Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[Falcon Sebben]

HERE IS THE COOKBOOK PDF!!!

I can't take any credit for this though, this was bought and shared by a benevolent soul on the PC+TLM discord.
It's so bad- so, so, fucking bad. A ton of recipes don't have actual instructions but are just a link to his youtube videos, there's stolen images, recipes repeated right after each other, the punctuation and capitalization is all over the place. This is the most stroked out shit I've ever seen and I love it.


EDIT: Adding images because aaaaaaaaaaa
View attachment 5186070View attachment 5186071
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PDF below:

I am in fucking awe of the absolute state of this document. I can't call it a cookbook because it's a fucking joke.

He's literally just copied the comments he left on his videos. On page 8 for the "Beverages" that are so fucking retarded that even retards could have figured them out. I mean "Iced Coffee" is cold coffee, milk or cream and sugar. OMG! Who the FUCK couldn't have figured that out? And he had to include them twice. He's also literally left in the links to his youtube playlist.

For his Lazy Man Omelette? Just watch the video. Then what the fuck is the point of the book if directions are "watch the video"?

Other times the recipe is listed, then listed again but this time with a picture.

And he's had the gall to rate his recipes with stars as if he knows what good food is.

 

[beepbopisuckcock]

View attachment 5186145

This is great but I think it could use a youtube link. May I humbly suggest https://youtu.be/AyOqGRjVtls.

 

[Tiresome]

Recipes are perpetually useful, and the idea of a 'bachelors easy cook book' would appeal to the exact sort of person who's broke enough to be hitting up the internet archive for cookbooks.

It's been done, years ago, for free, but with a lot more class than this steaming pile 'o crap.

https://cdn.preterhuman.net/texts/recipes/ArsTechnica%20-%20Cookbook.pdf

 

[EatYourVeggies]

The cookbook is a thing of beauty Here's my favorite parts:

He desperately tried to increase the page count, so there are some pages with 1 or 2 words on them


And my favorite page of all, page 96, which has NOTHING on it at all!



He didn't proofread at all, the same recipes show up twice quite frequently in this already short """cookbook"", sometimes even twice in a row with a slightly different image:

The most ubiquitous ingredient, to no one's surprise, is CHEEEEESEEE. Thanks for the health advice, strokebrain.



There are various funny formatting mistakes:


Lazy Lazy Man's, because a regular Lazy Man would scoff at this recipe.




His cooking instructions, when provided, are laughably bad and has people go to his youtube:

 

[an retard]

This whole document is peak Jack, its like an absurdist comedy piece but you know its genuinely made by a retard with a half functioning brain. I want to print this into an actual book format and give copies to people to utterly fucking frustrate them.

 

[SandyCat]

All of these recipes read like they were written by someone who hates cooking but likes eating

 

[Comma]

Imagine creating a 100+ page PDF file and not even have the table of contents contain clickable chapter titles.

This "professional" "cookbook" has had less effort put into it than a report from the average college student who put it together during the night of the assignment deadline while smoking pot.

-EDIT-

Also, last page:

No idea what a 375 is, but you have to bake it for 30-35 minutes.

-EDIT2-

Even creating a readable ordered list is too much too ask:

A literal 12-year-old would've done a better job. Jesus Christ, Jack.

 

[Sugriva]

Holy shit, his chicken and waffles recipe is amazing. Not only does it contain zero mention of waffles, but he also felt the need to tell us that he fucked up while cooking his own recipe.

 

[Charlie Delicious]

this cookbook is Meta Jack

 

[p1138]

This whole document is peak Jack, its like an absurdist comedy piece but you know its genuinely made by a retard with a half functioning brain. I want to print this into an actual book format and give copies to people to utterly fucking frustrate them.

The best part about this is that we've got examples of writings from other retarded lolcows, plenty of them and they're all far better than this shit. This is the absolute fucking dumbest shit to put into a PDF and try to sell.

I also forgot to mention earlier, because of his lazy fucking copy/paste he's advertising his shitty BBQ sauce again!

 

[Octopi]

Holy fuck. If someone had made this as a parody of Jack, you would consider it a bit too on the nose vis a vis retardation. But no, it's REAL.

I seem to recall a class activity around age 5 or 6 that had us all write a recipe, and then the teacher had to try and follow the recipe word for word, demonstrating the need for clear & concise instructions. I guarantee those recipes were 1000x more coherent and directive than Jagoff's PAID FOR cookbook.

