The Cole Smithey Thread

[Marvin]

In some ways I want to feel for bad for Cole because his mother sucks and he just seemed to want to know who his family was but then you see his videos and read his website and realize that he is a giant piece of shit.

Cole does have a shitty mother. But if he wanted to know who his father was, he'd have gotten a blood test. That's his failure, not Barb's.

For all Cole knows (and for all we know), Barb is absolutely telling the truth. Cole had a chance to check, but he didn't want to lose Barb as his boogeyman.

Does Cole have a real job? I don't imagine making worthless youtube videos that get double-digit view numbers pays the bills.

He's pretty much the house husband.

 

[CoFAGrigus]

If Cole is a lolcow, does that mean that being a lolcow is genetic, or is it a result of growing up with a hoarder

 

[AnOminous]

Cole does have a shitty mother. But if he wanted to know who his father was, he'd have gotten a blood test. That's his failure, not Barb's.

That's why I think he's full of shit. He knows he's full of shit and doing that would prove him wrong.

He has literally no reason whatsoever that he wasn't spawned from the same tard jizz as Chris.

 

[CoFAGrigus]

Cole's entire backstory (at least what he says it is) is fan fiction

 

[RomanesEuntDomus]

I think we need to start engineering the plan to pit Cole and Chris against each other and making them engage in a violent physical altercation at Barb's funeral.

Moonshots, folks.

I like to imagine that after Barb keels over, Cole has to drive to Branchland Court, collect his autistic brother and it suddenly starts to devolve into some insanely idiotic version of "Rain Man", where Cole and Chris go on a road trip in the ancient Z3.

 

[timtommy]

It would be sort of sad to be just as pathetic as Chris but so boring that you're not even interesting enough to troll because even your chimping out would be boring.

Meh. Cole isn't nearly as pathetic as Chris. He seems to have some normal relationships with friends and family. That's pretty decent. And most people are too boring to troll.

Aside from Chris, none of us would consider Cole. If he was put up for consideration somewhere on the farms, it would go nowhere. His reviews are not good, but they are not particularly bad in any way that is amusing.

Cole is of interest to Christorians for a couple reasons. He is an off-stage character, and there is always a possibility that he will drop in on Christory in some way. His motivations for doing that (or not doing it) are of interest to us. He also is a link to Barb, who is one of the most important characters in Christory.

Aside from that, the internet is full of bloggers who are no more or less interesting, sucessful, pathetic, or easy to laugh at than Cole. I suppose he is unuaual enough that if he was your neighbor, you might gossip about him. But this is the internet, we can do so much better.

 

[ObeseScreamingBlackMan]

He's pretty much the house husband.

He must be doing something. What woman from NYC is going to be willing to let some doughy, ugly hick sit around the apartment all day doing nothing that contributes to the household. If he is just a kept man, his wife is a bigger cow than Cole could ever potentially be.

I'd even be willing to buy that he works some shitty retail job or something.

I like to imagine that after Barb keels over, Cole has to drive to Branchland Court, collect his autistic brother and it suddenly starts to devolve into some insanely idiotic version of "Rain Man", where Cole and Chris go on a road trip in the ancient Z3.

They'd totally take Son-Chu.

 

[Marvin]

He must be doing something. What woman from NYC is going to be willing to let some doughy, ugly hick sit around the apartment all day doing nothing that contributes to the household. If he is just a kept man, his wife is a bigger cow than Cole is.

I'd even be willing to buy that he works some shitty retail job or something.



They'd totally take Son-Chu.

Well, he plays in a jazz band. They've got kids together. She seems to make good money. He has gotten his reviews printed in a few rags (in the middle of nowhere) before. And of course, there was the Toy Story thing.

I don't know, maybe that's enough scrape together a marriage?

Beats me.

 

[Handsome Pete]

Well, he plays in a jazz band. They've got kids together. She seems to make good money. He has gotten his reviews printed in a few rags (in the middle of nowhere) before. And of course, there was the Toy Story thing.

I don't know, maybe that's enough scrape together a marriage?

Beats me.

If they've got kids, Cole makes a lot more sense. He becomes a stay-at-home dad, instead of just a stay-at-home...guy.

 

[anephric]

If they've got kids, Cole makes a lot more sense. He becomes a stay-at-home dad, instead of just a stay-at-home...guy.

The term you may be looking for is "that guy on the couch".

 

[Jack Awful]

If they've got kids, Cole makes a lot more sense. He becomes a stay-at-home dad, instead of just a stay-at-home...guy.

