Mastectomy
Dec 12, 2006 - Mastectomy surgery in Baltimore
Performative happy crying the night before the surgery
1 year post top surgery (2007)
- She recites scripts about how she felt so good after surgery. She says while she didn't have 'chest dysphoria' before surgery, afterwards she realized it was “traumatic” to have breasts. Her mastectomy was the most “empowering” thing to happen in her 23 years. She "can't wait to get lower stuff done". But she will be working on the debt for a while. ($6900)
Jan 7, 2008 - top surgery revision. she had a calcified hematoma the size of a marble

you can see she is already balding from testosterone. She also got a “pump” for her clit to prepare for “lower surgery”
May 2010 - years after her initial top surgery videos,
she shares a different side of the experience, almost as if her previous video was total lies
- She says she had numbness in the chest for quite a while and still has no erotic sensation there.
- She regained some feeling but most of chest still numb which made her feel disconnected from body and increased dysphoria.
- She said she felt like something was missing for a few months after surgery and felt the phantom sensation of her breasts.
Penis envy, self harm and hysterectomy
In 2009 in several videos she seemed to become extremely fixated with having a penis. She says this is causing her extreme dysphoria and depression. this is her school shooter looks era
- She talked about metoidioplasty vs phalloplasty with a gay male friend who told her he’d go with meta because of function over size. This friend later told her she has a bigger dick than some guys he’s fucked. lol
- She says lower surgery is “exciting” but not as much as top surgery
- She wishes more FTMs talked about body issues and dysphoria post transition
- She says she got so calm and less depression on T, that the male hormones cleared her head. But, she gets really upset about how turned on she gets after her injection, she is too horny and agitated at the beginning of the week and then has no energy at the end of the week. Now she expects her mental health to improve after hysterectomy.
- She likes to brag that she is able to penetrate with her clit. Then downgrades to “somewhat penetrate” with "creative positioning". She says her gf preferred this to a strap on
- “it’s a penis it just doesn’t have a urethra, it doesn’t ejaculate, but it’s a penis, it’s the same thing.” She says her enlarged clit is the same as a born male with small penis. she is upset at girls telling her they "wouldn't know what to do with it"
- She is also obsessed with “pee boners” and says born males also get pee boners
- She says her “penis controls my life” and urges women not to leave their boyfriends with blue balls, because now she understands that cooming is an insatiable need for males and says blue balls leads to rape. She says her penis has a mind of its own and that erections control her thoughts.
- Now she claims she is intersex.
- She theorizes that the state of your penis reflects the state of your mind.
- She says she has struggled with self harm since she was 14 and so has scars all over her body. she was addicted to the feeling of being high after cutting
- says this wasn’t just cutting but she stuck needles into her arm causing hematomas so great under her skin that doctors thought her arm might need to be amputated.
- She also lists other methods like burning, bruising, and not allowing scabs to heal.
- She says she has cut herself less than 20 times since T while used to cut every day in high school.
- also apparently she is now claiming to be jewish even though her mom is Catholic, she went to Catholic school, her mom is a Catholic school teacher.
in
2014 (7 years on T) she starts getting severe pain. she also has a new look, now more of a trashy gay hipster. later in the year becomes actively very suicidal and gets diagnosed with bipolar
- constant pain like period cramps not only during her cycle, waking her up at night, doubling over in public
- she syncs up period with female partners and friends
- she wants a hysterectomy to stop the pain but has no dysphoria from ovaries
- she feels "at war with herself endocrinologically"
In another video she "comes out" as bipolar. Her therapist thinks her mania manifests in lower dysphoria
- She has been thinking about suicide a lot, has been actively suicidal for the past 2 months. She said she also had a serious suicide attempt at 17
- she says from 1 7-20 she didn’t know about trans then she saw her first FTM and immediately socially transitioned. Then she then got a therapist letter and started hormone therapy at 20. In high school and college before she transitioned she was on 5 different psych meds and it was hell on her body, she was throwing up and felt drunk to the point she missed class due to the psych meds
- “I’m so happy being a man!”
- She is now on lamictal which helps her cut back on the xanax she takes for social anxiety.
- She says her cramps are so bad she can’t get out of bed sometimes and her doctor told her that her ovaries are somehow very active despite nearly a decade on T.
- She says again that her weekly T shot plus her period cycles wreak havoc on her mental health.
2015 - She is finally getting hysterectomy “and all the works” (Removing all internal female genitalia).
- The ovaries were so shriveled the doctor could barely find them in pre-op.
- She hopes that after hysterectomy she will feel “empty but not in a bad way, free of what you were never supposed to have”.
- She hopes she will have more energy and that she can lower her T dose to not have such ups and downs based on her T levels.