Are you lost needing femoid advice post here - For the poor bastard's who dare or are just curious

[generic sauce]

Why do I bother with femoid on dating apps when they match with me and never respond?

 

[dvnc]

Hmmm, should I go with the historically accurate Viking helmet or the one with horns?

Keep it as natural as possible.

Now the internet full of crazy people bleeding in from reality.

True, sadly.

 

[dvnc]

Why do I bother with femoid on dating apps when they match with me and never respond?

Because dating apps are shit. Forums are better. I grew up on forum culture, and made and met tons of friends from it. It's easier because the person has a multitude of different ways to share their opinions (via different subforums), and you can engage in conversation with them better.

Although, I don't really recommend this forum. It's the first I've been on where so many still want the forum style but the 4chan mind-set.

 

[generic sauce]

Because dating apps are shit. Forums are better. I grew up on forum culture, and made and met tons of friends from it. It's easier because the person has a multitude of different ways to share their opinions (via different subforums), and you can engage in conversation with them better.

Although, I don't really recommend this forum. It's the first I've been on where so many still want the forum style but the 4chan mind-set.

Yeah I don't think I want to meet a woman on a forum these days. I know the answer is to go out and meet someone IRL but I just wanted to be mad on the internet.

 

[KittyGremlin]

Don’t be a creep, let her show interest in you before you make a move, but you’ll definitely meet women there.

Treat her like a cat, got it. I'll bring some bacon strips too.

Or evening classes in a language you’re interested in learning.

I always had a talent for learning languages just never had an interest in any particular one aside from English. Might be a good two-for-one option.

Or get politically engaged

Lord no. I am broadly right wing but I physically can't take politics that seriously.

Dancing maybe.

I tried it and I did meet some women but it never went anywhere. Nowadays most dancing classes here expect you to commit more seriously and go down the competitive route, bit hard to find a place with young people who do it just for the hell of it.

Just find something to do that isn’t a loner activity like hiking and photography (women love both, but you won’t meet anyone) and that isn’t a male-only social activity, like Warhammer or MtG.

To be frank, there should be some hiking groups. I always genuinely wanted to try yoga, but that's ironically the biggest ick trigger a man could have.

Speaking of Vikings, re-enactment and historical faires could work.

Yeah, that's definitely a thing here. Could be worth a try.

I have tried airsoft-based military larps (obviously not to meet women) and those were mega cringe and kinda gay. Maybe medieval stuff is better.

 

[Autistic Mushroom]

Thanks for the replies. I had to spend some time reflecting and drafting a proper response. Keep in mind that I haven't dated in years. Maybe if I had I would have had my ideas naturally challenged and changed, but what I've typed in response is from the point of view of someone who's been too depressed to even bother seeking out a relationship for a while. I don't even know where I would begin dating, I don't meet people outside of work anymore and I have had absolutely zero interest in any coworker I've ever had.

Well, what are the interests that are so repellent to half the population?

I listen to a lot of extreme metal these days and recently started learning guitar because of it. I've always had a big appreciation for music, noticing and being moved by the way non-lyrical aspects of music are used to create a mood or paint a picture. I think that's pretty off-putting for most people, I imagine most women would think it's either shit I'm pretending to like to seem unique or that it's an indicator that I'm fucked in the head. There's nothing practical about it and it's one of those "taste" things that most people just don't get and outright reject as a result. I also enjoy getting a customized feel and sound from my keyboard when typing or gaming, so I'm mildly into the custom keyboard hobby. I've had an interest in learning and reading non-fiction since I was very young, particularly about space and space-related things. That's nerd shit though, I guess if I need to make a woman cringe or fall asleep I can bring those up. I've raised backyard chickens before, and when I'm able to I would like to do so again. Not really much to talk about there though, chickens are pretty straightforward animals. They're endearing and you won't find better eggs than ones from your own home, that's about it.

Acting boring is a terrible plan. Why the fuck would anyone want to spend the rest of their natural life, every holiday, every vacation, every weekend, with someone who had absolutely fuck all to talk about except work? Have some topic of conversation, some interests you pursue.

I've sort of been coasting through my adult life so far assuming the opposite, that far more bad than good will come from trying to discuss interests with people, especially women who probably don't even have the same point of view as a man does and totally can't relate as a result. I figured if my interests are going to be boring and stupid, I might as well try to be just boring instead. I feel compelled to keep my interests to myself since at the end of the day they're my interests, they probably don't want the burden of hearing or thinking about it.

