Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[Grease trap]

Aside from the ramen noodle horror shows it's almost like he's trying to make a conscious effort to eat healthier sometimes. However, eating healthy isn't going to do much if you're constantly gorging yourself. Maybe if he stopped eating so much every day he wouldn't have to survive off ramen the last week of the month.

I have to disagree on the idea that he's trying to eat healthier. This is a man who made captain crunch and fruit ramen a few days ago. Even the relatively "appetizing" slop he creates is loaded with salt.

That's not to mention the horrific food hygiene he displays whenever he cooks with meat. Lucas has no concept of health or hygiene and it will literally be the death of him.

 

[An Sionnach Seang]

Who tf stuffs meat, inside meat?

there is such a thing as a three-bird roast (chicken or pheasant inside duck inside turkey) but it's leagues beyond this slop

 

[Jeep1971]

there is such a thing as a three-bird roast (chicken or pheasant inside duck inside turkey) but it's leagues beyond this slop

Oh I know I've seen Turduckin(sp?) but that's an expert level dish. Leagues above Lucas' culinary abilities.

 

[Gas Station Boner Pills]

He must be sitting around all day watching cooking shows. First he's bathing everything in extra virgin olive oil, now he's trying to garnish plates with artisan sauce designs like some Michelin star restaurant. Really Lucas, ketchup on steak? You're one of THOSE people? Every time I think he's hit rock bottom as a degenerate he finds a way to take it one step further.

 

[Trainwreck]

He's watching waaayyyyy to much Chopped.

 

[Amewsed]

He must be sitting around all day watching cooking shows. First he's bathing everything in extra virgin olive oil, now he's trying to garnish plates with artisan sauce designs like some Michelin star restaurant. Really Lucas, ketchup on steak? You're one of THOSE people? Every time I think he's hit rock bottom as a degenerate he finds a way to take it one step further.

View attachment 3748657

Ketchup on a steak is a new low.
Ultimate bumcel.

 

[Club Sandwich]

Ketchup on a steak is a new low.
Ultimate bumcel.

ketchup on steak is a normal thing for people that like the taste of a sauce for a typically cheaper cut of steak that's thoroughly cooked via broiling to keep some flavor and texture into the meat.

and Lucas can always find a way to go lower.

edit: i'm genuinely surprised i have to explain that when your last $2.50 is for bus fare to work the next day and you got your bottom round saved from freezer burn for free from your buddy that stocks shelves overnight, you can use the leftover salt/pepper and ketchup packets from McD's the last time you bought a large coffee to add some flavor to a "not so good" cut of beef. maybe i just have a weird outlook on it.

 

[Amewsed]

ketchup on steak is a normal thing for people that like the taste of a sauce for a typically cheaper cut of steak that's thoroughly cooked via broiling to keep some flavor and texture into the meat.

and Lucas can always find a way to go lower.

Pure sacrilege

 

[Stinkyboy]

Burned up on both sides, doused with ketchup and mustard lol

Nigger, buy hamburger meat

 

[Da Dude123]

We have been through this time and time again. He has made numerous board games and none of them have done well.


Edit: Now we are into some lunacy. Lucas is thinking about selling "Wern merchandise" like T-shirts and hoodies. What the hell? The delusion this guy has is off the charts. It is really something.

 

[WonderWino]

He must be sitting around all day watching cooking shows. First he's bathing everything in extra virgin olive oil, now he's trying to garnish plates with artisan sauce designs like some Michelin star restaurant. Really Lucas, ketchup on steak? You're one of THOSE people? Every time I think he's hit rock bottom as a degenerate he finds a way to take it one step further.

View attachment 3748657

The best part is he puts ketchup on his steak just like trump does. I wonder how angry he'd get at having it pointed out that he dumps ketchup on his steaks just like trump. Only difference is trump presumably understands food safety and doesn't give himself food poisoning. and doesn't try to cook it in toaster ovens covered in mayo, mustard and olive oil

He's watching waaayyyyy to much Chopped.

It shows how much of a food obsessed glutton he truly is. When he's not stuffing his face he's sitting around on his phone watching videos about food and fantasizing about stuffing his face

ketchup on steak is a normal thing for people that like the taste of a sauce for a typically cheaper cut of steak that's thoroughly cooked via broiling to keep some flavor and texture into the meat.

