Disney General - The saddest fandom on Earth

[Optimus Prime]

Plus wasn't the whole point why Cobra Bubbles was there because he is a tough guy able to make hard decisions? He's not there to be nice and understanding, he's there to get results because regardless of anything else going on kids have basic needs that have to provided. He wasn't just random nobody but chosen for Lilo and Nani's case. He literally said "I am the one they call when things go wrong, and things have indeed gone wrong."

Yeah, the whole point of a total hardass like him showing up with the name Bubbles is supposed to underscore you do not fuck around and find out with this guy. Even Lilo understands this when she asks if he's killed anybody almost immediately when they first meet.

Especially since it's later revealed he's the reason the aliens declared Earth a sanctuary for the 'critically endangered' mosquito. Dude absolutely sold an exponentially more sophisticated civilization on total bullshit to keep Earth and its people out of the nonsense that space civilizations usually get into.

 

[Vyse Inglebard]

Plus wasn't the whole point why Cobra Bubbles was there because he is a tough guy able to make hard decisions? He's not there to be nice and understanding, he's there to get results because regardless of anything else going on kids have basic needs that have to provided. He wasn't just random nobody but chosen for Lilo and Nani's case. He literally said "I am the one they call when things go wrong, and things have indeed gone wrong."

Making tough but practical decisions?! In Current Year +7?! Perish the thought! Things must be made easy and safe for our pets - I mean - minority citizens, because otherwise we'd be bigots and on the wrong side of history, and we aren't, we're the good guys, see?! Now stop asking questions and consoom Product, plebian.

 

[naaaaiiiiillllll!!!]

If the 4chan spoilers are correct, Indy doesn't just die, he is literally erased from the Indian Jones timeline.

This is the first time I’m hearing of this 4chan Indy5 leak. Cautiously optimistic as the last few 4chan script leaks have been fairly accurate. Could you (re)post it here so we can marvel at the horror?

 

[Gorgar]

Alright, can we make rules for a drinking game for any modern Disney movie?
- Take a shot for any LGBT character

 

[Vyse Inglebard]

Alright, can we make rules for a drinking game for any modern Disney movie?
- Take a shot for any LGBT character

You'll barely feel tipsy - there are only like 1 or 2 in any given modern Ratdung movie. Which is the funniest part of all of this.

 

[Amber the Hedgehog]

You'll barely feel tipsy - there are only like 1 or 2 in any given modern Ratdung movie. Which is the funniest part of all of this.

Yeah. If you want a drinking game read the movie fluff pieces. Those get quite alot mileage out barely any action.

 

[a terminal posture]

This is the first time I’m hearing of this 4chan Indy5 leak. Cautiously optimistic as the last few 4chan script leaks have been fairly accurate. Could you (re)post it here so we can marvel at the horror?

Here you go:

Spoiler: Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny

>Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny
>Film takes place in 1969
>Mutt Williams dies in Vietnam, flashback war footage of Shia is shown
>Helena Brody, the granddaughter of Marcus Brody searches for an artifact
>The artifact is the Dial of Destiny, which can manipulate time
>The Dial can turn time forward and back, but only at important moments of destiny, not wherever you are using it
>Voller is an ex nazi who works for NASA, secretly wants the Dial to ensure the Nazis win WW2
>Helena convinces Indy to join her for one last quest
>Voller gets the artifact first but Indy and Helena arrive to fight him
>Mid fight, the dial is turned, shifting in and out of important time periods throughout history
>Donald Trump being sworn in, Roman soldiers attacking an army, Jesus Christ being crucified, Dinosaurs on the hunt, and a futuristic version of Earth are all shown in the sequence
>Voller eventually gets the time to go to 1936, Indy and Helena are transported with him
>In 1936, Young Indiana is about to swap out the golden idol, when he is suddenly tackled by the three of them
>Old Indiana grabs hold of the Dial and turns it to 1969, on the Apollo 11 rocket which is about to launch for the Moon
>Voller wins and escapes to an unknown date, Old and Young Indy have a chat, Helena rewards Young Indy with a kiss
>Voller finds his past self and explains the Dial, young Voller murders old Voller, 1969 now has nazi flags in every government
>Helena Old and Young Indy find the scientist who created the Dial, to craft a second
>The scientist reveals himself to be an older Voller, kills old Indy, and escapes to the past
>Helena chases Voller, with young Indy sacrificing himself to kill the both of them
>With no Indy, Helena knows to save the timeline of destiny she must walk the path of Indy to preserve the timeline
>Helena recreates Iconic moments that Indy was in during the original trilogy, however "INDIANA JONES WILL RETURN" appears just before credits