Are your interests like... Warhammer or something? Gunpla? Guns? I'm having trouble thinking of something that would really repel me from a guy. It would have to involve dead things, but even something like taxidermy would be fine.

I'm married, so I'm not really eligible to give good dating advice, but I'm way more excited about guys who are excited about something. When you're boring, and don't have anything to talk about, I don't see any reason to engage, y'know? What am I supposed to talk to you about if you don't do anything? How do I know you'll be compatible if you don't do anything?

Also, how do I know you'll enjoy talking to me? Without knowing your interests, I'm less likely to share mine, because I don't know how you'll respond.

I think guns are kind of cool but I don't think I'd ever like them enough to own more than two, one for self defense and one to just shoot for fun. I hope that keeps me clear of putting off women. It's uplifting to hear that women just want to hear about what you're into though. I haven't dated in a while, and when I did it really didn't seem like women care about anything but themselves and their interests. I just got unlucky, I guess.

It's not about having hobbies that will attract people, but about being a person with some depth and texture. Life is so much more fun when you have things you care about and that bring you joy and purpose. And back to interpersonal - if you want to know interesting people, be an interesting person.

This information is big if true. I have things that bring me joy and purpose but I've always thought that nobody gave a shit. I frankly always got the impression that people just want to be miserable and consume garbage, that passion and fun are out of style.

 

[Chromeo]

Is there a numerically significant group of single women out there who really don't have any interests or hobbies in their late 20s to 30s who are avoiding dating apps, but want partners, or is it mostly a male phenomenon? If it is, why do you think it is?

Yes and they're on SSRIs

 

[Susanna]

I tried it and I did meet some women but it never went anywhere. Nowadays most dancing classes here expect you to commit more seriously and go down the competitive route, bit hard to find a place with young people who do it just for the hell of it.

How about old people dances like lindy-hop or swing?

I have tried airsoft-based military larps (obviously not to meet women) and those were mega cringe and kinda gay. Maybe medieval stuff is better.

In my experience it varies. There's always at least a little cringe, especially if the HEMA people are reenacting battles, but if you find one that focuses on medieval crafts and village life, you're going to have tonnes of fun. Watching an old man make rope, or some girls weaving on a warp loom, or a woman crafting jewelry in her shop while she sells the things she made earlier in the year, is actually a lot of fun. You'll never unlearn the cringe when you watch a film and someone cuts a perfectly good rope with a knife, now that you know how much work went into making that! Just walking the crowd watching the more serious people show off their authenticlothes, and a couple super-nerds clanking around in actual armour is fun too. I love medieval faires, and there's always a decent mix of men and women in my experience. There'll probably be archery contests and old-timey games, too.

 

[NoReturn]

I feel like random people are more hostile to me these days.

I'm not ugly, im not short, I shower/shit/shave everyday. Im not super fit but im in solid shape, and I dress like everyone else, so I have all the first impression stuff down.

But the cashiers at every shop and people on the street seem to look at me and become upset or look like I ruined their day. They'll be chatting and laughing with the customer before me, and as soon as I step up their while demeanor visibly changes. Guys at the gun store, nerds at the gaming shop, associates at the departments stores, I seem to bring them all down.

I try to talk to random people I'm trapped in line with or at some function with, and I only seem to get along with old men.
What happened, it wasnt like this 2 years ago, and I really dont think it was covid.

Did you get fit since COVID? I'm now up to two men in my personal life who have described similar experiences to me after they lost weight/gained muscle. If you look built and act meek, something in people's minds doesn't like it. Similarly, if you used to be fit and you got fat, but you still act like you're hot shit, people experience the same "uncanny valley" effect.

Ok, I'm going to ask a question that's bound to come up sooner or later here anyway.

What do you think are good spaces to meet women IRL? I feel like simply looking for hobbies or clubs with a female majority makes you come off as invasive and desperate while forcing yourself to be into something you don't actually like is pretty exhausting (even if I can be quite flexible with my interests), overall putting you in a *very* uneasy and awkward position. Of course, on the flip side if it's very male dominated you probably won't get many opportunities to socialize with women and a larger proportion of that sliver will be into it only for male attention anyway. I'm aware that Church is the answer many will give, but not everyone is religious and nowadays in most countries it's quite dominated by old people.

What do you think?

I think @snov gave some good advice, but I have to give a big caveat to you and to other dudes: DON'T SHIT WHERE YOU EAT.
Yes, it's easier to meet people in your classes, yes, it's easier to meet people in groups, but don't ask out the women in those groups until they have a better chance to bail. The last thing you want to do is make her feel pressured or trapped or like she has to give up a hobby if she's not into you.
Similar rules for why you don't ask out the barista.
Though I have seen at least one guy online admit to doing this on purpose. He said he thought it was a fair "punishment" for her to lose whatever the thing was for turning him down.

