Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[Smug]

It's a sign Jack. You still have one more recipe to make, one more protein to serve long before it's overcooked, one more redefinition of what a salad can be. Go forth and with a majestic flourish of your arm, bring your culinary magic to the masses once again!

 

[luigismanslave]

He’s alive.

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how can this fat fuck keep bouncing back every time

 

[Crankenstein]

Jack the tank
that butter chicken didn't get the last laugh

Jack told me to reply to you.

"What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Aunt Myrna's Culinary Academy, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on the pantry, and I have over 300 confirmed meals. I am trained in gorilla storefare and I'm the top mixer in the entire US Mixology Corps. You are nothing to me but just another Jello Shooter. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of Jack Juniors across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can eat anywhere, anytime, and I can smack you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hams. Not only am I extensively trained in one armed combat, but I have access to the entire kitchen of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to fry your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking fried, kiddo."

 

[Rei is Shit.]

Hope he does a video review of the hospital food.

 

[Agamemnon Busmalis]

WENDIGO INVICTUS.

That's most definitely what is up.

 

[Sniperwoof]

Our boi fuckin lives.

Praise Jeebus and pass the heavy whipping cream.

 

[That Damned Tiger]

Our boi fuckin lives.

Praise Jeebus and pass the heavy whipping cream.

Amen!

 

[Sniperwoof]

Amen!

Preach brother!

 

[Massacre]

He's more lard than man now, God bless America

 

[Burd Turglar]

I wonder which limb will never work again after this one?

 

[AnOminous]

Wow, this thread is disgusting with everyone preemptively pissing on Jack’s grave.

I really needed to take a piss, though, man. My teeth were swimming.

 

[Philipp Amthor]

DSP has not yet survived another one.

 

[Sigmund Freud]

Never doubted for a moment that Jack would survive. If there's one thing morbidly obese amerilards are good at, it's somehow continuing to live despite their shitty health and diet.

 

[Cat Stew]

fuck me, was all the shitty food he ate intended to train his body to adapt to dangerous health crisis?

 

[eDove]

That's a terrible way to go (albeit a predictable one for him) so I'm glad he's still kicking.

I have a chain-smoking uncle who survived 2-3 heart attacks and prostate cancer (with conplications), and kept smoking despite it being the fuel for both of those things. He's still alive and thriving. Dude's a cockroach. Because of him, I learned that multiple heart attacks aren't a death sentence.

 

[TheGrandDragonJesus]

fuck me, was all the shitty food he ate intended to train his body to adapt to dangerous health crisis?

So what you're saying is, he's indestructible?

 

[BiggerChungus]

Glad he pulled through.

 

[Jingle Bangle]

Get fucked "other health issue" fags.
Jack is eternal. [OBJ][OBJ][OBJ]

 

[feral cat #6385]

He’s alive.

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He didn't write this. [OBJ][OBJ][OBJ]

The new cooking with jack videos will have "Jack" wearing a covid mask, sunglasses, puffy jacket, will be using both arms and will have a darker complexion.

 

[Random Internet Person]

“Jack Scalfani. A man who has made it the top of the YouTube cooking sphere on the back of some of the most unholy creations the platform has ever seen or will see.”

Considering that nothing resembling change will result from this little hospital stay, I have to wonder what’s going to finally take him out, or if he’s going to just make it to old age (which would really spite his haters). But he’s still had some lasting consequences with that always limp right arm.