Plagued Nice Guys

[Bulk Bogan]

I don't think most Nice Guys have the brainpower necessary to be predators, Hanlon's Razor and all that. @SamTheEagle is right, they just have a big ol' case of Jesus Complex. The emotional abuse comes from the autism.

Of course, there are ones that know exactly what they're doing, but they normally label themselves with some pill or another, so.

 

[TowinKarz]

Also, so many of them go on and on about how they were "There" for that girl, they provided that "shoulder to cry on", but, I wonder, were they really THERE there for them? Or just happened to be in the room when she was venting her frustration and figured "close enough"?

The way the NG likes to talk himself up, I wonder how much support they REALLY gave when they boast about always being there for her... ?

 

[DrJonesHat]

Also, so many of them go on and on about how they were "There" for that girl, they provided that "shoulder to cry on", but, I wonder, were they really THERE there for them? Or just happened to be in the room when she was venting her frustration and figured "close enough"?

The way the NG likes to talk himself up, I wonder how much support they REALLY gave when they boast about always being there for her... ?

And was that support freely given, or with strings attached, as it seems to be?

 

[TowinKarz]

As someone smarter than me once astutely pointed out "Charity with conditions, is a bribe"

 

[Magnum Dong]

Also, so many of them go on and on about how they were "There" for that girl, they provided that "shoulder to cry on", but, I wonder, were they really THERE there for them? Or just happened to be in the room when she was venting her frustration and figured "close enough"?

The way the NG likes to talk himself up, I wonder how much support they REALLY gave when they boast about always being there for her... ?

I'm sure the support most of em have to offer is the "I wouldn't hurt you like [x] did, I can help you forget about your problems" variety. So, making a solid effort at least, but also making it about themselves and trying to turn the girl's pain into, like, a bonding exercise. (the bright side: it's rarely malicious, and mostly just really autistic)

 

[Jerkop In Training]

they don't seem to realize girls don't go for beta creeps who are all talk maybe they prefer those "assholes" because they're outgoing friendly and god forbid actually got their asses off the computer and did something with their lives

 

[Alec Benson Leary]

Damsel-in-distress/white knight fantasy, really. Dating a victim of cheating/abuse means you're rescuing her from a monster and then living happily ever after.

As someone who has been involved with a girl who had been seriously abused by previous partners, I can say that there ain't no rescuing going on in real life. A person has to want to get out of that cycle. This idiot fantasy that you can swoop in and just "make" a girl see reality is childish in the extreme.

I have a hypothesis that I'm not super confident in but here it is: I thought these guys that verbally abuse women online and such after five or more minutes of no response to their generous compliments were a vocal minority of the nice guy community. I think there is a large number of guys who have never actually experienced any of this "unfair" treatment from women because they have never even tried in the first place. They just fell in love with the victim narrative and adopted it to give their lives some false nobility, same as any extremist sjw. Because nice guys are too good for peasant things like hard work and the risk of rejection, right?

I say I'm not super confident because damn, look at all these personal anecdotes you ladies here are sharing! This was my belief because none of my irl female friends have ever told me a story like this, but maybe they're just lucky. Is it really this common??

 

[Rilakkuma]

I have a hypothesis that I'm not super confident in but here it is: I thought these guys that verbally abuse women online and such after five or more minutes of no response to their generous compliments were a vocal minority of the nice guy community. I think there is a large number of guys who have never actually experienced any of this "unfair" treatment from women because they have never even tried in the first place. They just fell in love with the victim narrative and adopted it to give their lives some false nobility, same as any extremist sjw.

I say I'm not super confident because damn, look at all these personal anecdotes you ladies here are sharing! This was my belief because none of my irl female friends have ever told me a story like this, but maybe they're just lucky. Is it really this common??

I've had to deal with a guy who was kind of like this and I'm pretty sure :autism: plays a large part in it. They don't quite understand the finer points of social interaction or why they're been seen as creepy and jump to the quickest thing to blame. Women are stupid dumb bimbos and it can't possibly be their fault.

 

[Alec Benson Leary]

but these guys seem more interested in the damsel rewarding them for their efforts, as opposed to genuinely helping a fellow human being through hard times. They want a fairy tale, not a relationship.

To further expound on this, there's something deeply ingrained in the nice-guy mentality about wanting a girl who is too grateful to leave you. I think it's gotta be very closely tied to the whole "I'm the only decent one left" thing - a fantasy girl who can't leave you because she's terrified of what horrors she might invite by being without you? Pure validation for the victimhood of nobility.