 

[LobsterBoy669]

This book is art.

 

[Girl Named Sandoz]

same energy

 

[Vect]

The only way Jack 'Ovenmelter' Scalfani could be more on-brand is if he had a recipe that's just the number to an out-of-business takeaway.

You really don't want to be in a situation where ChatGPT comes up with better written, better sounding and less lethal versions of your 'signature' recipes.

Spoiler: ChatGPT'S Lazy Man's Casserole

Ingredients:
- 1 pound ground meat (e.g., beef, turkey, or chicken)
- 1 can condensed soup (e.g., cream of mushroom, cream of chicken, or tomato)
- 1 package frozen mixed vegetables
- 1 package frozen tater tots or hash browns
- Salt and pepper to taste
- Optional: shredded cheese for topping

Instructions:
1. Preheat your oven to the temperature specified on the package of frozen tater tots or hash browns.
2. In a large skillet, cook the ground meat over medium heat until it is browned and cooked through. Season with salt and pepper to taste.
3. Drain any excess fat from the skillet, then stir in the condensed soup and frozen mixed vegetables. Mix well.
4. Transfer the meat and vegetable mixture to a casserole dish and spread it out evenly.

Spoiler: ChatGPT'S Lazy Man's Pizza

Ingredients:
- 1 pre-made pizza crust (store-bought or pre-made dough)
- 1/2 cup pizza sauce
- 1 1/2 cups shredded mozzarella cheese
- Toppings of your choice (e.g., pepperoni, mushrooms, bell peppers, onions, olives, etc.)

Instructions:
1. Preheat your oven to the temperature specified on the pre-made pizza crust or dough package.
2. Place the pizza crust on a baking sheet or pizza stone.
3. Spread the pizza sauce evenly over the crust, leaving a small border around the edges.
4. Sprinkle the shredded mozzarella cheese evenly over the sauce.
5. Add your desired toppings, such as pepperoni, mushrooms, bell peppers, onions, olives, or any other ingredients you like.
6. Place the pizza in the preheated oven and bake according to the time and temperature instructions on the pre-made crust or dough package, or until the cheese is melted and bubbly, and the crust is golden brown.
7. Remove the pizza from the oven and let it cool for a few minutes before slicing and serving.
8. Enjoy your lazy man's pizza!

Note: You can also experiment with different types of cheeses, sauces, and toppings to suit your taste. Feel free to get creative and have fun with it!

Spoiler: ChatGPT'S Lazy Man's Soup

Ingredients:
- 1 can condensed soup of your choice (e.g., tomato, chicken noodle, vegetable, or minestrone)
- 1 can mixed vegetables, drained
- 1 can beans of your choice, drained and rinsed (e.g., kidney beans, black beans, or chickpeas)
- Optional: cooked meat (e.g., shredded chicken, ground beef, or diced ham)
- Salt and pepper to taste
- Optional: herbs or spices for added flavor (e.g., parsley, thyme, or garlic powder)

Instructions:
1. In a large pot, combine the condensed soup, mixed vegetables, beans, and any optional cooked meat.
2. Stir well to combine all the ingredients.
3. Add salt, pepper, and any herbs or spices you prefer to season the soup to your taste.
4. Place the pot over medium heat and bring the soup to a simmer.
5. Let the soup simmer for about 10-15 minutes, stirring occasionally to prevent sticking.
6. Taste the soup and adjust the seasoning if needed.
7. Once the soup is heated through and the flavors have melded together, it is ready to be served.
8. Ladle the soup into bowls and enjoy your lazy man's soup!

Note: Feel free to add other ingredients like cooked pasta, rice, or additional vegetables to customize the soup according to your preferences. You can also serve the soup with crusty bread or crackers for a complete meal.

Spoiler: ChatGPT'S Lazy Man's Fudge

Ingredients:
- 1 can sweetened condensed milk
- 3 cups semi-sweet chocolate chips
- 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
- Optional: chopped nuts, sprinkles, or any other desired toppings

Instructions:
1. Line an 8x8 inch baking dish with parchment paper or aluminum foil, leaving some overhang on the sides for easy removal of the fudge.
2. In a microwave-safe bowl, combine the sweetened condensed milk and chocolate chips.
3. Microwave the mixture on high for 30-second intervals, stirring well after each interval until the chocolate chips are completely melted and the mixture is smooth.
4. Stir in the vanilla extract until well combined.
5. Pour the fudge mixture into the prepared baking dish and spread it out evenly.
6. If desired, sprinkle chopped nuts, sprinkles, or any other toppings on top of the fudge and press them lightly into the surface.
7. Place the baking dish in the refrigerator and let the fudge chill for at least 2 hours, or until it is firm and set.
8. Once the fudge is set, remove it from the refrigerator and lift it out of the baking dish using the overhanging parchment paper or foil.
9. Cut the fudge into small squares or rectangles.
10. Serve and enjoy your lazy man's fudge!

