Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[Falcon Sebben]

So, its obvious that the cause of the latest heart attack / stroke was from his dietary habits and sedentary lifestyle, but what do you think the trigger was? As in, what was he doing when the health event?

A rise in blood pressure from stress/anger, be it from yelling at Hope, arguing with someone online, or similar?

Grunting and struggling with a massive constipation meat turd?

Taxing out his body while attemping to unhinge his jaw to fit in an entire burger?

Please add your speculations!

Well let's throw a dart at the board of excuses ... (*throws dart*)... Liberals.

Actually in his case I think that works.

 

[Mista House]

So, its obvious that the cause of the latest heart attack / stroke was from his dietary habits and sedentary lifestyle, but what do you think the trigger was? As in, what was he doing when the health event?

A rise in blood pressure from stress/anger, be it from yelling at Hope, arguing with someone online, or similar?

Grunting and struggling with a massive constipation meat turd?

Taxing out his body while attemping to unhinge his jaw to fit in an entire burger?

Please add your speculations!

Tard rage that Davonkus missed a TD in the hand egg match

 

[Pig Cups]

jack isn't dead, he's doing good expect an update soon
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Now, this could very well be bullshit designed to throw us off…

But gentlemen, my honest reaction to this (considering that it might indicate that this thread could be getting a stay of execution) was “YEEEAAAHHH!!! THANK CHRIST!! DONT YOU FUCKING DIE ON US, JACK!! FIGHT LIKE A GODDAMNED WARRIOR!! YOU'VE FUCKING GOT THIS!! I LOVE YOU, JACK!! STAY THE FUCK WITH US SO THE MILK CAN FLOOOWWW!!!

So if the Scalfanis et al think that I’m a fucking asshole? No, I’m fucking elated that Jack might be okay. I hope he pulls through and more. From a research (and comedic) point of view, Jack is our most prized asset.

New video from Cooking With Jack

Oh, @Adamska? How’s about blessing us with one of your trademark necropsies? C’mon, it may be the last one!

 

[Sneedmiser]

I was just watching Deadwingdork's video where he made the Party Cheese Salad last night. He cooked up the Party Cheese Salad and reviewed it, but he completely fucked up the recipe. Feels like he never gave it a decent shot since he didn't use the right ingredients and fucking boiled everything instead of simmering the ingredients like the recipe calls for. I mean, it still probably would have tasted awful, but I don't feel like it's asking much to apply at least the same amount of culinary rigor as Jack-fucking-Scalfani if you're going to dunk on his demented Aunt Myrna's recipe.

I know the Party Cheese Salad is from one of the aspic/gelatin booms but I feel like even if you did it right it would be worse than the ones that with steamed chicken and boiled eggs in them.

 

[GunnlaugurSassoon]

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Holy shit...

Sorry I'm so out of touch on this one, I haven't checked in in a while. Is this Jack Jr.'s instagram? When'd he cut ties with Jack? Last I remember they hadn't cut contact, even with Jack's bragging retelling of the time he beat him up. Unless I'm completely forgetting that he had.

 

[Fascist Frederick]

Honestly the worst thing about August's videos is that he never bothered to cover Jack on the go where Jack shows off how much of an entitled jackass he really is

Exactly this, if it weren't for the videos of him in public I wouldn't wish death upon him, just like I don't wish death upon Kay. However there is a video of Jack at an amusement park, I forget if it was Disney or somewhere else, where he was parked in his scooter directly in the way of everyone else, and Tammy mentioned that he should move, and Jack snaps back: "THEY CAN GO AROUND ME". This video pushed me over the edge into Mad at the Internet territory. Fuck this fat fuck, I hope he doesn't go out peacefully.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

Oh, @Adamska? How’s about blessing us with one of your trademark necropsies? C’mon, it may be the last one!

Well that was horrifying. But part of me is thankful it wasn't the Indian style of butter chicken because that stuff is really good and seeing him butcher that recipe would hurt.

Exactly this, if it weren't for the videos of him in public I wouldn't wish death upon him, just like I don't wish death upon Kay. However there is a video of Jack at an amusement park, I forget if it was Disney or somewhere else, where he was parked in his scooter directly in the way of everyone else, and Tammy mentioned that he should move, and Jack snaps back: "THEY CAN GO AROUND ME". This video pushed me over the edge into Mad at the Internet territory. Fuck this fat fuck, I hope he doesn't go out peacefully.

I honestly don't want him dead. He's too funny in that he thinks he's doing a great job and the only thing he can say about a place's food is "it's gud". And then gets pissy because they wouldn't let him film and he takes it as a personal affront.

 

[For The Internet]

Poor DSP. he must be really cut up over his dad potentially lying on his deathbed.

I feel like if he's made it this far he has a good chance of recovery, as long as he didn't suffer any kind of anoxic brain injury. I had no idea he'd even had a first heart attack. If this is all accurate he's had two heart attacks and three strokes due to feeding the wendigo. That's some intense devotion to meat.

I don't wish death on cows but I have basically zero sympathy. Not even because it's self-inflicted, but because he's just such a horrible human being. He's so nasty to everyone around him. However, I wish for him to go on serving raw chicken for many years to come, if only so scientists can study the particular strain of salmonella he's been culturing for a decade and the family's immunity to it.

