0:00 ‘Hello hello, welcome to a new vlog’ Fuck you, I hate this intro. ‘Hey guise!’ was so much better - it was short, concise, and had at least some energy. This is shit. Oh, and quit playing with your nasty, greasy hair. Ugh.
0:03 And now she’s addressing exactly what I just talked about. How she’s shifted from saying ‘Hey guise!’ And what’s funny is when she says it, instantly there’s 37,000 times more energy to this shit. But she shifted away because ‘I don’t know, we’re kind of rebranding here’ and fuck you.
0:25 She attempts to justify her being a flippant floppy fuckwaffle with her intro on her ‘bipolar, which I have’ except she doesn’t. She attributes not being able to actually stay on task and changing her mind and losing focus and being impulsive on being bipolar instead of being mentally lazy. Shaddup, AL. She says she just made an appointment with her psychiatrist because she wants to decrease her meds, Zoloft isn’t working for her anxiety, blah blah blah.
1:11 Professes she needs to get on track with life in general. She’s redownloading MyFitnessPal AGAIN and making a new profile AGAIN because fuck knows you can’t just pick up your old profile and go at it again. Hell, you can even clear your friends out! Start anew! Just purge everything! Use it as a tracker instead of a social media platform to search for asspats and dates! She’s put the link in the description on YouTube.
https://www.myfitnesspal.com/profile/laceandhoney
There. Now you don’t have to give this hefalump a click.
1:43 Now she’s updating us on journalling. Says she’s been journalling so much. Puts her phone down, so now we have a clear view of her nasty as fuck, filthy vent on her ceiling. Gorl. They make dusters on sticks that can extend to a height of 14 feet. There’s no damned excuse for that. NASTY. ‘Ceilings can be friends, too.’ Guess her friends are also nasty, filth-covered overhanging dollars. Ugh. And when she puts the phone back up normally, you can see all of her tacky as hell lesbo art. I really wish that one of these years, instead of adding more adipose tissue, she’d add a personality to the blob that is ‘her’.
2:15 Says she’s been journalling daily. Press ‘x’ to doubt.
2:25 Gives a date to us - June 18th, 2021. Bitch then has to use google to figure out how many days it’s been instead of being the human calculator she once professed herself to be and going “Well, July and August have 31 days, June and September have 30 days, so there’s 92 days plus 12 more for 104, plus this month which is 8 more days as of the day of this typing which is 112, and add in 365 for 477.” Yeah, that took me less time than her going to google (especially considering that there are editing cuts in this shit). Oh, wait, she said that this was recorded October 6th, so minus 2. 475. Lookit that, correct answer, confirmed as she just spoke the number while I was typing ‘lookit’. My alcohol-pickled brain functioned! Yay!
AL, if a drunkard retiree could figure that shit out in the time it took you to google it on video, you, the HUMAN CALCULATOR, should’ve been able to do that amount of simple math.
Back on topic, she says it’s ‘queen shit’ that she journaled every day. Where she says she doesn’t doodle and doesn’t use stickers, just word vomits all over that shit.
3:15 And she’s showing all her ugly journals. Including a sloth IT’S NOT A FUCKING MOLMENT YOU ILLITERATE STONE-BRAIN. So yeah, she says she journals about… she doesn’t know where to start, and she doesn’t bother with rules because rules keep her from actually writing. Talks about people in her life, past, future, trauma, everything you can think off. FOOD she ate, when she was sexual abused when she was younger(??? Which she hasn’t delved into? Is this something somewhat new?), Bleh bleh bleh.
5:15 Now we have fucking legos. Step two, I guess. She is doing Timelapse for those who are interested in it. She still proclaims it’s therapeutic and fun and shit. She says she thinks it’s the bottom of the globe.
And she’s got an extra piece at the end. Again. She even mentions that ‘there’s always an extra piece. Love that.’ It’s called you can’t follow the easiest directions on the fucking planet, you dipshit. This also throws your self-diagnosed OCD out the window, because someone with true OCD would LOSE THEIR FUCKING MIND having an extra piece at the end of a step in Legos.
6:00 Fucking Torrid IT’S NOT A FUCKING MOLMENT. She has a bunch of shit. Then she talks about how ‘it seems I order a lot of Torrid’ (because she does owing to that being pretty much all that fits). Says she used to order twice a month, but now orders every 2.5 months. She says they’re friends.
