Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[ZipDisk]

God is actually pretty mad about Jack. The weather whenever he does a "jack on the go" video features an angry sky.

 

[Your Favorite New Friend]

I love the T-shirt. JACK DIES GOD LAUGHS.

 

[feral cat #6385]

This is too sad to watch. He should be humanely euthanized and sent across the rainbow bridge.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

Also what the fuck where does couple of second long of pauses when he did the Review?

And he's off to the side sitting down while Hammy does all the work.

Also that looks fucking disgusting.

 

[Kermit Jizz]

Somehow his disgusting eating habits have gotten worse with this last stroke.

You can see him deploying the tongue almost as soon as he lifts the pizza.

He should be humanely euthanized and sent across the rainbow bridge to the third circle of hell.

ftfy

 

[Kosher Salt]

Somehow his disgusting eating habits have gotten worse with this last stroke.

Why change at this point? He's too far gone and he literally has nothing else worth living for.

 

[Exist0]

Wasnt really paying attention and got excited because I thought jack could move Ol Strokey again. Took a few seconds to work out it was Hammy doing the work.

 

[Freya]

I have to eat gluten free so I have tried and made some "dough less" pizzas. They are all disappointing in different ways. Chicken was strange and I wouldn't make it again. cauliflower can be good, but can also leave a bad taste. It's best when it's mixed with other GF flours. I did make one that Jack would like. I used Italian sausage and molded it into a crust shape. Cooked it and added toppings. It was super greasy.
Worst was using garbanzo beans "flour" which may have been bad and I think I threw it out after a slice.



Will have to try eggplant sometime.

Wtf man. Just make keto pizza

 

[Blobby's Murder Knife]

Why change at this point? He's too far gone and he literally has nothing else worth living for.

Eternity is a long time.

 

[EatBeforeYouEat]

Check out his right arm aka the claw. The atrophy is in full bloom. Jack showed the neurons on that side no mercy.


Also, can anyone tell me what he is getting at with "#Godlaughs"? I am aware of the saying "Man plans, god laughs" but I'm not sure what this dumbass boomer is trying to get at with his shirt

 

[Fascist Frederick]

#GodLaughs

When? Where in the bible does it even hint that God has a sense of humor? Definitely not in the Old Testament. That God was a mean motherfucker. New Testament is all about Jesus right? So was God laughing when his son was nailed to a cross?

 

[indomitable snowman]

Wtf man. Just make keto pizza

I like the number of my usable limbs to be 4 and my strokes to be 0. Not the other way around.

 

[Agamemnon Busmalis]

#GodLaughs

When? Where in the bible does it even hint that God has a sense of humor? Definitely not in the Old Testament. That God was a mean motherfucker. New Testament is all about Jesus right? So was God laughing when his son was nailed to a cross?

True, but there wasn't a Jack Scalfani for God to laugh at back then.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

#GodLaughs

When? Where in the bible does it even hint that God has a sense of humor? Definitely not in the Old Testament. That God was a mean motherfucker. New Testament is all about Jesus right? So was God laughing when his son was nailed to a cross?

It's a modern take on the whole thing. What they mean by "#GodLaughs" is "God laughs at whatever you think". In other words they're laughing at you and pretend like God is laughing with them. In short, they think they know the mind of God. And if there is a God then each and every one of these fuckers are in for a rude awakening when they wake up in hell instead of heaven.

I seem to recall God wasn't too pleased with people like Jack a.k.a. fake "Christians" who never really followed his word.

 

[Kosher Salt]

It's a modern take on the whole thing. What they mean by "#GodLaughs" is "God laughs at whatever you think". In other words they're laughing at you and pretend like God is laughing with them. In short, they think they know the mind of God. And if there is a God then each and every one of these fuckers are in for a rude awakening when they wake up in hell instead of heaven.

I seem to recall God wasn't too pleased with people like Jack a.k.a. fake "Christians" who never really followed his word.

It actually comes from a longer saying. "Man plans, and God laughs." The idea being that fate (or "God") is always going to step in and fuck up your plans, no matter how carefully thought out they might have been. So be flexible, and always have a backup plan.

Retards, of course, take this as an excuse to be fat useless sacks of shit, because what's the point of planning if God's going to take care of them. #Blessed

 

[Your Favorite New Friend]

#GodLaughs

When? Where in the bible does it even hint that God has a sense of humor? Definitely not in the Old Testament. That God was a mean motherfucker. New Testament is all about Jesus right? So was God laughing when his son was nailed to a cross?

It's a modern take on the whole thing. What they mean by "#GodLaughs" is "God laughs at whatever you think". In other words they're laughing at you and pretend like God is laughing with them. In short, they think they know the mind of God. And if there is a God then each and every one of these fuckers are in for a rude awakening when they wake up in hell instead of heaven.

I seem to recall God wasn't too pleased with people like Jack a.k.a. fake "Christians" who never really followed his word.

Sorry boys, but it's biblical.

Psalms 2:4:
He that sitteth in the heavens shall laugh: the Lord shall have them in derision.

Psalm 37:13:
The Lord shall laugh at him: for he seeth that his day is coming.

