- Joined
- May 24, 2021
which spin-off series are you guys? I'm black hebrew israelite. the real jews is in mournin'!
Bible Fandom - Zoomers rediscover western canon
- Thread starter ShooterOfCum
- Start date
- Joined
- Dec 12, 2022
Generally how I feel as well. It's a mixed bag. Some just like Prince of Egypt. Others are actually interested in the Bible, if only on a surface level. In any case, the Spirit will guide the ones who have a chance of diving deeper.
- Joined
- May 25, 2013
I would take some zoomer genderspecial writing Jesus MPREG omegaverse fanfiction any day over the thousands (if not millions) of Josh Duggars roaming about the various flavors of Christianity.
In fact if there was a way to magically turn all Christian sex pests and child abusers into autistic but harmless zoomer girls making tumblr Bible fanart, it'd take it instantly. I'd hope most people would do the same.
In fact if there was a way to magically turn all Christian sex pests and child abusers into autistic but harmless zoomer girls making tumblr Bible fanart, it'd take it instantly. I'd hope most people would do the same.
- Joined
- Apr 28, 2021
Just gotta tell them to get off the internet. Go to a good church, find and love God again.
Grimoire Canthari
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Mar 17, 2019
Does the modern day Bible fandom write fanfic as good as these masterpieces?
Will add arkive links later, it's too slow right now.
A\N: don't hate me because I didn't write this the Mana obsessy did so hate him.
"Oh God, Judas, you're so hot right now."
"I know you are, Jesus."
"Put yourself in me."
Jesus was way too huge to be a Jew. But I liked it anyway. He was sooo packin'.
"Take off your turban, Judas."
"Okay. Get the dog."
Then we had hot 3-way sex with a dog.
"Oh God, Judas, you're so hot right now."
"I know you are, Jesus."
"Put yourself in me."
Jesus was way too huge to be a Jew. But I liked it anyway. He was sooo packin'.
"Take off your turban, Judas."
"Okay. Get the dog."
Then we had hot 3-way sex with a dog.
Jesus knelt on the ground, hands clasped, eyes closed. "Are you there, God?" he asked. "It's you, Jesus."
No answer, which was really irritating, seeing how Jesus needed guidance at that moment. Two hours in, and he still couldn't believe he had to spend forty whole days in this desert. That was, like, a long time. More than a month. It was sweltering in the afternoons and freezing at nights, and a disgusting spider had crawled over his calf, and that had caused him to damn near scream his blessed lungs out while he ran around in circles for about half an hour. Jesus really, really didn't like spiders.
He did not understand what was the purpose of his being in this wasteland for more than a whole month when he was God incarnate, but his father worked in mysterious ways, and who was he to question his all-knowing father?
Jesus sighed, opened his eyes, and dropped his hands. He would try in a few more hours. Maybe his father would be in a listening mood then. Jesus was about to stand when he felt a hand run along his shoulder and down his arm. Jesus shuddered. He did not see his tormentor, but he knew who it was that awoke feelings in him that he'd experienced once or twice when he'd watched his half-naked from the waist up, sweaty, strong disciples fish or row a boat. Those feelings were bad, though, because his father said so. "Remember, Son," Yahweh had told him once, "every time gayness happens before my eyes, a baby is born with a hare lip."
Jesus did not want a cute little baby to be born with a deformity, so he always bottled up those feelings. He whined, "Nooo, Satan. Das gay."
Another hand dropped onto Jesus' other shoulder. Like its twin, it slid down the coarse material of Jesus' robe.
Jesus gulped and grit his teeth. He squeezed his eyes shut and shuddered as Satan started working out the tension in Jesus' neck, shoulders, and upper back. It felt heavenly, yet Jesus knew that this, the way he relaxed under Satan's touch, the way strangled moans that he failed to contain escaped his lips, was not. It was far from heavenly. It was a sin.
"This is...um...wrong," Jesus whimpered, but he nonetheless leaned back into Satan's touch. Satan had some skilled hands.
Satan remained silent.
"It's, ah, kinda a sin, you know. I'm not allowed to do that. I kinda have to be a role model and junk."
Satan's ministrations stopped. Jesus looked up and over his shoulder at the being who tempted him so. Impassive golden eyes stared at him. Finally, a smirk formed itself on Satan's full lips. His luscious, beautiful lips. Satan quietly prowled around Jesus until he stood in front of him. Satan offered him a soft-looking hand. Jesus stared at the hand. He pictured that hand upon his cheek. Hating himself, Jesus placed his hand in Satan's and allowed himself to be pulled to his feet.
