Indiana Jones & the Dial of Destiny - Using time travel to literally retcon the series

[Pig Boss]

I don't even need the shadow.

Look at her body language, the entire pose is right out of every arrogant cuntbag character from the past decade.

That movie came out forty years ago, man, what?

 

[Honka Honka Burning Love]

That movie came out forty years ago, man, what?

I realized that after I saw more context.

However I still kind of think all the Jones women were kind of cunts.

 

[Rome's rightful successor]

I remember making a prediction on how the movie would begin a year or two ago. Let's see if I'm right....

I can already tell what the opening of this movie will be:
Indy finds a lost artifact in the jungles of south america and takes it back to him to a museum in either the US or UK.
Then suddenly Two strong and empowered Black women of color show up and put the old cis white man that is Indy in his place.
"You evil CIS White old Man stole more of dat sheit form dem vulnerable indigenous POC?"
Geriatric Indiana jones is awstruck but such great and empwering black women of color and he can't seem to come to his senses exept to say one of his classic lines
"That belongs in a museum"
"How dare you you ebil NAZI COLONIZER! Dis is not your world anymore to take sheit from our kind!"
Indy is is left demoralized and jaded and can only say
"I used to punch the nazis back in the day and now I'm not sure if I'm any better then them now"
the museum curator trys to cheer up old man Indy but both know the world they once knew has long since passed and a new current year world is here.
Throughout the movie many jokes will be played at Indy and the old curator expense as the two has to adjust the current social-political climate of the present day.
I can't wait till the third act where we have to deal with Nasa, paperclip nazis, and some Transformers 3 or moonraker tier space plot. Like what the leaks suggests

Well no

Didn't get anything right but Indy goes to space to find alien shit on the moon sounds like a lot better finale compared to what we're getting.
But at least this quote is still relevant;

seriously
No Spielberg, no Lucas
Director has a tantrum on twitter
Harrison Ford is 78 years old
Phoebe Waller-Bridge has her hands on the project
Kathleen Kenedy
The cast and crew as well as the only few story clues we have scream "we are going to put Indy in his place"
Who and I challenge anyone, who will want to watch this movie?

 

[Hazel Motes]

One thing which annoys me is that the 'dial of destiny' isn't a real myth or legend. All previous Jones' films (even the shitty Crystal Skull) bothered to have something from history, a wonder of the world. It added a religious depth to the series, it added to Indiana's character the way he reacted in reverence to the Ark or the Holy Grail. Only someone like Jones could find these relics which have alluded cultures and nations for centuries. He is not just a treasure hunter, but man on a spiritual journey. When he searches for the Holy Grail, the movie reaches to King Arthur, one of the most important stories in history, and without it seeming antiquated or forced. He is a part of a tradition without it consuming the film into stilted semantics.

Time travel is lame and lazy. Not to say it can't be good (Back to the Future, Terminator, Time Bandits, Midnight in Paris are four films which tackle the concept well in different ways), but this does not even touch on history. The screenwriters are still living in 2016, with Trump on the mind and Hitler in the shadow. WW2 still hasn't ended for them. Nazis are still the bad guys. Fascism is returning. The Nazi aspect in the Jones' films seems almost incidental, though on some level is a part of Spielberg's WW2's fetishism, but he knows his limits because he was a talented director. The era adds to the serial aspect and gives Jones fodder to fight. It raises the stakes. This film seems all about it.

Rather than searching for a piece of folklore or religious relic, they focus on a subject everyone in the West learns far too much about at primary school. The dial of destiny itself appeases everyone and interests no one. It is an atomisation from actual history as a way of avoiding offending any cultures- including their own- they don't understand. That, and who needs to bother with research?

The first three are more genuine time travel movies than this will be.

edit: Looking at the director, he produced Ford's last film, The Call of the Wild. Another film absolutely superficial compared to the source material. London's novel- a brilliant meditation on civilisation and barbarism- could be made into a great film, but it was turned into a sanitized copy to fit in with Current Year Morality.

