This shitshow went down over two years ago at this point but fuck it. (Ex) Boyfriend trooned out. I tried to make it work, it didn't, and now he goes around saying I'm a transphobe because I couldn't handle his abuse any longer.
Firstly, context. Let's call this person Sam. Me and him met in middle school and instantly became best friends. He had to move away eventually, but we still kept in touch. Six years after our first meeting, we start dating in senior year of high school and our relationship lasted roughly 5 years before I decided to break it off.
Sam is a shy and nerdy dude. He's a nice guy and he's hilarious when he's around people he's comfortable with, though he lets his interests get to his head, and we got along amazingly well through the duration of our friendship and majority of our relationship. The main issue with him was his family, arguably the thing that caused him to seek company in shady places online and eventually troon out. Redneck parents, very neglectful and low-key abusive. Sam would often have panic attacks for the smallest things and was scared of objecting to any authority figure thanks to them. When we eventually moved out together though, he was making strides towards recovery and was well on his way to becoming a more functional member of society. He didn't go to college but I convinced him to take a few online courses and he even got a job later down the line.
So what was the trigger? Well, Sam is a lonely person. He had me obviously, but I've always encouraged him to put himself out there and find new friends. Even before moving in with me he only had two friends he could trust, and he lost touch with them after that because of his poor social skills. I tried my best to help him with that, but eventually I gave in and recommended therapy to him. One thing led to another and he eventually started talking to some folks in an online therapy group thing. I don't quite remember the details of it but it really doesn't matter to the overall story. What does matter is that it's through this group that he meet this transgender MtF. Up until this point I had been fairly supportive of the transgender movement, even though I had started breaking away from the grooming right around that time, so I wasn't suspicious or anything. If they were friends and on cool terms, it wasn't my business and I especially didn't want to mess with his trauma by being a controlling partner.
God. What a fucking mistake that was. This MtF, who called themselves Victoria, essentially ropes Sam into the gender ideology by convincing him that all of his flaws could be fixed by chopping off his dick and putting on a wig. He's weak-willed, so he gives in. Two months after meeting this troon, he tells me he wants to be called the feminine equivalent of his name and that he wants to go on HRT and transition socially. The news shocked me, but I loved Sam and I wanted them to be happy. So I tried to be supportive. I really, really tried- looked up resource with him, went along to his appointments, helped him pick out outfits because he was a fucking mess with fashion. I wanted to be a good partner and he was the person I loved at the time, so even though I wasn't entirely comfortable I wanted to give the whole thing a shot. Worst case scenario we break up but stay friends. Right?
Well, no. Sam starts spending more and more time in these new genderspecial chats (the full extent of this is something I would find out much later) and hanging around these weirdos. He starts to change in new ways, he's more outspoken and makes a lot more self-deprecating jokes. It was kind of funny at first, until the jokes and his humor shifted towards making fun of cisgender women. You know. Real women with vaginas. The ones they wanted to be so bad. It keeps getting worse and worse, until his whole personality shifts to "Gender!" misogyny jokes. It was around this time I started getting uncomfortable, but my concerns were always swept under a rug or I'd be yelled at by him.
I eventually broke things off because I couldn't get along with him anymore and he reacted by hurling insults at me and hitting me. When I called the police on him, he tried to flip the whole thing around and say it was I who abused him but of course they didn't believe him. I kicked him out the very same night while he was in jail (he got out on bail two days later) and ever since then I've had to keep multiple locks on my door because this motherfucker still tries to come over every now and then to screech at me. I've kept tabs on him on social media and now he goes by "Luxuria" and identifies as a "transfeminine lesbian" and uses weird ass pronouns. I'm still recovering from being backstabbed by someone I loved and supported for over ten years of my life but I'M the transphobe for asking for basic human decency.
Fuck you, and fuck your shitty pronouns and fuck your groomer groupchats. You will never be a woman.
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