My grandfather literally ran from me at Thanksgiving Community Only (
self.trans)
submitted 29 days ago * by
YourFriendJeebus
Just need to rant a little. My wife (cis) and I (mtf) were making the rounds this Thanksgiving, visiting my family. We spent the majority of Thanksgiving with my liberal, and fully accepting mom's side of the family (my parents divorced many years ago), but we decided to stop by my dad's side on our way home to say hi. My dad and stepmom are accepting and have honestly done their best to educate themselves, so we enjoy hanging around them. I've been out for about a year and a half, and on hrt for a year. My deeply conservative grandfather was told about my transition about three months ago by my dad, with my blessing of course. I haven't seen my grandfather in almost a year, so a lot has changed. I present femme socially 100% of the time, and I've been told that I pass, so I sometimes assume I do. That day, I certainly passed.
Regarding my grandfather, I've always noticed a fairly extreme level of misogyny from him, but even with my obvious lack of masculinity, he still showed me unconditional love, or so I thought. Knowing he would be at this large, 30 person family gathering, was actually somewhat exciting because I'm so incredibly proud of my progress and mental state, and love sharing my joy and content with people I love. Not to mention, I really like the way I look most of the time. In my mind, he was about to meet the best, happiest, and most confident version of myself. I didn't do much with my makeup and hair, but I thought I looked quite cute. Anyway, when we get to the gathering, my wife and I walk in, my wife first, and myself close behind. As we make our way in, greeting everyone, it's clear that a few are uncomfortable, but I don't care because I finally love myself. We get to my dad and stepmom, and I immediately ask where my grandfather is because we didn't see him.
My dad then sits me down (he's always been quite open and honesty with me), so I know it's not good. He proceeds to tell us that as soon as we walked in, my grandfather, who was sitting on the couch, saw me, and realized he was "not ready." This 81 year old man proceeded to bolt off the couch and escape out through the back yard, got into his truck and left, without either of us noticing. My dad then tells me that he's been crying over my transition, as he sees me as his "first grandson." It's apparently hard for him to accept. Initially, I was stunned. I expected push back, or negativity, or even disparagement. I never expected him to run and hide from me. Obviously, I was hurt, especially since I never even behaved like a "grandson." After I composed myself, I began to realize that his immature decision negatively impacted everyone there. He left his wife, my step grandmother, there, who came up to me, hugged me tight, and said, "I still love you." He abandoned his entire family before food had even been served because he can't stand to look at his granddaughter.
As my wife and I were driving home, the gravity of it all fully sank in, and any sadness I felt turned into righteous indignation. I told my wife that I can possibly forgive this act, but never forget. I've decided that I will not mince words when, or if, we ever speak again. What he did was insulting to everyone there, and incredibly immature. He will not get anything past a second chance. He will know that if he cannot fully accept me, pronouns and all, then I am done with him. He'll know that if he thinks he lost his "grandson," he'll lose his granddaughter. I also will only allow a relationship if he not only apologizes to me, but also the relevant parties his actions affected. I'm not something or someone to be "accepted" as a reality. I am as I am. If he cannot "accept" that, then he can actually grieve for me as he sits alone on Christmas, or any other holiday, as the rest of the family embraces me.
Needless to say, I'm still taken aback by his actions, but I'm not going to let his cowardice or immaturity drag me down.
Thanks for reading my long rant. I just wanted to share this hurtful moment because it has become a demonstration of my resolve and confidence within myself. It's nice because she fully supports me, and she is certainly proud of how I'm handling this experience.
Edit: thanks for the replies and support. Like a lot of you, I definitely see the humor of this point. It had to look so ridiculous to everyone there who witnessed him scurry out as quick as he could. He must've looked so ridiculous in their eyes, that it probably distracted them from potential bigotry just for a bit. By comparison, only one of us looked "normal" in that moment.
