Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[Potato Burrito]

What's going on with his voice? He always sounds stroked out but it sounds like he's been huffing Nitrous oxide. Particularly for the first 90 seconds or so.

Why is he speaking at the audience as if he's teaching them how to get this shit set up? "Make sure you remove the zip tie OKAY?" Nigga what? You're the retard here, stop talking to the audience like it's them.

The constant "OK?" bothers me more than it should. I've watched Jagoff on and off for a few years, it seems the number of OKs he says in a video is inversely correlated to the number of functioning brain cells he has. Soon that will be the only word we can make out between the gurgling. Brrmburg nock et ay Zhack Salfani hmm nmmah OK GUYS??

 

[Spasticus Autisticus]

Why is he speaking at the audience as if he's teaching them how to get this shit set up? "Make sure you remove the zip tie OKAY?" Nigga what? You're the retard here, stop talking to the audience like it's them.

Have you seen his unironic fans? They actually are more retarded than him.

 

[Instant_Pot_User]

God, so even they say it's gibberish? The entire reason of Jesus having his apostles speaking in tongues was to speak in different languages to evangelize across the globe, not to be nomadic schizos.

Roman Catholics and Eastern Orthodox Christians agree, whereas Pentecostals miss the whole point of Pentecost: everyone heard the preaching in their own language and understood the Gospel, not that the disciples instantly spoke "God's Language". Glossolalia à la protestants isn't bad per se, but it's a waste of time when someone could be learning a new language instead of babbling "HOO HABADA HOOMABABMA GOOGNA HOOBABNO" and rolling on the floor.

 

[ZipDisk]

What's going on with his voice?

His throat is damaged. He spits up most of the food he eats like a baby. You can see he is in visible pain when he forces himself to swallow.

I hate modern toaster ovens, they're cramped and tiny. I got a Delonghi from the 1980's as my daily, and a fat fucking black and decker for pizzas.

I like the Delonghi better, the knobs don't have that rubber shit on them, so you don't have to dry your hands to turn the knobs.

 

[SpiceyHuman]

His throat is damaged. He spits up most of the food he eats like a baby. You can see he is in visible pain when he forces himself to swallow.

I hate modern toaster ovens, they're cramped and tiny. I got a Delonghi from the 1980's as my daily, and a fat fucking black and decker for pizzas.

I like the Delonghi better, the knobs don't have that rubber shit on them, so you don't have to dry your hands to turn the knobs.

I totally agree. The newer ones are too small to be practical. I have an old school, massive Black and Decker that I actually keep in the garage. I'll use it when cooking fish, brussles sprouts, or other stinky things so the house doesn't smell.

Which makes me wonder. What do we kiwis think the Scalfani abode smells of?

I'd bet a mixture of old cooking grease, sugary bbq sauce, stale cheese, wet dog, Jack's soiled Depends underwear, and just a hint of pumpkin spice.

 

[p1138]

It seems no one has noticed Fatty has of course once again fucked up with a product. He has the crumb tray installed upside down and on the wrong level.

You can clearly see from the product pictures how it should be installed(it also make fucking sense)

It took fatty 18 seconds to eat a surprisingly small(for fatty) bite of food. Previously he'd have crammed half that thing into his face-hole. This man used to inhale food, and he looks like he's about to spit it up at the end of the video(around 5:40) while still acting like he's got food in his mouth(didn't actually swallow all of it, his jaw keeps on going when he isn't talking) and is looking for Tammy to hand him a bowl/bucket/whatever to spit it into.

Another funny moment though was 3:45, telling Tammy(it's definitely her because of the stupid colored hair and jewelry) not to burn herself, then she's got a stupid glove thing on jiggling the little pizza things, the video cuts to a still frame but she's still making noise jiggling them around on the tray. I bet she dropped one or two on the floor.

 

[Ihatejackscalfani]

At the 4:15 mark of the video Jack states to "unplug the oven and let it cool down before putting it away"

Another gadget going into the appliance graveyard of the Scalfanis.

 

[Instant_Pot_User]

It's so hard to watch this shit man, Jack has degenerated so much.
(inb4 someone says he didn't have too far to fall)

 

[Uber driver reviewer]

The funniest thing about speaking in tongues is they say it's God's language or the "Holy Language". But... they've tested this and oddly enough it's always made up of sounds the language they're familiar with is able to make. So you'd never find them making a "th" sound for a language that doesn't have it. And, when done under an MRI, it's just the normal speech area of the brain that lights up. Meaning it's all bullshit.


When megachurches have coffee and gift shops in them it means selling stuff like this has been normalized.


The irony is delicious.

It’s more evidence of J’s infiltrating and bamboozleing a massive voting bloc. Even in these denominations, speaking in tongues is supposed to be a rare gift. Not something that happens every fucking Sunday when some feeble smoothbrain is overcome with Jesus feelings. It’s supposed to be slightly less uncommon than the Catholic equivalent, The Stigmata. Of which, the RCC goes well out of its way to disprove and shame anyone claiming to experience this. They don’t want to look like looneybin snake handling “uummmagooommmmbatttta hammmanagggeeeelaahhhh jumbo bin spoooa babnananamcbqconborgle” Protestants or baptists where glossiollia spreads like a bunch of school kids claiming to smell natural gas when there isn’t any, so they can evacuate the school while the fire dept does a gas check.

I totally agree. The newer ones are too small to be practical. I have an old school, massive black and decker that i actually keep in the garage. I’ll use it when cooking fish, brussles sprouts, or other stinky things so the house doesnt smell.

Which makes me wonder. What do we kiwis think the scalfani abode smells of?