6:50 Has a black sweater that says ‘leave me alone’. She described the lettering as being towel material and of course, she just loves it. Zooming in on the tag when it flips (at exactly 7:01) gives a blurry blob that looks like a 6, but under it is a very clear 30. Looking at Torrid’s size chart online, she did in fact order a size 6. No wonder it looks like you could wrap an entire battalion of midgets in that thing. (And sorry, after all the effort to pull that size, I’m not doing it for any others - I have to crank this out before we drive off to the local rodeo to enjoy deep fried food-truck snacks and cowboys being hurled off of animals, so gotta pick this up and speed it along. Let it just rest in your brain that she’s still ordering size 6, no matter what she says, so she’s still a fucking enormous balloon of fat.)
7:18 Next is a black t-shirt. It has a ‘chest piece.’ She shoves her face through it like a ‘tard and professes she loves the simplicity of it and can’t wait to wear it.
7:38 On to a sleep IT’S NOT A FUCKING MOLMENT YOU ILLITERATE BABOON’S ASSHOLE. It’s a nightgown that’s so kyuuuuute. The sleeves are 3/4 sleeves, meaning they’ll choke out her arms. She says the material is ‘cooling’. Because it’s likely nylon.
8:08 Another sweater. It’s a black sweater with a satin pocket. She’s all about that bullshit. It’s, of course, ‘so kyuute.’ Because That’s the only descriptor she knows.
8:35 She shows us ‘Mount Torrid’ which has grown yet again, because this lazy sack of puss can’t be assed to put her shit away like a damned… I can’t say adult, because the goblin that infests this house puts said goblin’s shit away, and said goblin is in the early stages of puberty. So AL has less fucking maturity and drive to clean than a fucking puberty-riddled goblin. Good job, AL! Ah, anyway, she’s blathering not all of her clothes are from Torrid (probably has some Woman Within or whatever that brand is, maybe Lane Bryant?)
8:50 DON’T JUDGE HER BECAUSE EVERYONE HAS THEIR BAD HABITS. She will put some away. But she gets distracted and shit and loses her motivation. Because like any hoarder, she let shit get away from her and can no longer really see a way to overcome the obstacle she’s built for herself.
9:09 Does put a little away - like about 18 inches off the top of a 4 foot tall mount of shit. It’s not as tall, but it’s broader, because most’ve it fell. There was a bedsheet on it (at least, that’s what it looked like to me) and now it’s gone, so that was probably the vast majority of what she decided to put away from her heap of clothes infesting her bathroom counter. And now I’m wondering how much of this shit is on her floor that she never shows us. She tries to lecture us and make it a teachable moment or something. And yes, that’s a proper use of the word moment - if only AL would pick up on that shit.
9:29 And now it’s the “I have the one-time use EKG pads stuck in the wrong place on me because there’s now reason a pad would be stuck at the base of a fat fucking neck” time. Says she just got out of the hospital, and she went because she had real bad pain on her left side and in her back and sharp pains would run through her with every breath. Her doctor said not to make an appointment because nothing’s available, so go to the ER. Because nobody wants to deal with your ass.
9:55 So she went to the ER. She says everyone’s glad she did. Because everyone’s glad to have a medical-bill dodging shitburger show up to waste everyone’s time because she laid down wrong and feels like a lump of lard in human skin.
9:57 Wah wah wah, everything hurt when breathing, it might’ve been a possible heart attack, and that’s why she had an EKG. She also says she still has some on her stomach. And now I’m wondering what kind of medical miracle she is that her heart is located at the top of her sternum. And who her nurse was that she didn’t have those pads removed upon discharge. Because, PL, every time I’ve had an EKG taken (not often, but enough times for me to have some experience with it), that shit is placed so they can actually get a reading from the big damned muscle that hums away on the left side of the chest cavity.
10:16 So yeah, her EKG was perfect. It’s always perfect. She says she also had her blood drawn, and there’s a crazy story behind that which she won’t share because fuck you, that’s why. She blathers on about how she isn’t wearing a bra because it had to be taken off so an x-ray could be taken of her chest cavity (likely to confirm she doesn’t have fluid in her lungs or some shit). Of course that’s all perfect, too. She’s very snippish about the ‘frickin’ lady’ who took off her bra. C’mon, AL. You’ve been to enough ERs to know that you can’t have metal clasps in the shot.
10:36 Finally, ‘long story short’, they were glad she went in but she just had ‘a strain’. She pulled a muscle in her back. She doesn’t know how she could have strained her back (FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT), but then waxes on how it could all be attributed to her twisting her ankle and being laid up in bed for a while and she had to change how she maneuvers herself in bed and shit.
