The reason why you see "lesbians" (and often honestly straight women) "fetishizing" gay men has more to do with giving up on men IRL while idealizing them in drawings than it does with a gay fetish. I've been aware for a very long time now that more and more women are choosing to remain single or go faux lesbian because their choices in men are so bleak, but I only recently discovered how high those numbers are and looked into how they're likely even higher than that. These women are physically attracted to male bodies, but not to any male personality even skirting on the average 80%, and they're right to feel that way, IME/FMO. These women are creating fictional men who are all heart, mind and soul with lust just being an incidental byproduct of these things lining up romantically. I'm not saying that all female yaoi consumers or creators fall into this category, but enough of them are to explain the glaring differences between yaoi and yuri.
This is the exact opposite and counterpart of the coomer guys who portray lesbians and chicks in general as though they're the same brainless, soulless, lust-fueled creatures they themselves are. The male yuri consumers just want mindless sex, while the female yaoi consumers want love and romance that make sex seem desirable and worthwhile. Again: I'm not saying that all female yaoi consumers or creators fall into this category.