Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[Tiresome]

That "iPray" kills me the most, talk about perfectly capturing that 2001 zeitgeist. The block letter diagonal JESUS is very nearly as hysterical. That'll save SO many souls, Fatty.

 

[toilet_rainbow]

On the subject of Christian themed clothing, I would be absolutely shocked if Tammy did not own at least one piece of Blessed Girl's line. Trashy middle aged and old women in the South fucking LOVE Blessed Girl.





Jack's Redbubble designs never fail to amuse, and his latest Jesus themed ones do not disappoint. That stocking jpeg he "borrowed" in particular looks like it came out of an old South Park cartoon.

 

[SpiceyHuman]

FTFY.



My favorite is Kerney Thomas and his OWNDALAH-ALLABOWKOWSHA.

I've been having a stressful and anxious morning/afternoon.

I needed to see this. Thank you.

I've been giggling in my kitchen for the past 5 minutes.

 

[Agamemnon Busmalis]

The JESUS shirt seems to have a rebus at the bottom. Looks like a "screw" and "me".

Jesus screwed me? A little harsh Jack, mean it wasn't his fault you didn't do your PT.

 

[Andoxico]

There's nothing I can say to make these funnier than they are

I am at a loss for words. This fat retard really just put "JESUS" on a shirt and rotated it a bit. What even are those stupid little icons in the corners of the designs? The jeebus shirt literally has "ME" on it. I thought the point was it's not about me, Jack what the fuck are you doing? Is the little blue shirt with an arrow supposed to be some representation of the one way clothing line? Are people supposed to see that and know the design is part of a set? WHO THE FUCK PUTS A CHRISTMAS STOCKING ON A SHIRT

 

[Fascist Frederick]

So Jesus got pissy when the Jews merchants were selling shit in the temples but I'm sure he'll be completely fine with a gluttonous slob plastering His name all over shitty merchandise to sell for money to fuel his sin.

 

[Free the Pedos]

On the subject of Christian themed clothing, I would be absolutely shocked if Tammy did not own at least one piece of Blessed Girl's line. Trashy middle aged and old women in the South fucking LOVE Blessed Girl.

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Jack's Redbubble designs never fail to amuse, and his latest Jesus themed ones do not disappoint. That stocking jpeg he "borrowed" in particular looks like it came out of an old South Park cartoon.

At least these look like someone spent 5 - 10 minutes designing them instead of 2 minutes. His are so insultingly bad. A special needs child would do a much better job and the result would actually be charming.

 

[Kosher Salt]

The JESUS shirt seems to have a rebus at the bottom. Looks like a "screw" and "me".

Jesus screwed me? A little harsh Jack, mean it wasn't his fault you didn't do your PT.

It looks to me like a tiny t-shirt with ... something on it. Why? I don't know.

 

[Pig Cups]

What even are those stupid little icons in the corners of the designs? The jeebus shirt literally has "ME" on it. I thought the point was it's not about me, Jack what the fuck are you doing? Is the little blue shirt with an arrow supposed to be some representation of the one way clothing line? Are people supposed to see that and know the design is part of a set?

I'm curious about those icons too. Watermarks? A poor attempt to emulate those aforementioned smaller, more eclectic clothing labels that drop limited designs as sets? Re-branding with a "hip, new" logo in the hopes that it'll make that garbage look cooler and more abstract? It's actually borderline upsetting...

My guess is that the red "ME" at the bottom of that diagonal JESUS shirt was meant to be part of a longer line of text, reading "IT'S NOT ABOUT ME." The point being, the enlarged "JESUS" text grabs the most attention, with the lower script being purposely small as way to convey religious meekness and humbleness via the design itself. But Jack, due to his general bumbling and fucked vision, probably unintentionally changed the text color of "IT'S NOT ABOUT" from red to white, while leaving "ME" unscathed. And Jackoff being Jackoff, he didn't notice/uploaded it with zero thought to proofread or correct.

A retard child angrily banging his fists onto the keyboard of an AlphaSmart would produce results more intellectually stimulating than the detritus that leaks from this near-dead man's brain nowadays.

At least these look like someone spent 5 - 10 minutes designing them instead of 2 minutes. His are so insultingly bad. A special needs child would do a much better job and the result would actually be charming.

The JESUS shirts are spectacularly hateable and low-effort, even by Jackoff standards. I don't think that this man is even capable of preschool-level elbow macaroni crafts at this point.

