I have approximately 100 VPS servers and dedis to manage right now and it's becoming really cumbersome to keep track of their bandwidth, ip addresses, purpose, and disk space. Is there something TRIVIAL I can shit out on every one of them to manage my shit?
NetBox is good for keeping track of what's what. It has an IPAM, you can track VMs and "devices" including assigning roles, locations, interfaces, services, tenancies, whatever. You can create as many users as you please and setup permissions for them, so your various autists can do the needful without having the ability to see literally everything. It's designed to be able to document anything IT-related that you have inside of a datacenter.
There's also changelogs and journals that support Markdown formatting, you can create custom fields really easily for storing all kinds of bullshit and there's an API that's easy to work with.
The bad news: there's no official agent that you put on a server which inventories, basically somebody needs to sit down and create all the subnets, IPs, sites, hosts, VMs, interfaces, etc. and wire it all together. It's tedious as fuck at first but pays dividends when you can instantly figure out how many servers you have with a provider in a specific region whose custom attribute SNEED equals CHUCK.
Probably doesn't meet the definition of trivial but you don't have to go full retard out the gate.
As for actual monitoring, I like Zabbix as you can get some decent monitoring with basic templates and autoregistration. Though Netdata is probably better if you want something that'll aggressively autodetect services.