To put it more succinctly... it's textbook abuser bait. Abusers romanticize what they do because it justifies their insane extremism.

 

[butt in trouble]

As someone who has been involved with a girl who had been seriously abused by previous partners, I can say that there ain't no rescuing going on in real life. A person has to want to get out of that cycle. This idiot fantasy that you can swoop in and just "make" a girl see reality is childish in the extreme.

I've noticed that a lot of "nice guys" buy into the belief that women only date assholes because of studies that show most abused women stay with their abusers even after violent incidents. They fail to understand that abuse isn't so much about physically hurting someone as it is about controlling them psychologically. I once lurked the Loveshy forums (their actual forum, not the sub forum we have here)before it was closed off and one guy posted a link to an article talking about how a large percent of women don't report abuse. The consensus among the userbase of the forum was that it was "proof" that women are whores who ask for it. But they were all totally still nice guys!

 

[TowinKarz]

Broadly, the Nice Guy is too insecure to put himself, his REAL self out there, and hides behind a facade. When it's seen through as such, he turns angry, and goes after women for seeing through it.

In all my years of casually reading all the first-hand accounts from people who've known Nice Guys, been hit on by Nice Guys or been Nice Guys themselves, that's what it all seems to lead back to.

And, like anything else, you get the extreme crazies too, the ones who think women are out to kill all men in a grand conspiracy, unironically. But that's a tiny %, albeit loud.

Most are just frustrated, but lack the confidence and introspection to do anything about it. I'd be almost pitiable, if they weren't so darn nasty about it.

 

[AnOminous]

An actual nice guy is someone other people call a "nice guy."

The nice guys in this thread call themselves that. Nobody else does, though.

 

[Alec Benson Leary]

I've noticed that a lot of "nice guys" buy into the belief that women only date assholes because of studies that show most abused women stay with their abusers even after violent incidents. They fail to understand that abuse isn't so much about physically hurting someone as it is about controlling them psychologically.

And ever perplexing is why such stand-up guys should want to be with girls who are too stupid and worthless to deliberately choose anyone other than an abusive asshole in the first place.

 

[SamTheEagle]

My favorite are the Nice Guys who threaten people with their dark side. Pretty sure you revoke your "nice" status if you resort to using threats (you know, kind of like the "assholes" women apparently date exclusively).

 

[Alec Benson Leary]

My favorite are the Nice Guys who threaten people with their dark side. Pretty sure you revoke your "nice" status if you resort to using threats (you know, kind of like the "assholes" women apparently date exclusively).

I hope some day a nice guy threatens me with a picture of himself holding his katana. I'll respond with a picture of myself with my arm around a girl's shoulders.

 

[DatBepisTho]

Nice Guys tend to be abusers in sheep's clothing themselves.
They go after damaged goods, they offer all those nice guy things with insidious little strings attached. While they aren't outright threatening to kill the chick's pet or beating the shit out of her, they might as well with the game they're trying to play.

Friendzone seems to be an automated defense.

 

[Diana Moon Glampers]

My favorite are the Nice Guys who threaten people with their dark side. Pretty sure you revoke your "nice" status if you resort to using threats (you know, kind of like the "assholes" women apparently date exclusively).

Yeah, nothing says "nice" like a guy who wants to make sure you know he'll turn on you at the slightest provocation. A lot of women won't date a "nice guy" because they've already been there, done that. Amy Schumer has a sketch about this, "Hello M'Lady," about an app that will track these guys and give you a warning when they're "about to angrily turn on you."

Once you give one of them the time of day, you're suddenly just part of their fantasy. You're there to give them the validation they want, when they want it, exactly to the degree they want it. There's no level where you can back out with no hard feelings. If they want to go out with you and you don't want to go out, you're a bitch. If they want to marry you after knowing you 3 months because you're the first girl they had sex with and they don't want to lose you, you're a life-ruining cunt for rejecting them.

Abused girls are exactly the right target audience for these guys, because they don't even know they should challenge this kind of behavior. If you've been getting sexually assaulted or beaten by your parents on the regular, someone who only makes you center them at all times and emotionally manipulates you into revolving 100% of your life around them might seem like a relief...or at least something really hard for that person to call "abuse" when their standards have been so skewed.

 

[SamTheEagle]

"M'lady, you and I could be just like the Joker and Harley."

 

[Surtur]

"M'lady, you and I could be just like the Joker and Harley."

Edgy.

 

[MarineTrainedTard]

Y'know, your whole schtick as a "deeply misunderstood, sensitive intellectual" kinda falls flat when you can't spell "patience".