Thats what steak sauce is for, not shitty ketchup. For somebody who is as obsessed with steak as lucas you would think he would have something more to put on it. Its not like A1, HP and this stuff is too expensive https://www.amazon.ca/Keg-Steak-Seasoning-1-1/dp/B078FG5889

We have been through this time and time again. He has made numerous board games and none of them have done well

Indeed, but just like last time he tried to beg for money for a 'board game' this is him thinking he's being clever and lying about his reasons for wanting money. He wants that $100 to buy more food. He's had a taste of steak and he wants more

Edit: Now we are into some lunacy. Lucas is thinking about selling "Wern merchandise" like T-shirts and hoodies. What the hell? The delusion this guy has is off the charts. It is really something.

I'd say he's been watching some ethots and getting ideas from their merch stores. Problem is lucas isn't a 20 year old titty streamer so that isn't going to work for him. Hell it doesn't even work for them all that well. On the plus side he hasn't gotten any ideas about selling his used clothing, underwear or wern bathwater (to prove he actually bathes) just imagine the absolute degenerate that would pay for lucas to send him used underwear he's been wearing for weeks

That said I have to wonder what he would even do for a merch design. a shirt with a bunch of telomeres on it? one of his crazy attraction signs on a shirt? a picture of him combing his hair back with a chicken drumstick? Shirtless wern giving crazy eyes and a deranged smile? Deranged masked wern doing a black power antifa hand sign?

His tagline for the brand could be: hobo wear: for bumcels, by bumcels

and for an idiot who rants about how bad capitalism is this is sure capitalistic of him to start trying to sell merchandise. What would bernie say

 

[Twrx]

We have been through this time and time again. He has made numerous board games and none of them have done well.View attachment 3749024


Edit: Now we are into some lunacy. Lucas is thinking about selling "Wern merchandise" like T-shirts and hoodies. What the hell? The delusion this guy has is off the charts. It is really something.

He really is a low rent Chris Chan.

The best part is he puts ketchup on his steak just like trump does. I wonder how angry he'd get at having it pointed out that he dumps ketchup on his steaks just like trump. Only difference is trump presumably understands food safety and doesn't give himself food poisoning. and doesn't try to cook it in toaster ovens covered in mayo, mustard and olive oil


It shows how much of a food obsessed glutton he truly is. When he's not stuffing his face he's sitting around on his phone watching videos about food and fantasizing about stuffing his face


Thats what steak sauce is for, not shitty ketchup. For somebody who is as obsessed with steak as lucas you would think he would have something more to put on it. Its not like A1, HP and this stuff is too expensive https://www.amazon.ca/Keg-Steak-Seasoning-1-1/dp/B078FG5889


Indeed, but just like last time he tried to beg for money for a 'board game' this is him thinking he's being clever and lying about his reasons for wanting money. He wants that $100 to buy more food. He's had a taste of steak and he wants more


I'd say he's been watching some ethots and getting ideas from their merch stores. Problem is lucas isn't a 20 year old titty streamer so that isn't going to work for him. Hell it doesn't even work for them all that well. On the plus side he hasn't gotten any ideas about selling his used clothing, underwear or wern bathwater (to prove he actually bathes) just imagine the absolute degenerate that would pay for lucas to send him used underwear he's been wearing for weeks

That said I have to wonder what he would even do for a merch design. a shirt with a bunch of telomeres on it? one of his crazy attraction signs on a shirt? a picture of him combing his hair back with a chicken drumstick? Shirtless wern giving crazy eyes and a deranged smile? Deranged masked wern doing a black power antifa hand sign?

His tagline for the brand could be: hobo wear: for bumcels, by bumcels

and for an idiot who rants about how bad capitalism is this is sure capitalistic of him to start trying to sell merchandise. What would bernie say

Probably remove anything bad about capitalism from his vocabulary. Like Bernie and the word millionaire.

 

[Sprate Header]

He must be sitting around all day watching cooking shows. First he's bathing everything in extra virgin olive oil, now he's trying to garnish plates with artisan sauce designs like some Michelin star restaurant. Really Lucas, ketchup on steak? You're one of THOSE people? Every time I think he's hit rock bottom as a degenerate he finds a way to take it one step further.

