Let's Sperg Jaimas Plays a Terrible Game (and analyzes it after): I Get This Call Every Day - David Gallant's Rosetta Stone of Failure

[caffeinated_wench]

So... this isn't a craptastic newgrounds flash game? Is that right?

 

[HG 400]

Not gonna dox myself by posting a link, but it was an OpenGL-based mobile game written in Java. Gameplay-wise it was kind of like a two-player breakout.

Sounds like David Gallant is a better game dev since he is actually willing to put his name to his failures while you hide yours on the grounds of "not gonna dox myself" lol. No wonder he actually sold copies and you didn't.

 

[Jaimas]

It always pisses me off that these kinds of developers exist. I don't know what this game is made with, but it looks to be either flash or a drag-and-drop editor. I decided I wanted to do game development as a teenager, and began to actually teach myself to code so that I'd be able to do it. These people just find some shitty engine or tool and let it do all the hard work for them. They're like people who only buy paint-by-numbers books and call themselves painters.

While the end users playing the games never really know or care about the internals of how a game is built, and engine-based games are more common than that from-scratch way I like to do it, it still angers me that charlatans like this guy claim a title that I've worked for years on without doing any of the real coding work. I spent eight months last year programming a game nobody bought, while this guy vomits into flash and claims he made close to $30k. Fuck him.

You needn't be so agitated. People can see exactly what Gallant is with one single screenshot.

So... this isn't a craptastic newgrounds flash game? Is that right?

If only.

 

[MarvinTheParanoidAndroid]

I'm actually reminded of this game I played on Newgrounds like 20 years ago, where you had to talk your way out of a ticket from a cop. In fact, that game is still up there, and you can play it now. It's about the same length as this train-wreck and is systemically more engaging.

Wow, and that game is actually a hundred times better than the hunk of shit you just reviewed, both for the time it was made in and right now.

 

[0xDEADBEEF]

Sounds like David Gallant is a better game dev since he is actually willing to put his name to his failures while you hide yours on the grounds of "not gonna dox myself" lol. No wonder he actually sold copies and you didn't.

Or I simply know better than to post my real name on a site like this. I also don't consider it a failure. I did it for the learning experience, not to make money. I got a great resume piece out of it and I don't regret it in the slightest.

 

[HG 400]

Or I simply know better than to post my real name on a site like this.

Why? What posts have you made here that are so heinous you can't stand by them?

 

[Melkor]

If this guy can allegedly make 30k from a half assed 5 minute click-and-go game, I can just get on mspaint and make my own shit story.

 

[NeetBoy]

Way ahead of you, I got my crayons and construction paper in the mail today. It's going to be a game about an anorexic man with depression and anal warts who sits at a desk all day long. It will provide a fascinating look at the human condition and what it means to have anorexia, depression, and anal warts at a desk in this world that we've made for ourselves and that we live in.

 

[Pikimon]

Wait, that was the entire game? Jesus If I blinked I might have missed the whole thing.

 

[Quijibo69]

MS paint: The Game!

 

[MarvinTheParanoidAndroid]

but it looks to be either flash or a drag-and-drop editor. I decided I wanted to do game development as a teenager, and began to actually teach myself to code so that I'd be able to do it. These people just find some shitty engine or tool and let it do all the hard work for them.

I spent eight months last year programming a game nobody bought, while this guy vomits into flash and claims he made close to $30k. Fuck him.

Wrong, making a game in Flash requires learning ActionScript, a programming language. Making a Flash game of similar quality would take quadruple the effort as a drag and drop scenario.

The equivalent you're looking for is Multimedia Fusion, which was literally a drag and drop program for game development and even came with it's own library of assets.

 

[Agent of Z.O.G.]

that game is still up there, and you can play it now.

I remember that series

 

[Kumquat]

This sold almost 8,000 copies...?

People actually PAID MONEY for this???

 

[MarvinTheParanoidAndroid]

People actually PAID MONEY for this???

I don't think so. I mean, would you? Sounds like horseshit to me.

 

[Kumquat]

I don't think so. I mean, would you? Sounds like horseshit to me.

I just looked it up. He wants $2 for it, as well as any "donations" you feel like graciously giving him. The stupidity is mind-boggling.

There aren't many things you can do with $2, but the things you CAN do would be infinitely more enjoyable than this terrible, awful excuse for a game.

 

[MarvinTheParanoidAndroid]

I just looked it up. He wants $2 for it, as well as any "donations" you feel like graciously giving him. The stupidity is mind-boggling.

There aren't many things you can do with $2, but the things you CAN do would be infinitely more enjoyable than this terrible, awful excuse for a game.

Like buying another $2.00 game that lasts longer than five minutes.

 

[ShavedSheep]

Good review and all great points, especially about agency, but seriously dude you use fucking bing?

 

[QI 541]

I spent eight months last year programming a game nobody bought, while this guy vomits into flash and claims he made close to $30k. Fuck him.

Oh wait till you hear about Slappy Bird.

 

[Handsome Pete]

This game just seems like LP-bait. It's stupidly easy as long as you follow actual call center rules, but the crappy art makes it look more like a comedy game along the lines of "Don't Shit Your Pants." So Let's-Players record themselves giving joke answers and failing for 20 minutes, and use it as filler on their channels in between Minecraft and Outlast episodes. It becomes the toast of YouTube for a week, and then everyone moves on to "QWOP" or "I Am Bread" or something equally clickbaity.

 

[c-no]

This sold almost 8,000 copies...?

Or so he claims.

Would one assume most came from a humble bundle that sold the game with some other games of better quality?

So... this isn't a craptastic newgrounds flash game? Is that right?

If it was, the userbase wouldn't be merciful but this isn't a flash game, it's Gallant's own (and only) crown jewel despite being as long as some flash game from the early 2000's.

Like buying another $2.00 game that lasts longer than five minutes.

Anything 2 dollars or less could have more content than this, even demos could give more appeal.