Patrick Sean Tomlinson / @stealthygeek / "Torque Wheeler" / @RealAutomanic / Kempesh / Padawan v2.5 - "Conservative" sci-fi author with TDS, armed "drunk with anger management issues" and terminated parental rights, actual tough guy, obese, paid Quasi, paid thousands to be repeatedly unbanned from Twitter

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Word count determines whether a book is considered a short story, novella, novelette, or a full novel. There are different word count guidelines, but the SFWA considers anything between 17,500 words and 40,000 as being a novella... however it's not a strict guideline. If your story was 42,000 words it might still be considered a novella. If you Google "novel word count" you're gonna get varying numbers, though it'll still be in the same ballpark.

Obsession with word count is probably just Patrick's autism and SFWA worship coming into play.
Here's the Bernell video.
Jolly good show. Guess it wasn't a YouTube short after all. I knew somebody here would have it.

Fantastic video.
 
You don't need to unblock somebody to reply to them. Patrick blocks anybody he disagrees with, then floods their entire timeline with prisonings, reports every single tweet, then comes back every single day to do it all again. In Josiah's case, this has been going on for more than a year.

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Wait a minute "videos of my daughters gender reveal"
:story:
What faggotry is this lol?
Josiah nooo!
YouWereTheChosenOne.jpg
How far has the rot spread?
Writing exercise: rewrite memorable first lines of books themed after faTrick

The fat pig waddled across the desert, and the stalker children followed
It was the best of times, it was the nigwurst of times...
 
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Writing exercise: rewrite memorable first lines of books themed after faTrick

"In my younger in more vulnerable years, my father gave me some advice from his job as a rodeo clown that I've been using put down people ever since."

"Whenever you feel like criticizing someone, just remember they're much dumber than you are, Child," he told me. "Don't let the idiots win."

Edit to add the opening line from my favorite book, a different book from the one quoted above, although also a classic.

"Patrick gets me a job as a pepperoni maker, after that Patrick's pushing a gun in my mouth and saying, the first step to eternal life is you have to die. For a long time though, Patrick and I were best friends."
 
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Pat's "writing" technique fucking sucks.

He's already admitted that he doesn't know how the plot will end when he starts writing a story. That in itself is bad enough for any novel, but this is someone who writes whodunnits - the whole point of a well-written whodunnit is that the clues to the killer are scattered throughout the story, and you can piece it together yourself if you're clever enough. You pit your wits against the protagonist, because you both have access to the same evidence. If the author themselves doesn't know how the killer did it when starting out, how are you supposed to do that? You end up with writing like Sherlock, where the protagonist is basically a wizard and the audience have no way of guessing how the crime was done because the protagonist just pulls new information out of their backside to solve the case. Sherlock is a prime example of a smart character written by someone who isn't smart. That's why good authors are rare, because you have to be as smart as your characters to write them convincingly.

So it's telling that he's given up on whodunnits (in spaaaaace) to do stupid meme fanfiction on characters that a much smarter person wrote that are conveniently in the public domain. Dickens did the thinking for him 150 years ago. Likewise, Sherlock is another good parallel because Arthur Conan Doyle was a very clever man who wrote a character who was also a very clever man, so that by writing Sherlock Holmes fanfiction you can take advantage of the fact that the audience already know the character's a genius without having to establish it yourself. This is why bad writers like Pat are drawn to fanfiction, because someone smarter than you already did most of the legwork.

It's also telling that he's writing to the word limit. Good authors either write as much as their plot demands and however long that requires to write is however long the book ends up being (notably the Harry Potter books vary in length quite a bit because Rowling writes to the plot, likewise with Stephen King), or you get experienced enough that you know how much plot you need for a certain length of book and plan accordingly. Pat, on the other hand, is taking his plot by the seat of his pants (because he hasn't planned it out in advance) and is just writing ... stuff ... until he reaches an arbitrary word limit. It's fitting that he's writing fanfiction because that's what a lot of fanfiction authors do. Vomit words onto the page until they reach a big impressive number, then the plot can stop.

And finally it's most telling of all that Pat is talking as if his work is nearly done. He was even planning to release it in time for Christmas at one stage. For a competent author, getting to the end of the plot is the end of stage one, the first draft. For many authors, that's the easy part, sometimes the part that takes the least amount of time. I can shit out 1000 words an hour of words on a page, that's really fucking easy. What's hard is then going back over it and editing and redrafting it until it's actually good. You check for typos, you check for continuity errors, you check for plot holes, in a story like a whodunnit you check for the amount that has been revealed to the reader. Is it too easy to guess whodiddit? Too hard? Even in other kinds of story, you need to come in afresh and put yourself in the mind of a first-time reader and assess whether the story makes sense to them and whether it has the required intellectual and emotional impact. That's very hard given that you've been inside the story, not outside it, and often that process requires an external editor to do properly.