 

[SteelPlatedHeart]

One thing which annoys me is that the 'dial of destiny' isn't a real myth or legend. All previous Jones' films (even the shitty Crystal Skull) bothered to have something from history, a wonder of the world. It added a religious depth to the series, it added to Indiana's character the way he reacted in reverence to the Ark or the Holy Grail. Only someone like Jones could find these relics which have alluded cultures and nations for centuries. He is not just a treasure hunter, but man on a spiritual journey. When he searches for the Holy Grail, the movie reaches to King Arthur, one of the most important stories in history, and without it seeming antiquated or forced. He is a part of a tradition without it consuming the film into stilted semantics.

Time travel is lame and lazy. Not to say it can't be good (Back to the Future, Terminator, Time Bandits, Midnight in Paris are four films which tackle the concept well in different ways), but this does not even touch on history. The screenwriters are still living in 2016, with Trump on the mind and Hitler in the shadow. WW2 still hasn't ended for them. Nazis are still the bad guys. Fascism is returning. The Nazi aspect in the Jones' films seems almost incidental, though on some level is a part of Spielberg's WW2's fetishism, but he knows his limits because he was a talented director. The era adds to the serial aspect and gives Jones fodder to fight. It raises the stakes. This film seems all about it.

Rather than searching for a piece of folklore or religious relic, they focus on a subject everyone in the West learns far too much about at primary school. The dial of destiny itself appeases everyone and interests no one. It is an atomisation from actual history as a way of avoiding offending any cultures- including their own- they don't understand. That, and who needs to bother with research?

The first three are more genuine time travel movies than this will be.

edit: Looking at the director, he produced Ford's last film, The Call of the Wild. Another film absolutely superficial compared to the source material. London's novel- a brilliant meditation on civilisation and barbarism- could be made into a great film, but it was turned into a sanitized copy to fit in with Current Year Morality.

Was “Call of the Wild” the one with the CGI dog mocapped by a guy with weird arm stilt things?

 

[Gig Bucking Fun]

At least Harrison Ford was probably paid in private jets filled with gold bars to reprise his role.

 

[ArthuriusMartyrius]

One thing which annoys me is that the 'dial of destiny' isn't a real myth or legend. All previous Jones' films (even the shitty Crystal Skull) bothered to have something from history, a wonder of the world. It added a religious depth to the series, it added to Indiana's character the way he reacted in reverence to the Ark or the Holy Grail. Only someone like Jones could find these relics which have alluded cultures and nations for centuries. He is not just a treasure hunter, but man on a spiritual journey. When he searches for the Holy Grail, the movie reaches to King Arthur, one of the most important stories in history, and without it seeming antiquated or forced. He is a part of a tradition without it consuming the film into stilted semantics.

Baffles me why they couldn't have just used the supposed Nazi time travel super-weapon concept, the Bell or whatever the fuck it was called. Sure it would be jumping into science-fiction territory instead of religious mysticism and based on what was apparently some random Pole's hoax but Kingdom of the Crystal Skull was also science-fiction-oriented and based on a 19th century German hoax.

 

[urr13 account]

couldn't they have at least cast an attractive woman? film is a visual medium, why choose ugliness? I think I'll pass on this one.

 

[Rome's rightful successor]

Baffles me why they couldn't have just used the supposed Nazi time travel super-weapon concept, the Bell or whatever the fuck it was called. Sure it would be jumping into science-fiction territory instead of religious mysticism and based on what was apparently some random Pole's hoax but Kingdom of the Crystal Skull was also science-fiction-oriented and based on a 19th century German hoax.

Indiana Jones getting involved with the Die Glocke mythos sounds like it could've made for an interesting premise. Like Indy used to compete against nazis for legendary ancient artifacts now Indy is searching for legendary nazi artifacts.

 

[5t3n0g0ph3r]

couldn't they have at least cast an attractive woman? film is a visual medium, why choose ugliness? I think I'll pass on this one.

I think you know the reason.
The frumpy HR candidates hate women who are more beautiful than them, so they must make sure fictional women aren't "objectified by the male gaze". As such, they make sure their target audience (themselves) have "proper representation" aka top-billing.

 

[Doctor of Autism]

Saw the trailer, the fucking music was atrocious.

