Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[Twrx]

Ah yes, virtue signaling (incorrectly) wern makes a return.

 

[WonderWino]

I came across this and immediately realized that if lucas should ever stage a successful coup against king roy and claim his place as ruler of the elk kingdom, he would immediately have this sign put up to ensure a steady supply of kfc into the elk kingdom to satiate his greedy hunger

 

[Disgruntled Pupper]

I was just coming to ask if he was still alive. I think the Ozempic or whatever new drug his doc gave him has slid him into a plateau, he doesn't seem to be dramatically deteriorating in every new picture like he was 3 months ago. Pedo Wern gets to live to see the end of summer, lucky him.

 

[WonderWino]

I was just coming to ask if he was still alive. I think the Ozempic or whatever new drug his doc gave him has slid him into a plateau, he doesn't seem to be dramatically deteriorating in every new picture like he was 3 months ago. Pedo Wern gets to live to see the end of summer, lucky him.

Its bought him some time at least, which is pretty impressive considering how bad he was getting, that shit must be something of a miracle drug. Though it should be interesting to see how he handles the summer heat this year. Remember thats what kicked this all off last year

I won't be the least bit surprised if he has another collapse at 7-11 stuffing himself with energy drinks on a massively hot day. He never learns

 

[Fanatical Pragmatist]

His kidneys are plenty good enough to function on a hot day after eating 3 bags of buffalo-flavored potato chips with nothing but a sugar-water icee to wash it down!

 

[WonderWino]

His kidneys are plenty good enough to function on a hot day after eating 3 bags of buffalo-flavored potato chips with nothing but a sugar-water icee to wash it down!

Come on now, his kidneys will be plenty good soon enough - soon he'll drop his hi my name is lucas game on sweet lady z and shortly after he'll be married. At which point king roy will welcome him back into the fold and allow him access to the elk kingdom, and more importantly the mystical mini sea king roy is charged to protect and keep secret from the greybeards - the ancient german telomeer, an above ground mini sea filled with liquid teen telomerase rather than water that members of the royal household have immersed themselves in to regain their health and strength for centuries. Lucas need only waddle over to it, jump in and soak in its pure essence and his kidneys will be healed in hours, while he floats around and eats chicken wings and cheesy cukes off of his stomach and pounds energy drinks and MD 20/20 into himself

 

[Tsukasa Kadoya]

Holy shit his complexion looks like ass. Nigga looks like he's 60.

 

[Pedophobe]

Rocking that comb-over wiz.

 

[Club Sandwich]

earbuds making an appearance again, maybe the voices on the wind are back too.

 

[WonderWino]

Holy shit his complexion looks like ass. Nigga looks like he's 60.
View attachment 5169988

With that lighting, camera angle and expression he looks like a really ugly 60 year old woman you'd expect to see working at the DMV. Figures he'd try to use myspace angles and end up looking like a woman himself

and yeah he always seems to have his earbuds in when he's trying to block out the voices on the wind. Anyone ever notice that when he wears them in public they never appear to actually be connected to anything? I wonder what he'd have done to block out the schizo if he were born earlier and was in his 40s back in the 70s or 80s. Giant headphones or putting a boombox next to his head constantly?

 

[Da Dude123]

Lucas has been boring lately. I miss him howling at the moon for teen poonaner. I always think of him on father's day. Remember when he had that meltdown because a clerk at Rite Aid wished him a happy father's day? He was such a pussy about it.

Lucas has not really talked about having kids much lately. It is all just his shitty food he makes from what he gets from the food pantry and being an atheist. We haven't got any pics of Lucas in the wild recently, either. Always loved it when a Spokane Kiwi could get a pic of the cow at the bus station in Downtown Spokane.

 

[WonderWino]

Lucas has been boring lately. I miss him howling at the moon for teen poonaner. I always think of him on father's day. Remember when he had that meltdown because a clerk at Rite Aid wished him a happy father's day? He was such a pussy about it.

Lucas has not really talked about having kids much lately. It is all just his shitty food he makes from what he gets from the food pantry and being an atheist. We haven't got any pics of Lucas in the wild recently, either. Always loved it when a Spokane Kiwi could get a pic of the cow at the bus station in Downtown Spokane.

