What are the most pretentious games ever made?

[Spider Princess Fan]

How does Kiwi Farms feel about This War of Mine?

I will say in good faith that I don't think the creators were hacks who only wanted money, and they did actually set out to tell about struggles of civilians caught in the fire of war, but I don't think it works, first problem with setting antiwar message to a specific conflict/war is that there are more likely to be different narratives present and some side will claim that version of history that you're showing is bullshit/fabricated/biased, the second problem is gamification of suffering, you're still playing a game, with set of rules and objectives to follow, it creates a conflict within the game when the supposed suffering is downplayed to the purely mechanical levels of "Ivan needs smokes/drink, Vaclav is sick, Jacek is cold and hungry" and satisfying these needs is all that takes for the characters to cope and survive, personally I think that if you want to show the gruesomeness of military conflict blunt satire of Cannon Fodder or raw indifference of "Capital_city_name Hit - 11 millions dead" of DEFCON are a lot better at it than anything else, as they create universal experience that isn't defied by your knowledge of history or ( unfortunately ) having experienced it.

And now that this has been sad, Valiant Hearts is a pretentious pile of shit, written by nitwits with intelligence of six year olds and attempting to tackle one of the most gruesome human conflicts and not only game feels it is necessary to falsify history to make character more invested in war ( the entirety of Anna's story ), best things that braindead morons could've come up with is your universal bouquet of generic statements of "war bad", "people can be cruel" and entire motivation of one of the playable characters is literally "killing is bad,mmmkay" as he murders dozen of pilots before beating up an army general and going back home satisfied that death of his wife and other innocent civilians who died during bombing raids had been rectified with a single act of humiliation of a single military officer.

 

[Ughubughughughughughghlug]

@Spider Princess Fan I liked Valiant Hearts but I won’t argue with that. I liked it but it always felt kind of cartoony, not just literally but kind of childish relative to its subject matter.

 

[IDanceonTrannyGraves]

How does Kiwi Farms feel about This War of Mine?
It came along at a time when that sort of game as art or game as message was still novel, surprising. 2014, nearly a decade ago. I remember liking it for the short time I played it (then never touched it again).

Going back to it, it feels real wanky. I like stuff that has an art style as its style, but the black-and-white comic booky thing feels so fucking hokey. The morality stuff feels manipulative and clumsy and laughably ineffective. I know you've got to go in with a willingness to play along, I was just surprised at how little it has landed with me.

As a game it's clanky to control, which I think was the biggest reason I stopped playing those years ago.

Not terrible but nothing special.

 

[rareblacklobster]

"The Game"

Fuck you.

 

[Lurkerish Kandor]

One of the most pretentious games I've personally paid for and played was SCORN, which was marketed for years as a sort of metroid-like huge world with art and design heavily influenced by H.R. Giger, and the old "choices that matter" line.

It ended up being quite literally a playable artbook, the game is an almost on-rails experience, and there is no story or lore to speak of whatsoever. The game ends just as it's starting to get interesting, where it seems like new gameplay mechanics might get introduced and mixed together, but SPOILERS: your character fucking dies just as what feels like the second act is about to begin, with the game cutting to some digital artwork painting and then to the main menu without even running the credits.

I was extremely pissed off by my jewtube feed being flooded for weeks afterwards with "SCORN's story explained!" type videos, all of which began with the host saying "I'm basically making everything up, because the game doesn't provide any details about what's going on". Naturally, discussion about the game was full of people dismissing all criticism as "oh my god, you philistines just don't understand, you're all too plebian for the high-minded social critique going on in SCORN".
IIRC I said in my very angry steam review of the game that I could tell you all the hostile monsters are simply food mould from someone leaving the fridge open for a year, and you wouldn't be able to prove me wrong because the game presents no other answers.

I believe it was revealed later by the team themselves that yes, the game was essentially just a fancy ""interactive"" artbook, they are all art students and the reason the game just suddenly ends is that they basically got told by Microsoft to wrap this shit the fuck up because two consoles generations had launched in the time it took them to make this 'game'. SCORN is basically the bad-timeline version of what Darkwood could've turned out to be.

