Online trans communities prime kids to expect rejection—even abuse and expulsion from the home—when they come out to their parents. These communities also encourage kids to interpret any hesitation—
anything less than immediate, enthusiastic acceptance of a child’s new trans identity—as rejection.
Secrecy is part of the lore of youth gender transition. Secrecy divides a young person’s social world into those who know and those who don’t. Thus, secrecy binds youth to their new “glitter families” and alienates real-world connections, including parents. Secrecy raises the stakes. Going behind parents’ backs is a common topic in online trans communities, with young people swapping tips on how to bind, pack, start testosterone, or even
undergo a double mastectomy while living at home without parental approval or awareness.
This is part of a larger pattern of
phobia indoctrination in online trans communities, where anyone who questions gender identity or transition risks being painted as a hate figure. Loved ones who express concerns or doubts are accused of “denying the existence of trans people”—or worse. This indoctrination pushes community members to cut out loved ones who challenge or contradict a young person’s new set of beliefs about gender. Even loved ones who simply fail to follow elaborate and often bizarre protocols around ‘deadnames’ and pre-transition memories risk being shut out.
At every turn, these communities sow suspicion and dissension between parents and children. In other words: don’t talk it out, do create distance. It's a classic cult tactic; those on the outside are unsafe and do not love you, only we can love you.