"Your words say no-no," Satan purred, lowering his hands onto Jesus' shoulders, "but your eyes say yes-yes."
Jesus hesitated. His eyes looked up to the heavens. His father was watching. He was always watching. "Satan, I'm scared," he mumbled.
Satan shushed him as he twined their fingers together. "I can give you whatever you want, Christ."
Jesus tried to pull away, feebly. "But Father said you would say that. He said you say nice things before you lead someone down a path of filth and corruption. You are pure evil."
A bitter smirk twisted Satan's lips, and while Satan looked as young as a man in his mid-twenties, his eyes reflected just how much he had seen. Satan had some old-looking eyes at that moment. "You only know his side of the story," Satan finally said after two whole seconds of silence.
And then Satan's lips crashed into Jesus' lips. Jesus had been alarmed at first, but he capitulated and slowly slid his eyes closed.
Overhead, thunder crackled and a strong wind picked up.
That was the first time God had become enraged with his son, and so it was also the first time the Almighty God had unleashed a natural disaster for reasons other than to punish the mortals for offending him.
Jesus spent the forty days not praying and fasting, but traveling the world partying with Satan. Jesus had ceased being the docile little servant that his father expected him to be, and he also picked up a habit of calling people "boo."
It all angered Yahweh very, very much.
No answer, which was really irritating, seeing how Jesus needed guidance at that moment. Two hours in, and he still couldn't believe he had to spend forty whole days in this desert. That was, like, a long time. More than a month. It was sweltering in the afternoons and freezing at nights, and a disgusting spider had crawled over his calf, and that had caused him to damn near scream his blessed lungs out while he ran around in circles for about half an hour. Jesus really, really didn't like spiders.
He did not understand what was the purpose of his being in this wasteland for more than a whole month when he was God incarnate, but his father worked in mysterious ways, and who was he to question his all-knowing father?
Jesus sighed, opened his eyes, and dropped his hands. He would try in a few more hours. Maybe his father would be in a listening mood then. Jesus was about to stand when he felt a hand run along his shoulder and down his arm. Jesus shuddered. He did not see his tormentor, but he knew who it was that awoke feelings in him that he'd experienced once or twice when he'd watched his half-naked from the waist up, sweaty, strong disciples fish or row a boat. Those feelings were bad, though, because his father said so. "Remember, Son," Yahweh had told him once, "every time gayness happens before my eyes, a baby is born with a hare lip."
Jesus did not want a cute little baby to be born with a deformity, so he always bottled up those feelings. He whined, "Nooo, Satan. Das gay."
Another hand dropped onto Jesus' other shoulder. Like its twin, it slid down the coarse material of Jesus' robe.
Jesus gulped and grit his teeth. He squeezed his eyes shut and shuddered as Satan started working out the tension in Jesus' neck, shoulders, and upper back. It felt heavenly, yet Jesus knew that this, the way he relaxed under Satan's touch, the way strangled moans that he failed to contain escaped his lips, was not. It was far from heavenly. It was a sin.
"This is...um...wrong," Jesus whimpered, but he nonetheless leaned back into Satan's touch. Satan had some skilled hands.
Satan remained silent.
"It's, ah, kinda a sin, you know. I'm not allowed to do that. I kinda have to be a role model and junk."
Satan's ministrations stopped. Jesus looked up and over his shoulder at the being who tempted him so. Impassive golden eyes stared at him. Finally, a smirk formed itself on Satan's full lips. His luscious, beautiful lips. Satan quietly prowled around Jesus until he stood in front of him. Satan offered him a soft-looking hand. Jesus stared at the hand. He pictured that hand upon his cheek. Hating himself, Jesus placed his hand in Satan's and allowed himself to be pulled to his feet.
"Your words say no-no," Satan purred, lowering his hands onto Jesus' shoulders, "but your eyes say yes-yes."
Jesus hesitated. His eyes looked up to the heavens. His father was watching. He was always watching. "Satan, I'm scared," he mumbled.
Satan shushed him as he twined their fingers together. "I can give you whatever you want, Christ."
Jesus tried to pull away, feebly. "But Father said you would say that. He said you say nice things before you lead someone down a path of filth and corruption. You are pure evil."
A bitter smirk twisted Satan's lips, and while Satan looked as young as a man in his mid-twenties, his eyes reflected just how much he had seen. Satan had some old-looking eyes at that moment. "You only know his side of the story," Satan finally said after two whole seconds of silence.
And then Satan's lips crashed into Jesus' lips. Jesus had been alarmed at first, but he capitulated and slowly slid his eyes closed.
Overhead, thunder crackled and a strong wind picked up.