 

[Skitarii]

Every metal gear game ever

 

[Cheeseknife]

The Mortal Kombat series.

It started out as a simple side-scrolling fighter where you kill other dudes while making progress up a tower to kill the final dude. Now it's a soap opera where none of the main characters ever permanently dies (despite the name of the series) because Nether Realm keeps finding ways to bring people back. Shocking fatalities have now been ramped up to the point of utter ridiculousness, serving now purpose other than to feed a fetish for ultraviolence. Characters also perform "X-Ray" moves on each other where the game takes control from you for a few seconds while you watch someone's bones get shattered or their organs splattered--none of which is ever permanent and just continues to feed the ultraviolence fetish.

Many of the main cast have now intermarried with each other (like a soap opera) and they have kids who (of course) are trained in martial arts and are also competing in these same splatter-fest tournaments. You can also have the parents to fight their children and perform all these fatalities as they please.

The main story takes place under the pretense that winning the Mortal Kombat tournament will save the world. Except whenever the good guys win, the bad guys break the rules. The Elder Gods who are supposed to enforce the rules never enforce the rules. Eventually the story just turns into finding a MacGuffin to save the world, excep that MacGuffin doesn't save the world and, inevitably, the thing that actually saves the world is one of the good guys punching the bad guy enough times until he dies.

There's woke politics in some of the more recent games, but does that really surprise anyone?

The series also has an escalation problem where, in order to raise the stakes beyond big bad wants to take over the world, the storywriters have to invent parallel worlds and multiple timelines just to keep things interesting. All this does, however, is make things even more confusing.

 

[Jeff_the_Thriller]

Every metal gear game ever

Especially 4. Kojima likes to repeat key words like he's explaining his big brain ideas to retarded children. Nuclear proliferation is bad. Information control is bad. The Cold War was bad. War profiteering is bad. 4 was the most egregious with that shit. I swear every 3rd sentence had the phrase 'war economy' in it. I like most of the games but Kojima comes across as someone who thinks he's the smartest guy it the room.

 

[Beautiful Border]

One of the most pretentious games I've personally paid for and played was SCORN, which was marketed for years as a sort of metroid-like huge world with art and design heavily influenced by H.R. Giger, and the old "choices that matter" line.

It ended up being quite literally a playable artbook, the game is an almost on-rails experience, and there is no story or lore to speak of whatsoever. The game ends just as it's starting to get interesting, where it seems like new gameplay mechanics might get introduced and mixed together, but SPOILERS: your character fucking dies just as what feels like the second act is about to begin, with the game cutting to some digital artwork painting and then to the main menu without even running the credits.

At least it gave us this classic review from Worth a Buy, one of the only game reviewers who still has a working bullshit detector.

 

[Ughubughughughughughghlug]

Alright I just remembered something waaay far back in the recesses of my brain:
Autism Simulator:

A game that simulates you having autism featuring low-poly unity-asset tier models and blarring earrape and static when you get close to other kids.
Now look, I understand this game is more "educational" showing what it's like for a person to have autism. But surely whoever made this could've done it with a bit more work and "finesse", you know? Regardless people in the comments harold this as being "good and accurate portrayal" of autism, which is fine but surely they know way better media is out there that portrays their 'ism better I assume.

Jesus Christ.

Does it mean anything that I actually enjoyed that? It was like the finest YouTube Poop earrape.

Kind of reminds me of some criticism I've heard of Everywhere at the End of Time, too. That it was a noble attempt to render what it's like to have Alzheimers in musical form, but they ended up making it look way more hellish and dramatic and horror-movie-ish than the real thing is.

 

[Fatniggo1488]

Alright I just remembered something waaay far back in the recesses of my brain:
Autism Simulator:

A game that simulates you having autism featuring low-poly unity-asset tier models and blarring earrape and static when you get close to other kids.
Now look, I understand this game is more "educational" showing what it's like for a person to have autism. But surely whoever made this could've done it with a bit more work and "finesse", you know? Regardless people in the comments harold this as being "good and accurate portrayal" of autism, which is fine but surely they know way better media is out there that portrays their 'ism better I assume.