Why do I bother with femoid on dating apps when they match with me and never respond?

Those are bots, homie.

 

[generic sauce]

Those are bots, homie.

Not the bots, I ain't that retarded. Well I guess not respond, dunno fuck it's the damn single mothers that respond with single word responses. It's not like I'm really that into them but fuck this gay earth anyways. I need to get out more.

 

[Fareal]

@Autistic Mushroom

okay, point 1: things you say suggest you view women as some alien exotic incomprehensible species as opposed to fellow humans. That is incel thinking and that is why they are forever alone, so that has to stop.

”I listen to music a lot and I go to gigs and I play guitar” is like Top 5 Completely Normal Interests For A Dude. Most women like some sort of music, many of them like metal, many of them play guitar or other instruments. This is both a totally normal interest for both sexes and one that will provide fruitful conversation.

With love, I feel like you would know that if you talked to femoids, like, even across-the-desk work chatter.

“I like space“ 95% of women wanted to be an astronaut when they were little. Space is a superb topic of interest. This is both normal and appealing. You can go to the planetarium! You can do that cheesy but delightful thing of watching meteor showers with a picnic! Do you also read historical nonfiction? Bitches love history. Some of us love it so much we get whole degrees in that shit.

You have to stop thinking women are born with a bizarre and completely alien set of interests to the ones dudes have. Remember for our early childhoods, we are mostly unaware that Boys And Girls Are Supposed To Be Different. That was roughly when we all wanted to be astronauts. Many, many of us have not in any way lost that interest.

My brother in Josh, you need to actually talk to women, I don’t even mean ones you fancy. I mean like any women. Chatter. Mindless conversation. Remind yourself women are also people.

I also like the noise and clicky feels on keyboards but I have some type of synaesthesia so like, idk about other femoids. But honestly, dude hobbies that involve sitting home and contentedly building things are generally widely accepted, as it means one’s personal dude is not out on the stroll after some thots. Most women get to a point where they kind of just like to keep some kind of general tabs on the dude’s whereabouts.

 

[56 others]

you get fit since COVID? I'm now up to two men in my personal life who have described similar experiences to me after they lost weight/gained muscle. If you look built and act meek, something in people's minds doesn't like it.

I just generally got a lot of my shit together during/after covid. More muscle, car that isnt a shitbox, good mental health, new clothes, and a lot less fear, but I guess im still a pretty quiet person.



I bought one of these stupid hats and wore it around in public, and people loved it.
Another thing I did sometimes places I didnt live is I'd do that exaggerated swagger walk that wiggers do, and people genuinely responded positively to it, and girls were checking me out without laughing. It was done for a laugh, and I dont want to accept that the way to get ahead socially is to be more obnoxious.

 

[Fields Of Rye]

I am basically at the point in my life where my parents are "throwing" random women at me at weddings in such. Real Mike Tyson "Now Kith" shit. I basically haven't met a women that clicked since college. The ones in my "social group" I have zero in common with and I cannot stand, and I spent long enough dealing with my families endless judgements (old money) about the most mundane shit (painting is okay but drawing isn't, for example) that I'm completely nose blind to "tastefully weird" vs "High Octane Autism". Dude's don't give a shit if you have an ant colony or whatever but the amount of women who consider me "The bread guy" is in double digits. I think they are painfully aware that at this rate I'm either going to end up alone and embittered or getting into occultism or something.

So here's the question. Where is the line between "an interesting hobby" and "an unsettling fixation" for you? How do I sell the fact I think ants and mushrooms are cool as shit, that I have strong preferences for inks and calligraphy, or that if we're making bread I'm going to be about twice as interested in bread than you.

Basically, what date do I break out the sourdough starter to hit the 2 to -2 region on the "Snuffkin to Kaczynski autism gradient"


Whoops, formatting broke

 

[KittyGremlin]

Yes, it's easier to meet people in your classes, yes, it's easier to meet people in groups, but don't ask out the women in those groups until they have a better chance to bail. The last thing you want to do is make her feel pressured or trapped or like she has to give up a hobby if she's not into you.

True. Probably a good idea to test the waters beforehand too, to see if she is even receptive to begin with.

Though I have seen at least one guy online admit to doing this on purpose. He said he thought it was a fair "punishment" for her to lose whatever the thing was for turning him down.