That was the first time God had become enraged with his son, and so it was also the first time the Almighty God had unleashed a natural disaster for reasons other than to punish the mortals for offending him.
Jesus spent the forty days not praying and fasting, but traveling the world partying with Satan. Jesus had ceased being the docile little servant that his father expected him to be, and he also picked up a habit of calling people "boo."
It all angered Yahweh very, very much.
Jesus' eyes widened an imperceptible amount as he took in the sight of Noah, naked, before him.
Fumbling for something witty, he said, "So the ark's not the only bit of wood my father gave you."
Noah grinned – his grey eyes flashing in lust. "Your father isn't the only one who gives me wood."
Jesus laughed. "I can see that." He reached for the hem of his tunic and began to tug it roughly over his head, revealing his chiselled torso, a gift from his dad. Noah watched, hungrily, as he slipped out of the rest of his clothes, leaving them in a son-of-godly heap on the floor.
Jesus stopped when he was in his underwear, a little embarrassed. He was the son of the creator of the entire universe, and he couldn't get some decent boxer-briefs. Noah's eyebrows shot up in acknowledgement of his Spiderman-patterned crotch.
"A Christmas gift…" he trailed off, hoping that was explanation enough.
"Hey, no, it's okay," Noah smiled, his eyes creasing in amusement, "I can't say mine are any better." He reached for his own pair – inside out, on the dresser – and flipped them around so that Jesus could more plainly see the leopard print transfer.
"I like them," Jesus cocked an eyebrow, considering how fitting it was that Noah should wear animal-printed boxers. "Do you have two pairs of those as well?"
Noah just smiled, tossing the underwear aside, and began to saunter forward lazily, completely aware of the effect the sight of his own throbbing member was having on Jesus, whose prominent, holy erection was now shamelessly calling to him from within the red and blue briefs.
Backing onto the cheap motel bed (nobody picked l'Hôtel de la Genèse for it's luxury accommodation – there were strip clubs in downtown Nazareth with higher standards), Jesus let Noah remove his underwear with his teeth, letting out a fervent moan at the pressure of Noah's removal against his own quivering shaft.
Jesus' eyes rolled back in his skull as Noah, as a reaction to his previous utterance, began to pursue the motion, small sounds of pleasure emanating from the back of his throat.
"The beard," Jesus moaned quietly, "it tickles…"
He heard a soft laugh in reply, as the older man crept forward, the two moving backwards together on the bed, until Jesus' head was inches from the shabby fabric headboard. Noah began with gentle caresses, pressing his lips to Jesus' washboard abs, slowly working his way down.
Jesus cried out in passion as Noah's lips reached his substantial manhood, and began to fellate; he was a master with his tongue, caressing expertly with a sensitive, yet dangerous, touch. To Jesus' intense shame, it did not last very long at all.
But Noah had other plans. The two began to kiss passionately, locked in a fiery embrace on the dirty sheets; Jesus did things with his tongue that Noah had never felt before – his phallus quivered with the intensity of it all.
Jesus pulled back, lust aflame in his eyes. He leaned in to Noah's ear and whispered, in honeyed tones, a final commandment.
"Thou shalt bend over."
Noah complied, and Jesus – the evidence of his passion completely recovered from his earlier emission – lowered his hips until they hovered, thighs tense with anticipation, behind Noah's smooth, toned backside.
Like a wild, untameable beast tensed to spring, Jesus licked his swollen lips before thrusting forward with savage desire. He smiled at Noah's sharp intake of breath as he adjusted to the sheer size of Jesus' love-sword.
"Yes!" Noah cried out in passion, "Jesus Christ!"
"I'm right here, baby," Jesus grunted, "right…here…"
For a while the only sounds that filled the room were the steady, rhythmic creak of bedsprings; the soft male panting and moaning from both men; and the gentle, intimate slap of skin on skin. Jesus' face was contorted with concentration and erotic pleasure, until – finally – he erupted in Noah's anal cavity, letting loose an orgasmic cry.
The two lay back on the sheets, breathing heavily, wrapped loosely in each other's arms.
"Father," Jesus panted, "for…forgive him."
Noah laughed breathlessly, and the two lay there together, on the edge of consciousness, listening to the music of the night, wafting in through the high window. The décor of the room hinted at what may have once been a slight sense of grandeur – the curtain printed with a pattern of wine glasses and fish.
A loud shout from the distant night penetrated the otherwise silent atmosphere.