11:25 She says that on the way to the x-ray room, they’d asked her if she wanted to use a wheel chair and she said no. HUH, THAT’S INTERESTING. Because I’ve never been given the fucking option. When I went in for stabbing pain throughout my side and back, I was shoved into a chair and wheeled around like an invalid (they even jokingly told me that if I wandered off on my own two feet that they’d tie me to the damned thing). I wanna go to her magical hospital of choices and collarbone EKG pads you wear in your car.
Back on topic, she says she was walking and had her IV (IT’S NOT A FUCKING SITUATION TYPE DEAL YOU VAPID CUNTCICLE!!! I can’t fucking drink away the stupidity’s thrumming in my skull because I have to drive in less than an hour, and this huuuuurts soooooo baaaaaad) and all of a sudden she hears something fall and she felt this ‘hot, like weird feeleen go down my arms and I look’ and her IV came out and she was gushing blood. She’s stunned that everyone was calm and collected and didn’t give a shit. She was a sobbing stupid mess because OMG BLOOD WAAAAAH and they were like ‘this fucking stupid cunt.’
12:45 And this is what traumatized her. Her dropping her stupid IV stand and it tearing the needle out of her arm, because she GUSHED BLOOD EVERYWHERE. Like a pressurized blood fountain, she hosed down the corridor to hear her talk of it. Likely it just dribbled everywhere and she started sobbing like a fucking ninny. But noooo, she had anxiety and was traumatized and was SCAAAARED and thinks all of us would’ve been scared (except not) but it gave her PTSD!!! NOOOOOOOO!!!! Because with her cancer there was blood everywhere because of her, and because of her there was blood everywhere again.
Pardon me while I stare longingly at my liquor cabinet and dream of its tasty contents while she blathers on about more self-diagnosed conditions she definitely does not have.
13:20 She says when she does anything ‘labor, like walking’ because she’s a fatass it sucks and hurts. She says JFoNY,MGF:W went into the pharmacy to pick up her lidocaine patches.
Those are the wussiest things ever LMFAO OMG. Could PL like all billy hell, but I’ll just say that those are fun-fun normal day level pain relief for some of us, and she’s talking about feeling like she was going to fucking die and getting these fun-fun patches as a result. Dood.
13:55 Crying about her blood pressure being elevated because she’s in pain, stating that it’s normally ‘normal’ (to which I say ‘bullshit). More like she has high blood pressure and the nurse, faced with a blubbering hippopotamus about to make a dramatic scene, tried to placate her by stating that it’s because she’s in pain. Now I’ll say that elevated blood pressure because of pain is very much normal, but it shouldn’t be too far beyond normal (Normal is 120 (systolic)/80 (diastolic), pre-hypertensive is 120-139 or 80-89. Many people jump from normal to pre-hypertensive, because a pain-jump of 10-15 systolic is pretty typical from what I’ve experienced myself and been told by those people I know in the medical profession). At least going outside of normal isn’t typical for some of us. Specifically those of us who laugh at lidocaine patches.
14:00 148/88. That’s what she just gave us. Which is stage 1 hypertension (aka: high blood pressure). Press x to doubt that she’s normally less than 120/80. She’s likely typically pre-hypertensive at best.
14:08 ‘It’s a LITTLE elevated but they said that’s totally normal’ LOLOLOL Normal high-blood pressure confirmed. Thanks, AL.
14:14 Ah, more numbers. Pulse was 82 (so pretty fuckin’ high for resting), 97% O2 saturation (so no problems breathing and absorbing oxygen, aka: no COPD or pneumonia or anything). Then EKG, x-ray, blood draw, and everything was normal ‘and perfect’. So AL just wasted everyone’s time and medical resources, and won’t pay her bill yet again lolz
14:34 Wastes time by blathering about how the lighting’s weird and it’s because she’s trying to keep the sun out of her eyes. What the hell. Shaddup. Anyway, she wanted to update us on that because the lighting is weird on her chest. Because it looks red and splotchy and shit.
15:07 Making a new appointment with her doctor, because she still feels like shit. Says once her IV ‘fell out’ she said she didn’t want it back in so they didn’t bother. Finishes up by saying ‘it’s like queen shit, ya know. You just gotta go through things to be stronger.’ And closes at 15:40 with her placard stating ‘Thanks for watching’ with the kissy lips, which feels far less filthy than her making fat kissy-lips at us.
