Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

[YouGuysAren'tThatSmart]

Forget Olly! It's Tessy time!!!
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Business Tessy
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Maybe she should educate her engorged brain on how her body is being destroyed from her inability to eat a healthy fucking meal.

The fucking narcisstic mentality with this twat, thinking she has any good advice to give, when she's on the verge of being bed bound.

 

[The Jackal]

Forget Olly! It's Tessy time!!!
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Business Tessy
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Jesus, imagine what kind of dead-end no-hoper would resort to asking Tess for advice on either modelling or business. She hasn't had a modelling gig in, what? A year? Two? Let alone a real job.

 

[Gramlol]

Forget Olly! It's Tessy time!!!
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Business Tessy
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'i suggest.. either going to business school, or taking business classes'
..Tess never finished high school in Mississippi. How would she even know how to apply for college let alone recommend it. Wtaf.

 

[Gay Mouth]

She should take her own advice. If, let’s say, Tess realized- “shit, running a business is hard!” And enrolled in a local community college to take some intro to business management classes, maybe she’d learn something! A few courses she might benefit from-

“Intro to cakefarting”
“Order fulfillment: send people the product they bought”
“Brand management: don’t name your business after a swear word”
“intro to PR- don’t be a racist and eye roll your critics”
“Professional relationship: don’t lie about your size”
“Multiple income streams: how to not lose the one simple flabletics sponsorship you have”

 

[NoReturn]

Muh anorexia.

Mischief piggy.


At least she only got four boxes.

 

[Constellationzero]

She should take her own advice. If, let’s say, Tess realized- “shit, running a business is hard!” And enrolled in a local community college to take some intro to business management classes, maybe she’d learn something! A few courses she might benefit from-

“Intro to cakefarting”
“Order fulfillment: send people the product they bought”
“Brand management: don’t name your business after a swear word”
“intro to PR- don’t be a racist and eye roll your critics”
“Professional relationship: don’t lie about your size”
“Multiple income streams: how to not lose the one simple flabletics sponsorship you have”

Advanced 300 to 600 level courses:

* Art of the Dry Cake Fart
* Moisture Gaging for panty farting
* ClownTown: When emojis won't do for clapbacks
* Putting Pants on: And remembering to keep them on.
* Covering Up in Mixed Company 301
* Introducing the "Special Friend" to Your Kids 600: When Dating lasts more than a MicDick's Run.

 

[Cheesegirl78]

I don't get why she's so excited over the Little Debbie cakes, most of that brand is utter shite.
Like eating a mouthful of Crisco coated in gritty powdered sugar.

 

[Simon]

I don't get why she's so excited over the Little Debbie cakes, most of that brand is utter shite.
Like eating a mouthful of Crisco coated in gritty powdered sugar.

I never understood deathfats in that regard. Like 99% have such shitty ass diets, and get huge on utter crap. These people aren't eating quality food, they're literally just eating tons and tons of garbage.

 

[Angry New Ager]

I don't get why she's so excited over the Little Debbie cakes, most of that brand is utter shite.
Like eating a mouthful of Crisco coated in gritty powdered sugar.

I suspect this is a sponsorship deal. She's never mentioned these things before, but all of a sudden she's mooing about how they're her favorite and she just can't get enough, and how she had to buy an awesome size 3X shirt to commemorate her love for them.

So yeah, I think she's getting paid to do this, because god damn, Little Debbie knows their audience.

I never understood deathfats in that regard. Like 99% have such shitty ass diets, and get huge on utter crap. These people aren't eating quality food, they're literally just eating tons and tons of garbage.

Just watch a deathfat eat. They shove in huge mouthfuls, barely chew them before swallowing, and go straight into the next bite.

There's a lot of shitty processed food that tastes good when you first put it in your mouth, but the more you chew it, the more aware you become of unpleasant textures (that Crisco/shortening texture you describe is one) and flavors that emerge from behind the initial blast of sugar, salt, and/or spices. Corn syrup has a telltale flavor that makes me think of sulfur, and cheap bakery items and snack cakes usually have weird metallic and bitter tastes that become noticeable if you actually bother to chew them.

Tess barely chews any of this shit. She doesn't linger over it, savoring it, because if she did she'd just get grossed out and never want to eat it again. Nah; she just shoves it into her gaping cakehole at top speed, and swallows each massive mouthful before it has any chance to reveal how shitty and gross and low-quality it is.

 

[My cravat doesn't flutter]

I suspect this is a sponsorship deal. She's never mentioned these things before, but all of a sudden she's mooing about how they're her favorite and she just can't get enough, and how she had to buy an awesome size 3X shirt to commemorate her love for them.

So yeah, I think she's getting paid to do this, because god damn, Little Debbie knows their audience.