"I think that's the sound of somebody being mugged," Jesus murmured, his brow creasing with tension. "Well, that means there are miracles to perform – I'd better…"
He trailed off as he looked down and took in the sigh of Noah, who had lapsed into unconsciousness, his lips parted with a slight smile. Disentangling himself from Noah's arms and rising gently from the bed, Jesus pulled the stained sheet up and covered his lover's body, leaning over to plant one last kiss on his forehead.
The son of God straightened up, and reached for his Spiderman boxer-briefs.
As he gazed down at Noah's sleeping form, Jesus smiled triumphantly to himself, and whispered fervently into the night. "I will comeagain."
Fumbling for something witty, he said, "So the ark's not the only bit of wood my father gave you."
Noah grinned – his grey eyes flashing in lust. "Your father isn't the only one who gives me wood."
Jesus laughed. "I can see that." He reached for the hem of his tunic and began to tug it roughly over his head, revealing his chiselled torso, a gift from his dad. Noah watched, hungrily, as he slipped out of the rest of his clothes, leaving them in a son-of-godly heap on the floor.
Jesus stopped when he was in his underwear, a little embarrassed. He was the son of the creator of the entire universe, and he couldn't get some decent boxer-briefs. Noah's eyebrows shot up in acknowledgement of his Spiderman-patterned crotch.
"A Christmas gift…" he trailed off, hoping that was explanation enough.
"Hey, no, it's okay," Noah smiled, his eyes creasing in amusement, "I can't say mine are any better." He reached for his own pair – inside out, on the dresser – and flipped them around so that Jesus could more plainly see the leopard print transfer.
"I like them," Jesus cocked an eyebrow, considering how fitting it was that Noah should wear animal-printed boxers. "Do you have two pairs of those as well?"
Noah just smiled, tossing the underwear aside, and began to saunter forward lazily, completely aware of the effect the sight of his own throbbing member was having on Jesus, whose prominent, holy erection was now shamelessly calling to him from within the red and blue briefs.
Backing onto the cheap motel bed (nobody picked l'Hôtel de la Genèse for it's luxury accommodation – there were strip clubs in downtown Nazareth with higher standards), Jesus let Noah remove his underwear with his teeth, letting out a fervent moan at the pressure of Noah's removal against his own quivering shaft.
Jesus' eyes rolled back in his skull as Noah, as a reaction to his previous utterance, began to pursue the motion, small sounds of pleasure emanating from the back of his throat.
"The beard," Jesus moaned quietly, "it tickles…"
He heard a soft laugh in reply, as the older man crept forward, the two moving backwards together on the bed, until Jesus' head was inches from the shabby fabric headboard. Noah began with gentle caresses, pressing his lips to Jesus' washboard abs, slowly working his way down.
Jesus cried out in passion as Noah's lips reached his substantial manhood, and began to fellate; he was a master with his tongue, caressing expertly with a sensitive, yet dangerous, touch. To Jesus' intense shame, it did not last very long at all.
But Noah had other plans. The two began to kiss passionately, locked in a fiery embrace on the dirty sheets; Jesus did things with his tongue that Noah had never felt before – his phallus quivered with the intensity of it all.
Jesus pulled back, lust aflame in his eyes. He leaned in to Noah's ear and whispered, in honeyed tones, a final commandment.
"Thou shalt bend over."
Noah complied, and Jesus – the evidence of his passion completely recovered from his earlier emission – lowered his hips until they hovered, thighs tense with anticipation, behind Noah's smooth, toned backside.
Like a wild, untameable beast tensed to spring, Jesus licked his swollen lips before thrusting forward with savage desire. He smiled at Noah's sharp intake of breath as he adjusted to the sheer size of Jesus' love-sword.
"Yes!" Noah cried out in passion, "Jesus Christ!"
"I'm right here, baby," Jesus grunted, "right…here…"
For a while the only sounds that filled the room were the steady, rhythmic creak of bedsprings; the soft male panting and moaning from both men; and the gentle, intimate slap of skin on skin. Jesus' face was contorted with concentration and erotic pleasure, until – finally – he erupted in Noah's anal cavity, letting loose an orgasmic cry.
The two lay back on the sheets, breathing heavily, wrapped loosely in each other's arms.
"Father," Jesus panted, "for…forgive him."
Noah laughed breathlessly, and the two lay there together, on the edge of consciousness, listening to the music of the night, wafting in through the high window. The décor of the room hinted at what may have once been a slight sense of grandeur – the curtain printed with a pattern of wine glasses and fish.
A loud shout from the distant night penetrated the otherwise silent atmosphere.