The first draft is the most enjoyable part of writing, but that's all Pat wants to do. That makes him a hobbyist, not a professional. He's borrowing other people's characters, he's not structured the plot ahead of time, he's writing to the word limit, and he thinks the work is ready to publish as soon as he gets there. Without reading a single word of this book I can tell it's going to be fucking terrible because of how amateurish and lazy the author's process is.

He should stick to spiced sausage manufacture.
 
I once told my cat she had been "instructed many thousands of times to stop whining" and to "wait for the knock" when she was being particularly talkative one morning. I like it when she "talks" so I was just being silly anyway, but I didn't realize I told her that until maybe an hour later.
Well it's happened again. I recently adopted a kitten and he is particularly mouthy...not from boredom or distress, he just meows all the time. Meows at inanimate toys. He recently graduated to getting to stay with me at night, and has behaved, but last night he woke me up at 3:00 A.M. talking and trying to nibble on my desktop Christmas tree. The bathroom is still where he goes for time out.

I took him to the bathroom and said, "Enjoy prison, kitten," before going to bed. Didn't think about this until I woke up for work.
 
The first draft is the most enjoyable part of writing, but that's all Pat wants to do. That makes him a hobbyist, not a professional. He's borrowing other people's characters, he's not structured the plot ahead of time, he's writing to the word limit, and he thinks the work is ready to publish as soon as he gets there. Without reading a single word of this book I can tell it's going to be fucking terrible because of how amateurish and lazy the author's process is.

So with all due respect;

TLDR:
Fat approaches his novels like a reasonably smart high school student who just wants to scrape through a hated subject.

So he writes the bare minimum word count required in the hope of making a C.

No wonder he got a 1.7 GPA.
 
I love this tweet.
Everything about it is comedy gold.
First, imagine being such a manchild that you are GIFTED a STAR WARS branded scribble-book in your thirties.
Secondly, he actually uses it to write unfunny jokes into it, and manages to not die of embarrassment.
And thirdly, using hashtag #totems with it, as if it was some holy relic because it has PRODUCT NAME on the front and contains his deluded narcissism.
Rick is one sixty-fourth Cherokee by weight. To be fair it was a rather dark Cherokee and he was behind on his quota for the night. #amgrinding #ameating
 
Kurt Vonnegut said start as close to the ending of the story as possible, don't waste your reader's time. I wonder if the scene in The Ark where Rick's self-insert lusts after a Chinese child prostitute IN SPACE is necessary for the plot to move forward.

It's incredible that he wants to write mystery. It's a hard genre to get a handle on unless you're a natural at spinning plates and working backwards. I wonder if he knows about things like Knox's ten rules and simply ignores them because Mama Raven's special boy knows best, or if he didn't even do the most basic of research before getting into murder mysteries.
 
Will his newest book feature stalkers enjoying prison?
Yeah sorry the post was so long, I was trying to hit my wordcount.
Nowhere in your insane, mentally ill rant did you even once bring up the fact that all good authors stuff their personal politics into their writing in hamfisted and cringy ways. That’s a 0/100 for you, Fonald Plump, enjoy your 1.7 GPA.
 
The first draft is the most enjoyable part of writing, but that's all Pat wants to do.
Don't need more than a first draft, child. When I #amwriting I make sure I get it the first time like how I never read the same book twice. Also typos are for editors to deal with. It's fine that they're not omniscient and realized I didn't mean to use "plane of the eclectic" and that's fine, because I did mean to use that phrase and not the more appropriate one because I'm Patrick S Tomlinson.

Enjoy prison.
 
This actually makes me wonder if he'll write the pests into his retard book somehow. Probably, and it won't be subtle.
They will be there but in a very unimaginative way that just refers to them with a slightly off name. Maybe changing some letters around. For instance, instead of Robert Prongay it might be something like Robert Gayporn. Just to make sure it gets past any legal challenges
 
They will be there but in a very unimaginative way that just refers to them with a slightly off name. Maybe changing some letters around. For instance, instead of Robert Prongay it might be something like Robert Gayporn. Just to make sure it gets past any legal challenges

Gaylord Robertporn.

Gaylord was a male name, understandably out of fashion now.

Edit! GayLORD not JOY!

Not sure what is more embarrassing.

Gayjoy is a bad spelling of Gorger which is what pikies (Irish gypsies) call outsiders.
 
They will be there but in a very unimaginative way that just refers to them with a slightly off name. Maybe changing some letters around. For instance, instead of Robert Prongay it might be something like Robert Gayporn. Just to make sure it gets past any legal challenges
I hope Mosh Joon makes an appearance.
 
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