🐷 Ethan Ralph's Twitter / Tweets - A collection of thoughts, insights and musings from the internet's favorite gunted hobbit

[Fornicario]

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Link

Just remember he has kids

He probably forgot about them again. It's not like he was ever an involved parent in the first place.

 

[AnOminous]

"Want in one hand and shit in the other. See what happens first." - Ronnie Ralph.

WTF does that even mean?! That R.Ralph would say that and turned out to have schizophrenia does not shock me.

The real saying is "wish in one hand and shit in the other, see which fills up first."

 

[reptile baht spaniard rid]

I sometimes wonder how much he realizes. He started off in a braindead tutorial that ensured he wouldn't die. He never left that tutorial, but it left him eons ago.

Ralph is fundamentally worse off now than were he started. All because he refused to leave the starting zone.

It almost fits ...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rL3AgkwbYgo

And then one day you find ten years have got behind you
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun

And you run and you run to catch up with the sun, but it's sinking
Racing around to come up behind you again
The sun is the same in a relative way, but you're older
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death

 

[Don'tAnalizeMeBro!]

To be fair, Ralph did start the game as a journalist(lol) so he needed a story mode.

The problems are:

1. EOR writes at the level of a 12-year-old girl writing in her diary.

2. EOR never got his degree in journalism or even graduated college. While the reasons for that have been discussed the previous problem is likely entwined in some way with this problem.

I don't know about this, even his current situation is better than being a NEET living off of his disabled mothers social security and calling his online trolling efforts "journalism".

I don't think I agree that his current living situation is better than when he was living with a mooching off of Sandra. Since he move out of Sandra's house and Sandra has passed he's really fallen off the rails, to the point where he's now living in Mexico alone.

 

[Mr E. Grifter]

I don't think I agree that his current living situation is better than when he was living with a mooching off of Sandra. Since he move out of Sandra's house and Sandra has passed he's really fallen off the rails, to the point where he's now living in Mexico alone.

The pictures of him as he is told to leave the room by that gamergate tranny, indicate he was a fat, poor, smelly virgin.

Now he's just fat and smelly, as he has enough for a cheap Mexican prostitute every night or so.... Nah lol he deffo can't get his dick hard on the reg.

 

[Hyacinth Bucket (Bouquet)]

Even Amanda might not be stupid enough to go back. If you haven't spent time with an infant, it's hard to overstate how much better her life is in NY. Having family around who are happy to take the baby for a walk or otherwise share the load an attention is life-changing. Even if Ralph were a minimally decent father and provider, living just the two of them in Mexico would be hard and depressing.

 

[Sam Losco's Wife]

"Want in one hand and shit in the other. See what happens first." - Ronnie Ralph.

WTF does that even mean?!

You know that old West Memphis saying muh Ronnie used to say: Booze in one hand and watching a nigger fuck muh waif in the other hand.

 

[MirnaMinkoff]

Even Amanda might not be stupid enough to go back. If you haven't spent time with an infant, it's hard to overstate how much better her life is in NY. Having family around who are happy to take the baby for a walk or otherwise share the load an attention is life-changing. Even if Ralph were a minimally decent father and provider, living just the two of them in Mexico would be hard and depressing.

This is true, but more so if you are a decent, attentive parent. I got the idea shit was hard for Pantsu and Rozy, but also Pantsu was the type of mom who could let a baby scream itself to sleep for hours in a room alone, while she watches anime, without being too troubled or just annoyed.

I had an aunt and uncle years ago who were raving about what a good baby their third child was, first one she had that slept through the night like an angel! I spent the night at their house and the baby wailed half the night but they were so dog tired they all slept right though it. I'd assume similar situation in Mexico, only during the night and day, and instead of sleep, it's headphones/earbuds drowning out the crying.

I'm so glad Rozy has extended family around her now. Instead of wailing in a crib while skeeters feast on her and roaches climb the walls. (Given Ralph's living conditions with Sandra I'm sure he's very accustomed to co-habitating with cockroaches, but Pantsu was not.)

 

[Don'tAnalizeMeBro!]

I'm so glad Rozy has extended family around her now. Instead of wailing in a crib while skeeters feast on her and roaches climb the walls. (Given Ralph's living conditions with Sandra I'm sure he's very accustomed to co-habitating with cockroaches, but Pantsu was not.)

IF those marks on Rozy were really bug bites.

 

[Blue Miaplacidus]

I'm so glad Rozy has extended family around her now. Instead of wailing in a crib while skeeters feast on her and roaches climb the walls.

And people who won't throw her into a truck without a carseat while the driver is high, drunk, and a zombie on xanax.

 

[Burd Turglar]

The real saying is "wish in one hand and shit in the other, see which fills up first."

Nah, I'm pretty sure the saying is "shit in one hand because you took half a bottle of xanies with the other".

 

[GamerGateSurvivor]

If Ralph suicided, would the only indication be that he disappears from the Internet? I suppose Harry and Vickers would wonder where the child support payments are and Vickers would have to open his big dumb mouth. If he didn't have to shuck n jive on cozy dot gov for his supper, I think it'd be a good prank to disappear completely for a few months.