Where from? Childish vindictiveness doesn't really serve anyone in that scenario.

---

How about old people dances like lindy-hop or swing?

Funny you mention that, I actually went to lindy-hop. It was fun, but had the same problem I've mentioned. They do have social evenings but the time is really inconvenient for me.

In my experience it varies. There's always at least a little cringe, especially if the HEMA people are reenacting battles, but if you find one that focuses on medieval crafts and village life, you're going to have tonnes of fun. Watching an old man make rope, or some girls weaving on a warp loom, or a woman crafting jewelry in her shop while she sells the things she made earlier in the year, is actually a lot of fun. You'll never unlearn the cringe when you watch a film and someone cuts a perfectly good rope with a knife, now that you know how much work went into making that! Just walking the crowd watching the more serious people show off their authenticlothes, and a couple super-nerds clanking around in actual armour is fun too. I love medieval faires, and there's always a decent mix of men and women in my experience. There'll probably be archery contests and old-timey games, too.

Dang. I'm a bit of a craftsman myself, could make something cool. Like a historically accurate crossbow or something. Cosplay in general could work well too, I've made some props out of Nerf guns for a while, it was decent profit during uni when I didn't have the time for a nine to five job.

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

what should i do to make women kill themselves more besides telling them "why does your [facial feature] look like that" and waiting for them to dwell on it for the rest of their life

Too old-fashioned! Shake it up a little and kill yourself instead.

Greetings foids. I have a question. Looks wise, what do women value more, body or face?

Just dicks. Kidding.

Fr, I like brains. More precisely, I like brains in personable, fairly sophisticated people with varied (or at least flexible) interests. On your two choices, I suppose I may value at least semi-fitness more (my base draw is to a quarterback physique, but I'm down with a wide receiver, tight end, or even defensive back, if that gives a sense; and I don't mean literal pro athlete physique/extrapolate to real life people). Faces, on the other hand, become more or less interesting to me depending on the person wearing them. (But really really bad teeth are very difficult (I've tried but can't).)

But fr, the thing that turns me off the most is a man who is absolutely stuck on asking me to go do X, only X, and always and nothing but X. I have had some men keep reaching out for years...and though at times I finally think, well, maybe - if they then propose going to do the exact same damn thing they proposed 1, 2, 5, 10 years ago, which very clearly never appealed to me before, then it's just like an untied inflated balloon having the air let out. Absolute curiosity-killer.

Why? Because it seems formulaic, it suggests they haven't paid attention to what I might enjoy, and it tells me that maybe they themselves are unwilling to try anything new. (Note: this may be somewhat particular to me, because I desire and am game for new and varied experiences, and I am always interested in expanding my world. That said, I recommend reading the room, as well as broadening your own horizons so you have at least a couple different types of ideas.)

it's just that most women aren't willing to hold out on the sex stuff in order to force a relationship

It's got-damn stupid to think or behave as though this is an acceptable or normal dynamic.

Ok, I'm going to ask a question that's bound to come up sooner or later here anyway.

What do you think are good spaces to meet women IRL? I feel like simply looking for hobbies or clubs with a female majority makes you come off as invasive and desperate while forcing yourself to be into something you don't actually like is pretty exhausting (even if I can be quite flexible with my interests), overall putting you in a *very* uneasy and awkward position. Of course, on the flip side if it's very male dominated you probably won't get many opportunities to socialize with women and a larger proportion of that sliver will be into it only for male attention anyway. I'm aware that Church is the answer many will give, but not everyone is religious and nowadays in most countries it's quite dominated by old people.

What do you think?

Do things that possibly interest you, but to your Q, look at activities with some % of both men and women. Also: learn how to chitchat/make small talk (and assign zero value to it). And listen. Also (2): pay attention to your surroundings, and (3) if you want to talk to a girl, be easy, breezy, and don't take casual talk too seriously. If you talk to 3 strangers every day that you're out in the world, you'll get used to it and not be crushed bc someone didn't return your bonhomie. Also (4) make eye contact. Not a creepy stare, just engaged if they're talking to you. And smile, even if they don't. And don't brood afterward and make yourself miserable over what did/didn't go great.

Basically, go do things, and make a habit to practice being engaged and open in the world. It will make you feel better in general, and it will also de-stress interaction when you do find someone cute you might like to spend an hour or two getting to know. Keep your cart behind the horse.

To be frank, there should be some hiking groups.

There are. Meetup has tons in my area. For hiking and every other thing.

I always genuinely wanted to try yoga, but that's ironically the biggest ick trigger a man could have.