 

[Vyse Inglebard]

>Donald Trump being sworn in,

Oh nooooooo

>With no Indy, Helena knows to save the timeline of destiny she must walk the path of Indy to preserve the timeline

OH NOOOOOOOOOOO

 

[Optimus Prime]

Here you go:

Spoiler: Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny

>Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny
>Film takes place in 1969
>Mutt Williams dies in Vietnam, flashback war footage of Shia is shown
>Helena Brody, the granddaughter of Marcus Brody searches for an artifact
>The artifact is the Dial of Destiny, which can manipulate time
>The Dial can turn time forward and back, but only at important moments of destiny, not wherever you are using it
>Voller is an ex nazi who works for NASA, secretly wants the Dial to ensure the Nazis win WW2
>Helena convinces Indy to join her for one last quest
>Voller gets the artifact first but Indy and Helena arrive to fight him
>Mid fight, the dial is turned, shifting in and out of important time periods throughout history
>Donald Trump being sworn in, Roman soldiers attacking an army, Jesus Christ being crucified, Dinosaurs on the hunt, and a futuristic version of Earth are all shown in the sequence
>Voller eventually gets the time to go to 1936, Indy and Helena are transported with him
>In 1936, Young Indiana is about to swap out the golden idol, when he is suddenly tackled by the three of them
>Old Indiana grabs hold of the Dial and turns it to 1969, on the Apollo 11 rocket which is about to launch for the Moon
>Voller wins and escapes to an unknown date, Old and Young Indy have a chat, Helena rewards Young Indy with a kiss
>Voller finds his past self and explains the Dial, young Voller murders old Voller, 1969 now has nazi flags in every government
>Helena Old and Young Indy find the scientist who created the Dial, to craft a second
>The scientist reveals himself to be an older Voller, kills old Indy, and escapes to the past
>Helena chases Voller, with young Indy sacrificing himself to kill the both of them
>With no Indy, Helena knows to save the timeline of destiny she must walk the path of Indy to preserve the timeline
>Helena recreates Iconic moments that Indy was in during the original trilogy, however "INDIANA JONES WILL RETURN" appears just before credits

Man you could remove anything to do with Indiana Jones altogether and with a few plot tweaks, this sounds like the plot of a Wolfenstein game.

And the idea that 'INDIANA JONES WILL RETURN' is laughable given he literally dies TWICE in this film, though of course we all know the implication - if this rumor is true in any degree - that they're playing on the fact Indiana is a gender-neutral name. The mere fact her default name of 'Helena' is so similar can't be mere coincidence.

 

[naaaaiiiiillllll!!!]

“Indy” and “Brody” do rhyme and have the same syllable count, so I’m just imagining the scripts of the previous 4 films with “Brody” auto-tuned in everytime “Indy” is spoken.

Also, that story sounds like the Back to the Future ride Universal Studios used to have, down to the dinosaurs.

And the idea that 'INDIANA JONES WILL RETURN' is laughable given he literally dies TWICE in this film, though of course we all know the implication - if this rumor is true in any degree - that they're playing on the fact Indiana is a gender-neutral name. The mere fact her default name of 'Helena' is so similar can't be mere coincidence.

If it says “Indiana will return” and shows a happy fluffy husky dog, I MIGHT give it a pass, but even doggo can’t redeem this.

 

[Optimus Prime]

Also, that story sounds like the Back to the Future ride Universal Studios used to have, down to the dinosaurs.

It basically is the plot of Back to the Future II (which is also essentially the plot of the Universal Ride since it involved Old Biff stealing a DeLorean to change the past, again, and you go chasing after him across time) with the bad guy stealing something that allows the past version of himself to change history, this results in the bad guy 'dying', and then the protaganist(s) have to deal with the new future version of said villain.

The Dial in this case is just the DeLorean and the Sports Almanac combined into one McGuffn.

 

[naaaaiiiiillllll!!!]

