Dec132023 - Chris uploads Toys for Tots, also suggests gifts for himself

[Mesh Gear Fox]

I think at this point we can safely start calling Chris' "hairstyle" a skullet.

He's rocking the old Devin Townsend skullet

 

[Hepativore]

He's rocking the old Devin Townsend skullet

Troons/pooners always age rapidly and badly.

 

[Hopkinsville Goblin]

Our savior is begging for birthday presents. With his PO box pinned at the top of his Twitter feed, has he already been receiving presents? Jars of pickles perhaps?

 

[Mariposa2.0 LTE]

DoopieDoOver, one of Planet Dolan's crewmates

She's probably ine of their favorite creampies.

Edit: Chris is, allegedly, donating toys to kids.
He also asks his audience to stop photographing him in public, saying that he's not a "bigfoot".

I do not have big FEET. Take that down NOW!

Apparently there was a Reddit threat or something about how greedy and uncharitable Chris is. So he definitely is creeping around the various forums, seeing what people are saying about him.

ETA:

Man, he is going bald really quickly. Look how much hair he's lost on the side of his head:

View attachment 5563476

Jesus fucking Christ. Look at that huge Stan Smith Chin and gradually drooping nose. He looks like a homosexual man from the early 90s with those dumb earings from Portland.

I sure hope Toys for Tots washes and sterilizes all those toys before giving them out to kids.

He's going to catch a paternity suit.

Our savior is begging for birthday presents. With his PO box pinned at the top of his Twitter feed, has he already been receiving presents? Jars of pickles perhaps?

Nothing has changed. The only thing that has changed is Chris next rape victim.

 

[Tennis-Ball-Tony]

Our savior is begging for birthday presents. With his PO box pinned at the top of his Twitter feed, has he already been receiving presents? Jars of pickles perhaps?

He never changes. One post shows he's "charitable and compassionate", then immediately follows up with "send me gifts, and make sure they're good ones".

 

[Cobson Gemson]

Chris craves attention and believes he's a celebrity and the most important and specialest person on Earth, but doesn't want strangers photographing him because he's "not Bigfoot". Sorry you little tard nugget, but you don't get to demand that everyone worship you because you're literally Christ, then also insist people stop taking photos of you when you're out in public spaces.

He isn't bigfoot though... but I'd like to sniff his big feet

 

[Optimus Prime]

Chris craves attention and believes he's a celebrity and the most important and specialest person on Earth, but doesn't want strangers photographing him because he's "not Bigfoot". Sorry you little tard nugget, but you don't get to demand that everyone worship you because you're literally Christ, then also insist people stop taking photos of you when you're out in public spaces.

It's because Chris wants to control his own narrative, though if he actually understands this or not is up for debate. He wants documentation of his existence done on his terms. People running around trying to track his movements and taking secret photos of him doing boring daily shit where he doesn't look good (in his own concept, since he dresses like a ten year old girl with the body of a 40 year old man horribly out of shape) is an annoyance that detracts from the image he's trying to project.

 

[A Grey Cat]

To those worried about the toys Chris is donating even though I know you mean it as jokes. Don't worry. Toys for tots only accepts brand new sealed toys still in their packages and not gift wrapped.

Frankly I'm amazed Chris spent money on actual good toys and not the cheap crap you get for 10 bucks at big lots. Knock off barbie dolls, transformer figures, and star wars guns, tea sets and toy phones, that sorta junk

 

[TVB]

He isn't bigfoot though... but I'd like to sniff his big feet

You sick bastard

They made an episode of Family Guy about him, you know.
View attachment 5563837

Wasn't that the episode where its cold open was a crossover with American Dad and King of the Hill?

 

[Mariposa2.0 LTE]

He never changes. One post shows he's "charitable and compassionate", then immediately follows up with "send me gifts, and make sure they're good ones".

I like how aggressive "meditate on that" comes across as if you know in your mind he's actually saying, "meditate on that you damn dirty trolls, who ruined my life and put me in jail for Sanshoez Soulbonding, which is rare and beautiful."

It's because Chris wants to control his own narrative, though if he actually understands this or not is up for debate. He wants documentation of his existence done on his terms. People running around trying to track his movements and taking secret photos of him doing boring daily shit where he doesn't look good (in his own concept, since he dresses like a ten year old girl with the body of a 40 year old man horribly out of shape) is an annoyance that detracts from the image he's trying to project.

