Patrick Sean Tomlinson / @stealthygeek / "Torque Wheeler" / @RealAutomanic / Kempesh / Padawan v2.5 - "Conservative" sci-fi author with TDS, armed "drunk with anger management issues" and terminated parental rights, actual tough guy, obese, paid Quasi, paid thousands to be repeatedly unbanned from Twitter

[I Just Can't Do It :(]

Hit the nail on the head mate, if I could give you a "like" "winner" and "drink" for this one I would. Also, what is your first language? Your English prose is amazing, spelling aside you sound like a native speaker.

Thank you. I am Greek, my English is ok cause I read a lot of it for my job but I rarely need to write in it.

 

[siegemeister675]

Thank you. I am Greek, my English is ok cause I read a lot of it for my job but I rarely need to write in it.

Geia sou! My mom's Greek but never really taught me more than stock phrases, I've learned a few other languages in my life besides English but not Greek. Longstanding regret of mine.

 

[Hey Fatrick FUCK YOU]

WHY FATRICK IS THE BEST LOLCOW AT THE MOMENT

Imagine a well written novel or story (something fatrick will never accomplish in his life). The reason people consider it valuable is that it offers a glimpse into the human condition. People are interested to learn about a dude blowing up a space laser with an x-wing in a galaxy far far away because they see a part of themselves or people around them in the face of said dude or his coked out girlfriend/sister. The reason people care about a deformed halfling speaking to himself is that he became that through his weaknesses and greed, qualities that they themselves possess. A good hero or vilain is someone the audience can identify at least a part of themselves with.

It is my contention that people are fascinated by lolcows IRL for the same reason. Sure it's fun to look at the 1218 dimension's Gollum shove his stylus up his ass and acting as the ultimate wigger on video, but most people view that as a spectacle rather than the story of a person to be invested in. As interesting of a sight a pig hollerin while people kick his ass around the world is, most people can't project themselves in that position of drunken fury and retardation.
The naivite of an autistic child believing childish shit, heavily invested in characters we ourselves liked as children, is a million times more compelling than the dark insanity of a broken man, heavily invested in his own dead father actually existing in a different dimension.

That is the reason why fatrick is the n1 lolcow right now, trumping strong contenders like Ethan Ralph and Cyraxx. A lot of us have been in the position of sperging out about issues we care about. Shit, i am doing it right now. Most people have found themselves raging a bit too hard about some political shit online.
The pathetic state he has brought himself into required nothing more than weaknesses most people possess. Many of us think too higly of ourselves, sometimes we wish we could fucking deal with people fucking with us online, sometimes we rage harder than we should.

There is just a little voice in our head that prevents us from going down that path. Learning from our socialisation, our own mistakes or those of others who have done similar shit, we are able to realise that this is a bad idea and stop. This is the only thing separating a normal person from a fatrick.
If a writter was asked to make a lolcow character out of a normal person, he wouldn't start with someone with severe physical or mental disabilities, or crazy behavioral issues. He would just need to give the average person the quintessential lolcow trait, the inability to learn, evolve and change course.

Only because HE JUST CAN NOT STOP, an average guy with an average carreer and an average life, in the span of a couple of years, turned himself into the fat faggot with bitch tits, the porque squeeler himself, aka the FATRICK TOMLINSON we all love to watch destroy himself every day.

PS. Null if you happen to see this it would be nice to have a spell checking feature, because for a lot of us English is our second language and we are shit at spelling. You can also hard code the word "internet" to be always auto corrected with a capital I while at it.

Well said. He's an extreme amplification and personification of the small amounts of narcissism that we all possess. Since discovering Patrick I have become more conscious of various negative traits. For instance, when in conversation I make an effort not to steer the conversation in a way that would make it about myself (fawk, I'm doing it now), because Patrick does it to such an extreme cringeworthy extent.

 

[TheOtherSideofMakeBelieve]

You're assuming you'll finish it?

I'm only expecting a page number that you tapped out at or, God forbid, a note from your next of kin solemnly informing us that you had buckshot for dinner and are finishing the book in Hell.

I have a curse/superpower where if I stare at words they force themselves into my brain, it's basically reverse ADD. If I start there won't be any stopping me. Aside from a buckshot supper, I suppose

 

[GeorgeApley]

Nikki’s fat gross cunt
Filled with the farts of niggers
All for Pat’s pleasure

 

[TheOtherSideofMakeBelieve]

Alright, I'm about a quarter of the way through the first page of Gate Crashers. I was expecting it to be boring but passable, if not due to his own merits then through the grace of an editor. He writes like I talk to people on Discord. I assume there was either no editor or the editor gave up after the first sentence because by the time you get to the second sentence it's pretty obvious there's no salvaging it, the first sentence being "It was a cold, dark night in deep space."