"I think that's the sound of somebody being mugged," Jesus murmured, his brow creasing with tension. "Well, that means there are miracles to perform – I'd better…"
He trailed off as he looked down and took in the sigh of Noah, who had lapsed into unconsciousness, his lips parted with a slight smile. Disentangling himself from Noah's arms and rising gently from the bed, Jesus pulled the stained sheet up and covered his lover's body, leaning over to plant one last kiss on his forehead.
The son of God straightened up, and reached for his Spiderman boxer-briefs.
As he gazed down at Noah's sleeping form, Jesus smiled triumphantly to himself, and whispered fervently into the night. "I will comeagain."
- Joined
- Oct 3, 2022
I agree, there are terrible people in the church who need to have a millstone tied to their necks and thrown in the nearest large body of water. And there is corruption, that But they don't represent the teachings of Jesus, and I don't believe they are a Christian, no matter how high up they are in the church. They are wolves in sheep's clothing. They can't be born again if they actively pursuing their Adamic nature. The process involves a true repentance, a complete turn around to follow Jesus. Of course we all fall short of the glory of God, and He knows we will sin again because that's our nature. To continue on living in sin shows that person is serving two masters. And they cannot serve two masters as he will hate one and love the other, which is their own will and flesh instead of following God's will.
Sorry about the long response, I'm a Christian myself and I like to study theology.
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- Joined
- May 25, 2013
Whether they represent the teaching or not isn't the issue, it's the fact that they're there at all and usually get away with shit, and are often actively protected by their religious community. It's not an issue exclusive to catholics, or even Christianity, but in mostly Christian countries it'll be mostly various versions of Christianity that predators exploit to get away with shit.
Some belief systems and denominations openly advocate abuse, like IBLP thinking spousal rape is no biggie and you shouldn't divorce your husband even if he rapes your kids. Generally the more conservative the beliefs, the bigger the issue with predators and abuse happening and being actively covered up/allowed/encouraged.
mannic
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Apr 12, 2023
I was kinda suprised this guy is a christian, but there's a good chance he's a LARPer. Anyway, Filipino christians are a weird set of religious people. While there is very conservative types of christians in philippines, there's a significant amount of centrist and left-leaning christians. the country itself has a lot of lgbt people and ironically have the largest numbers of christians (roman catholic) in southeast asia. Yes, it has religious lgbt people (most likely protestants iirc). It's a very weird mix of demographic from a view of outsider.
The only thing you should be doing is humbly worshipping my black trans dick, you insolent minx....
- Joined
- Apr 12, 2020
- Joined
- May 25, 2021
- Joined
- Jan 16, 2020
I want to nominate this thread for the fastest derailed thread award of 2023
- Joined
- Aug 13, 2022
Agreed. Prime autism fucking ruined by spergs arguing about religion. Honestly makes a stronger case that the Bible fandom is just as autistic as any other medium fanboys. You are the Marvel of religions
- Joined
- Jan 16, 2020
I don't think off-comment about christianity being marvel of religions really helps the topic.
I just wanted to laugh at fugly tumblr tier bible drawings and all I see here is religious sperging one way or another. Who cares really?
- Joined
- Mar 28, 2019
"Bible fandom" in the best explanation I can give, just basically boils down to a mentality of "I want to be a Christian but I don't want to have the moral disciplines, impulse control, or restraint necessary to be a Christian, so instead I'm just gonna draw cutesy fanart of it instead."
BiggestKai
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Aug 6, 2023
The second coming of Jesus will be a tiktok influencer who makes shorts of each bible story, complete with zoomer lingo, adhd subtitles, a split screen with Noah's Ark 3D gameplay and church organ music slowed down with added reverb.
I BURN AND RAPE NIGGERS
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Dec 22, 2023
save that rizz for baby gronk when you visit ohio dude..
- Joined
- Aug 22, 2020
It's interesting because they connect with the Bible at a meaningful level that they do not understand, being ill-read and ill-educated zoomers, so they process it through the frame of reference they have actually been instructed in, modern fandom. Whereas stuff like Dante or Milton, or directly theological works like those of Origen or Augustine or Aquinas or the hundreds of others, are rooted in a deep knowledge of Christian canon, theology, and prior commentaries, usually alongside an extensive classical education
- Joined
- Jan 5, 2023
Fascinating thread. From the material provided in the OP I can't really tell if it's some weird ironic zoomie fad or if they're actually serious about their interest in the Bible Cinematic Universe and merely talking like retards.
Another fascinating thing about it is that it already has its own threadcow and it's not even out of PG yet.
Another fascinating thing about it is that it already has its own threadcow and it's not even out of PG yet.
- Joined
- Apr 2, 2023
Argument about religion in a thread tangentially related to religion on a site with a largely religious userbase and Androidraptor? Never could've seen it coming.