Inactive David Simon Gallant - Gets Cucked Every Day, Can't wipe himself; Thirsty AF, Compulsive Masturbator, Unrepentant Racist

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Y'know, it's actually kind of nice when places like IGN or Gamesradar have those sorts of policies simply because younger generations seem more skeptical of "lobbying" and possible conflicts of interest.

Puff Pieces are usually easy enough to spot in more mainstream media (just look for any article which has no skeptiscism whatsoever for a product, usually from a columnist) but Games Media had them mascarading as reviews.

But let's just take a moment to facepalm at Galant's stupdity of the phrase.

"Because backing it means you're invested in it somehow."

Almost like someone invested money into the project.... ya know. Like a conventional financial backer would do.

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Something Awful dot com said:
hey david s gallant while you were eating your depressing fatass fast food I got a raise.
Click to expand...

First of all, congratulations!

Now Mr. Gallant -- I'm sure you read the above and thought to yourself, "Gee willikers! How can I get one of these raises?" As you head to work this morning, follow these steps and you'll be well on your way:

1) Wash your clothes so you don't smell like cat piss.

2) If you make a mistake, just admit you fucked up and and move on. Don't wrap it up with weasel words like "communication error" -- just own up to it. Nobody gets in trouble for an honest mistake -- they get in trouble for either hiding it or doubling down on the stupidity that led to the mistake in the first place. Remember that all calls are monitored and recorded for "quality training purposes." (I get this message every time I call a phonebank.)

3) Speaking of Twitter -- say NOTHING about your boss or your co-workers on your feed. Remember -- what happens in the office stays in the office. Even if you don't list your employer or co-workers by name, you have no idea whether they're going to Google you and start reading your Twitter feed. Even if HR gives you a pass, your co-workers won't -- when they read it, and they will, you'll find yourself discussed not only on this board -- but in the break room as well. That's not a good place to wind up.

4) I see from your Reddit AMA that you like to Tweet from the office bathroom. I guess this is where you write your bon mots and rub one out to Gamergate. Please don't do this -- even if you think you're being discreet about it, your cube-mates are going to smell it on you. If you feel the compulsive need to masturbate while at work, talk to one of your tranny friends and they can help you decide which anti-androgen is right for you. If you don't feel comfortable talking in person about it, I recommend Zinnia Jones, the "health councillor(sic)" of the Rat King. She's up on the latest and greatest in black-market pharmacology, and she's got the latest and greatest horse dildos up her ass as well.

5) Finally, don't fuck with Bill Burr -- the SJW folks don't like him, but here's how you take down racial disparity:


So go get 'em, champ! And remember -- the best is yet to come.
 
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Ah, that moment when David doesn't realize Youtube sometimes recommends stuff because it's got the same tags as stuff you already watch...

I get random Lets Players and even Drama Alert bollocks in spite of watching the latter never and limiting the former to one Bristol Based group of Speds and a Cynical Brit.
 
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