The Julays Ninth Annual Lolcow Awards 2023 - Which lolcow will claim the throne?

[Historical Strelkov]

Mfw the gambling addict that broke his own door on stream,punched a hole in his wall and wasted $6k in literally 4 minutes loses to a boring lawyer man

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kind of a one note cow you got there.
Oh whats he gonna do this time? gamble some money and lose?
Rekieta meanwhile has been extremely versatile.
He's been doing all sorts of insane stuff under the influence.
Destroying his own reputation, having balldo sex, going to hedonistic events and lying about it, getting the outcome of lawsuits wrong, getting called out for being non-practicing, catfished by a man, is probably a cuck, defending grooming behavior, wearing weird male gimp lingerie, failing at standup comedy, wearing ridiculous hot topic clothing to formal events, calling every male gay implying he is. he's really outperforming everyone else. Hes DEDICATED to being a cow.
Bossmanjack as funny as he is is just a gambling addict with a funny taste in music. Rekieta has gone from the hype of the johnny depp case to licking alcohol bottles like a homosexual wino.
I think democracy has actually worked out this time.

 

[Fake News Anchor]

I say we storm the Kiwi Building and guided tour our way into overturning this sham election. I voted Fatrick, but I'll accept him being Vice Piggy to the Bossman.

 

[Sneeder Griffin]

Not too surprised Nick won. The Ethan Ralph/Nick Fuentes/Nick Rekieta/A&H wignat infighting complex is too strong on this site. The winner of Lolcow of the Year is always going to be whoever makes A&H/Sekturtards the maddest, since they're the largest group on the site. On top of that, the Farms was flooded with /pol/ and wignat Twitter refugees during the Floyd riots and the Rittenhouse trial, which Rekieta was a key part of the coverage of.

Not that Rekieta wasn't a good candidate. Rekieta basically had the same collapse that Ethan Ralph had during his prime, minus the pill abuse and revenge porn. However, I still think Fatrick should have won, because he not only was forced to pay Quasi, but his sperging singlehandedly spawned multiple cows like Snackie and the Butter Knife kid, resulting in the creation of the Tough Guys board. Rekieta, Patrick, and BossmanJack are all great candidates though.

 

[Hitlerswag420]

Where to see the results for all the subcategories?

Fatrick should have obviously won, but like Jack Murphy's 2021 year-end bombshell overtaking the 5th Josiah Munoz tape, Rekieta blessed us with some end-of-year shenanigans to overtake Fatso, who started 2023 off extremely strong before tapering off.

 

[Hamplanet Fitness]

The count for the subforum awards is nearly done. The only award still reasonably close is Best Put to Pasture lolcow. All winners so far have been added to the board.

 

[Rudolf's Friend]

Am I the only person that finds Rekieta incredibly fucking boring? He's a fallen off drunk who occasionally does weird sexual degenerate stuff which is funny but not nearly extreme or frequent enough compared to other lolcows.

I actually find law stuff interesting but even so I always skip his segment on MATI.

In my heart bossmanjack is the true LOTY

I find him pretty boring too. I think it's the same people who found Nick Fuentes interesting that are interested in him (altrusticright comes to my mind). Once Fuentes got boring this guy sperged out so they followed him, and once he gets boring they're hoping someone else comes that they can find interesting. Basically if you didn't find Nick Fuentes interesting, you won't find Rekieta interesting, and that's the case with me.

Seems to me it’s a matter of whether you prefer your cows’ meltdowns gradual or explosive. BMJ seems to have a catastrophe weekly but while they’re less frequent Nick’s revelations and slow slide into self-destruction are far juicier when they drop.

Personally it’s hard for me to watch BMJ because he’s in much more clear pain than Rekieta so I start to feel bad for him, and I don’t come to the Farms to experience pity. I just want to laugh at stupid and/or bad people as their lives flame out in public. Jack is just sick, and don’t get me wrong, Rackets is too, but Nick also can’t go a month without shoving both feet in his mouth, and the fallout from that is what I live for.

For me at least I don't really see the meltdowns that he has that explosive.

 

[RL Steinbeck]

Fuck yeah. TMDWU

 

[Haloperidol]

Rekeita’s a huge cow and may well deserve the crown, but his downfall just isn’t funny to me, and that’s always going to be my top criteria. I’ll keep tabs on Rekeita, but I will continue laughing myself into oblivion at Pat and BMJ.

 

[ye's Official KF Burner]

For all you whining about Nick winning it, he fucking deserves it. No other lolcow has fallen as hard as he has and continues to dig himself a hole. Fatrick and Bossman have not had a fall from grace, they have always been some degree of lolcow.

Nick went from being the darling of Weeb Wars, the primary commentary channel for the Rittenhouse trial even surpassing OFFICIAL coverage, and had garnered respect and support from multiple avenues, to personally dismantling it all and speedrunning his descent into degeneracy even after multiple individuals stepped forward to try to help him. He burned the bridges himself and thinks he did something good. He was flying high and would have had it made if he didn't double down being a massive faggot.

There will be other years for people like Patrick, because he will never stop. There will be more opportunities for him to do what he does best and earn himself an award for it. But I highly doubt that we will ever see anyone go from as high as Nick was to as low as he is digging himself ever again in the history of lolcows and internet bullshit. Most cows don't start off on favorable ground and gain positive traction only to squander it all away. But with Nick it was personal for a lot of this site specifically because of how many people at one point or another genuinely liked him and his content. So it isn't even sektur politics or A&H faggotry guiding people because the majority of those who are really feeling it are people who have been around for a while. Before the dimensional merge and ILJ shit, hell some even before the 2019 leaks.