This just seems like niggers trying to experience basic literacy.

 

[Michael Wade]

Without watching it, Mode sounds like a game that would be hilarious to intentionally play like an asshole the whole way.

I only played it for 30 mins or so but "Republique" checks all the boxes.
It's basically a tech demo for phone hardware that got ported to PC and VR for free. Which while cool feels poorly written and pretentious with all the 1984 references.

It's basically Lifeline with better controls. Remember lifeline?

Yeah so this time you actually physically control the girl like something out of an RTS game, but man.... The game tries so hard to be serious and "real" it took me out of the experience. Like somehow im such a good hacker im getting real time feeds of this iPhone in a secret facility that can hijack cameras open doors and scan people. It would make more sense if this was some kind of alt future, or I was an Al but it really expects me to buy into just being a normal guy who has all the time in the world to lead this random girl to safety. The girl by the way hyperventilates like crazy about needing help. It just feels so forced and artificial. And the writing... the writing feels terrible and hipster. You get advice and commentary from some autistic security guard that speaks in Microsoft sam... Yeah, I saw that this game wasn't going to be satisfying to play so I stopped it.

Reading the spoilers online proved me correct.

Spoiler

. (The girl you spend the whole time trying to save drowns herself for some stupid reason and nothing is resolved)

 

[Agent of Z.O.G.]

It would make more sense if this was some kind of alt future, or I was an Al but it really expects me to buy into just being a normal guy who has all the time in the world to lead this random girl to safety.

There's a game where you are an AI leading an astronaut girl to safety. It's called observer and IGN's tagline for a review was "Observation Playing As an AI In Next Year's Smartest Game"

Spoiler: Here's what the game considers a puzzle

You click the blue squares to make then green.
That's it.

I didn't play that much afterwards but the first hour or two was basically Alien Isolation without the (broken) stealth gameplay; meaning you get retard easy puzzles and having to make a series of button presses for basic interaction.

 

[Michael Wade]

There's a game where you are an AI leading an astronaut girl to safety. It's called observer and IGN's tagline for a review was "Observation Playing As an AI In Next Year's Smartest Game"

Spoiler: Here's what the game considers a puzzle

View attachment 5507152
You click the blue squares to make then green.
That's it.

I didn't play that much afterwards but the first hour or two was basically Alien Isolation without the (broken) stealth gameplay; meaning you get retard easy puzzles and having to make a series of button presses for basic interaction.

The impressions I'm getting from the spoilers is that it gets a lot more interesting and messed up as it goes along before turning into a horror story. But yeah it goes full space odyssey combined with that 2017 life movie. So don't expect much to make sense.

 

[Quijibo69]

No One Can Stop Mr. Domino, No Question!

 

[Gondolindrim]

The Mortal Kombat series.

It started out as a simple side-scrolling fighter where you kill other dudes while making progress up a tower to kill the final dude. Now it's a soap opera where none of the main characters ever permanently dies (despite the name of the series) because Nether Realm keeps finding ways to bring people back. Shocking fatalities have now been ramped up to the point of utter ridiculousness, serving now purpose other than to feed a fetish for ultraviolence. Characters also perform "X-Ray" moves on each other where the game takes control from you for a few seconds while you watch someone's bones get shattered or their organs splattered--none of which is ever permanent and just continues to feed the ultraviolence fetish.

Many of the main cast have now intermarried with each other (like a soap opera) and they have kids who (of course) are trained in martial arts and are also competing in these same splatter-fest tournaments. You can also have the parents to fight their children and perform all these fatalities as they please.

The main story takes place under the pretense that winning the Mortal Kombat tournament will save the world. Except whenever the good guys win, the bad guys break the rules. The Elder Gods who are supposed to enforce the rules never enforce the rules. Eventually the story just turns into finding a MacGuffin to save the world, excep that MacGuffin doesn't save the world and, inevitably, the thing that actually saves the world is one of the good guys punching the bad guy enough times until he dies.

