Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[Uber driver reviewer]

It truly is amazing how he can have a pile of sugar on his table, brag about eating more sugar, but bitch about dunkin donuts coffee... where you can just order your damn coffee without sugar. It's been said dozens of times now, but the lack of self awareness is astounding.

Is Jack even sentient at this point? He seems to have no sense of self preservation, has the memory of a goldfish, is incapable of locomotion or manipulating his environment without others doing it for him, he can barely communicate above a level of those studies where gorillas learn sign language and shit... but they have use of their limbs. At this point I'm sure of a turing test actually existed, he'd manage to fail it. The average chat AI these days can maintain a more coherent conversation than he can.

Nevermind the fact that he just fucked up a recipe by using sweetened vanilla yogurt instead of plain, so he needs more sweetness in his stuffing? Yeah I've seen people toss raisins and shit in there(not my thing), but not just replacing the damn croutons with sugar rolls. Literally everything on his table for that "amazing aldi's spread" was sugar except for the fucking turkey... and he probably coated THAT in sugar too hence looking fucking burnt.

It is just so damned easy to hate this man...

Jack isn’t there anymore.
The lights are on, but nobody is home.
Only the Wendigo spirit inhabits Jack’s failing husk of a body now,

 

[Piggle Rick]

A sentient human would have realized that to hate sugar means you should actually hate sugar, not just when it’s in stuff you don’t like. A sentient human would have realized that Rob is trolling him. Jack clearly has no brain left.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

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Literally a few hours later he is shilling his sugar rolls to make SUGAR stuffing.

This faggot literally has no awareness. He bitches about stuff whenever he can, then later on does that exact thing he complained about.

Back during the stay in hospital he complained bitterly about the sugar in the food he was getting because he's diabetic. Then complained that his dessert was too small.

You can't make this shit up. He's literally that stupid.

 

[SimpScoat]

I'm not going to spam my OC because most of it is too spastic (YTP style, though I'd like to think I avoid the annoying/repetitive brainrot it's best known for) and/or autistic (building up Jack as some kind of dark forgotten lesser god, associated with bad taste in every sense and characterized by a capricious, listless nature; rather than focusing on the reality of Jack as a bitter, prideful, moronic cripple with a raw meat addiction) for you guys, but I figured some of you might appreciate this gif I made of him dancing and this old clip.

 

[Lenzperkins]

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Sugar

 

[Tiresome]

Re: Church, I'm so glad the retarded kids will have someone to look down on.

Re: Halloween, love how Jack constantly tells on himself. I'm amazed he decided to save ONLY six candy bars for his own KETOOOO gob.

 

[Helvítis Túristi]

Re: Halloween, love how Jack constantly tells on himself. I'm amazed he decided to save ONLY six candy bars for his own KETOOOO gob.

Isn't his home outside the city so he can larp homesteading? Who's to say any kids will visit his home. He'll probably eat the whole box of candy bars.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

Sugar
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This faggot celebrates Halloween? Isn't he one of those "Halloween is teh evul!" religious types?

Isn't his home outside the city so he can larp homesteading? Who's to say any kids will visit his home. He'll probably eat the whole box of candy bars.

That's probably what he was planning on.

 

[Tiresome]

Isn't he one of those "Halloween is teh evul!" religious types?

No, he adopts fake-Chrisianity for Jeezus-Healing and bragging rights, but he's literally on record saying things like he hates Christmas except for getting (not giving) presents.

 

[Super Hans v2]

Sugar
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Why not the first 36 kids, Jack? And didn't they move out to the countryside? How many would really come by?

 

[Gulls on Film]

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I like to picture Jack repeatedly slurring SUGA into his phone at increasing volume because the text to speech can't understand him, while TamHam sighs in the other room.

 

[RollingRock2]

Jack sat fatly by his front door, box of 36 jumbo candy bars at his side, the porch light on, waiting for trick or treaters.
The time hit 6:00 and not one family had walked down the country road.
Jack looked down at the box of candy bars with one eye. He wasn't keeping an eye out, his other eye just doesn't work so good.
Jack smacked his giraffe tongue on his monkey lips "It's been a half hour since I ate" he pined.
Jack braced himself and reached down with his left hand, managing with a lurch and much grunting to pick up one cady bar.
Unable to use his right hand, Jack ripped the wrapper open with his teeth and swallowed the 250 calorie morsel whole.
"That was good." He thought; "One more won't hurt... I'll save the rest for the kids."
At 10:00 Tammy rolled off the couch and sauntered to the front door, ready to wheel and drag her crippled charge to bed.
Amongst 36 candy bar wrappers a great belly heaved, its breathing labored, skin sweaty, limbs turning a darker shade of purple than normal.
"Damnit Jack!" Hollered Tammy, "Not again!"
Came a gurgled murmur...
"Candy wars."