Note: You can get creative with this recipe by adding different flavors or mix-ins, such as peanut butter, marshmallows, or crushed cookies. Feel free to experiment and make it your own!

I'm going to show this to the French chef at my culinary school and tell him this man is famous and has a huge fan following, just to see the expression on his face.

 

[Kosher Salt]

I know we don't touch, but it would be hilarious if he got a DMCA takedown over his collection of stolen recipes.
He's admitted in the past that all his recipes are stolen, but like a bitch, he blames Tammy.
Happy stickers to anyone who can track down the video of him saying so. I remember it was filmed in their pseudo office area.

Recipes can't be copyrighted. Images can, descriptions can, and the overall typesetting can. But the list of ingredients and steps required to transform them into food? Nope.

The best part about this is that we've got examples of writings from other retarded lolcows, plenty of them and they're all far better than this shit. This is the absolute fucking dumbest shit to put into a PDF and try to sell.

I wonder if I still have a copy of the Fit Vegan Ginger's cookbook PDF somewhere. It'd be fun to do a side by side comparison to see which is lazier and less competently edited.

You really don't want to be in a situation where ChatGPT comes up with better written, better sounding and less lethal versions of your 'signature' recipes.

I actually throw together a version of that "ChatGPT'S Lazy Man's Casserole" recipe from time to time. It appears to have forgotten to mention that you've got to top it with the tots/hash browns (and cheese, optionally) and then actually bake it for the time given on the frozen taters packaging, though.

 

[Agent Abe Caprine]

Holy shit, his chicken and waffles recipe is amazing. Not only does it contain zero mention of waffles, but he also felt the need to tell us that he fucked up while cooking his own recipe.
View attachment 5186832

I don't think taking chicken cooking advice from Jack is a good idea.

 

[AltisticRight]

This recipe book is an abomination spawned by Satan himself. 109 pages, seriously? That sounds like the amount of recipes he's screwed up but none of it was ever his fault.

>Lazy man's omelette
HOW CAN YOU MAKE AN OMELETTE RECIPE EVEN LAZIER?????


Shredded cheddar
cheese
Shredded Parmesan
Butter
minced Garlic

Was he drunk? He can't even keep the formatting consistent. Where are the quantities?

For the love of Jesus, Jack. That's like half a kilo of dairy.

Look at the 5th page.


So only two appetisers. I guess every appetiser is the main course with this fat fuck. His beverages are literally just mixing sprite with flavouring, that's not a recipe is it?


>Cheese
Of course.
"Directions, watch video". This "cookbook" was written by a fat lazy slob.
Also on page 83 (or 80 according to the Table of Contents because this fat idiot can't use Word properly), this recipe appears again under "main dish".


Oh dear Lord...


>Lazy man bread
Just buy bread from your local bakery, nigga.

Most of the photos are just commonly found free stock photos online.


Okay I understand why now. Is this chicken even cooked?


Some recipes span 3 pages while others simply link to a YouTube video.

This looks absolutely vile.

 

[SpotOnTheWall]

Somebody stop Jack! He's trying to use the forbidden numbers!



And here's some of my favorite recipes of the bunch:



Image that's JPEG'd to death (and makes him look like more of a tard), plus the 6th stroke he had typing the one (1) ingredient.



Featuring my favorite ingredient: inside



Jack, buddy, how can we make it if you don't give us the directions?
Oh, wait, he put them all with the ingredients like a retard



I know somebody already mentioned "e", but it's too funny for me to ignore.



Why he thought anybody would want to eat what looks like Shrek's cum is beyond me.

Special mention to the recipes he included twice, even listing them twice in the table of contents:




Lazy Man's Review Score: 5 stars, very gud!

 

[80's Dad]

Featuring my favorite ingredient: inside

MANDOLIN ORANGES.

 

[AnOminous]

Lazy Man's Cockmeat Sandwich

Thrust face down on enormous black dick
Swallow