Speaking of fathers day, lucas seems like exactly the kind of person who would end up like the zombie in the first segment of creepshow - coming back from the dead on fathers day to get his cake (or in this case his bae) and end up killing his family for his perceived slights against him. Lucas's version of that segment would have a zoomer bae and her flatbill boyfriend walk into their kitchen upon hearing some strange noises and have lucas waddle up to them carrying a large plate with his parents and brothers heads on it covered in cake, icing and several other toasterbortion foods to offer the zoomer. He would turn to the flatbill and say its fathers day and I got my bae:

It sounds like between the meds, kidneys and his general health starting to fail he's losing his energy and is using his food pics as a feeble and desperate attempt to attract zoomer baes that way. I don't doubt he's seething in anger at his situation and lack of a teen breeding sow but its likely he's getting to the point that he doesn't have the strength or money to do all that much. Barring him getting into it with somebody in a serious way at mallon place - like was starting to happen with his former roommate with trying to get him kicked out by calling the cops on him, and getting himself kicked out, he'll probably stay more or less like this for the foreseeable future. Though if he does do something stupid enough to get kicked out it'll be the end for him. He'll spiral pretty fast and probably die in a shelter or on the street before too long. The fact he isn't even reverting to game developer wern is pretty telling as well. What little he has that passes for a mind is probably as slow as half frozen molasses at this point

 

[Da Dude123]

Anything new from Lolcow Lucas Werner? What is that fat, welfare collecting, drain on society moooing about? Being an atheist? Being plenty good? I am not FB friends with the cow, so, I rely on this page and the Lucas Werner Brokeposting FB page to get my updates. Nothing new on either side.

I was watching some of his old videos on the Wernology page and it is always something to see how arrogant and autistic the fat cow is. A true burden on society. Wants the government to take care of him.

I wish we could get this page of the Tors. Fuck those troons and their incessant reeeing. We can make fun of them and all the other cows as much as we want!

If anyone has anything new from the lolcow Lucas Werner, go ahead and put it up.

 

[WonderWino]

So I came across this and immediately thought of lucas

https://ca.yahoo.com/news/males-lose-sex-chromosome-age-211624452.html

Sure goes against everything lucas likes to claim about older men being better fathers that provide super stronk dna. I wonder how lucas would twist this around in his swiss cheese brain to rationalize it

 

[AnOminous]

So I came across this and immediately thought of lucas

https://ca.yahoo.com/news/males-lose-sex-chromosome-age-211624452.html

Sure goes against everything lucas likes to claim about older men being better fathers that provide super stronk dna. I wonder how lucas would twist this around in his swiss cheese brain to rationalize it

His whole telomeres thing is complete bullshit, since they get shorter as you age, and arguably it's literally why you deteriorate and die. If you have children at an advanced age, they are way more likely to be retarded, schizos, and have other problems. Imagine how much more pronounced that would be if you started out a retarded schizo like Lucas.

 

[Da Dude123]

To anyone who is FB friends with the lolcow Lucas Werner: Is Lucas posting anything at all online? I have not seen an update from him in some time. Is he radio silent right now?

 

[A Silly Possum]

Is he radio silent right now?

No, not at all. He's been posting like a madman. He's heavily into another one of his schizo meme arcs again. Sorry for taking so long to post stuff, been super busy, but here's everything I've been snagging the past month or so.

Starting with a huge collection of all the memes he's been posting. So many of them are fucking CRAZY, but most of them are just pseudo science/intellectual Neil DeGrasse Tyson type bullshit. Also, this is only like 25-30% of the absolute torrent of memes he's been shitting out, these are just the more notable/funny ones.


A super on-brand post lmfao bro literally doesn't stop thinking about food. I can't even imagine him caring for an animal. I sincerely hope that never happens.


And as always: some more pics of his famous culinary skills. The last one always makes me nauseous whenever he posts it.



Bonus meme I found and thought was hilarious (not made by Lucas obviously):


That's all I got. All his texts posts have been super fucking boring. Just constant Christian sperging with zero engagement cuz nobody cares. Which makes him seethe even harder and post even more. I think he's doing the memes now to try to get people to share them since his page is private and you can't share his text posts anymore.

 

[Spunt]

Jesus. That's some of the worst food yet. The 'beetus must have completely destroyed his sense of taste. From left to right we have:

- Diseased anus with red cabbage
- Cat puke on beans
- Stomach lining on burnt toast, with cardboard
- Maggots in pus sauce
- Caterpillar-flavour dog food with bits of green rope
- Smoked oysters and easy-cheese on triscuits. I can't come up with anything funnier or more revolting than what it actually is. Dios mio.