View attachment 3748657

Fucking Christ @Spunt, I thought you were just taking the piss, but you were not wrong


Actually gonna puke, it gets worse the longer I look at it

 

[WonderWino]

If this had sliced cucumbers instead of pepperoni i'd have thought it was a wern recipe

 

[MuuMuu Bunnylips]

He must be sitting around all day watching cooking shows. First he's bathing everything in extra virgin olive oil, now he's trying to garnish plates with artisan sauce designs like some Michelin star restaurant. Really Lucas, ketchup on steak? You're one of THOSE people? Every time I think he's hit rock bottom as a degenerate he finds a way to take it one step further.

View attachment 3748657

Ketchup on a steak is a new low.
Ultimate bumcel.

ketchup on steak is a normal thing for people that like the taste of a sauce for a typically cheaper cut of steak that's thoroughly cooked via broiling to keep some flavor and texture into the meat.

and Lucas can always find a way to go lower.

edit: i'm genuinely surprised i have to explain that when your last $2.50 is for bus fare to work the next day and you got your bottom round saved from freezer burn for free from your buddy that stocks shelves overnight, you can use the leftover salt/pepper and ketchup packets from McD's the last time you bought a large coffee to add some flavor to a "not so good" cut of beef. maybe i just have a weird outlook on it.

Pure sacrilege

Degenerates like him belong on a cross.

 

[I'mma real anime gurl]

This is why Lucas is a horrorcow.

 

[Troonos]

ketchup on steak is a normal thing for people that like the taste of a sauce for a typically cheaper cut of steak that's thoroughly cooked via broiling to keep some flavor and texture into the meat.

and Lucas can always find a way to go lower.

edit: i'm genuinely surprised i have to explain that when your last $2.50 is for bus fare to work the next day and you got your bottom round saved from freezer burn for free from your buddy that stocks shelves overnight, you can use the leftover salt/pepper and ketchup packets from McD's the last time you bought a large coffee to add some flavor to a "not so good" cut of beef. maybe i just have a weird outlook on it.

If you're that poor, you should just kill yourself. Death is less awful than ketchup on steak.

 

[Stafford Beer Bong]

We have been through this time and time again. He has made numerous board games and none of them have done well.View attachment 3749024


Edit: Now we are into some lunacy. Lucas is thinking about selling "Wern merchandise" like T-shirts and hoodies. What the hell? The delusion this guy has is off the charts. It is really something.

This is the ‘conversation’ bumper sticker all over again. Only this time he doesn’t even have an idea to market.

He still wants to hold on to the idea that he is an internet celebrity and not a circus oddity everyone laughs at or reels in horror over.

He really is circling the drain of life at this point.

 

[BowlOfDick]

This is the ‘conversation’ bumper sticker all over again. Only this time he doesn’t even have an idea to market.

He still wants to hold on to the idea that he is an internet celebrity and not a circus oddity everyone laughs at or reels in horror over.

He really is circling the drain of life at this point.

Over time and through his vetting procedure for friendship on facebook, my assessment is that Wern now has a sufficient following of spergs to the point at which he will actually get some takers for the merch. This however is likely to be dropshipped/made to order and I doubt he’ll make more than a dollar’s profit per sale.

 

[WonderWino]

Over time and through his vetting procedure for friendship on facebook, my assessment is that Wern now has a sufficient following of spergs to the point at which he will actually get some takers for the merch. This however is likely to be dropshipped/made to order and I doubt he’ll make more than a dollar’s profit per sale.

Perhaps null should have some wern coins made - with lucas's bloated, bald gourd head on one side and either the elk kingdom, a plate of cheesy cukes or his fartbox on the other, and the words 'right now right now right now' stenciled along the edge of the coins. Perhaps with the phrase 'in bernie we trust' or 'its not in the cards' circling his portrait

If a bunch of those were sold it would make lucas furious, and of course he'd try to make his own version of the coins thinking he'd make a fortune off of them - probably using the game crafter site to make cardboard ones

As for his own merch, its unlikely he'd ever be able to figure out how to go about arranging it. After all he couldn't even fill basic paperwork out or find the registration page on his college website even with multiple people telling him where it was. and even if he could arrange it he doesn't have anything worth putting on any merch as a design, or sufficient money to pay to have someone else come up with something. Plus like you said even if he could somehow pull it off he wouldn't make anything off of it and would quickly drop the idea when it took all his money to do it and didn't instantly make him rich and famous