I'd bet a mixture of old cooking grease, sugary bbq sauce, stale cheese, wet dog, Jack's soiled Depends underwear, and just a hint of pumpkin spice.

i, guessing that Hammy has about 12 different votive candles, potpourri sticks, and other assorted Knick knacks around the house in religious themed containers spewing out various scents (toxic compounds) competing to clog your nose.

Hammy actually appears to keep the houses very clean. I get the impression that she’s one of those people that can’t stop moving and are always mowing, sweeping, etc. this simultaneously enabled Jack to be a lazy asshole, while keeping a presentable abode. Everyone needs a Tammy.

I bet that wherever Jack spends the day watching blues clues smells terrible though. I bet that chair gets a healthy (actually unhealthy) bath of febreeze regularly. I also bet that Junior’s room smells of old cumrags and unwashed hair.


Maybe Jack’s strokes are related to aromatic chemical toxicity and sitting in a pile of febreeze?

 

[Falcon Sebben]

God, so even they say it's gibberish? The entire reason of Jesus having his apostles speaking in tongues was to speak in different languages to evangelize across the globe, not to be nomadic schizos.

Oh no the people who believe in it honestly believe it's real and they're actually speaking a language that isn't theirs. It's the ones that don't believe that know they're just making jibber speak. I think it was Matt Dilahunty who grew up in those churches and said he learned how to do it but he never actually felt that it was something other than playing to the crowd.

The constant "OK?" bothers me more than it should. I've watched Jagoff on and off for a few years, it seems the number of OKs he says in a video is inversely correlated to the number of functioning brain cells he has. Soon that will be the only word we can make out between the gurgling. Brrmburg nock et ay Zhack Salfani hmm nmmah OK GUYS??

He does it more often now because he honestly thinks that he's dispensing some wisdom. It's a garbage word that a lot of people wind up using and it literally becomes annoying as fuck because they use it all the time and it has no real meaning.

 

[SteveGoatman]

The funniest thing about speaking in tongues is they say it's God's language or the "Holy Language". But... they've tested this and oddly enough it's always made up of sounds the language they're familiar with is able to make. So you'd never find them making a "th" sound for a language that doesn't have it. And, when done under an MRI, it's just the normal speech area of the brain that lights up. Meaning it's all bullshit.


When megachurches have coffee and gift shops in them it means selling stuff like this has been normalized.


The irony is delicious.

I KNOW I shouldn't be surprised in the slightest...but....holy shit...these tshirts are the laziest, crassest, and just lamest attempt to pull a religious grift. In other words it fits Jack perfectly. He's put in zero effort and is relying on the charity of others to make up for his own shortcomings.

 

[Ihatejackscalfani]

I KNOW I shouldn't be surprised in the slightest...but....holy shit...these tshirts are the laziest, crassest, and just lamest attempt to pull a religious grift. In other words it fits Jack perfectly. He's put in zero effort and is relying on the charity of others to make up for his own shortcomings.

What blows me away is the price gouging on the website. Between 30-40 dollars for some poorly designed clothing? Yeah, fuck yourself Jack.

 

[Kuritan Deplorable]

What blows me away is the price gouging on the website. Between 30-40 dollars for some poorly designed clothing? Yeah, fuck yourself Jack.

'Designed' implies he did any design. All he did was grab this free to use icon and put a border around it. Didn't even bother with the attribution requirements either, because a holy man doesn't need to give the literal bare minimum credit someone asks.

 

[Agamemnon Busmalis]

What blows me away is the price gouging on the website. Between 30-40 dollars for some poorly designed clothing? Yeah, fuck yourself Jack.

It's not like any money is going to charity, either, it's pure profit for the Jack Pack.

I.e. more pulporks and toaster ovens for the graveyard.

 

[anliteralidiot]

View attachment 5490445

There's nothing I can say to make these funnier than they are

The use of "iPray" ...that trend is, what, a decade old at this point?

I know nothing is ironic, which makes it funny, but... Art is when it makes you feel something. And I feel a lot looking at these, but I don't know if it's supposed to be art.

 

[p1138]

He does it more often now because he honestly thinks that he's dispensing some wisdom. It's a garbage word that a lot of people wind up using and it literally becomes annoying as fuck because they use it all the time and it has no real meaning.

A garbage word is definitely one way to put it. It's just as infuriating as people who can't help but respond to a question with "what?" no matter what the question is, or "I don't know" over and over again when you know damn well they do know, just makes you want to punch them in the mouth.

 

[Ihatejackscalfani]

New added merch from Jack's new clothing line.

 

[SpiceyHuman]

New added merch from Jack's new clothing line.

Oh wow

Is that round icon supposed to be the world? It doesn't even have real continent shapes.

 

[Ihatejackscalfani]

Oh wow

Is that round icon supposed to be the world? It doesn't even have real continent shapes.

Hahaha. My thoughts exactly when I first looked at the hat.

What in the fuck?


EDIT: perhaps in biblical times, the continents and shit were closer together at one point....

Ahh, fuck it. It's Jack, there is no sense to be made out of him anymore.

 

[Agamemnon Busmalis]

And the wine was weaker. It's thought that it was 5-8% alcohol so you'd have to drink twice as much to really get sloppy fall down drunk which is what the edict in the bible was against.

Exactly, it was more like a grape cider comparable to beer or mead vs. a modern table wine.

The Romans were able to produce some much stronger ones comparable to modern wines but they were premium products, most likely the vintners were lucky and had access to the wild yeasts that are the ancestors of today's wine yeast strains. As well as Belgian-style beers that use wild yeast but achieve a higher ABV.

Falernian wine was said to be able to be lit on fire so it was probably freeze distilled. I can't imagine the hangover you'd get from drinking that with the knowledge available in classical antiquity.