Just watch a deathfat eat. They shove in huge mouthfuls, barely chew them before swallowing, and go straight into the next bite.

There's a lot of shitty processed food that tastes good when you first put it in your mouth, but the more you chew it, the more aware you become of unpleasant textures (that Crisco/shortening texture you describe is one) and flavors that emerge from behind the initial blast of sugar, salt, and/or spices. Corn syrup has a telltale flavor that makes me think of sulfur, and cheap bakery items and snack cakes usually have weird metallic and bitter tastes that become noticeable if you actually bother to chew them.

Tess barely chews any of this shit. She doesn't linger over it, savoring it, because if she did she'd just get grossed out and never want to eat it again. Nah; she just shoves it into her gaping cakehole at top speed, and swallows each massive mouthful before it has any chance to reveal how shitty and gross and low-quality it is.

Maybe this is a glimpse into the future of sponsorships for our superwaddle. She already makes money farting on cakes. Might as well get paid to shove 'em in the other end of her digestive tract.

 

[Gay Mouth]

I don't get why she's so excited over the Little Debbie cakes, most of that brand is utter shite.
Like eating a mouthful of Crisco coated in gritty powdered sugar.

I suspect this is a sponsorship deal. She's never mentioned these things before, but all of a sudden she's mooing about how they're her favorite and she just can't get enough, and how she had to buy an awesome size 3X shirt to commemorate her love for them.

So yeah, I think she's getting paid to do this, because god damn, Little Debbie knows their audience.


Just watch a deathfat eat. They shove in huge mouthfuls, barely chew them before swallowing, and go straight into the next bite.

There's a lot of shitty processed food that tastes good when you first put it in your mouth, but the more you chew it, the more aware you become of unpleasant textures (that Crisco/shortening texture you describe is one) and flavors that emerge from behind the initial blast of sugar, salt, and/or spices. Corn syrup has a telltale flavor that makes me think of sulfur, and cheap bakery items and snack cakes usually have weird metallic and bitter tastes that become noticeable if you actually bother to chew them.

Tess barely chews any of this shit. She doesn't linger over it, savoring it, because if she did she'd just get grossed out and never want to eat it again. Nah; she just shoves it into her gaping cakehole at top speed, and swallows each massive mouthful before it has any chance to reveal how shitty and gross and low-quality it is.

She showed 6 boxes in that tiktok. Google tells me there are 5 on a box. She bought 30, enough to gorge on every day for the month. Ain’t no way Bowie is touching Mama’s stash they clock at 220kcal a pop. 6,600 extra calories this month on top of what she eats to maintain 400+ pounds. Imagine throwing away what could be a healthy filling snack on that saccharine garbage, every day leading up to Christmas. No wonder she has adult acne.

 

[George Floyd Sneed]

She bought 30, enough to gorge on every day for the month. Ain’t no way Bowie is touching Mama’s stash

Ain’t no way Tess is eating just one either. She’s more likely to hoover all 30 of those treats in one day. At least she found a sponsor she legitimately looks like she’d consume versus that one time where she was shilling vegan açaí bowls. Much like how she has several tubs of Jeni’s ice cream in the freezer available, she’s also the type to keep several spare boxes on hand too.

Nah; she just shoves it into her gaping cakehole at top speed, and swallows each massive mouthful before it has any chance to reveal how shitty and gross and low-quality she is.

Fixed for accuracy

 

[Constellationzero]

I don't get why she's so excited over the Little Debbie cakes, most of that brand is utter shite.
Like eating a mouthful of Crisco coated in gritty powdered sugar.

Hope Hooves don't read here because I saw Little Debbie ice cream at Woodman's the other day.

 

[Cheesegirl78]

I suspect this is a sponsorship deal. She's never mentioned these things before, but all of a sudden she's mooing about how they're her favorite and she just can't get enough, and how she had to buy an awesome size 3X shirt to commemorate her love for them.

So yeah, I think she's getting paid to do this, because god damn, Little Debbie knows their audience.


Just watch a deathfat eat. They shove in huge mouthfuls, barely chew them before swallowing, and go straight into the next bite.

There's a lot of shitty processed food that tastes good when you first put it in your mouth, but the more you chew it, the more aware you become of unpleasant textures (that Crisco/shortening texture you describe is one) and flavors that emerge from behind the initial blast of sugar, salt, and/or spices. Corn syrup has a telltale flavor that makes me think of sulfur, and cheap bakery items and snack cakes usually have weird metallic and bitter tastes that become noticeable if you actually bother to chew them.

Tess barely chews any of this shit. She doesn't linger over it, savoring it, because if she did she'd just get grossed out and never want to eat it again. Nah; she just shoves it into her gaping cakehole at top speed, and swallows each massive mouthful before it has any chance to reveal how shitty and gross and low-quality it is.