 

[Spasticus Autisticus]

On the back of the "iPray" shirts he put a citation to Matthew 6:9-13. I guess he must have skipped over the verses before those though:

Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven.
...
And when you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites. For they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.

 

[Adamska]

I'll never understand why Jack is such a miser when it comes to food but blows thousands of TamHam's money on smokers and other single-use appliances each year.

Oh the first is easy; he wants as much food as he can cram down his throat for as little price as possible. And prices are something he can sometimes use as a weapon to get discounts when he throws a baby tantrum if it's too expensive. He just wants slop and as much of it as he can shovel.

As for the gadgets, it's because of two factors. The first is that Jack is an emotional child, a cluster b headcase, and horribly antisocial. This combination has him doing something that kids who know on some level they're unlikeable or who have narcissistic tendencies; he's wanting to show off his toys. Be it as a way to try to entice a false friendship or to just show off his superiority, he'll just spam all these shitty chinesium gadgets he can get Tammy to pay for to show off. This is emotional narc supply he uses to assert he still is a big boy celebrity in his deluded mind.

The other reason is that Jack also thinks he can find the "holy grail" of cooking gadgets too. Basically the dumb motherfucker wants to find the one toy that can make everything perfect for him, so he doesn't have to try at all. He wants this magical tool that makes him slop on par with Arby's or What-a-burger or whatever cheap and shitty restaurant chain taking space in his waterlogged head.

So yeah.

Also the thanksgiving thing? It's almost totally a crock of shit. US staffers have their own higher quality holiday MREs for this scenario. This to me is similar to how he lied about not eating all those pork bits he made allegedly for the church. It's him lying about being a good person while being able to eat multiple thanksgiving meals IMO.

 

[AskeDead]

iPray is so fucking funny

 

[feral cat #6385]

He's PROUD of his wife putting a Lego centerpiece together.

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When did adults stop being adults?

2007

 

[ZipDisk]

A big block letter MEAT shirt would be funny. Like Music (lightning bolt) Band.

I bought a RIOT shirt before I knew it was a troon lover video game company, I thought it was funny to exhort others to riot.

 

[Uber driver reviewer]

I am at a loss for words. This fat retard really just put "JESUS" on a shirt and rotated it a bit. What even are those stupid little icons in the corners of the designs? The jeebus shirt literally has "ME" on it. I thought the point was it's not about me, Jack what the fuck are you doing? Is the little blue shirt with an arrow supposed to be some representation of the one way clothing line? Are people supposed to see that and know the design is part of a set? WHO THE FUCK PUTS A CHRISTMAS STOCKING ON A SHIRT

I’m sure that the Jesus leg of the holy trinity / son of god is tickled pink that he isn’t completely replaced by the Jewish corruption of Santa Claus in the Scalfani household and is instead given a nice Christmas stocking to take part in the corruption of his birthday into an orgy of spending on tcotchkies

 

[densedance]

 

[curbside2]

What's going on with his voice? He always sounds stroked out but it sounds like he's been huffing Nitrous oxide. Particularly for the first 90 seconds or so.

 

[Ihatejackscalfani]

What's going on with his voice? He always sounds stroked out but it sounds like he's been huffing Nitrous oxide. Particularly for the first 90 seconds or so.

It's because he has been stroked out.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

Fun fact the term for speaking in tongues is glossolalia. I only say that because it's my favorite word. I've never met a Pentecostal that wasn't a complete asshole.

The funniest thing about speaking in tongues is they say it's God's language or the "Holy Language". But... they've tested this and oddly enough it's always made up of sounds the language they're familiar with is able to make. So you'd never find them making a "th" sound for a language that doesn't have it. And, when done under an MRI, it's just the normal speech area of the brain that lights up. Meaning it's all bullshit.

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So Jesus got pissy when the Jews merchants were selling shit in the temples but I'm sure he'll be completely fine with a gluttonous slob plastering His name all over shitty merchandise to sell for money to fuel his sin.

When megachurches have coffee and gift shops in them it means selling stuff like this has been normalized.

On the back of the "iPray" shirts he put a citation to Matthew 6:9-13. I guess he must have skipped over the verses before those though:

The irony is delicious.

 

[Super Hans v2]

The funniest thing about speaking in tongues is they say it's God's language or the "Holy Language".

God, so even they say it's gibberish? The entire reason of Jesus having his apostles speaking in tongues was to speak in different languages to evangelize across the globe, not to be nomadic schizos.