Containment What If?

[CWCissey]

Eaten by poisonous koalas on the very first day.

I'd have gone with 'The dingo would eat the manbaby' myself.

:idea:

Today's news headlines (article in Finnish): the three most controversial political issues in Finland are the gay marriage, Swedish as a secondary official language, and the wolf conservation / hunting permits.

Chris would freak out over gay marriage, wouldn't make head or tails of Swedish (or any language for that matter), and would in all likelihood get randomly eaten by wolves even if he's way out of the wolf country.

Right, over here the top 3 UK related stories (sorry Michael Schumacher and popsicles in America/Canada!) are (at the moment)

Floods. (At least Chris would get a wash!)
Immigration. (Chris don't trust them Slavs over dere!)
A man from Liverpool who can drive despite having 45 points on his licence. (A man Chris can identify with if the Scouse ran people over while speeding!)

 

[Gurgie]

In Poland, his would be about 200$ a month (worth about 320$, if comparing Big Mac price). He could also get a free social flat (probably ruining it quickly). As Poland is a post-communist country, there would be some people sharing his mindset.

 

[TastyWoodenBadge]

He would be bullied mercilessly and forced to get a job.

Whoa, McDonald-Land is harsh.

In all seriousness Chris would struggle where I live due to the higher cost of living (thanks mining industry), his wouldn't really be enough to pay for things like bills, plus new video games are more expensive, plus the wildlife would want him dead, plus it gets bloody hot here during summer.

 

[Smokedaddy]

I don't know if tugboat rules are different by state though, he could probably acquire da tugboat just as easily here I bet.

They aren't. It's a Federal program.

 

[CatParty]

He would be bullied mercilessly and forced to get a job. It's funny he moans about Virginia but he has quite a cushy carefree life there compared to elsewhere.

can anything stop the grimace?

 

[NobleGreyHorse]

(Not my country of birth, but) I have no problem imagining Chris scarfing down a big plate of haggis, perhaps even with neeps and tatties if you salted and buttered the living shit out of them, as long as you never told him what was in it. Same for blood sausage, etc. but I think he could find plenty of fried shite on a scone to stuff himself with. Indeed, perhaps the deep-fried Mars bar was made specifically for him.

I think he'd be kind of astounded by the fact that the kilt is not actually a part of daily life for most men, unless those men are in pipe-and-drum bands that practice very frequently. The more serious problem is that Scotland is still ruled by the Westminster government, which has been kicking people off disability benefits left and right, including the blind. Also I don't see him getting asspats from the church, as the many flavors of Presbyterianism are all pretty hardcore and there's sociopolitical history tied in, etc. But besides the Outer Hebrides being SOGGY FREEZY!, I can see him doing fine on an island that's maybe 35 miles square (using Barra as my example here) and/or where most of the other inhabitants are literal animals. It would absolutely cut down on twolls harassing him in person if he lived someplace you had to park a plane on a beach to get to. Except... I may not have thought this through very well... is there even a GameStop in Stornoway? Le gasp.

 

[_blank_]

Although it's technically part of the US, the place I'm situated in, the Borderland of North Dakota, Chris would quickly realize how lucky he has it in Virginia.

There are three points a person quickly realizes when they get here.
1) We advertise ourselves as being the one region in the lower 48 that gets the least amount of sunlight and has the longest, coldest winters for a reason. Out of the 365, we're lucky to see blue skies for a third of that. Winter here lasts pretty much from October - May. People right now are bitching about it being in the 20s and 10s. Right now it is -13 here, with a wind chill in the -30s. And we carry on like this perfectly normal. We fucking go jogging in this shit. Chris would probably not last a month due to the cold.

2) After the first point, some of you wonder, "why the fuck would anybody live there?" And the answer is simple: you're here to work. Since we are part of the US, we do get SSI, but socially if Chris thinks he is ostracized now, he hasn't experienced anything yet. Folks 'round here don't appreciate people leeching offa dem gov't funds and while won' say it to your face directly, they will plot against you. Judge Holden mentioned the Wicker Man (awesome movie, btw) - it's kinda like that except less dramatic flair and more subterfuge and more backstabbing like getting your home condemned, spreading rumors against you around town. Seriously, it's a community who WILL troll you out of the region.

3) And this region is remote. Chris bitches GAS IS EXPENSIVE when he was to drive to Charlottesville. Let me give you some numbers: Closest McDonalds and Walmart is 70 miles away (and that Walmart is one of those they built back before they all became Super Walmarts). Closest GameStop is 140 miles. Closest Walgreens is three hours driving ONE WAY. Chris' Son-Chu would more than likely break down on one of the back country roads and would have to be brought back home in a combine.

