being trans and working fast food is hell
Submitted 3 hours ago * by
twiggy_stardust04
i’m only 18 and not out to anyone, but i try to at LEAST look more androgynous since
i probably won’t ever pass as a boy without testosterone, so i can’t ever escape the constant “ma’am” and “miss”, “lady”, “girl,” “woman”, etc. it feels so alien being addressed like that because that’s not me.
my voice is so fucking high pitched and it gets even higher when i’m trying to sound nice and friendly in public. i sometimes wish to pretend to be mute just so nobody hears my voice.
i get to wear the mens’ shirt which makes me happy, but nothing is ever enough to cover up my godawful fucking curves. i want to just take a knife and slice off enough parts so that i don’t look like that. outside of work i mostly wear baggy black clothes. i also don’t have a binder or anything unfortunately. having this “womanly” body is so fucking painful i can’t even put it into words.
i was taking orders at work today as usual and this middle aged guy was friendly and talkative and stuff and then said i had a “cute little body” and i still feel so fucking gross and wrong even though it’s not my fault. there’s so much to say about this. it was my first time outright experiencing that. (i grew up insanely sheltered) i went through my entire shift normally and then cried after work.
this is so unfair i don’t understand why i was born into a woman’s body, it’s not me and i have no control over my own body. having a shittier than usual period was already making me feel like that (and every month) but this is even worse somehow. why am i just an object and a vessel. why did puberty ruin my body. why can’t i be what i want to be and what makes ME happy? i’m tired of people perceiving me at all, everything is so wrong.
any time i think about this i feel so devastated and hopeless. i can’t live like this forever, i want to be myself already and i’m tired of having to be that fake “little” “cute” girly “woman” at work when my own basic identity is being stifled and crushed. how can anyone live like this. i feel like i worded that so weirdly but im too tired and upset to care.
everything is too much to deal with. it’s weird dealing with both gender dysphoria and the misogyny girls go through because holy fucking shit my life would’ve been better in a lot of ways if i had been born a boy. there’s so much work to be done and seeing myself now feels so hopeless. i’m like an object for other people. please just let me have any control over what i am and what i look like and how i express myself. please. i’m so tired
also fuck obligatory name tags at work lmao
EDIT: dude after this post i got a dm of someone (a trans girl??? the fuck) calling me ma’am and miss lmao why do i even use reddit. anyway i hope they have a bad time