It basically is the plot of Back to the Future II (which is also essentially the plot of the Universal Ride since it involved Old Biff stealing a DeLorean to change the past, again, and you go chasing after him across time) with the bad guy stealing something that allows the past version of himself to change history, this results in the bad guy 'dying', and then the protaganist(s) have to deal with the new future version of said villain.

The Dial in this case is just the DeLorean and the Sports Almanac combined into one McGuffn.

Indiana Jones and the DeLorean of Destiny is pretty damn funny. Some kind of Chris Chan-tier fanfiction. I guess we are living in da dimensional merge…

 

[The Nothingness]

Even though Shia's character was not well-received, having him die in Vietnam feels dirty.

 

[naaaaiiiiillllll!!!]

Even though Shia's character was not well-received, having him die in Vietnam feels dirty.

He dies with the 3D monkeys in the jungle trees. He lived through that in the 4th movie, so he was surprisingly chill with it.

 

[Optimus Prime]

Even though Shia's character was not well-received, having him die in Vietnam feels dirty.

Given how Indy 5 exists to just shit on Indy himself, they literally kill his son before the movie even begins. Probably to flat out eliminate Mutt as a possible candidate for becoming a 'young' Indy recasting replacement.

 

[ShitLurker]

They never fucking learn with the genderswaps... women don't want to be fucked by Indi with tits and men don't want to imagine themselves like indi with tits (and knowing how this usually goes, they won't be too keen to fuck her either). Suddenly nobody watches, everybody is a misoginist and any sequel is dead on arrival. Cue surprised Pikachus everywhere.

 

[Creep3r]

I barely saw any advertising for it tbh.

Most of the ads I've seen were just constant spam on youtube, the usual gay journo articles sucking off disney and a big ass billboard someone took a picture of on Twitter which has since been deleted.

https://mobile.twitter.com/qui_writes

All the ads in the world couldn't save this piece of fruity crap.

But didn't they spent like 100 million for promo?

What a wasteful use of budget and journo bribe-money.

 

[naaaaiiiiillllll!!!]

They never fucking learn with the genderswaps... women don't want to be fucked by Indi with tits and men don't want to imagine themselves like indi with tits (and knowing how this usually goes, they won't be too keen to fuck her either). Suddenly nobody watches, everybody is a misoginist and any sequel is dead on arrival. Cue surprised Pikachus everywhere.

The funniest part is that a gender-swapped Indy can work if done properly and I know this because we already did it. Laura Croft/Tomb Raider is basically a modern day Indy with boobs and guns. Why can’t we do something with that franchise?

 

[Optimus Prime]

The funniest part is that a gender-swapped Indy can work if done properly and I know this because we already did it. Laura Croft/Tomb Raider is basically a modern day Indy with boobs and guns. Why can’t we do something with that franchise?

Because Disney doesn't own that franchise and because it already has a female lead so obviously it's body shaming since Laura's supposed to look attractive.

Meanwhile, the bullshit with Indy 5 seems to be continuing KK's crusade to completely dismantle any franchise she can get her hands on and replace any major male character with a mary sue female replacement literally assuming their role. Rey did it by claiming to be the daughter Luke never had, taking on his last name and also getting the super special yellow beam saber and more importantly, being THE one who killed Palpatine for good (and rendering Darth Vader's betrayal of Palpatine ultimately pointless). Now Helena looks poised to do the same by literally taking Indy's place in time after being the one who more or less gets him killed TWICE.

 

[naaaaiiiiillllll!!!]

Because Disney doesn't own that franchise and because it already has a female lead so obviously it's body shaming since Laura's supposed to look attractive.

Meanwhile, the bullshit with Indy 5 seems to be continuing KK's crusade to completely dismantle any franchise she can get her hands on and replace any major male character with a mary sue female replacement literally assuming their role. Rey did it by claiming to be the daughter Luke never had, taking on his last name and also getting the super special yellow beam saber and more importantly, being THE one who killed Palpatine for good (and rendering Darth Vader's betrayal of Palpatine ultimately pointless). Now Helena looks poised to do the same by literally taking Indy's place in time after being the one who more or less gets him killed TWICE.

We need to start stealing female characters as retribution: Lars Croft instead of Lara Croft, Eli Ripley instead of Ellen Ripley, Daniel Scully instead of Dana Scully, Woo lan instead of Mulan, Brad instead of Belle (Beauty and the Beast), Major from Ghost in the Shell, and so on.