Do what you like. Not everything needs to be calibrated. You're better/ more interesting/ more confident with a broader base of things/places you enjoy.

I just got unlucky, I guess.

As they say, you have to kiss a lot of frogs... Not necessarily literally (not literal frogs, obvs, but I mean even literal kissing, though could be). Point: expect bad or mediocre experiences as part of the process and don't let it get to you.

I frankly always got the impression that people just want to be miserable and consume garbage, that passion and fun are out of style.

Go out and live. Avoid negative people, live a full life, and there will be more opportunities to meet cool people you enjoy (and who enjoy you).

How do I sell the fact I think ants and mushrooms are cool as shit, that I have strong preferences for inks and calligraphy, or that if we're making bread I'm going to be about twice as interested in bread than you.

You don't "sell" it. Unless it is the only thing in life you care about, you don't need to make it the sum-total of who you are. It's wonderful to dig a person then find out they have some weird esoteric hobby/interest - unless that's all they are.

 

[Mayor Cody Travers]

This thread is far more wholesome and positive than I expected. Kudos to the regulars in it actually discussing X-and-Y with and helping one another.

 

[Iron Jaguar]

single women out there who really don't have any interests or hobbies in their late 20s to 30s who are avoiding dating apps, but want partners, or is it mostly a male phenomenon?

Men and women rarely share hobbies or interests anyway. What this guy actually needs is a woman who shares his views on relationship roles, politics, religion, raising children, etc. She may have some things that are purely her own interests, and that's fine, just as it is fine for him to have or not have any.

His mistake is in thinking that shared external interests will equate to a firm foundation for a relationship.

 

[CoolFool]

Greetings foids. I have a question. Looks wise, what do women value more, body or face?

I feel like a minority here. Unless the guy's face is just absolutely hideous, I'd pick body. I'm not attracted to guys who are skinny skellies or fat. Lack of muscle is lame and beer bellies gross me out. I like guys that actually give a shit about their health and their body and work out, or do some hobby/job that keeps them in shape. It's not just about looks, it's attractive to know a guy is strong and can protect you. Plus, I've seen what guys who workout look like as the age VS guys who don't, and the difference is striking.

Another reason is that I workout and keep in shape, so I would want any guy I date to also have the same mindset. They don't necessarily have to have a 6 pack (I know those are a bitch to maintain) but I don't find chub attractive. Sorry fellas.

 

[KittyGremlin]

I am basically at the point in my life where my parents are "throwing" random women at me at weddings in such. Real Mike Tyson "Now Kith" shit. I basically haven't met a women that clicked since college. The ones in my "social group" I have zero in common with and I cannot stand, and I spent long enough dealing with my families endless judgements (old money) about the most *snip*

I'm going to give some unsolicited moid advice here again. I think you're overthinking this and a good rule of thumb is that when you think, you can't feel and when you feel, you can't think. Thinking is good, it lets us work out long term plans. But feeling is important when making value judgements such as what girl you're into.

Also, there is nothing particularly autistic with either of those sentiments expressed in your example with Ted and Snufkin, it's just how you present those points. You could very easily rephrase what Ted said without giving anyone creeps:

"Bread machines are the devil, bread requires a human touch" >> "I'm not very fond of industrial food manufacture because of X and Y. I love it when people put a personal touch to their cooking"

That being said I am of the personal opinion that among many disturbances Ted had he probably wasn't autistic in a clinical sense but that's off-topic.

Just don't go out of the way attacking the other person if she doesn't agree, try to be pleasant and flexible.

---

and (3) if you want to talk to a girl, be easy, breezy, and don't take casual talk too seriously.

I feel this is one of my main sins I've always done. I would take these things way too seriously, but mismanaging my emotional investments in general has always been a big issue and I'm trying to work on that.

Also (4) make eye contact. Not a creepy stare, just engaged if they're talking to you.

True. But it's important to note that it should remain a small supplement to the natural tendency to do so. I remember one time, I listened to this advice too literally once and it made things much worse.

Unless you're literally autistic, then you probably need to manage it consciously all the time.

Basically, go do things, and make a habit to practice being engaged and open in the world. It will make you feel better in general, and it will also de-stress interaction when you do find someone cute you might like to spend an hour or two getting to know. Keep your cart behind the horse.

Based advice, thanks

 

[Fareal]

"the bread guy"

all I can think about is all the women I know who would kill to be dating "the bread guy who also cooks mushrooms"

also I want to know your ink opinions. My former boss stole my Montblanc Starwalker and I've never really got over it