I'm being accused of sexual assault after a date gone wrong, I don't know what to do, I feel like my life is over.
submitted 1 year ago by
transygirlthrowaway
Due to privacy reasons I'm going to try and keep things vague, but the basic rundown is that I'm MTF, several years on hormone substitution therapy, I think I "pass" pretty well, haven't had surgery (yet and idk if I even want it) and am sort of stealth? I'm not actively hiding that I'm trans, but I also don't tell people unless it's somehow relevant.
Around two weeks ago I met this girl through a mutual acquaintance, we got to know each other and after a night of having fun with each other, lots of laughs and lots of talking we decided that, given that we're both single and woman-attracted (I'm attracted to women, she said she's bisexual), we might try and give each other a "chance" and go on a date to get to know each other better.
A few days after that we went to a fast food place to grab some food, talked about our lives, what we wanted in a partner (according to her, I was almost perfect), our sexualities, that sort of stuff, I also mentioned I'm trans and she seemed to be okay with it, called me cute and sweetheart and that sort of stuff, we held hands, went to see a movie after that, overall I feel like it was a fun date... It ended with us kissing each other and then talking constantly over DMs for the next several days.
Then earlier this week we went to an amusement park for our second date and after trying most of the rides and attractions it had to offer she asked me if I wanted to come over to her place and stay the night, I had the next few days off so I agreed and we ended up at her place, everything seemed mild until it was bed time and she wanted me to sleep next to her, I was slightly uncomfortable with sharing a bed with someone this early on but she insisted, and we ended up in the same bed together.
She was very cuddly at first and said she wanted to have me close as she fell asleep, I thought that was adorable and didn't mind it, she asked for a good night kiss and I obliged, but it turned out that the kiss was going on for longer than it should have and she started making out with me, I was taken aback a bit, but I thought it was fine since she seemed to really love me, she didn't mind I'm trans, this person clearly loved me a lot, it was fine.
After making out for a while she started sliding her hand down my pants, I thought that I might as well let it happen, even though I'm not exactly comfortable with sex, especially this early on. I didn't want to be a "tease" or however you might call it.
Then she pulled her hand out, shrieked, got all startled and screamed that I'm a man and I was sort of just sitting there, in shock, about what just happened, and she started to get all aggressive and telling me to get out, I didn't have my clothes on and only had pajamas on that I borrowed from her, I asked if I can change and get my things and she kept screaming at me to get out or I will regret it.
I ended up outside, in the cold, with only pajamas and no money, no phone, no ID, basically no way to get home, and even if I did, my keys were still inside, so I'd have to break into my own home. After knocking on her door and begging her to give me my things back she threw my backpack at me, but I was still out of luck with the clothes and phone which weren't inside the bag itself. I ended up taking public transport home, where everyone stared at me, I had the cops called on me as someone had assumed I had escaped from an insane asylum, the cops interrogating me on the spot made me cry as I had to explain to them what happened, they left me but going over what happened made realization of the entire situation really sink in.
I thought it was over when I finally got home, I thought going through a cold hell and being half frozen to the bone, and losing my phone and clothes was enough of a punishment for trusting someone but today I found out that she told every mutual "friend" and acquaintance that I tricked her, sexually assaulted her, forced myself onto her, almost raped her.
She made a social media post about me, someone I thought I could trust who I thought was okay with trans people commented that "this is why these people shouldn't be let into women's toilets" I tried telling people that she was making things up, that I told her, that she's the one who was sexually touching me, but noone believes me, people say they "always knew I'm a rapist" or that I should be happy they don't come over and beat me to death, everyone cut me out of their lives, the few people who didn't outright block me told me that they can't keep me around and that they're going to "believe a woman over a man on this"
I feel like shit, I feel like my entire life just fell apart after one night, I thought I could trust her, I thought I could trust my friends, but everyone turned on me, it feels like a sick joke and I have no idea what I did wrong, if I died right now people would laugh and cheer and say that I'm a rapist and that I deserved to die an agonizing death. I thought I finally found someone who loved me regardless of my condition and it just made everyone hate me even more.
Even people who don't know her caught wind of this and are now distancing themselves from me on the assumption that I'm a monster, I'm scared of losing my job, my mother already heard of this and won't even hear me out, just said I'm a disgusting freak and just like my father and that I was already on thin ice by transitioning but that she can't consider me her child anymore.
I used to sometimes babysit my neighbour's child (6) and I'd always take her out on walks and playgrounds on nice days or prepare some fun activity to do indoors if the weather wasn't good, I was told that if I go near their child, they won't find my body, and that they will be going to the police and make sure I never see sunlight again if they find out I "took advantage" of their child when babysitting her for free.
I feel like an outcast now, more so now than ever, I thought life was finally getting better but now it's worse than ever before, I will never be able to shake this reputation of a rapist especially since it's already very easy for people to believe a trans woman is somehow sexually deviant
What can I do? How do I live with this stain on my life?
(long post but hopefully worth it!!)
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