There's woke politics in some of the more recent games, but does that really surprise anyone?

The series also has an escalation problem where, in order to raise the stakes beyond big bad wants to take over the world, the storywriters have to invent parallel worlds and multiple timelines just to keep things interesting. All this does, however, is make things even more confusing.

The story peaked in the 3D era where they actually tried to have a story but weren't afraid to be funny and keep shit lighthearted. The new games are all trying their hardest to be Marvel slop complete with quips and big team ups at the end.

 

[Beautiful Border]

Jesus Christ.

Does it mean anything that I actually enjoyed that? It was like the finest YouTube Poop earrape.

Kind of reminds me of some criticism I've heard of Everywhere at the End of Time, too. That it was a noble attempt to render what it's like to have Alzheimers in musical form, but they ended up making it look way more hellish and dramatic and horror-movie-ish than the real thing is.

The real problem with Everywhere at the End of Time is the fact it's six fucking hours long and does nothing to justify that length. You could have easily expressed the same "gradual cognitive decline" concept in an hour and it would have arguably been far more effective.

 

[Ughubughughughughughghlug]

The real problem with Everywhere at the End of Time is the fact it's six fucking hours long and does nothing to justify that length. You could have easily expressed the same "gradual cognitive decline" concept in an hour and it would have arguably been far more effective.

He did a song that’s seven minutes long that does the job.

Besides the length, I think there’s a particular problem that the cuts between songs are too sharp. Apparently he actually intended people sit and meditate on individual songs, or an album, at a time, whereas everyone said you need to listen to it all at once. The problem is that if you do it their way it’s too fucking long AND doesn’t give the “gradual decay into madness” thing because it’s just the same thing for an hour until it changes abruptly, or you do it his way and then you’re sitting down to listen to an hour of earrape with no build up.

I like his first three parts. I do not like the rest of it. It is just way too boring and unpleasant.

 

[Beautiful Border]

He did a song that’s seven minutes long that does the job.

Besides the length, I think there’s a particular problem that the cuts between songs are too sharp. Apparently he actually intended people sit and meditate on individual songs, or an album, at a time, whereas everyone said you need to listen to it all at once. The problem is that if you do it their way it’s too fucking long AND doesn’t give the “gradual decay into madness” thing because it’s just the same thing for an hour until it changes abruptly, or you do it his way and then you’re sitting down to listen to an hour of earrape with no build up.

I like his first three parts. I do not like the rest of it. It is just way too boring and unpleasant.

It also has the same problem as Vaporwave, that if you know what he's riffing it's considerably less interesting. I was already familiar with Al Bowlly so my first reaction to It's Just a Burning Memory was "oh, so this guy just slowed down Heartaches and chopped it up, bleh". I also imagine the whole effect he's going for is more effective if you didn't grow up listening to the style of music he's playing with, because I imagine for a lot of people it has this "creepy old music" vibe that it just doesn't have with me (which explains why it took off with the TikTok crowd).

 

[Ughubughughughughughghlug]

It also has the same problem as Vaporwave, that if you know what he's riffing it's considerably less interesting. I was already familiar with Al Bowlly so my first reaction to It's Just a Burning Memory was "oh, so this guy just slowed down Heartaches and chopped it up, bleh". I also imagine the whole effect he's going for is more effective if you didn't grow up listening to the style of music he's playing with, because I imagine for a lot of people it has this "creepy old music" vibe that it just doesn't have with me (which explains why it took off with the TikTok crowd).

If you're listening to it for creepy, sure, which a lot of people are. I do listen to old music like that, so for me it isn't "creepy," just "old nostalgia/flashback/nursing home music," which I think is what he was actually going for.

On pretty much any old (mid-1900s) music on YouTube it's swarming with zoomer idiots that find it creepy. Horror movies have apparently done to that what they did to clowns.