Spoiler: How we'll know Ralph is dead

>Be Mexican coroner
>Get called to a house
>Figure it's another cartel murder
>See a bunch of cops standing outside
>They're puking their guts out
>Ask one of them what's going on
>Cops make it sound like an Eldritch horror is growing in there
>One of them is absolutely hysterical
>He's screaming "El Diablo! El Diablo!"
>Put on the hazmat suit
>Open the door
>The air's so putrid you can feel it on your hazmat suit
>Walk into what looks like a recording studio
>See a blob of flesh on the ground
>It's been there for weeks
>That pile of flesh is surrounded by empty tequila bottles and bags of knockoff Xanax
>Immediately guess an overdose
>See a note on the desk
>Read it
>It's an odd note mixed with regret and anger
>It mentions his two children
>Also his three ex women
>The kindest words are reserved for Nora
>Faith gets told he's glad he leaked their sex tape
>Pantsu gets called a pedo horse he should've never knocked up
>See movement out of the corner of your eye
>Swear you saw the pile of flesh on the ground jiggle
>Figure it's just gas escaping
>Keep reading the note
>See genuine regret for not being there when his mother died
>See nothing but vitriol for his father
>See the pile of flesh jiggle again
>This time you know you're not hallucinating
>A tendril of flesh reaches out for you
>It grabs your ankle
>You're yanked off your feet
>You get dragged towards to flesh
>You scream for your life
>It consumes you
>Feel the hazmat suit being dissolved away
>Everything goes black
>Wake up outside
>See paramedics standing over you
>They tell you how the cops found you passed out on the floor
>Feel okay
>A few days pass
>Find yourself drinking tequila more than usual
>Wife is concerned
>She brings this up with you
>Holler at her
>She takes your children and leaves
>Drink more
>Miss work
>They fire you
>Start spending your savings on knockoff Xanax
>Get the urge to livestream
>A growing audience of curious A-Logs watches you get fatter as you drink
>Your newly acquired gunt bifurcates
>Start hollering about your ex wife being a whore
>Drink all the tequila and eat all the Xanax
>OD on stream
>The stream keeps running
>The audience sees the police checking out your body
>They see your gunt jiggle
>They send messages warning the police
>It's too late
>The flesh grabs two of the cops
>It consumes them
>They spread the gunt to their fellow officers
>The gunt spreads to their families
>The gunt consumes Mexico
>Even the cartels have been reduced to hollering gunts too fucked up to smuggle drugs
>An armada of planes appears in the sky
>Napalm rains onto the earth turning Mexico into a sea of fire
>Blobs of burning flesh litter the streets
>Soldiers in hazmat suits wielding flamethrowers burn every organic thing they can find
>The flesh responds by amalgamating into a giant Akira monster
>The flesh monster hollers about Jawsh Moon and his Broke Dick Farms as it consumes the soldiers spraying it with napalm
>Every living person in Mexico is screaming Armageddon
>Streaks of light fill the smoke-choked sky
>Suddenly bright flashes of light
>Atoms are split
>Even the flesh monster can't withstand the atomic energy being unleashed
>All that's left of Mexico is a radioactive wasteland with a still smoldering mountain of carbonized flesh in the middle of it
>All is peaceful
>That is until Brazilian drug smugglers are driving through with home made radiation proof armored cars
>They're drunk on tequila and high off whatever drugs they're smuggling
>They crash into the smoldering flesh mound
>The car gets smashed into pieces
>All the booze and pills finds its way onto the flesh
>It jiggles

 

[Mundane Ralph]

"Want in one hand and shit in the other. See what happens first." - Ronnie Ralph.

@Null can you add this to the random quotes

 

[Fannyscum]

He's single and ready to mingle ladies:

Tweet | Archive

Why is he so fired up? Is it true that he's capitulated to the Vickers and signed away his first born son to those California Coin Merchants?:

Ralph is going to find a way to lose his rights to the name "Ralph" at this rate.

 

[ZeDarkKnight]

If Ralph suicided, would the only indication be that he disappears from the Internet? I suppose Harry and Vickers would wonder where the child support payments are and Vickers would have to open his big dumb mouth. If he didn't have to shuck n jive on cozy dot gov for his supper, I think it'd be a good prank to disappear completely for a few months.

His only 'job' is Nick's faggot group, so him vanishing would be a huge deal. He also likes to brag on social media, so him vanishing would be another red flag.

Other then that, no. The Mexicans won't care about some fat retard from burger land and would probably toss him in a shallow grave

 

[Mr E. Grifter]

He's single and ready to mingle ladies:
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Tweet | Archive

Why is he so fired up? Is it true that he's capitulated to the Vickers and signed away his first born son to those California Coin Merchants?:
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Ralph is going to find a way to lose his rights to the name "Ralph" at this rate.

Mr. Vickers is going to fuck this up again, and somehow Ralph will end up with Xander in his possession getting paid $1000 a month.

 

[Telemeter]

If Ralph paper aborts Xander, Jim wins, Ralph is forever a deadbeat father, and Jim's shirts would be elevated to invaluable prophetic relics.

 

[Cringestorian X]

link | archive

Love Meter Status :


you still can save her ralph

 

[Blue Miaplacidus]

Yes, this is something that doesn't really get talked about much but remember that during the Xanny stream in Dax's basement (right after the horse bolted) he was very angry and blurted some lines about fighting with the Ralph family. They wanted to build something on one of the properties Ralph considers "his" and he was very angry about it.
I don't remember all the details (and again, they only came from a very intoxicated Ralph so we don't have the whole story), but there is absolutely conflict going on between him and the rest of the family because Ralph wants access to stuff that is probably not his.

It's his daddy's crack shack, he's not paying taxes on it. He owes for 2 almost 3 years now, and the uncle who owns properties and rents them out wants to buy him out, or bitched at him about it. So ralph said he'll build a church on it, or give it to trannies or something, before giving it to his family. He acts like his uncle is scum for Ethan Ralph not paying his taxes.

 

[GradeAGobbleDeeGook]

please god, please let Ralph have actually thought he could turn Grace into his new trad waifu
oh Ralph... sure she probably fucked her dad but she is still far beyond out of your league, her father looks better than you do and thats a really sad thing to say
i sure hope he didnt start feeling something special was brewing lol, this bitch is straight up trouble