 

[Force and Character]

I think Fatrick is one of the few true lolcows on the site among a proliferation of boring threads about unremarkable social media assholes, internet "celebrities" and indistinguishable trannies, and easily the funniest one thanks to the OnA brothermen messing with him. On his own, he'd still be a laughable moron who fails to sell his bad books, builds his fence backwards and gets cucked by Him of the Pringles Can, but the barrage of humiliations and failures heaped on such a worthy target is what really makes this an epic of hilarity of a kind you only see once in a while.

In a word, Patrick Tomlinson is a fat faggot with bitch tits.

 

[Juan But Not Forgotten]

I will just repost this from a thread about lolcow criminals, since it reminds of Patrick in almost every detail.

Derek Medina, who would've had a thread here if he wasn't arrested in August of 2013. The guy is a delusional narcissist, the type who calls himself a game developer after slapping some assets in Unity.

His feats are presented by but not limited to:

- Being "an aspiring writer" with books of such skitzo titles, like "How a judgemental and selfish attitude is destroying the world we live in because the world is vanishing beneath our eyes" and more ironically "How I saved Someone's Life and Marriage and Family Problems Thru Communication", yes, not through, but thru.
- Filming himself running at a stadium and calling it "winning a golden medal"
- Claiming to be skilled in numerous martial arts and having a long win streak.
- Claimed to be a ghost hunter and believed in all that crap.
- Was an extra in "Burn notice", claimed that he is a movie star.
- Claiming to be smart, experienced an all knowing, despite being unable to hold a job for more than 6 months, since those idiots always dared to question his excellence.
- During a softball game, someone accidentally spilled a drink on him and apologised. He instead flipped the fuck out, screamed "You don't know who you're messing with", pulled out a gun and threatened to kill that guy.
- He shot his wife after she had enough and decided to leave him, then posted her dead body on Facebook. Then turned himself in, claiming it was self-defence and he was scared for his life despite shooting her 8 fucking times.
- When cops asked what he was defending himself from, he said, that she threw things at him, including a heavy box, that struck him in his head and now it hurts. He then couldn't explain what box it was and where it is now.
- When cops pointed out that he doesn't look battered, he replied "of course, not, I am pro boxer, 25-0" and when they asked if he could've easily disarmed her, he replied "of course".
- When cops asked if there is any proof of what he is saying, he said that he put a security camera inside his home to film paranormal activity and it recorded everything just like he said it happened. Take a guess what really was there?
- When cops asked him why she went downstairs to cook, if he said that she was attacking him, he replied with "oh, that's because I pulled a gun on her to calm her down and told that I will kill her"
- Then claimed that she pulled a knife on him, but he disarmed her and she hit him in the chest two times AND THIS IS WHAT MADE HIM AFRAID FOR HIS LIFE, SO HE WENT BACK UPSTAIRS FOR A GUN AND SHOT HER
- Was genuinely shocked, when he was charged with a second degree murder instead of self-defence. Plead not guilty, had tantrums in court, called the court, judge and cops corrupt.
- During his last words addressed Obama and told him to focus on corruption, said "I will be suing this world", claimed that Universal made a movie about him before the trial ended.

Guess, now we know Patrick Tomlinson's future after he will fail to pay Quasi.

 

[AirdropShitposts]

So I went out today to get my six week old kitten some stuff (she looks more like a two month old even though she needs to pack on some weight, but the vet says six) and went into Chapters to buy a book and actually managed to find one of Patrick's books. Just one, out of three bookstores. Starship Repo costs $27.30 with taxes. That's $26.30 too much. So I bought Brent Weeks most recent book for $26.25 instead. 600 pages from an author that actually knows what they're doing compared to something like 330 pages of the drizzling shits. I proceeded to take out a piece of paper and wrote "fat" on it and slid it on the first page.

Good job admitting to felonious vandalism of culturally relevant art with felonious lies, stalker. You don't even have to wait for the knock because next time you go in they're going to do this:

 

[TheOtherSideofMakeBelieve]

I guess I'll just make a shitty bullet pointed stream of consciousness as I cruise through chapter 1

•The first two sentences, as mentioned, are very dumb​

•Shoehorned feminism​

•The word 'peoplecicle'​

•Misuse of the word paradox​

•'You, reader, imagine a thing that I am too ineloquent to adequately convey in a more graceful, meaningful, and natural manner and will therefore relay to you in the most literal sense with no artistic flair to be found'​