 

[Uber driver reviewer]

Jack sat fatly by his front door, box of 36 jumbo candy bars at his side, the porch light on, waiting for trick or treaters.
The time hit 6:00 and not one family had walked down the country road.
Jack looked down at the box of candy bars with one eye. He wasn't keeping an eye out, his other eye just doesn't work so good.
Jack smacked his giraffe tongue on his monkey lips "It's been a half hour since I ate" he pined.
Jack braced himself and reached down with his left hand, managing with a lurch and much grunting to pick up one cady bar.
Unable to use his right hand, Jack ripped the wrapper open with his teeth and swallowed the 250 calorie morsel whole.
"That was good." He thought; "One more won't hurt... I'll save the rest for the kids."
At 10:00 Tammy rolled off the couch and sauntered to the front door, ready to wheel and drag her crippled charge to bed.
Amongst 36 candy bar wrappers a great belly heaved, its breathing labored, skin sweaty, limbs turning a darker shade of purple than normal.
"Damnit Jack!" Hollered Tammy, "Not again!"
Came a gurgled murmur...
"Candy wars."

Next time Tammy should just leave him out there for a few hours and temporarily brick his phone from the Find My app.

She should do this Just to rattle Jack’s cage a bit and remind him just how pathetic, dependent, and utterly feeble he is. A fat immobile angry little man who can’t scream for help now that he gas fled from the comfort of MANSKER farms to a flipper’s latest speed sale with the dreams of having some survivalist compound disguised as a hobby farm far away from brown people, Arby’s, and healthcare facilities.

Tammy should also buy a horse and name it jack. Jack likes things named jack. But I don’t think he would like Tammy riding a horse named Jack so much. (The horse probably wouldn’t care for it either)

 

[Fascist Frederick]

No, he adopts fake-Chrisianity for Jeezus-Healing and bragging rights, but he's literally on record saying things like he hates Christmas except for getting (not giving) presents.

That was the old testament of Jack, we don't follow that anymore.

 

[Johan Schmidt]

Jacks gone through multiple strokes now right? He's got to be - on some level - mentally disabled from that shit. He's unironically like a T-virus zombie, alive, but unthinking and acting only to satiate his hunger for flesh. Raw, cooked, and everything in the middle.

Also I'd say he should cut out processed foods, but that's a good 2/3rds of what he uses in every recipe. If he cut them out he'd just be unable to actually 'cook' anything.

 

[Fascist Frederick]

Jacks gone through multiple strokes now right? He's got to be - on some level - mentally disabled from that shit. He's unironically like a T-virus zombie, alive, but unthinking and acting only to satiate his hunger for flesh. Raw, cooked, and everything in the middle.

Also I'd say he should cut out processed foods, but that's a good 2/3rds of what he uses in every recipe. If he cut them out he'd just be unable to actually 'cook' anything.

On some level? More like on every possible level. Compare any recent video of his to something that's a year old. He's like a completely different person. He's had 3 or 4 strokes now and each one seemingly halved his IQ. Your T-virus comparison is apt, that's basically what people mean when they refer to "the Wendigo".

 

[Johan Schmidt]

On some level? More like on every possible level. Compare any recent video of his to something that's a year old. He's like a completely different person. He's had 3 or 4 strokes now and each one seemingly halved his IQ. Your T-virus comparison is apt, that's basically what people mean when they refer to "the Wendigo".

Give it another year and Jacks videos will be titled "ITCHY. TASTY."

 

[AnOminous]

Literally a few hours later he is shilling his sugar rolls to make SUGAR stuffing.

This stroked-out faggot definitely needs more sugar and carbs. So much for MUH KEEEEEEEETO!

 

[desudesu]

This was on Rob's latest Queso Chicken Roll video. One of /us/.

 

[I am Jack's dead arm]

I'd like to think that Rob isn't as maladjusted as us jaded fuckers and is just taking the piss outta Jack.