Only real upside is how startlingly well-set we are when it comes to communications. Unlike what people think about rural America, we got tons of cell towers out here, and the internet is fantastic (if you know who to buy from). Of course this is brought to you by the GMO businesses and the Fracking outfits (Google it if you don't know what those are. Short definition is- Captain Planet's worst nightmares come to life).

So no, I highly doubt Chris would last out here.

 

[Kosher Dill]

In my native land of Molvania, Chris would probably inherit the position of village homo. While we are a conservative and traditional Methodist nation, the village homo is allowed to flaunt traditional gender roles without fear of punishment. In small towns it is still quite common to be greeted by a flirty wink and sweet sashay from a man in full makeup and denim miniskirt.

 

[CWCissey]

In my native land of Molvania, Chris would probably inherit the position of village homo. While we are a conservative and traditional Methodist nation, the village homo is allowed to flaunt traditional gender roles without fear of punishment. In small towns it is still quite common to be greeted by a flirty wink and sweet sashay from a man in full makeup and denim miniskirt.

Sounds just like Wales!

[youtube]KrlzaBNgz-M[/youtube]

 

[Judge Holden]

In my native land of Molvania, Chris would probably inherit the position of village homo. While we are a conservative and traditional Methodist nation, the village homo is allowed to flaunt traditional gender roles without fear of punishment. In small towns it is still quite common to be greeted by a flirty wink and sweet sashay from a man in full makeup and denim miniskirt.

Sounds just like Wales!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KrlzaBNgz-M

....you get one warning never to speak of little britain again. any further reference will lead to a violent razor-dick buggering from my posse

 

[CWCissey]

In my native land of Molvania, Chris would probably inherit the position of village homo. While we are a conservative and traditional Methodist nation, the village homo is allowed to flaunt traditional gender roles without fear of punishment. In small towns it is still quite common to be greeted by a flirty wink and sweet sashay from a man in full makeup and denim miniskirt.

Sounds just like Wales!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KrlzaBNgz-M

....you get one warning never to speak of little britain again. any further reference will lead to a violent razor-dick buggering from my posse

 

[GV 002]

I'd go with multiple ASBOs and benefits. He'd probably end up as a poster boy for the Daily Fail too, but it really depends where in the UK he'd end up as to how exactly he'd fare. In my hometown (the arsehole of Bucks, and no not the posh bit) he'd not last long at all as nobody would put up with his bullshit; he'd either be shanked for the Vita/3DS he insists on carrying around and braying his grievances in public, thrown bodily out my local pub's window if he dared go in, or die of food poisoning for choosing to go to the cheapest kebab houses. Where I'm living currently in Dorset he's probably blend into the background of grouchy retirees, chavvy holidaymakers, pretentious locals and snotty students.

Either that or he'd be beaten to death by the Big Issue sellers.

 

[Fuzzy Wuzzy]

I'm Vietnamese. Good luck to him living under a semi-communist government. A lot of the stuff he owns would generally be considered expensive in Vietnam. And we have black markets for Goodwill stores. Also, drinks with ice in them are dangerous in Vietnam because our water system is unsanitary compared to America and they must be boiled before being served or made into ice. Not only would he but also get sick easily. Don't forget occasional blackouts meaning his vidya experience would be ruined and so will his Internet.

I'm lucky to even live in Texas which is a part of the US. People here don't take too kindly to people who mooch off the welfare system and getting on the here tends to be difficult unless you're a Mexican immigrant from a poor family. Not to mention they don't hand out disabled driver licenses to autistic people meaning Chris can't park in handicapped lots here.

 

[hellbound]

Not only am I in the US, I'm in VA. So not much different there. But cost of living is probably higher in RVA than in Ruckersville, and we do have a lot more niggos.

 

[Francine StripeCheer]

In Ireland - he'd probably be the same, it's relatively easy to get Disability Allowance (equal to $256 a week, although higher cost-of-living)

In Poland, his would be about 200$ a month (worth about 320$, if comparing Big Mac price). He could also get a free social flat (probably ruining it quickly). As Poland is a post-communist country, there would be some people sharing his mindset.

He would get the crap beaten out of him by dresy if he tried that tomgirl stuff

 

[Anchuent Christory]

(Not my country of birth, but) I have no problem imagining Chris scarfing down a big plate of haggis, perhaps even with neeps and tatties if you salted and buttered the living shit out of them, as long as you never told him what was in it. Same for blood sausage, etc. but I think he could find plenty of fried shite on a scone to stuff himself with. Indeed, perhaps the deep-fried Mars bar was made specifically for him.

