously come into my Twitch chat and I was starstruck - I had no idea that such a cool person would ever consider visiting my channel. I was amazed by his character design, his model’s art style, the quality of his stream, his voice, his gags and everything he did! I wanted to return the favor and thank him for stopping by, so the next time I could I went to his Twitch channel and said just that.
He coldly told me to check my DMs, and I was surprised. I didn’t think I had said anything strange, why was I being singled out? This is what was sent, with some parts about papi’s personal upbringing covered up because I actually have a baseline level of respect for other human beings.
I felt ashamed of what I had said - even though it was a joke, I didn’t know it was affecting other people in a negative way. I didn’t want people to think I was fatphobic, truthfully it doesn’t concern me what other people weigh, I just want them to not develop complications - that’s where I draw the line. I think you can be fat and healthy, a great example is Lizzo who is quite fat but is able to give great performances and is probably in better shape than me.
In any case, I was surprised as well because in the conversation we had in DMs, where he had said “your fine” and we had sorted things out. I tried to reach out to him, but he had blocked me. At this point I was full blown panicking, and tried to reach out to Reikan as well to apologize for the misunderstanding in the most genuine way I could think of - a calm conversation.
Sadly, the damage had already been done.
I was being slammed for being supposedly homophobic, racist, transphobic, fatphobic, animal abusing, ableist person, which is quite an incredible list of labels to tape on me. I’m a panromantic asexual Chinese disabled person who was abused throughout her entire life and has literally no issues with trans or fat people. I tried to explain this countless times but the mob would not relent. At a certain point, I stopped trying to placate the masses and reached out to mutual friends of mine and reikan to opt for if nothing else, peace between us.
Fortunately, guppy was able to contact reikan and convince her to give me a chance. I explained the situation to them both as best as I could over voice. There was a lot of silence for a while, but they understood. Reikan added me and we talked some more.
The first thing she did was apologize for mislabelling me. And while I truly appreciate the apology, I feel kind of irritated that the entire world has to know the entire details of my shitty fucking life in order for me to be believed by anyone...
Heres reikan accidentally admitting that papi has been devoting his time preparing to ruin my life. So basically he lied to me in those twitch DMs, he always intended to mow me over because I’m different. He didn’t care if I was fatphobic or not. He didn’t care for anything I said. I was just an avenue to increase his twitter relevance.
We resolved the conflict between ourselves and she tweeted this
However despite everything and the efforts I made to reach out to the wrecking crew through mutual friends, I was ignored. Converted into twitter upvotes and left to rot!
My now ex friend, Fimi was in the Wrecking Crew during this time. I had been by Fimi's side for a long time at that point, over a year. I was there before Fimi changed genders, was there for them when they needed me, was a shoulder to lean on for their problems with DID, and frequently, a patient ear when they wanted to complain about people they did not like in the community. I was a firm supporter of Fimi and wish that things
When this happened, I asked Fimi if they would consider vouching for me as I was being labelled false things that they knew to be untrue.
However, Fimi left me high and dry. So did the people like critterpunk who introduced me to Fimi. I was silently cut loose from the world I had grown to care so much for and love, the one space where I could be myself, because I would be a great building block for a larger creator's platform.
No one listened to me. I tried explaining all of this but was never given the time of day. I addressed all of it, and decided at the time to keep papi and the wrecking crew's name out of it because I wanted them to succeed in the same space I wanted to shine in too. When I remembered the innocent and hopeful feelings that made me want to become a VTuber too, I remembered that these people also felt these things and I didn’t have the right to potentially take that away from them.
But now I realize that maybe, just maybe, my voice will be the first to help encourage other people to be less judgemental, and to come forward with their negative experiences with situations and people such as these
In the end, papi tried to strongarm me for an apology written to him, but i didn't, because I should never have to apologize for something that is the antithesis of what I am
Big image dump incoming, please don't hate on Fimi. I understand the feeling and need of self preservation. I just want people to understand why I have to speak out, and some people may find this unfair to Fimi but I was not given similar consideration when any of this happened. Also, I want to mention that I have no issue with sex work or "the coomer meta" of VTubing, it's just something I would not be able to do given my history as a rape survivor as my trauma did not manifest into hypersexuality.
Context: they asked to be unbanned from my Twitch and the message they sent asked to "just talk"
I feel like them coming to speak to me was not really to apologize to me, but more so to alleviate their own guilt for ruining my life. In any case, it seems that there may be more stories to this whole wrecking crew business, and if so I hope that this will encourage other people to let their story be told.
Adding on to this, various news reporting VTubers such as khyo and monty sellana have spread these false allegations about me on youtube and on private discords (yeah you probably didn’t think I’d find out). Now when you search up my name on these platforms, you find titles like “THIS VTUBER IS HORRIBLE” instead of me being myself, a simple autistic Canadian. While this is probably not malicious on khyo's behalf and definitely malicious on monty's behalf I do think it is shoddy reporting and added fuel to the fire.