As for the film itself I have no feelings on it. If it's actually good, then whatever. If it's bad, then I'll forget this ever happened.

Like I don't remember shit from the Crystal Skull unless I actively try to. There were only three Indy movies anyway.

 

[Safir]

It added a religious depth to the series, it added to Indiana's character the way he reacted in reverence to the Ark or the Holy Grail. Only someone like Jones could find these relics which have alluded cultures and nations for centuries. He is not just a treasure hunter, but man on a spiritual journey.

I have to disagree with this. An old dying man looking back on his life is spiritual enough. If you know of an existing artifact which exemplifies it perfectly, good; otherwise, a noname is a better pick, to not detract from Indy's story. And if I understand the leak correctly, the dial is of supernatural, divine origin, because (apparently) no one created it, it's self-created, godlike, maybe an aspect of God; thus "important moments of destiny". If those are objectively the "important moments" for the universe, the choice is laughably small-minded, but the important moment of destiny for Indy the character *is* his first movie; like the dial, the character is a creation from nothing.

Now the end result is an atrocity which didn't need to exist, but if I were a 75-year-old Spielberg who woke up one day and wanted to make one last Indy movie, looking back on one's life via time travel is not a bad idea to start with. (Certainly better than Another Story. Fuck Shimazaki.)

 

[Jet Fuel Johnny]

Well, they replaced Rocky with Creed. They turned Die Hard into a PG13 snorefest. Star Wars and Star Trek are gone. Lord of the Rangs is gone.

Guess last on the list is Indy.

"No, see, your old hero doesn't exist or sucks, so you have no choice but to like NEW HERO."

Fuck these people. The only thing I'd go to see is the bonfire they burn these fuckers on.

 

[DeadwastePrime]

honestly im surprised they didnt go full remake mode and then get idk chris pratt to play indy in it

 

[Norbert the Tiger]

This looks so terrible, so predictable, I doubt it is worth even torrenting. Sometimes I watch things I disdain, in order to be able to articulate why it is horrible and destructive. I doubt it is even worth it, it is all so paint by the numbers predictable.

I have to believe Disney and youtube are juking the thumbs down, and heavily manipulating comments, although that has been happening for a while. Thumbs down are 49k to 138k thumbs up when i watched the trailer, which has to be bogus.

 

[DeadwastePrime]

Thumbs down are 49k to 138k thumbs up when i watched the trailer, which has to be bogus.

its counting people with the extension. not everyone has it. also the chance of nostalgia goggles affecting people as that did work with the 4th movie we dont talk about

 

[TheHarbinger]

honestly im surprised they didnt go full remake mode and then get idk chris pratt to play indy in it

They essentially are looking for a reboot. Just with a female lead. They were very close to going forward with an all female Pirate of the Caribbean reboot but the lead actresses dropped out (Margot Robbie being one of them). They basically rebooted Star Wars with a female Jedi as the lead with Rey Skywalker. The latest Predator film had a female lead. The upcoming Aliens show has a female lead.

They are likely using this movie to see how bankable the female lead is an action star. And seeing if they can launch an Indiana Jones female series or trilogy or whatever off of her performance. There will probably be some lame scene where Indiana Jones passes his hat to her like passing the torch.

 

[tehpope]

They are likely using this movie to see how bankable the female lead is an action star. And seeing if they can launch an Indiana Jones female series or trilogy or whatever off of her performance. There will probably be some lame scene where Indiana Jones passes his hat to her like passing the torch.

No he takes a bullet in the past and dies. She then "has" to do all the cool shit he did in the other movies. Because destiny or whatever.

You could of done something cool like make her Mutt's wife or whatever. Have Mutt disappear on his own adventure and Indy and her have to find and resuce him. Then Indy dies saving his son. Recast Shia with someone else. But no, we gotta have time travel so the stronk female lead can erase all the memorable moments from the past movies and do it herself.

Fuck this gay earth.

 

[Adamska]

No he takes a bullet in the past and dies. She then "has" to do all the cool shit he did in the other movies. Because destiny or whatever.