I think he'd be kind of astounded by the fact that the kilt is not actually a part of daily life for most men, unless those men are in pipe-and-drum bands that practice very frequently. The more serious problem is that Scotland is still ruled by the Westminster government, which has been kicking people off disability benefits left and right, including the blind. Also I don't see him getting asspats from the church, as the many flavors of Presbyterianism are all pretty hardcore and there's sociopolitical history tied in, etc. But besides the Outer Hebrides being SOGGY FREEZY!, I can see him doing fine on an island that's maybe 35 miles square (using Barra as my example here) and/or where most of the other inhabitants are literal animals. It would absolutely cut down on twolls harassing him in person if he lived someplace you had to park a plane on a beach to get to. Except... I may not have thought this through very well... is there even a GameStop in Stornoway? Le gasp.

He'd actually do pretty well over here, the Tories may be cracking down on the spongers (fair enough, but I think they should be going after the multi billion £ corporate tax-dodgers personally) but he'd still be fine, there's enough genuinely wrong with him to entitle him to assistance. In fact, our benefits system makes his current generous hand-outs seem miserly.... providing he had somebody to properly and expertly fill out the mass of paperwork to make sure he snags everything possible.

However, everybody seems to be missing a fairly major point. Chris is the way he is as a direct result of the environment he was brought up in, so any other country would have shaped him into a different person. For example, despite what I said about Scotland earlier, he'd also have had a hell of a lot more support from the education system whilst growing up, and he most definitely wouldn't have been swept under the rug because he (or his parents) were too much trouble to deal with.

This really is one of those "then he wouldn't be Chris" things (speculation's still fun though)

 

[NobleGreyHorse]

I know when I answered the question, I was answering it with the assumption that it was about the Chris we know today, not delving into Alternate Christory and removing the abusive babysitter, the Greene County conspiracy, etc. Because there are plausible scenarios in which Chris could have been a more functional person right here in the US. I was assuming the what-if had to do with Current Chris attempting to find a social niche and way to survive, or someone, as you say, helping him with the paperwork necessary for that, in a different country for whatever reason. Different cultural surroundings -- does he cope better, or does he wind up with even bigger difficulties? To me, the whole "he was helped and treated properly at school" thing does indeed mean it's not Chris anymore.

 

[CatParty]

alternate histories? jeez this is a huge "what if"

 

[Fuzzy Wuzzy]

I can assume that even if Chris were to live in the more socialist countries like Norway or Sweden, he still wouldn't survive well there. I heard that when it comes to food in those countries, Chris is going to be very miserable because FOOD IS EXPENSIVE in those countries. And from what I heard, he either might end up homeless in those countries or institutionalized despite their socialist nature. The government can only help out so much you know due to their bureaucracy. Anyone who is from Norway or Sweden here, correct me if I got something wrong about your countries. I also want to learn more about what if Chris were to live in Norway or Sweden? I know Chris may not survive in Denmark well.

 

[Stratochu]

He would find a grand number of festering moldy vaccines.

Oregon may as well be a different country. Rains 9 months a year here, plenty of Jews, blacks and gays, as well as almost as many Asians, the Native Americans here would beat his ass up over the "Cherokian Clan" (lots of tribal diversity and not just the local Northwest Coast tribes), lots of wacky tobacky, the criminal justice system wouldn't have hesitated to either put him in the state pen on a maximum sentence for hate crime (Michael Snyder is either a Dutch or German goy, judging from what we know about his name, but still with OPL insisting that he's Jewish, it's still a hate crime under Oregon law) or habitual offender laws or send him to the "Cuckoo's Nest" on a maximum sentence, it's very easy to get sent to a group home here, they are not pleasant either. And housing & zoning laws would result in the condemning of 14BC, which would be a postwar tract house instead of a split-level, animal welfare would have taken Patti away when Chris was a kid just for being left outside and Clover & Snoopy would not have been adopted by and .

Only positive notes are that they wouldn't have had to get rid of Sonchu and the Aerostar if they still ran and could have made further Christory with them because there are no safety inspections and no emissions tests outside of Multnomah, Josephine and Jackson counties, we could have possible lulz with Chris losing it in the parking lot and trying to get into every Escort wagon or Aerostar he could find since there are numerous examples of one or both in any large parking lot, and that Crystal could be conceived and borne by a Faeryn-like desperate , which are everywhere in Salem, Roseburg, Portland, Eugene and Springfield, and said would be his sweetheart from the ground up since most of them are desperate for duck and may find 14BC better than their mom's basement.

and edit: Bob would have probably had a Mercedes instead of a Jaguar and a Mazda Miata instead of a BMW Z3 based on cultural norms here.