Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

When will Jack drop dead?

  • February-March 2024

    Votes: 6 0.4%

  • April-May 2024

    Votes: 6 0.4%

  • June-July 2024

    Votes: 18 1.3%

  • August-September 2024

    Votes: 34 2.4%

  • October-November 2024

    Votes: 37 2.7%

  • December 2024

    Votes: 44 3.2%

  • Sometime in 2025

    Votes: 258 18.5%

  • Sometime in 2026

    Votes: 197 14.2%

  • Jack lives forever. The Wendigo Must Consoom

    Votes: 792 56.9%
  • Total voters
    1,392
smug comporon said:
Is Jack dying the final straw for Junior trooning out?
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Jr is quite happy being a gay man, he's that desired to be alpha fag, so he loves 10 year old boys because his dick is bigger, even though he's the bottom in sleep away pray the gay away camp.

He followed in his homosexual fathers footsteps, marrying a girl (who got fat) to beard for him and his lust for men. While doing everything and bible bashing her any time she said no to buying him hot wings on her hard earned money while he sits around watching cartoons.
 
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captkrisma said:
Powerlevel for the sake of answering this question:

You don't have hours to survive a cardiac arrest. You have roughly 10-15 minutes and that's in the best of cases.

Had a co-worker of mine who was the complete antithesis of Jack. Hated most meat dishes, sodas, and video games. Dude lived clean as fuck and made me feel like shit for drinking a goddamn Monster every now and then. Not going to get into tons of details but he had cardiac arrest during a PT test. In the 15 minutes that it took to get an ambulance to him and to the hospital he had lost a majority of his brain functions and would have been in a vegetative state for the rest of his life. They kept him going on an ECHO for about a day, and that's when his blood pressure slipped and he was past the point of no return.

Now take a man like Jack, who willingly ignored Dr's advice for years, and ask how many minutes did his actions shave away?

Edit: medical terminology. People commonly mistake heart attacks for full blown cardiac arrest.
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On the otherhand Fabrice Muamba had an heart attack during a football match and his heart had stopped for 78 minutes and they brought him back to life.
 
MerriedxReldnahc said:
If Jack dies, I will consume an entire shot glass of mayonnaise in his honor
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Can I get in on this? I'll take a shot of Bacon Up.

feral cat #6385 said:
It would be funny if there was a mix up at the hospital and jack ended up getting bottom surgery.
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I mean, between the obesity, diabetes, the multiple cardiovascular events, I would bet all my money that he can't even get it up, so it's not like he's using it anyways.
 
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I hope Jack doesn't die. He's been one of my favourite lolcows on and off over the years. He is, in my opinion, the best kind of lolcow. He's a moron who keeps on pumping out content so there's always something fresh. He can't learn from his mistakes, so there's little themes and in-jokes that can develop. He's got an ego, so it's more fun to mock him. He's harmless. Apart from his immediate family and unlucky fast food workers, Jack isn't a threat to anyone. He's not trying to change the law, or mutilate kids, or abuse animals. He's just a really bad cook and an obnoxious jerk.

Good luck, Jack. You've brought more laughter to the world than you'll ever know.
 
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Mr. Awesome Man said:
How the hell does a guy who eats so much mayonnaise and undercooked meat manage to survive so many heart attacks?
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Better living through chemistry. His cocktail of drugs that he probably takes to keep all his health problems in check, which is probably the only sort of medical intervention he believes in since it doesn't take much additional effort for him, does a lot of the heavy lifting.

And not to mention, all the preservatives in the crap that he eats. I doubt they would even need to embalm him if he croaks.
 
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Jagoff will probably not die since he’s held together by the spirit of the Wendigo. I want to see him as a decrepit husk of a human being continue to run the channel.

I wonder if Mommywife is elated that she might possibly, and finally, cash out on his life insurance if this fat fuck finally croaks.
 
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Dear Jack,

You are the only reason i know about this site, so fuck you for that first.
You had to turn off comments to your youtube videos, so i started to google your name thats how i ended up here.
The only reason you had success in the beginning of your youtube "career" was because people were able to make fun of your shity cooking and stupidity in the comment section of youtube.

Still don't hope that you die, the smoker/bbq-grill manufacturers are going to lose their best customer.
 
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desu91 said:
Jagoff will probably not die since he’s held together by the spirit of the Wendigo. I want to see him as a decrepit husk of a human being continue to run the channel.

I wonder if Mommywife is elated that she might possibly, and finally, cash out on his life insurance if this fat fuck finally croaks.
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It would be pretty funny if she did, but she gets denied the payout once the life insurance companies find Jack's YouTube channel.

The auditor in charge of Jack's policy find his cache of JOTG and CWJ videos of him eating like shit (as well as potentially toxic meals he's cooked for himself), even after his health issues. They view negligence on the side of both parties and end up telling Tammy to kick rocks as they deny his policy payout.

I honestly couldn't think of a more fitting end than this.
 
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ZipDisk said:
The part that bugs me about the fuckers who credit Jesus with their recovery instead of the insanely dedicated medical staff is that they're flat out wrong.

GOD tried to strike them down. It's the doctors who brought their ungrateful fat asses back.
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Im Christian and it bug the fuck out of me too and to be honest, its against scripture.

Romans 12:6
However, he often chooses to use his people when he shows his kindness. So, God works in and through his people. That is like a master who directs his servants in their work.

You can 100% acknowledge the works of God by recognizing the talants of those who are actively doing the earthly "miracles"
 
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I bet he was having a shit when the heart gave up.
These kinda fatties always die when they are shitting right? Its the ONLY thing they do that is the least bit straining, the ONLY time they tighten their muscles. And since all they do is eat....there are some SERIOUS big shit turds that has to be squeezed out.

I bet he fell down while he was shitting. The big question is...did he manage to squeeze it out completely or is it still hanging halfway out right now?
 
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