The ghost of my past haunted me, and Twitter alerted me that Bonnie retweeted some shit. The shit in question? Apparently Neptune hopped back on Twitter to… Make a series of statements? I guess??? There’s many short tweet threads in this update, so we’re kind of back to old Humbert posting for tonight. Except for the archives, because for some reason archive.md is not archiving the whole tweet thread like it used to for some reason, and I am NOT individually archiving 33 posts. I’m sorry, but I’m not.
So here’s the four things I got notified about that Bonnie retweeted.
I went to the profile and this was waiting for me. The screenshot does not show it but there are 33 tweets (hence where the “i’m not archiving 33 tweets” number comes from).
So let’s go through every tweet in chronological order. The first thing posted was also the first thing Bonnie retweeted, an apology to him (presumably this was the purpose of this entire endeavor. Might as well get his attention before we start tweeting, right?). Apparently he accused Bonnie of having some kind of disorder (not really an inaccurate statement tho), but blames the stress of the ranch (also not inaccurate) and Penny (also not wrong). I didn’t include it but Bonnie asked permission to retweet it, and elsewhere in another reply to something asked to DM. Neptune / Vulpes agreed to both, obviously.
Dislikes Twitter so probably won’t be using the account besides to go “tranch bad”
They couldn’t forget to praise Kindness, of course.
Now we have the Tranch as the central focus of the tweets. They cannot protect troons due to their track history of harming them.
We go into how the main three (Penny, Kevin, and Jen) didn’t give a fuck. Penny didn’t give a shit about hurting them, Kevin would cry and feel bad momentarily, and Jen would apparently do that shit on purpose.
Allegedly, visitors cut their visits short when they saw how fucked up their shit was.
Another former trancher (presumably) described Penny as “self-aggrandizing” (read: boastful). Something about how Penny thought he could run to the media outlets and they’d give a shit because he’s so cool or some shit after blaming a friend of the former trancher for the chickens dying (wtf).
Second shot at the Three Musketeers:
Apparently they had to “flee” from the person who took them in after living on the tranch. Penny apparently dismissed them as scam artists. Based on how this is worded, I’m gonna go out on a limb here and assume Penny called them grifters looking for shelter via “i’m disabled help”.
They air out some shit that either wasn’t publicized or was publicized after my departure. Uh… I guess Neck told Josie that Vulpis told him that Josie sexually abused them?????? I don’t even know what the fuck transpired here. I don’t even want to make any speculations because these people are retarded and you need them to say shit multiple times in several different ways to understand exactly what they mean. I’m not going to say that sexual activity occurred between them because I don’t even know if that’s true. Troons are weird as fuck so you never know based on normal human instinct when you read shit they say.
Their response to the documentary was negative due to it depicting a falsehood. Bonnie responds to this all and says that he is credited in the documentary despite asking to be removed from it. He suspects that the tranchers have had other people cut, but that he is crucial to the story/success of it.
Speaking of Bonnie and the documentary, he tweeted this earlier this month and I’m not checking if it was previously posted. He thought it was canceled, but it wasn’t, and he wants to sue them for being part of the release.
Back to Vulpis, they dish out some more internal happenings, such as a former member (not sure if this is the same one referred to as previously) messaging Penny about their feelings regarding the abuse on the tranch or some shit. Penny sent that shit to everybody left on the tranch and omitted his response. Penny claimed they fled like criminals but that did not happen, instead they walked on eggshells to prevent one of the Three Musketeers from having a tard tantrum (because it’s okay for them to have one but not ok for anyone else to have one).
Some misc shit that was conveniently tweeted together (thank you for not forcing me to take more screenshots of this shit).
And finally, we have my favorite tweet, the last one. I clicked on the profile and read “my partner cannot scoop cat litter because they get triggered by it” and laughed in a way that only Kiwifarms bullshit could make me laugh. I can kind of see why he called them scam artists if they’re too retarded to do basic daily tasks, but at the same time I’m pretty sure that Penny’s abuse extended beyond making them do chores that they should be doing on their own (such as having to deal with Kevin’s tantrums, etc). Anyways he pushed for them to get food stamps to feed the tranchers. Also whenever they weren’t doing enough Penny would interrogate them in a random coffee shop and Josie would have to step in. Not sure why they had to take them to get coffee for that but ok.
Bonus Bonnie tweet:
So yeah, I just spent an hour doing that. Light work compared to what I used to do, but I feel like Humbert again. I missed this thread.
ETA:
Shout out to Katie Herzog, on their latest podcast, for mentioning apropos of nothing that a good portion of her brain capacity is devoted to recalling the various characters of Tenacious Unicorn Ranch, and that she wouldn’t have it any other way.
I feel the exact same way.