I can just imagine what he says to himself when he sees photos of himself in public, "Stupid Trolls! That doesn't even look like me. I look just like a young Hamela Anderson Lee With Blue Hairs and Whatnot".

 

[Zeus Blue Thunder]

Just a short one. Wanted to post it ASAP on the Kiwi Farms but couldn't because of the incident.
Toys for Tots was a PR stunt by Caden. He gave Chris $250 to spend on some shit and get some positive karma:
- the toys are all boxed. Chris never keeps boxes, or at least keeps them in the hoard.
- plushies look untainted by Chris
- Many of the Transformers toys are Walmart exclusives (Retro Starscream, Decepticon Crasher)

in total, I suck at toy identification so I did some googling and comparing:

- Those Pikachu plushies cost about $18 each. They're the basic holiday ones, nothing fancier. That's $54.

- Not sure what toy it is, but it looks like a Transformers Bumblebee voyager. Again, don't know the toy and couldn't find it on any tf sites, but these go for about $34.
- Two deluxes, the said Decepticon Crasher and another one from Transformers Legacy.

https://archive.md/h73tf

Those cost $25 each, so $50.

- Rush Hour, like $15.
- 3 unknown blistered toys. From my experience, they cost like $15? This amount of plastic, size and such, might compensate for some possible toys below.
- Transformers Retro Starscream. $25.

All of them were deposited at 900 Church Street, Lynchburg.


In total, he has spent about $223, which I'll round up to $250.
Another interesting tidbit...

Chris's address was exposed on November 22, Caden started getting exposed a few days later. It's very likely this PR action was supposed to cover that up...that is, if it didn't finalise over two weeks later, when Caden was throroughtly exposed.

On an unrelated news... Chris has a new wishlist on Amazon.

https://archive.md/OTLGJ

Appears to have femdom boots, Tarot cards, holders, and other occult games, as well as a new PC and monitor, of course the PC is prebuilt...in addition to all of his previous years items which he didn't bother to remove.
Oddly, he does wish for a Warhol book, even though...

I actually attempted the tried and true "buy elsewhere fakeout" trick to remove all of the wishlist items, but this pops up...

If this was truly removed, the option wouldn't be there, surely...
That's it from me today, later.

 

[Robotic Richard Simmons]

I still think we need to call him CWCFoot

 

[Optimus Prime]

- Not sure what toy it is, but it looks like a Transformers Bumblebee voyager. Again, don't know the toy and couldn't find it on any tf sites, but these go for about $34.
- Two deluxes, the said Decepticon Crasher and another one from Transformers Legacy.

Good work!

What's weird about this, to me, is that as far as the Transformers figures go, these are not new toys, or rather they couldn't possibly have been bought anytime recently. The 'Bumblebee' Voyager is Studio Series Brawn (indeed based on a design from the opening of the movie, you can see him running off to an escape pod when Prime is telling B-127 to go to Earth) but both he, Walmart Exclusive Crasher, and very ikely the other figure who I don't have time to identify at the moment*, all came out last year. The odds they were even still on shelves when Chris got released from jail is very miniscule indeed. Not impossible, but they would have had to have shelfwarmed hard and both Brawn and Crasher would have been highly desirable among collectors (Brawn because Bumblebee is the only really good live action film, and Crasher is an homage to the Evil Go-Bot of the same name).

So the only way those figures could have ended up in a Toys-for-Tots donation by Chris now is that he specifically bought figures from a higher-end resale shop at significant mark-up which would operate outside of the usual main retail stock refresh cycles (this includes eBay), or these were bought by Caden for Chris in anticipation for the latter's inevitable release possibly as bait to further entice him to live at the Shitpiece Motel. They simply have remained unopened because Chris wouldn't be as interested in those characters since Brawn is just a background character and he probably doesnt even know who Crasher is - she's never been in any of the cartoons or media as a Deceptcon (she was in Challenge of the Go-Bots but fat chance Chris knows what that was). Whatever the origin may be, I do agree with the notion this is Caden footing the bill for a PR stunt.