Cole is living the life Chris has quite literally dreamed of.

 

[DragoonSierra]

Cole is living the life Chris has quite literally dreamed of.

I dunno kids are a handful but to be honest I think Chris would do ok taking care of his own. He may not be good at helping them with homework but he could do shit around the house. If you could spin it as a thing that most women do Chris could probably be convinced to do a good job.

 

[Jerkop In Training]

I dunno kids are a handful but to be honest I think Chris would do ok taking care of his own. He may not be good at helping them with homework but he could do shit around the house. If you could spin it as a thing that most women do Chris could probably be convinced to do a good job.

if they turn out like him or the rest of their extended family that's not a good sign

 

[Alec Benson Leary]

Meh. Cole isn't nearly as pathetic as Chris. He seems to have some normal relationships with friends and family. That's pretty decent. And most people are too boring to troll.

Aside from Chris, none of us would consider Cole. If he was put up for consideration somewhere on the farms, it would go nowhere. His reviews are not good, but they are not particularly bad in any way that is amusing.

Cole is of interest to Christorians for a couple reasons. He is an off-stage character, and there is always a possibility that he will drop in on Christory in some way. His motivations for doing that (or not doing it) are of interest to us. He also is a link to Barb, who is one of the most important characters in Christory.

Aside from that, the internet is full of bloggers who are no more or less interesting, sucessful, pathetic, or easy to laugh at than Cole. I suppose he is unuaual enough that if he was your neighbor, you might gossip about him. But this is the internet, we can do so much better.

This is one of the more reasonable posts about Cole I've seen.

 

[Jack Awful]

I dunno kids are a handful but to be honest I think Chris would do ok taking care of his own. He may not be good at helping them with homework but he could do shit around the house. If you could spin it as a thing that most women do Chris could probably be convinced to do a good job.

I mean he has literally had dreams about being a stay at home parent while his wife worked.

Plus, Chris would make an awful parent.
He can't even take care of his own health, what makes you think he'd be able to take care of a baby with no means of taking care of itself? Plus, Chris has no idea how biology works. He would probably try to breastfeed because that's what natural born women do. That child wouldn't stand a chance.

 

[Trilby]

I mean he has literally had dreams about being a stay at home parent while his wife worked.

I guess he coud kiss his white collar, Dilbert-ish office job goodbye if that happened.

Plus, Chris would make an awful parent.
He can't even take care of his own health, what makes you think he'd be able to take care of a baby with no means of taking care of itself? Plus, Chris has no idea how biology works. He would probably try to breastfeed because that's what natural born women do. That child wouldn't stand a chance.

I glad this may never happen at all.

 

[Jewelsmakerguy]

I mean he has literally had dreams about being a stay at home parent while his wife worked.

This always puzzled me. While house-husbands aren't uncommon, Chris's logic sounds utterly stupid. And forget trying to raise a family, he can barely even raise himself.

Meh. Cole isn't nearly as pathetic as Chris. He seems to have some normal relationships with friends and family. That's pretty decent. And most people are too boring to troll.

Aside from Chris, none of us would consider Cole. If he was put up for consideration somewhere on the farms, it would go nowhere. His reviews are not good, but they are not particularly bad in any way that is amusing.

Cole is of interest to Christorians for a couple reasons. He is an off-stage character, and there is always a possibility that he will drop in on Christory in some way. His motivations for doing that (or not doing it) are of interest to us. He also is a link to Barb, who is one of the most important characters in Christory.

Aside from that, the internet is full of bloggers who are no more or less interesting, sucessful, pathetic, or easy to laugh at than Cole. I suppose he is unuaual enough that if he was your neighbor, you might gossip about him. But this is the internet, we can do so much better.

True as that may be, that's kinda like saying one pile of cow dung is better than another one because it smells less terrible. And I honestly, can't see him raise a child either if it's going to turn out pretentious as Cole is.

 

[Mashed Potato Grenade]

I think we need to start engineering the plan to pit Cole and Chris against each other and making them engage in a violent physical altercation at Barb's funeral.

Finally, that's the perfect plot for my movie!

 

[The Great Chandler]

Is Cole aware of Bob being dead?

 

[RomanesEuntDomus]

Is Cole aware of Bob being dead?

I guess so. Chris at least tried to contact him so Cole would stop being such an ingrateful son and to finally take care of Barb so Chris could live free of her yoke and be a marvelous lesbian butterfly.