Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

When will Jack drop dead?

  • February-March 2024

    Votes: 6 0.4%
  • April-May 2024

    Votes: 6 0.4%
  • June-July 2024

    Votes: 18 1.3%
  • August-September 2024

    Votes: 34 2.4%
  • October-November 2024

    Votes: 37 2.7%
  • December 2024

    Votes: 44 3.2%
  • Sometime in 2025

    Votes: 258 18.6%
  • Sometime in 2026

    Votes: 196 14.1%
  • Jack lives forever. The Wendigo Must Consoom

    Votes: 791 56.9%

  • Total voters
    1,390
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Jack has another stroke from his 12 a day Bang energy drink diet and he’s blaming it on the artificial sweetener and not the caffeine.
Off topic but apparently that study on erythritol wasnt well-designed, and didnt control for dietary erythritol (erythritol is apparently synthesized by the human body). Does what I'm saying mean that his strokes actually have fuck-all to do with his artificial sweeteners? Potentially.

EDIT: I know he's just coping. I'm just trying to dogpile him even harder.
 
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Off topic but apparently that study on erythritol wasnt well-designed, and didnt control for dietary erythritol (erythritol is apparently synthesized by the human body). Does what I'm saying mean that his strokes actually have fuck-all to do with his artificial sweeteners? Potentially.
Jack has routinely blamed everything except the obvious causes for his ongoing health difficulties. Plenty of people consume products with erythritol or even more problematic shit he probably still drinks like aspartame without stroking out every five minutes.

It's pretty rare for people to spend most of their waking hours shoving giant cheeseburgers down their gullet with both hands while squirting sauce and melted cheese down their own clothes without having problems, though.
 
Jack has routinely blamed everything except the obvious causes for his ongoing health difficulties. Plenty of people consume products with erythritol or even more problematic shit he probably still drinks like aspartame without stroking out every five minutes.

It's pretty rare for people to spend most of their waking hours shoving giant cheeseburgers down their gullet with both hands while squirting sauce and melted cheese down their own clothes without having problems, though.
The issue here is excess. A cheeseburger for dinner is fine if you had a reasonable lunch and breakfast. An energy drink to kickstart your day? Fine. But he’s so deep into his insane habits that he probably thinks exclusively drinking energy drinks and eating only meat, cheese, carbs, and butter is normal.
 
Huh, I was right, they're already closing the door on Fatty McNusiance.

He's supposed to be convalescing, not bitching.

I wonder what other punitive actions they will take against Jack.

Jack Behind the scenes house tour:
It's interesting seeing the spaces at different angles. The dining room chairs match now.

I honestly thought the guy in the Jesus painting was holding a spatula before I zoomed in. (It's a Donkey Kong hammer)

When eating and drinking are all that you do, God will forsake you
-Fattassians 2:1
 
Just what Jack needs for his already abused cardiovascular system...
Also why is this morbidly obese diabetic who blames energy drinks on one of his strokes drinking Bang? What does he need the energy for - he watches cartoons all day.

If he’s consuming energy drinks and possibly coffee as well since Tammy mentioned Halloween affiliated coffee in the ALDI video, then this nigga will be in the ground by Christmas.

This shit will eventually catch up to you. It’s only a matter of time.
 
In light of the latest Jack Attack robbing me of quality cooking content, I have found Honest Tries’ videos fantastic. Similar in style to the Should I Series, but seemingly with minimal knowledge of Jack’s lore- adding to the wholesome feel of these videos.

Today’s video featured a recreation of the Perfectley Cooked Awesome Asian BURGER, with confusion regarding what caused the gimp arm (…salmonella??)
 
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Just because it's not Aunt Myrna's abortion, he feels the need to bitch about food that looks better than anything he's ever made.

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That's because they're sick of listening to you moan about your "successful" YouTube career.

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Jack that's literally the most standard fucking breakfast you could receive. THIS is a prison breakfast:
 
Imagine Jack on an ATV, opening it up to max because he's a dumbass, hitting a tree root and getting launched.

And that's how Scalfani Canyon was formed, children.

I was thinking more like he guns it, then immediately falls off the back because he has the grip strength of a quadriplegic two year old girl. Bonus points if it drives straight into HOPE, in a fitting bit of irony.
 
Jack that's literally the most standard fucking breakfast you could receive.
I wouldn't be surprised if the same Sysco truck backs up to the nursing home and then goes on to Jack's favorite local restaurants.

The difference between a diner and a SNF is that they're cooking a lot of meals at one time, not to order, and that and there are probably only a couple of entree options per meal to choose from.

(These meals are part of a doctor-ordered diet, so a lot of the effort isn't visible on the residents' side. For an entree like eggs, biscuits and gravy, they're not only cooking Regular biscuits and gravy, but also likely a "Heart-Healthy" biscuits and low-fat gravy with egg whites on the side. And then you have the people who need puree Regular vs puree Cardiac, and the handful of people on a Renal diet, and whatever they're doing for diabetics--although we might be looking at it. Jack could have spent his meal's worth of ~carb choices~ on the two biscuit halves and the orange juice.)

On the bright side, they gave him lettuce and whole cherry tomatoes in his hissy-fit salad, which means Jack is probably on a regular, unmodified consistency diet.. The Wendigo saved his swallow.
 
Thoughts and prayers?

the-claw-its-numb.png
 
In the 1895 book "The Time Machine" Wells predicted that the ultimate evolution of humanity would be a hopping creature that is just a ravenous stomach with not higher thoughts than eating everything it can find. Glad to see Jack taking the first steps in the Victorian idea of human evolution.
 
This is why he was all about those tower gardens and he was looking for a place that had water running through it. Seriously these idiots are acting like the end of the world is right around the corner.
Well yeah, there is a democrat in the white house so hypocritical evangelical assholes are talking like the US is 30 minutes away from complete collapse
 
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