You could of done something cool like make her Mutt's wife or whatever. Have Mutt disappear on his own adventure and Indy and her have to find and resuce him. Then Indy dies saving his son. Recast Shia with someone else. But no, we gotta have time travel so the stronk female lead can erase all the memorable moments from the past movies and do it herself.

Fuck this gay earth.

I was actually thinking of something a bit like this after staring in amused second hand embarrassment and horror at the absolute pile of shit they came up with.

First off, get a new actress; the bitch they have now killed Bond and is very unlikeable in the Brie Larson kind of way. Have new actress be Mutt's wife, maybe still be related to Brody. Mutt still dies in 'nam, but it's because he was killed during a mission to save a legendary artifact from planned napalm strikes at an old Funanese temple in the Ho Chi Minh trail. She finds out about it during an expedition in the Sudan or something, and essentially gets put on break and goes back to the states.

Indy became the Dean of Academics for his college and is a Professor Emeritus, having retired from active expeditions and classes just a few years ago after a hip accident in the Cloud Rainforests of Ecuador. He also is watching over his grandkid when He finds out about his son's fate. Indy properly retires to the home and only comes out when the new lady comes home. The two together resolve to finish what Mutt started, and to do so must contact his partner, which allows you to bring back Short Round. Indy in the film is now how Sean Connery was; a silver fox, but not the physical actor due to his age. It is Indy's last ride, as he and his daughter in law, and adoptive chinese son come to terms with Mutt's passing and try to recover the lost Funanese artifact and aid suffering villagers in the aftermath of the napalm bombings.

Indy dies saving them at the end from the villain also seeking the artifact, and the lady and Short Round both find closure in it, and place the monument in a museum. The film ends with a memorial to Indy being made and the new Dean speaking about his life.

Only problem is this gives Indy a dignified death and legacy and fuck that lol.

 

[TheGoodNamesHaveBeenTaken]

I

Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny is the end of Indiana Jones, and that's a good thing

Cole Smithey. June, 2023.

Last Friday I went to see the last Indiana Jones movie to get out of the system some family/personal issues, none of which is any of your business. I have always hated the scurrilous, toxic, hyper-masculine asshole to be quite honest and I had promised myself that I would give it a hard pass, but I eventually caved on on the promise of relishing in tepid, substandard narratives.

Yes, I know Indiana Jones is loved by lots of people, most of them aging, decrepit republican curs, dudebros of times gone by. From time to time someone reminds me of Indiana Jones notorious anti-fascism, in which case a sneer draws on my face. Anti-fascist you say? The guy really didn't care about the nazis at all, what he cared for, in fact, was for the ruthless expostulation of the global majority's cultural heritage.

He might not have been British but his antics, aesthetics and general ethos reeks of the British Empire, now transmorphed into the much prosaic, inane, crass Americana that is itself indebted of American Exceptionalism.

Now then, it was a pleasant surprise to see old, decrepit Harrison Ford, a quintessential example of American masculinity, on his last legs, barely alive but stubbornly so, much like the obnoxious rednecks I had the displeasure of being raised around, fade to make space to the oppressed, to the marginalized, and to the morally better.

He fades away not voluntarily, of course, because he's a white man. He's actually kind of surprised that he's being erased, and kicks and screams to the very end instead of gracefully accept his time is over. He dies, and with him does the toxic, obnoxious, criminal America he represented.

But fear not, since he is replaced by his beautiful goddaughter and her team of vibrant side characters, who will bring about a new America, more gentle, more considerate, more respectful and pacific. This new team shows us that you can live adventures, be entertaining, funny, courageous and glamorous without being an asshole.

Surely the quips at our old hero will hurt the fragile masculinity of the usual suspects, but for all the rest of us who value democracy and basic decency it is an absolute riot of comedy.

And in the end I found this movie reassures us that we should not fear the future, but embrace it, for the future is female, and the age of fascism is over.

It should be "but for all the rest of us who value OUR democracy and basic decency it is an absolute riot of comedy."

Democracy is dangerous becase people may choose and elect the wrong people. "Our democracy" aka "Our sacred democracy" is people only being allowed to chose from the correct candidates to vote for.


Otherwise spot on and funny.
Great post 10/10.
Would read again.