 

[WonderWino]

Why would the god of abraham tell the israelites that jesus was bussin while telling the arabs that mohammad was bussin

.....What? Aside from the fact he looks utterly psychotic in that picture, like he is having an actual episode of some kind nothing he said there even makes sense. Not the least of which being his nonsensical adding 'bussin' in there in a way that doesn't even make sense and the fact that said god didn't say shit to the arabs, the entire star of islam is supposedly that god said all this shit to mohammad. So as usual lucas has no fucking clue what he's talking about and can't even get basic facts right about stuff that even the most anti religious people know isn't accurate to what is being claimed

Why do you accept jesus christ as your savior when horus, attis, mithra, krishna and dionysus were worshipped before him and had eerily similar stories

.....Also what? None of those had stories similar to jesus. Why the fuck is dionysus of all the gods even on that list? Lucas doesn't even know who any of those are. No way he didn't see that posted by some other idiot as stupid as he is, thought it sounded smart and posted it thinking it would make him sound smart

How did adam and eve know not to eat from the tree of knowledge without having eaten from the tree of knowledge

LOL lucas proving yet again he's not only an idiot who doesn't think before he speaks, but has absolutely no understanding of the christian theology he rants about. How did they know he asks? Because according to said theology god explicitly told them not to. This is common knowledge even to people who aren't christians because its so well known. Fucking hell lucas is stupid. and that dumbshit smug smirk he has going on in that pic just makes him stupider

The blinking of an electron in and out of existence is itself manifesting in the real universe through positive square roots within physics and an imaginary number negaverse of negative square roots manifesting only through mathematics

Says the idiot who failed remedial high school math. Literal schizo word salad

They used to drown witches and hang blacks from branches. Now they control nuclear switches with homophobic twitches

He still doesn't understand nobody used to drown witches or what the point of the dunking stool actually was. To say nothing of the fact that none of that makes any sense at all. Its another schizo word salad. And again with his uncle fester pose I see

You've experienced this moment a googolplexian amount of times but it always feels like the moment is being experienced anew as the universe revoots backward in time and boots forward in time

More usage of words he doesn't understand to try to make people think he sounds smart. He is also, yet again, repeating the long disproven theory of the big crunch. All the math points to a universe that will expand for eternity leading to inevitable heat death. Not a cycle of the kind he's claiming. and even the big crunch theory did not in any way imply that kind of circular cycles. He is repeating the nonsense from that movie kpax, which is rather ironic considering the whole kevin spacey being a predator just like he is side of things. Lucas is the living embodiment of 'explain it to me like i'm 5 years old' yet still doesn't understand anything

If I ever have a white female cat i'll name her mayonaise... may for short

Lucas would probably eat his cat, or trade it for a bowl of ramen. and of course, every thought that comes into his head somehow involves food. Even when he's thinking about cats. All he thinks about is eating and fucking. If possible he'd so it at the same time. Imagine what he'd be like if someone invited him to one of those japanese meals where they eat sushi off of a naked woman. No way there wouldn't be a news worthy incident by the end of that meal

You know what I need when I don't know what I need? pork sausage with cabbage mix on an english muffin

That is yet another toasterbortion tier revolting thing I can't even call food

Asparagus with queso and salsa

He put melted cheese (not cheese sauce mind you, actual melted cheese, likely in the microwave) on asparagus with salsa. Disgusting. Not to mention what asparagus does to you. He would have been pissing like a horse and it would have absolutely reeked. No way he didn't smell like asparagus piss for days after eating that. Its also one of the things you're not supposed to eat with kidney issues because of that side effect

Macaroni noodles, one can of tomato sauce, macaroni sauce packet. I call it a wern rock me off. it tastes exactly like spaghettios

'Wern rock me off' more like 'wern off his rocker' putting a literal can of tomato sauce in a bowl of KD after putting the cheese on it. Disgusting

Macaroni, no milk, no butter, no problem. Added sausage and half a cup of water

Thats disgusting. It would have been a slimy, watery mess. You're supposed to get all the water out of it before you add the cheese. Nobody in their right mind would eat that. No fucking way he doesn't have some degree of autism

Worlds best snack

So.... canned smoked oysters covered in spray cheese from a can, on a triscuit and served with an energy drink

So he's back to drinking energy drinks in hot weather again. Sugar free of course because no doubt he thinks that makes it totally ok and safe despite there being no way he wasn't told to never touch them with his kidney issues. Those oysters are full of fat and who the fuck knows what chemicals and the spray cheese goes without saying. and you know he sprayed half the rest of the bottle in his mouth after eating that. Lets not ignore his response to showing it off either:

Good protein and calcium makes for a firmer shit without diarrhea. Its going to feel like a million dollar dump

Yet again saying completely inappropriate things nobody (especially women) want to hear. To say nothing of the fact theres no calcium in any of that, especially that processed 'cheese' The only way he's making that unhealthier is if he added some vodka and deep fried it all

Also, I think that quote earns lucas a random.txt entry

You know what astounds me? The most astounding fact wern knows! Whats the universe made of? Math

Again, says the guy who failed remedial math, several times if you include high school. Math is an abstract concept used to describe things in an understandable manner. Nothing is actually made of math

Just because you're part of the first church that formed does not mean that you're right any more than alchemy preceding chemistry or astronomy make alchemy or astrology correct. Not only that your entire religion was plagiarized from previous religions

Just because you worship bernie sanders doesn't mean bernie is right any more than trump is lucas. Especially seeing as all of bernies actions are plagiarized from previous politicians. Aside from that one could argue that if anything drawing aspects of previous religions into newer ones could mean bringing more correct aspects of it into said newer religions, assuming those are the correct aspects to begin with. He's making the opposite point he thinks he is from a religious standpoint

Praying in devotion to god is lauding the strengths of a dictator that wiped out civilization 5 times in the old testament and promises to do it again in the new testament

.....What? Five times? Somebody is confusing a certain great flood with nuking sodom and shit and why does he devote himself to bernie when bernie would be just as likely as anyone else to do the same shit as every other president?