--
To conclude all of this matter, I want to remind you of what I've lost. I've lost much of the love I had for VTubing, the trust I had in others, friendships, my career, various commissions (someone cancelled a model commission because of the situation), future clientele, many viewers, and more. I can't go live as often or use twitter as often because I get panic attacks from seeing the comment notification and speaking to an audience sometimes, which is why you will see me disappear at times. I can't talk to my friends because it makes them have a bad reputation. I am secluded and alone.
This is my main source of livelihood and I live in a family and living situation where I have no option but VTubing at the moment as a disabled person who wants to pursue art as a living.
You don't all have to like me, I just want you to not perceive me as the lies that other people spread about me for their own personal gain. I do want to ask one thing of you besides your patience though. If you believe me, please reshare this. There’s so many wonderful people who I’ve never gotten to properly speak with who have me blocked and blacklisted because of this slander. Your simple share or comment could really benefit my situation.
I think a nice ending to this would be some art improvement photos. Here you go.
2020:
2021:
2022:
Thanks for asking me a marshmallow question.
- Joined
- Sep 27, 2021
The other highlight of this clip is that Takamori are officially divorced.
I watch several people so to keep it short, I'll add a little to what I said last time. Currently most invested in Lui. Like A-chan, she's pretty degenerate but can keep her performances clean, and the yabai stuff comes across as her trolling rather than coomerbait or TMI. I also really like Holo cross-branch interactions and she's one of a handful who are always up for it.
I don't think anyone mentioned Iroha yet. She's a weird pick because I don't watch her streams often and she doesn't have as many clips (that I can find). But skimming the live TLs on her zatsudans always makes me smile.
HoloJP probably requires residency. Other than that, while I agree with kukkia that an ID Vtuber would probably go for HoloID if they wanted to get into Holo, could someone apply to multiple branches and let Cover decide where they fit? Or while we're talking hypotheticals, could someone get into a different branch from the one they applied to?
The game is only available in English. She understands it well enough to freak out at the dialogue.
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masterstocking
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jan 5, 2021
I speak in pictures. If you know the character, chances are you know why I like them.
Not a complete list, more like a greatest hits collection
- Joined
- Feb 13, 2018
@One Quick Post
I've exported the Google Doc as a PDF as well for people like me that are half-blind and want an offline copy.
Mega Link
I've exported the Google Doc as a PDF as well for people like me that are half-blind and want an offline copy.
Mega Link
gregeoryL
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Dec 11, 2020
- Joined
- Mar 26, 2020
This clip of Monaca and Kson was finally translated:
She's streaming right now talking about her brother's condition (Lung Cancer)
Tatsunoko
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Apr 3, 2021
Baby saves tech illiterate Duck.
- Joined
- Mar 28, 2018
Now the question is does Magni really not know what a nokia brick looked like or was he just getting it wrong on purpose to trigger Grampire?
augment
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Feb 4, 2020
reinigen
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Dec 8, 2020
Snuffy's original model was a cotton candy colored Cat girl that she won via some auction I believe. So it was more a convenience than some model she truly wanted. The joke was her personality never fit her model because of how cutesy it was, and that she was secretly a raccoon who put on makeup to pretend to be a more popular cat girl vtuber. So she rolled with that lore, and changed to a raccoon model. Which, I think we can all agree, was a massive improvement and much cooler aesthetically.
She started with the 3D model, but has since gotten Live2D models, and gotten tons of alternate models in that time as well.
Largely though, she's a relatively innocent pot smoking degen who just has ADHD when it comes to her model. She started as a pettan character, so the current model is more in line with her OG design than the Smilfy model was. Not everyone's bag I know, but I enjoy catching her every once in a while.
On the subject of vTubers who like changing models, it's Mousey's Five year anniversary tonight, and she's been teasing either a new model with lots of modes, or several new models. Going to probably end up catching that tonight.
She originally teased it all the way back in January.
Che merda di posto
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Feb 9, 2021
Didn't Tenma also followed a weird alternative sleep pattern?
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2019
It mostly depends on what they're doing and what I'm doing tbh. I can always rely on Elira, Pomu, Millie, Rosemi, and Enna to be easy to listen to no matter what they're doing so I tend to put them on often when I'm working/playing.
Even my JP Oshis are people I have to sit and actually watch because of the games they play etc.
- Joined
- Feb 11, 2022
On the oshii subject, I just really like comfy. Uruka is very comfy, and is a fantastic musician to boot.
I would add my favorite 2view: Ethel Chamomile. Gamedev streams are her unique selling point. She's also very consistent with her output, and of course super comfy. She's also streaming right now:
I would add my favorite 2view: Ethel Chamomile. Gamedev streams are her unique selling point. She's also very consistent with her output, and of course super comfy. She's also streaming right now: