Patrick Sean Tomlinson / @stealthygeek / "Torque Wheeler" / @RealAutomanic / Kempesh / Padawan v2.5 - "Conservative" sci-fi author with TDS, armed "drunk with anger management issues" and terminated parental rights, actual tough guy, obese, paid Quasi, paid thousands to be repeatedly unbanned from Twitter

Procrastinhater said:
You know Pat is just the sort of asshole you can imagine waddling his way down to the bar and taking up space right at the bar with his laptop and his fat fucking ass and then growling (or meekly mumbling, lets be real) at anyone who tries to talk to him, despite the bar stools usually being where people sit if they want to just shoot the shit with anyone who comes in.
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Him sitting at the bar with his laptop, mousepad, and mouse spread out like a fat retard is one of things that annoys me most. Bartenders must absolutely hate him. I'm sure the thing they want most at a busy bar is this fucking mongoloid taking up a seat and sipping on beer for hours and leaving a 5 dollar tip when they could have had 30 people rotate through that seat in the time he sat there pretending to be important. Take your ass home, you're not traveling for business, and if you're desperate to pretend to be important around people go to starbucks like every other faggot.
 
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Procrastinhater said:
"Hit my word count"
Yeah great news Pat, problem is your "WIP" appears to be getting in Xitter arguments with your fucking toilet.
I'm sure the publishers who abandoned you, the "peers" who see you as a cautionary tale, and the industry that laughs at you are real impressed.
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Stephen King once mused that when calculating $ per hour, he made far less in his career than a union plumber.

Think of Fatrick's $ per hour. What would the equiv job be?

My first thought - Venezuelan garbage picker.
 
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Orange Rhymer said:
Stephen King once mused that when calculating $ per hour, he made far less in his career than a union plumber.

Think of Fatrick's $ per hour. What would the equiv job be?

My first thought - Venezuelan garbage picker.
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I wonder how much of his $ per hour he spends on booze?

Proportionally it likely makes him the largest alcoholic in history.
 
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DSP's Tax Lawyer said:
If I woke up tomorrow as Fatrick, I would delete my twitter account, get a job, start going to the gym, and eat healthy. But that's just because I don't want to be a fat leech on society. And Fatrick is Fat
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I woke up tomorrow as Patrick, I'd hang myself immediately and I'd have some angry words for my Maker before he cast me into the lake of fire to roast forever for being fat
 
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Sexy Senior Citizen said:
All zero dollars?
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No, child. Patrick is a very successful writer who sells literally dozens of copies of his books a year.

Do the math, assuming Fatrick sells about 90 books a year, makes a dollar per sale, and works an average of 20 hours a week on his writing, then he makes about 8 cents an hour on his writing.
 
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Save the Loli said:
No, child. Patrick is a very successful writer who sells literally dozens of copies of his books a year.

Do the math, assuming Fatrick sells about 90 books a year, makes a dollar per sale, and works an average of 20 hours a week on his writing, then he makes about 8 cents an hour on his writing.
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I say he is massively overpaid.

He himself is also massive. Because he is fat.
 
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Save the Loli said:
No, child. Patrick is a very successful writer who sells literally dozens of copies of his books a year.

Do the math, assuming Fatrick sells about 90 books a year, makes a dollar per sale, and works an average of 20 hours a week on his writing, then he makes about 8 cents an hour on his writing.
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Wrong, little baby stalker child. Fat's primary means of marketing is via his X account. Every X he sends is work marketing and promoting his work. That is eighty hours of marketing each week, for a total work output of 100 hours. He doesn't earn 8 cents an hour, it's more like .016 per hour.
 
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Your Favorite New Friend said:
I woke up tomorrow as Patrick, I'd hang myself immediately and I'd have some angry words for my Maker before he cast me into the lake of fire to roast forever for being fat
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"You are going to the Lake of Fire to roast for eternity-"
"Wrong, child."
"-both for your sins and because your fat will keep the Lake burning for eternity!"
"I didn't sin by any medical standard, child. Now wait for the knock."
 
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Your Favorite New Friend said:
I woke up tomorrow as Patrick, I'd hang myself immediately and I'd have some angry words for my Maker before he cast me into the lake of fire to roast forever for being fat
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>Be some anon
>Go to sleep one night
>Crazy, spooky shit happens
>Wake up
>You're not in your room
>Everything feels different
>Reach down to touch yourself
>Everything feels fat
>You search your house for a bathroom
>Look at yourself in the mirror
>You're Fat Rick S. Tomlinson
>Freak the fuck out
>Find Fat Rick' phone
>Use it to call your number
>You hear yourself answer your phone
>Explain everything to yourself
>You hear the other end laugh
>You hear yourself say "Sweet innocent baby stalker child. I think I'll just let you deal with all my debts. Enjoy prison while I enjoy my new life."
>The other Fat Rick hangs up and won't answer your calls
>Do what any good Kiwi would do in your position
>Access Fat Rick's social media accounts using his biometrics
>Unblock everyone he's ever blocked on Twatter
>Spend some quality time arguing with your own toilet
>Go through Fat Rick's emails
>See the stuff about the SFWA
>See you're invited to a Zoom meeting
>Realize you have a golden opportunity to do the funniest thing ever
>Download OBS for Fat Rick's laptop
>Log into the Zoom meeting
>See the individual camera feeds for a bunch of gross pedophiles
>"Hello Fat Rick" they say in unison
>Smile
>"Hello child"
>They proceed to talk about boring book shit
>Jokingly ask if they've seen any good children lately
>Cue thirty minutes of them bragging about being pedos
>Take your recording and go to Kiwi Farms
>Start entering your login info
>Suddenly remember you have access to Fat Rick's email account
>Register for a Farms account using his email address
>Send a picture of yourself holding a sign that says "Die Null" to the mods as proof for verification
>Make a bunch of posts arguing with the Farms
>Someone brings up the SFWA
>Smile
>Upload the video along with a message
>"No child, you don't know anything about the SFWA"
>Everyone goes ape shit
>End your day by raiding Fat Rick's personal stash of booze and drinking yourself stupid
>Wake up the next morning
>You're in your bed
>With your body
>And your stuff
>You wonder if it was all a dream
>You check Kiwi Farms
>There's a new picture on the front page
>It's a visibly wasted Fat Rick with his shirt off
>It appears as if he's taken a Sharpie and written "Property of Quasi" across his pig tits
>Check the featured section
>Fat Rick Tomlinson joined the forum and leaked a Zoom call where SFWA leaders openly bragged about being pedophiles
>Sit back in astonishment at what you've done
>Get a text
>"I know what you did stalker. I know where you live and rest assured, I will do everything in my power to send you to prison."
>Sit back with a smile on your face
>Be glad you didn't kill yourself
 
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