 

[TrainWreckSpotter]

I can totally see him coming back in a wheelchair with an oxygen tank and still cooking/eating the same way. Tammy will just have to step up her game and do more.

 

[ZipDisk]

Flanders is fucking trolling us at this point.

None of you have even considered that Jack will never experience the Lunch Gun.

Patton Oswalt - KFC Famous Bowls

From the Patton Oswalt comedy album, Werewolves and Lollipops (released on Sub Pop Records, 07/10/07) Sub Pop Mega Mart https://megamart.subpop.com/releases/...

www.youtube.com

I always thought Jack would be buried in his NuWave Pro shirt, but I honestly don't think he would fit in it anymore.

Junior will definitely use the death for church clout, until he is found out for what he is.

Chris Farley's death was a tragedy, Jack's isn't even straight to video.

Re: Second heart attack. I wouldn't be surprised if Jack asked his family not to disclose a former infarction. The strokes were obvious, and on display, but it would be just like his ass to pretend he hadn't had a heart attack.


Rob recently posted a video that was a coffee showcase.

That's insanely on point. Rob, Prophet of Jak

One thing I like about Rob's videos is how gentle the trolling is. His channel can continue without a hiccup.

 

[Harlow]

Just noticed the tags on his newest video. Absolutly phenominal seo work.

 

[dickchug]

Exactly this, if it weren't for the videos of him in public I wouldn't wish death upon him, just like I don't wish death upon Kay. However there is a video of Jack at an amusement park, I forget if it was Disney or somewhere else, where he was parked in his scooter directly in the way of everyone else, and Tammy mentioned that he should move, and Jack snaps back: "THEY CAN GO AROUND ME". This video pushed me over the edge into Mad at the Internet territory. Fuck this fat fuck, I hope he doesn't go out peacefully.

Then there's that JotG video where he and Jack Jr. steal chicken by lying to the person working the drive-thru. He's a total shitbag.

 

[AnOminous]

I'll drink plastic jug handle vodka before an IPA. That shit is just nasty bongwater leftovers.

I actually like IPAs, but they're nothing for chili. It's an insult to chili to put IPA in it ever. Even a shot of tequila makes more sense as a chili ingredient.

I wouldn't wish death upon him

I would and I'm doing it right now too because I'm just that much of a bastard.

 

[Agamemnon Busmalis]

I actually like IPAs, but they're nothing for chili. It's an insult to chili to put IPA in it ever. Even a shot of tequila makes more sense as a chili ingredient.

I really don't know how adding bitter hops improves a chili.

That being said, in honor of Jack's impending death I watched "Church Chili" again due to its infamous use of an IPA in the recipe. Even the murderchurch didn't want what Jack was cooking, although using ancient frozen brisket probably didn't help.

 

[Pig Cups]

I can totally see him coming back in a wheelchair with an oxygen tank and still cooking/eating the same way. Tammy will just have to step up her game and do more.

Oh god, just picture it…

JOTG where (at best) he’s wearing an oxygen cannula and wheezing. And he’s sitting in an electric wheelchair with a seat that reeks of prune and banana shits, but you know it’s not prune and banana because he never eats either.

Flanders is fucking trolling us at this point.

It would honestly be a pretty clean troll for her. She gets to do some Christian posturing in front of her church friends (soliciting prayers, if she truly values it), while throwing out bait and enjoying the novelty of watching it float over here within hours. I’d be looking for something to do as well, sitting there in the family waiting room.

Subtle. Milanowski-esque, even…

 

[Kermit Jizz]

I really don't know how adding bitter hops improves a chili.

IPAs don't have to be bitter hop bombs, they just have that reputation because a lot of breweries make them that way. There are lot's of variations to IPAs that aren't like that. Hazy IPAs are really gud and aren't more bitter than any other medium body beer.

I wouldn't put them in a chili still.

 

[Coom Cruiser]

I get in from work and see the August the Duck vid. Check the farms and caught up with this thread.

Clearly I was

Spoiler

and retarded.

I legitimately will be gutted if this is what takes Jack out, especially with the timing. His name was seeming being covered by more Youtubers recently and reaching a more mainstream audience. I was looking forward to seeing if the eyes and influx of even more critics would cause his sodium levels to overflow.

Might even be what triggered this jolly to the ICU

 

[MerriedxReldnahc]

If Jack dies, I will consume an entire shot glass of mayonnaise in his honor

 

[Agamemnon Busmalis]

IPAs don't have to be bitter hop bombs, they just have that reputation because a lot of breweries make them that way. There are lot's of variations to IPAs that aren't like that. Hazy IPAs are really gud and aren't more bitter than any other medium body beer.

I wouldn't put them in a chili still.

Agreed, Voodoo Ranger is a really interesting IPA that I like a lot.

 

[NoodleFucker3000]

I was just watching Deadwingdork's video where he made the Party Cheese Salad last night. He cooked up the Party Cheese Salad and reviewed it, but he completely fucked up the recipe. Feels like he never gave it a decent shot since he didn't use the right ingredients and fucking boiled everything instead of simmering the ingredients like the recipe calls for. I mean, it still probably would have tasted awful, but I don't feel like it's asking much to apply at least the same amount of culinary rigor as Jack-fucking-Scalfani if you're going to dunk on his demented Aunt Myrna's recipe.

To be fair, Deadwing has the most accurate re-do of Jack's Cooking because, just like Jack, he only has one arm that works.