•A subsequent, slightly (and I do mean slightly) more natural comparison to the feeling of coming off of a three day bender. Sorry Pat, I, and I assume most people, have no frame of reference for what coming off of a three day bender is like. I suppose it does help to write what you know, however​

•A hamfisted explanation of fictional slang that no one in the book has used by the narrator and a comparison of said slang to words that are much worse (without saying what those words are) and used by people who aren't even in the story. To be fair, perhaps the phrase 'yank,' in addition to the characters that don't exist or have any relevance to this story, were used in Starship Repo without explanation, but the way the explanation was just thrown out apropos of nothing I can't imagine he'd have that kind of restraint. It feels like he had an idea but didn't have the patience to weave it into the story so he blurted it out because he just wants you to know that he's very clever and thinks about things. It's almost Russell Greer-esque in the sense that it feels like an editor's note that he just left in there rather than making an edit to work it in or cutting it out​

•They have a replicator for food but also hydroponics​

There is one aspect to the writing that really bothers me that might be right but I'd bet money on it being wrong. There is a ship, the AEUS Magellan, and then its AI, also named Magellan, or Maggie. He italicizes every instance of both Magellan and Maggie and it's very uncomfortable to read whenever someone is talking to Maggie because I want to put some kind of verbal spice on the name but they're just saying it casually. I feel like it should only be italicized when referring to the physical structure of the Magellan and not the AI. Anyone able to weigh in on this?

 

[AnOminous]

That is the reason why fatrick is the n1 lolcow right now, trumping strong contenders like Ethan Ralph and Cyraxx.

Either of those deserved lolcow of the year more than that boring-ass repulsive faggot Keffals. Keffals winning was like Goodfellas losing Best Picture to Dances With Wolves.

 

[Ultrapenguin]

WHY FATRICK IS THE BEST LOLCOW AT THE MOMENT

Imagine a well written novel or story (something fatrick will never accomplish in his life). The reason people consider it valuable is that it offers a glimpse into the human condition. People are interested to learn about a dude blowing up a space laser with an x-wing in a galaxy far far away because they see a part of themselves or people around them in the face of said dude or his coked out girlfriend/sister. The reason people care about a deformed halfling speaking to himself is that he became that through his weaknesses and greed, qualities that they themselves possess. A good hero or vilain is someone the audience can identify at least a part of themselves with.

It is my contention that people are fascinated by lolcows IRL for the same reason. Sure it's fun to look at the 1218 dimension's Gollum shove his stylus up his ass and acting as the ultimate wigger on video, but most people view that as a spectacle rather than the story of a person to be invested in. As interesting of a sight a pig hollerin while people kick his ass around the world is, most people can't project themselves in that position of drunken fury and retardation.
The naivite of an autistic child believing childish shit, heavily invested in characters we ourselves liked as children, is a million times more compelling than the dark insanity of a broken man, heavily invested in his own dead father actually existing in a different dimension.

That is the reason why fatrick is the n1 lolcow right now, trumping strong contenders like Ethan Ralph and Cyraxx. A lot of us have been in the position of sperging out about issues we care about. Shit, i am doing it right now. Most people have found themselves raging a bit too hard about some political shit online.
The pathetic state he has brought himself into required nothing more than weaknesses most people possess. Many of us think too higly of ourselves, sometimes we wish we could fucking deal with people fucking with us online, sometimes we rage harder than we should.

There is just a little voice in our head that prevents us from going down that path. Learning from our socialisation, our own mistakes or those of others who have done similar shit, we are able to realise that this is a bad idea and stop. This is the only thing separating a normal person from a fatrick.
If a writter was asked to make a lolcow character out of a normal person, he wouldn't start with someone with severe physical or mental disabilities, or crazy behavioral issues. He would just need to give the average person the quintessential lolcow trait, the inability to learn, evolve and change course.

Only because HE JUST CAN NOT STOP, an average guy with an average carreer and an average life, in the span of a couple of years, turned himself into the fat faggot with bitch tits, the porque squeeler himself, aka the FATRICK TOMLINSON we all love to watch destroy himself every day.

PS. Null if you happen to see this it would be nice to have a spell checking feature, because for a lot of us English is our second language and we are shit at spelling. You can also hard code the word "internet" to be always auto corrected with a capital I while at it.

That's true, but a lot of people aren't chubby middle aged alcoholics with suppressed homosexual tendencies, who respond easily to bait on social media and dream of being authors, and thus they might not find Rick the most compelling.

Others identify more with guys like DarkSydePhil, momma's boys who also drink too much, hemorrhage money, and spend their time playing videogames while also having obvious sexual hangups. Many others are terrible obese women, who identify with Chantal because she's also fat and terrible.
Others insist Chris Chan is the most interesting, not aware that their interest is due to him being a funhouse mirror of their own childlike autistic traits.