If you understand Nick's history, you'll understand why this is both vindicating and bittersweet for the people who have been along for the ride with him.

 

[make_it_so]

Am I the only person that finds Rekieta incredibly fucking boring? He's a fallen off drunk who occasionally does weird sexual degenerate stuff which is funny but not nearly extreme or frequent enough compared to other lolcows.

I actually find law stuff interesting but even so I always skip his segment on MATI.

In my heart bossmanjack is the true LOTY

You have to understand that a huge portion of Nick's position as Lolcow of the Year is tied directly to the fact that just a little over a year ago, he was a completely normal and more or less drama-free online figure/e-celeb that commanded a huge amount of respect from Farmers. He was one of the few people with a large platform and audience that consistently stood up for Josh and the site in the face of the concentrated deplatforming campaign during the 2021-2022 period.

And then he went into a massive nosedive by openly engaging in a bunch of insane and degenerate behavior.

Anyway, congrats to Balldo Man. If he had a sense of humor, he'd probably put on a big homemade paper crown that said Lolcow of the Year and stream wearing that.

 

[Dixieland Buckaroo]

I could see disagreeing that he edged Pat out at the last minute and that Pat should have won. It was definitely close. But acting like Nick isn't a lolcow at all is fuck-ass retarded.

The interesting thing with all three vote-leaders, is they're all cows with various amounts of money, and money has defined their lives and past year. Chris has had cash at various points and we see where it goes (LEGO, stupid shit, etc.)- same thing with Boogie. Ralph, to some extent, was doing alright, especially toward the end of the youtube days. But in these three, we have:

• Married into some money (fat), fritters his life away at the bar, on his laptop, on shitty vehicles, responding constantly on twitter. Fritters away some bucks on lawsuits, .
• Born into money (balldo), finally made some of his own, fritters it away on two new cars, including a rustang, stupid vacations, no financial planning, fritters it away mostly in his cuck cage basement.
• Born poor as dirt (BMJ), stumbles into interesting streaming meta, poor as dirt at the end of every day because zero impulse control.

I guess that maybe most cows are restricted in their behavior by (usually lack of) access to cash, but all three of these fools fell into money in various ways that has just made them even worse people.

 

[make_it_so]

The fact that Ralph got the least votes really speaks to how far the Gunt has fallen.
Not even the haters care anymore.

Personally, I think it speaks more to just how much wild shit happened last year. Remember that at the start of 2023, Ralph had quite a bit of content that at the time made it look like he would take the crown again, but in the months that followed he was overshadowed.

 

[Molag Bal]

We haven't hit that surreal point of catastrophe yet, like Ralph moving to Mexico, or Chris catching an incest charge. Rest assured, it's coming, but this is premature.

Oh no, my take was much more meant on the paranormal side.
If you ctrl+f 'dimensional merge' on Elissa Clips' channel and scroll down, you will find a clip of Nick opening a letter containing a spell that summons magichan along with a sonichu medallion and he reads the spell.
Between Ralph meeting chris chan and him going full perma ragepig mode, there was a calm period of several months. Between Rackets' summoning of the spirit/demon/entity/sonic oc and now, the incubation period hasn't elapsed yet. Last I checked, the clip was only 2 months old, so late january to early march will be when the time actually comes, provided the loty award hasn't jinxed it.

 

[Maricón de Mierda]

Jackie won Best Fresh Meat so stalker childs basically won.

 

[Roxanne Wolf]

Fredrik Knudsen / Down the Rabbit Hole
(WINNER)

I can't belive that someone who has done literally nothing lolworhty besides have a Vtuber presence won.

His OP is just an explanation of a YT burnout, not even a drop of lols.

Fucking tourists. Null was right, voting is homosexual.

 

[make_it_so]

A very explosive mid life crisis with drinking too much and him wanting to fuck a troon who goes by "mandy".

Don't forget the various degenerate coomer escapade reveals, having a meltdown over a black comic book writer, or getting into an expensive defamation lawsuit with a literal fucking schizo that he will more than likely lose.

 

[Harm]

Brownfolf leaking their private scat fetish porn and taping "trans awareness flyers" to brick walls with scotch tape was more lolworthy than anything Knudsen did.

 

[Tablet County]

Bossmanjack loses Lolcow of the year, just like he loses everything else.

 

[Admiral Throbnelius]

Congrats to @Itsnatsutalbott for being the first ever winner of the Michael Alan White Opsec Fail Award!

 

[Hokuriku]

Mfw the gambling addict that broke his own door on stream,punched a hole in his wall and wasted $6k in literally 4 minutes loses to a boring lawyer man

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I had initially voted for BMJ, but sometimes awards are more about recognizing a particular achievement than ongoing performance. Next year BMJ is going to be living in exactly the same limbo and continue to be exactly as eligible as he is now. Someone with as much promise as Nick dropping so catastrophically and so fast is an OJ car chase level flashpoint - nobody.is going to be reminiscing about where they were when Bossman got felted in Keno for the 2846th time.

Paying Quasi was a similar effect for Fatrick, but he got completely overshadowed by his lunatic orbiters while he got stuck in a rut writing buck-broken tweets.