Relief, and guilt for feeling relieved. It’s human nature to go over a relationship where someone has died and think “what more could I have done? What if I’d done x differently?” But ultimately, it’s useless. There is nothing anybody can do if they don’t want to get help. I’m not sure Kelly understands on an intellectual level what she’s doing at this point, it’s just instinct.
There is a new drug on the east coast of US called tranq. Nobody can get heroin anymore, so they switched to fentynl and now it’s all mixed with tranq, a horse tranquilizer. It’s horrifying because it leaves necrotic sores on their bodies just like what Kelly did to herself. People are losing limbs and dying, and no opiate agonist works on it, so it’s a hellish, long withdrawal, with no meds to help. I saw a video with a guy whose hands looked just like Kelly’s legs, getting to the see-through point with fingers swollen like a balloon, and he’s still shooting this stuff up. One guy had his face chewed off like Gus in breaking bad, and they still use. (It creates sores even on parts of the body untouched by needles.) Whatever high Kelly gets is as addictive as this drug is and none will stop until death, and they’ll all leave grieving, guilty, questioning families behind.