*EDIT: I've identified the third figure as Legacy Deluxe Crankcase, a 2022 release that is, like the other two, a character Chris wouldn't give a fuck about because his media presence is entirely non-existent (he was fairly obscure even in G1 as one of the more one-trick-gimmick figures in the twilight years of the original series). Likely was bought at the same time as Crasher and Brawn from the same store - possibly never even having left the bag if Caden bought these for Chris last year and they went untouched.

 

[Zeus Blue Thunder]

He was a fan of Gobots tho. One made him speak.
Was a long time ago now...although he did mention Gobots in a recent tweet so...

 

[Tennis-Ball-Tony]

So the only way those figures could have ended up in a Toys-for-Tots donation by Chris now is that he specifically bought figures from a higher-end resale shop at significant mark-up which would operate outside of the usual main retail stock refresh cycles (this includes eBay), or these were bought by Caden for Chris in anticipation for the latter's inevitable release possibly as bait to further entice him to live at the Shitpiece Motel. They simply have remained unopened because Chris wouldn't be as interested in those characters since Brawn is just a background character and he probably doesnt even know who Crasher is - she's never been in any of the cartoons or media as a Deceptcon (she was in Challenge of the Go-Bots but fat chance Chris knows what that was). Whatever the origin may be, I do agree with the notion this is Caden footing the bill for a PR stunt.

Your expertise in this subject just made the entire event even weirder.

I'm banking on your speculation that Caden bought up a bunch of Transformers toys pending Chris's release, and the final confirmation to grease the tard into living with him. Chris then, right after getting out of prison, goes through a pile of Transformers toys and throws these off to the side because they're dumb and he didn't want them, and there they sat.

Under no condition would Chris willingly go out to resale retailers or collector markets to find these, just donate to some "poor kids" if they're things he wanted, so they must have been already purchased and just sat in a closet.

So it's looking like Caden purchased a ton of random toys to get Chris to live at his Big Island house. Man, what a trip.

 

[Optimus Prime]

He was a fan of Gobots tho. One made him speak.
Was a long time ago now...although he did mention Gobots in a recent tweet so...

I went back and found your post from last Friday about his weird custom-painted figures and you're right, he did straight up say Go-Bots. Very odd since Go-Bots isn't a term Hasbro uses for an actual group - the 'Guardians' and 'Renegades' were effectively just filtered into the Autobots and Decepticons(/Mercenaries) to pad out the already massive rosters a little more, and if you didn't know a given character/figure was a reference to a Go-Bot character there wouldn't be anything suggesting it on the packaging.

Your expertise in this subject just made the entire event even weirder.

I'm banking on your speculation that Caden bought up a bunch of Transformers toys pending Chris's release, and the final confirmation to grease the tard into living with him. Chris then, right after getting out of prison, goes through a pile of Transformers toys and throws these off to the side because they're dumb and he didn't want them, and there they sat.

Under no condition would Chris willingly go out to resale retailers or collector markets to find these, just donate to some "poor kids" if they're things he wanted, so they must have been already purchased and just sat in a closet.

So it's looking like Caden purchased a ton of random toys to get Chris to live at his Big Island house. Man, what a trip.

Yeah, taking a closer look at the picture with the unidentified packages, there's just enough of the back of one that looks very much like the card back on a pony toy - what we can see of other packaged toys has bright pastel colors and soft, rounded bubble shapes that if not necessarily pony (and old pony, too, as Chris detests G5 but G4 merch has been off the shelves more or less for half a decade by now), are the kind of girl-aimed toy in the same vein as the target market of MLP. Stuff Chris himself would pass up, but for somebody trying to buy for Chris without being exactly knowledgeable about this kind of shit like some distant relative trying to buy you an obligatory toy present for your birthday? Wouldn't even be able to tell the difference.

 

[Zeus Blue Thunder]

He also talked about GoBots here.

 

[innocent jogger]

Frankly I'm amazed Chris spent money on actual good toys and not the cheap crap you get for 10 bucks at big lots. Knock off barbie dolls, transformer figures, and star wars guns, tea sets and toy phones, that sorta junk

To be fair, we don't have any proof that he actually donated the toys. He may have just made the video and then drove back to The House that Shrooms Bought.

That retro Starscream is still on the shelves at the Walmart near me. Not sure about the others since I only look for retro shit.

 

[LargeChoonger]

Some kid is gonna get super AIDS

 

[NoodleFucker3000]

If anyone sends a Chris anything OTHER than job applications you're an asshole.