A day or two ago on twitter some lefty wokescold lunatic posted a "feel good" story about a barista who gave a "left over hot chocolate" to an 18 year old young lady because a man approached her. Written on it was a message asking if she is ok and to lift the lid if not. She did not lift the lid. Now, there is WILD range of factual scenarios in that. But you would think if there were any details that would mitigate in favor of that, they would have been divulged. Guy was probably about her age, felt an attraction and approached her. And some barista pulled this shit. Now that I think about it, that that happened might be enough to short circuit his efforts. She may have liked him but receiving that is just enough of a negative social cue to mitigate against going on a date or what have you.
So, non-argumentative intervention, just passing comment:
I had a conversation with some young folk about this very kind of interaction very recently.
I have this feeling that young folks now - because they do so much of their partner searching via app - are not as socially aware, on either side, of how much basic dude differs from basic chick in this respect.
- Basic dude considers it fine to approach a complete stranger and ask for a high level of social interaction (a date, if you're doing it right, is a high level of social interaction/intimacy) on no basis other than that the recipient is visually appealing.
- Basic chick does not do that, doesn't think that way or feel that impulse, and is therefore generally taken aback to some level when it happens.
- Basic dude figures basic chick will probably give him the bum's rush, but there's no harm in asking, and no will be accepted as the answer.
- Basic chick is mindblown that you would cold approach a stranger for sex, as basic chick has been socialised that for her, that behaviour carries a higher level of personal risk. (not cold approaching by chicks is a powerful enough social norm that chicks who approach strangers regularly for sex IRL, depending on their psych, may still find that behaviour taken into account in determining a BPD diagnosis.)
Basics are not approaching the interaction in anything like the same mindset. One mindset is "why not" and the other is "what the fuck" and it doesn't make for a graceful interaction in many circumstances. The movies are full of the 'meet-cute', but IRL the overwhelming majority of young and youngish women do not at all like to be approached by a random on the Tube claiming she is the most beautiful woman he has ever seen so he has to follow her home or his heart will break forever etc etc. (Richard Curtis has a bit to answer for.)
When people were out trying to get laid IRL only (in the long, long ago), dudes who wanted to cold approach 100 strangers a night had to physically approach 100 strangers a night. No swiping from the couch, safely at home. They had to hit on every single chick at the bar, and be told face to face to fuck off by all of them, and probably wear a few drinks into the bargain. The expectation of rejection was confirmed by experience.
Meanwhile chicks who went anywhere in public places experienced being hit on by fairly normal people as well as the creeps, and understood that for dudes this is a normal behaviour. It's not a behaviour chicks engage in, but not every dude trying to chat to you at the bar is thinking about wearing your skin as a cape. You politely refuse the drink and "go looking for your friends" or escape into the toilet.
Now there is a newborn but growing social presumption that if you were looking for a date/romance/casual sex, you would do it only via the app and not IRL, so the whole "hi I think you are pretty and will you have sex with me" random dude proposition seems more... jarring? I have the strong impression from the young folks that they handle that interaction much worse than older folks did.