My point is, Fatrick is definitely fat. Very fat. But we have to remember that other people are fat in their own way too, and they deserve consideration. Sometimes obesity really is in the eye of the beholder.
That's a lesson to take with you, folks.

PS: what do you mean a spellcheck? Little red squigglies pop up under words when you type. Do other countries not have spellcheck in their browsers? Very barbaric.

 

[Grift Garrison]

Fatrick is fucking hilarious, but its 99% because of Owen. The sexy goth badboy King Cobra however is a lolcow in every sense of the word and is consistently hilarious/retarded. Cobes is the true #1.

 

[FinnSven]

I think Fatrick is one of the few true lolcows on the site among a proliferation of boring threads about unremarkable social media assholes, internet "celebrities" and indistinguishable trannies, and easily the funniest one thanks to the OnA brothermen messing with him. On his own, he'd still be a laughable moron who fails to sell his bad books, builds his fence backwards and gets cucked by Him of the Pringles Can, but the barrage of humiliations and failures heaped on such a worthy target is what really makes this an epic of hilarity of a kind you only see once in a while.

In a word, Patrick Tomlinson is a fat faggot with bitch tits.

Fatrick is like a non-sympathetic version of Mr Bean.

But I think what makes Fatrick so hilarious is the fact that he is clearly, consciously or unconsciously, trying the “fake it till you make it” kind of tactic.

He is trying to construct this image and reputation for himself, but he lacks the requisite knowledge and intelligence.

“Fake it till you make it” only works if one is somewhat capable.

 

[IDanceonTrannyGraves]

So I went out today to get my six week old kitten some stuff (she looks more like a two month old even though she needs to pack on some weight, but the vet says six) and went into Chapters to buy a book

That was your first mistake. Their selection is often shit.

 

[MilkThePig]

I think Fatrick is one of the few true lolcows on the site among a proliferation of boring threads about unremarkable social media assholes, internet "celebrities" and indistinguishable trannies, and easily the funniest one thanks to the OnA brothermen messing with him. On his own, he'd still be a laughable moron who fails to sell his bad books, builds his fence backwards and gets cucked by Him of the Pringles Can, but the barrage of humiliations and failures heaped on such a worthy target is what really makes this an epic of hilarity of a kind you only see once in a while.

In a word, Patrick Tomlinson is a fat faggot with bitch tits.

Patrick is the purest of cows. His golden udders produce an endless stream of creamy, full fat lolmilk.

He's also exceptionally fat.

 

[Meriasek]

Pat is truly living his motto "Don't let the idiots win". By sabotaging himself, never improving and generally being a failure, he, the idiot, makes sure he'll never win.
Thank you for your service, Patirck.

 

[S.C.U.D.]

I think Fatrick is one of the few true lolcows on the site among a proliferation of boring threads about unremarkable social media assholes, internet "celebrities" and indistinguishable trannies, and easily the funniest one thanks to the OnA brothermen messing with him. On his own, he'd still be a laughable moron who fails to sell his bad books, builds his fence backwards and gets cucked by Him of the Pringles Can, but the barrage of humiliations and failures heaped on such a worthy target is what really makes this an epic of hilarity of a kind you only see once in a while.

I've said it before, but without the trolls, Patrick would just be another Brooklyn Dad whose thread only gets bumped once in a blue moon, just another retarded blue checkmark amidst a sea of retarded blue checkmarks. The trolls are what make Pat so entertaining and most importantly so consistent. There's always new entertaining content coming from Pat. Sure, he's not dropping a Greatest Hit every week but who is, really? There are some lolcows who have had higher highs like Ripley's "I suck dick for cock" meltdown or Chris fucking his mother (among many others, too many to list), and while Pat has his hateable moments for sure, more than a lot of lolcows, I still wouldn't call him the most hateable when this site has all those zoosadist threads in AC, as far as I'm aware Pat hasn't drilled any holes in baby monkey skulls. But what Patrick is really good at though is that day-in, day-out consistency. Oftentimes when you see a lolcow thread you follow has new updates you're not really sure if anything really entertaining has happened, but in this thread more often than not there's something new Pat has done being posted that's good material.

You could also compare Rick to Moviebob, and they're similar in a lot of ways but every time I go to Bob's thread it just makes me , this thread never does that.

 

[Broadside]

Uh oh, they're on to us (astute observation from the Reddit thread)

View attachment 4433700

Redditors are the most pathetic group of people to exist. I literally bully people irl if they tell me they use Reddit.

 

[dankogrg2]

did that doc podcast about pedos in sci fi comunity finally air?
can someone link it?