My surgeon kind of abandoned me.
I originally had bottom surgery in 2019. With another surgoen (due to moving and changing insurances) I was supposed to have 3 surgeries to finish fixing a complication, with the first surgery being undoing most of my previous surgery to rebuild it in the 2nd surgery.
I had a negative experience with the way some stuff was handled, and my surgeon is now not comfortable working on me anymore.
That's the summary of it. I don't even know how to begin to explain how down I'm feeling about this.
I was already scared to work on fixing these complications because I knew going through surgery and having everything undone would suck. And it did, I hate hate hate my genitals now and would go back to how they were before the repair surgery if I could. I was really banking on having the second and third repair in a timely manner so that I can move past this, but now I have no idea who'll work on me, and the bigger issue is how long insurance will take to cover out an exception for me. Anyone else I go to, I'll incur thousands upon thousands of travel and rooming fees, and I'm on Medicaid and live below the poverty line.
I'm just upset and scared and don't know how I'm supposed to move forward.
Cw self harm/drugs I don't feel like I have any reason to care about my health anymore because I'm clearly not getting surgery any time soon. I want to hurt myself and I see no reason to continue being drug free. I dealt with being pre op by injuring myself and doing harder drugs and the way my genitals are arranged right now reminds me of what they were like pre op.
I feel abandoned and hurt.
I can't have sex, change clothes, shower, etc comfortably anymore. I am supposed to also do maintenance (wear cream and gauze) every day multiple times a day until my next repair surgery but I just can't. I hate my genitals right now and don't know what to do.
I'm so upset.