Psalm 59:8:
But thou, O Lord, shalt laugh at them; thou shalt have all the heathen in derision.

 

[Freya]

I like the number of my usable limbs to be 4 and my strokes to be 0. Not the other way around.

Mozzarella,cream cheese and egg arent going to give you a stroke. But enjoy not eating pizza ig

 

[Adamska]

Or you could stuff portobello mushroom caps with cheese, garlic olive oil and seasonings and bake them. Not a pizza but pretty good in and of itself.

Ironically if you put those toppings on pizza bread it'd be essentially the original version from before the discovery of the Americas.

It's indeed a good deal better than just having nothing but cheese, sauce, and toppings IMO. It also works pretty well as a variant on stuffed peppers.

As for why mushrooms aren't more loved? I suspect a lot of it has to do with people experiencing the godawful canned stuff. It's often used as a shortcut to using fresh stuff that you wash off and prep yourself. In Jack's case it's because effort. He has tried stuffed mushrooms with his godawful shreddy cheese in the past and it comes out as well as you'd expect:

This was good. Why doesn't this guy have more viewers? Meanwhile Cucking With Jack has a zillion subscribers.

His rub was great, the only change I would have made was using smoked paprika, either a sweet Hungarian type or the bourbon-smoked type I've been using lately.

Also I'd have added sauerkraut or horseradish to the sandwich itself, but the pastrami looked good enough it could carry the whole dish by itself.

Rob is drowning in the Algo while Jack was shitting up Youtube on the ground floor. Besides Cooking with Dog and like one other cooking tuber, he's one of the first. It made him very easy to find back then. Combine that with how he half-assed rather than no-efforted videos back then and you can see how he got those subs and views.

I mean there's also the trainwreck aspect too, but in terms of options he was one of the few. He just couldn't be fucked to improve since every single thing in his life was effectively propped up by family.

Hell, his own sauce and the "DJ gig" were much more of the work of his mom and his brother Charles respectively.

My god this looks vile.
I like how he implies at the start that Tammy wanted him to make this (god knows why, the recipe sounds unappetizing enough without Jack fucking it up), and then we see that they are using mild sausage only instead of a mix of mild and spicy, and then later at the end we hear Jack say that it turned out "a little spicy, we added red pepper flakes". This guy is such a fucking asshole. He knows that Tammy doesn't like heat, she probably bought mild sausage only on purpose, and yet Jack still forces red pepper flakes into the dish. What a virtuous, thoughtful Christian.

And fuck me is that the world's worst love child between baked ziti and a stromboli ever. I'm noticing he's hiding that the shitty Rao sauce he keeps using is specifically the Arrabiata btw. That also adds heat, since it's supposed to be an imitation of the sorts of sauces native to Calabria, which tend to be spicy.

I also am not surprised he has the stupid big bag of Hormel pepperoni. Like shit man, I love snacking on it too but you don't really need them big bags; it's way too easy to eat too much with them if you aren't paying attention.

The biggest fuck up out of the lot, besides using way too much meat for this to not suck, is he of course wants to just plop it all into the same pile. Ignore that the trick to making these not sopping and miserable is you at best put a tiny layer of the sauce into the interior for hydration purposes and you do things like drain some of the excess oil from the browned sausage and veg. Also ignore a light dusting of egg wash for color too apparently. It's telling he's on a pizza binge as of late.

 

[Nitro!]

Archives, medium quality.

Spoiler: CWJ: Pizza Bake

Spoiler: Fair use commentary

Jack opens with his barely functioning face looking positively ashen. We're invited to come on in close!!! while Jack makes up a story to cover eating several pounds of sausage in one sitting. Jack's dilapitated limb takes center stage as he rushes through ingredient explanation. Onions in a cold pan are met with a jump cut to browned meat. Who needs all that boring cooking technique anyhow?

Just in case you thought Jack might be creating something palatable, Jack dumps on a heaping helping of pepperoni and jarred tomato sauce. Tammy helps, but you'd never know with his stellar editing skillz. Jack chokes down a spoonful of meat, cheese and sauce from a dirty plate and highlights red pepper flake (not shown or mentioned). Verdict: Jack recommends his cooking, although to no one in particular.

Spoiler: JOTG: Japan House, Goodlettsville, TN

Spoiler: Fair use commentary

Jack makes up fans and questions from said fans as the setting Tennessee sun sautés my retinas. Fuck you, Jack. Jack and Tammy arrive at Japan House with a rather nice camera pan, but I doubt he got permission to do so. Fuck you, Jack.

The restaurant serves a mish-mash of Asian cuisine, so you can be assured none of it is particularly good. The royalty-free music over the slideshow really drives this point home. Jack shows us his hole, the one he made in the crab rangoon. (DING-DONG. Where my Fishtank friends at?) Jack continues to display his food after biting it, the absolute gourmet. He follows up by eating sushi with a fork and running out of battery during the next segment. Grade: A.

 

[EatBeforeYouEat]

Who is ready for some Doomer Jack content?

Bonus content. Jack got into an argument with some militant lady regarding abortion.