Why would a perfect being who makes no mistakes create humans just to destroy them over and over again for making mistakes he himself created for humans to make?

Lucas forgot about the whole free will thing. Not that 'I give you free will do do as you please but i'll destroy you if you don't do what I wanted anyway' is actually amounting to granting free will but thats another discussion

On the other hand maybe god is just a fan of the sims

Why are these bigots on bullhorns allowed at gay pride events but allowed at skippers who serve shellfish and why not kick the same ones out of banks because its easier for a camel to fit through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to get into heaven

Aside from the fact that last part is generally believed to be a mistranslation at this point what the fuck is he talking about? Christianity is quite clear being gay is a big no no so it makes sense why they'd be at said gay pride events protesting them and christians don't have a prohibition against eating shellfish. That was dropped after they split off from jews

When an explosion happens within space it happens within 3 dimensions. When an explosion happens in time it can only happen in the two dimensions of forward and backward. When a space time explosion happens in a black hole the gravitation doubles as allowed by this universe moving backwards in time making the gravitation so strong it can attract a massless particle namely light

More 'I failed math' nonsense. There are no explosions in black holes let alone explosions in time. Where the fuck does he even get this nonsense from?

 

[Cnaiur urs Skiotha]

Damn, Lucas is just the epitome of a dumb guy who thinks he's a genius huh? He has very clearly never read a book. You can tell his whole "understanding" of physics, the history of religion etc. comes from skimming Wikipedia articles mixed with his own galaxy-brain "insights". Like clearly he read something about the uncertainty principle with regard to electrons, misinterpreted it to mean electrons are popping in and out of existence constantly, and came up with his own word salad about how they go to a "negative square root universe made of math" or whatever. Not a single piece of evidence, formula, citation of an actual physicist etc. of course, just "I laid in bed in the nursing home for a long time thinking about this and it makes sense to me," lol. If he actually thinks he's a genius theoretical physicist, why does he limit himself to FB statuses? Write a paper and try to get it published man! I need the entertainment.

The religion sperging is just tiring at this point. Nobody is arguing with him. Again he's clearly stumbling onto wiki factoids and acting like he's found the one true proof religion (usually Christianity) is bullshit. Yes, there were pre-Christian gods like Osiris who got killed and reborn, and you can use that among other things to frame Christianity as a cultural product of the ancient Near East and not a unique divine revelation from outside human culture etc etc., if you did it in a much smarter way. Unlike with physics, Lucas' surface-level reading on religion occasionally hits on an argument like this that has been made much more cogently by smarter people in the past, or he comes across one of the contradictions in the Bible or whatever. It's not that all of his anti-religious arguments are totally without validity, it's that he half understands them, cribs them from smarter people, phrases them in unclear, obnoxious, and needlessly combative ways, and then blasts them out to social media in an unending argument with nobody in a pathetic attempt to feel right and smart and better than stupid christoids. I'm a fedora-tipper myself and there are plenty of legitimate criticisms of religion, but even when Lucas stumbles across one and cribs it he manages to make it dumb as fuck.

And the food... what can we say at this point? I'm just amazed that every dish he makes is so disgusting. Why does every meal have to be some weird experiment with clashing tastes and textures? Actually it's similar to his physics and religion sperging in a way. Instead of cracking open a book (in this case a cookbook) and trying to follow what other smarter people have done before, Lucas the avant-garde genius has to just wing it with pure experimentation. The results are just as obviously shit as his intellectual experiments, and he's just as confident that this is another proof of his genius, tragically unrecognized by this plebian trash world.

I guess you could summarize all of this as the Dunning-Kruger effect: Lucas is too stupid to realize how stupid he is and sounds. Actually smart people know that in any given field (theoretical physics, philosophy of religion, biology, cooking with food bank ingredients) there are other smart people that came before them who spent their lives thinking about these subjects and wrote books on them, and that to meaningfully contribute you have to read at least some of the existing material and engage with it. When has Lucas ever once mentioned the title of a book or the name of a scholar? In classic low-IQ narc fashion he wants you to think he thought of everything himself.