Few years back, I bought some Twinkies and Ho-Hos for nostalgias' sake, and was surprised at how terrible and fake they tasted. Dry, chemical-tasting. The way the chocolate felt in my mouth was gross, like rancid, artificial chocolate mixed with Crisco.
I thought the box was expired, but it wasn't.
I'm old enough to remember when they were wrapped in foil instead of plastic, and they tasted so much better then.

 

[Simon]

Few years back, I bought some Twinkies and Ho-Hos for nostalgias' sake, and was surprised at how terrible and fake they tasted. Dry, chemical-tasting. The way the chocolate felt in my mouth was gross, like rancid, artificial chocolate mixed with Crisco.
I thought the box was expired, but it wasn't.
I'm old enough to remember when they were wrapped in foil instead of plastic, and they tasted so much better then.

I've recently noticed this about a few different junky type foods. Things just don't taste as good as they used to. Makes it even more insane that these fatties get this way on today's junk food.

 

[NoReturn]

I never understood deathfats in that regard. Like 99% have such shitty ass diets, and get huge on utter crap. These people aren't eating quality food, they're literally just eating tons and tons of garbage.

That's because it's all they can taste. Literally.
When you eat that much crap, and you get to be that size from eating said crap, your brain gets all fucked-up taste-wise. It's very much like a drug, where the first high feels great, but then you get to the point where you need the drug to feel normal and there is no high.
When this happens, these hyper-sweets foods end up tasting more like a muffin, and vegetables become unbearably bitter.

Few years back, I bought some Twinkies and Ho-Hos for nostalgias' sake, and was surprised at how terrible and fake they tasted. Dry, chemical-tasting. The way the chocolate felt in my mouth was gross, like rancid, artificial chocolate mixed with Crisco.
I thought the box was expired, but it wasn't.
I'm old enough to remember when they were wrapped in foil instead of plastic, and they tasted so much better then.

See above, but also the ingredients themselves have changed.

 

[Cheesegirl78]

That's because it's all they can taste. Literally.
When you eat that much crap, and you get to be that size from eating said crap, your brain gets all fucked-up taste-wise. It's very much like a drug, where the first high feels great, but then you get to the point where you need the drug to feel normal and there is no high.
When this happens, these hyper-sweets foods end up tasting more like a muffin, and vegetables become unbearably bitter.


See above, but also the ingredients themselves have changed.
View attachment 3984525

Yes, whatever the company uses now is awful.
I have a recipie for homemade Twinkies made in muffin pans, might have to make a batch for old time's sake.

 

[Blerg]

Could not help but notice Tess is not wearing that tacky ring she bought to “honor” her very bestest friend ever, Jolene’s sister Lizette, who was conveniently never mentioned until she was thoughtful enough to off herself and give Tess an avenue for free asspats. I think it had some ashes in it, or a lock of her hair? So meaningful!

I imagine that after unboxing it for attention, it was relegated to the back of Tess’s junk drawer with the rest of the gaudy costume jewelry.

 

[Gay Mouth]

Few years back, I bought some Twinkies and Ho-Hos for nostalgias' sake, and was surprised at how terrible and fake they tasted. Dry, chemical-tasting. The way the chocolate felt in my mouth was gross, like rancid, artificial chocolate mixed with Crisco.
I thought the box was expired, but it wasn't.
I'm old enough to remember when they were wrapped in foil instead of plastic, and they tasted so much better then.

Rancid and artificial is correct, and ON PURPOSE. Milton S Hershey put a heavy emphasis on fresh milk in his chocolate, but also wanted high shelf stability, which he achieved through SPOILING THE MILK. This is why American chocolate is so ass compared to European chocolate, with that hint of vomit to it. The sludge they make to coat snack cakes can’t even claim that prestige. It’s quite literally palm oil loaded with chocolate to make an oily glaze that is technically “chocolate coating”.

Stick to the home made twinkies, there is nothing you could do at home to saturate them with crap like the industry does.

 

[Gramlol]

Rancid and artificial is correct, and ON PURPOSE. Milton S Hershey put a heavy emphasis on fresh milk in his chocolate, but also wanted high shelf stability, which he achieved through SPOILING THE MILK. This is why American chocolate is so ass compared to European chocolate, with that hint of vomit to it. The sludge they make to coat snack cakes can’t even claim that prestige. It’s quite literally palm oil loaded with chocolate to make an oily glaze that is technically “chocolate coating”.

Stick to the home made twinkies, there is nothing you could do at home to saturate them with crap like the industry does.

It makes me wonder why there's such a big market for it, then- all these really gross foods do sell quite well.