The Julays Ninth Annual Lolcow Awards 2023 - Which lolcow will claim the throne?

[Sneed S. McSneedensen]

I can't belive that someone who has done literally nothing lolworhty besides have a Vtuber presence won.

His OP is just an explanation of a YT burnout, not even a drop of lols.

Fucking tourists. Null was right, voting is homosexual.

Cope and bark.

 

[Sicko Hunter]

WHOA GUYS A LIBERTARIAN TURNED OUT TO BE A SEXUAL DEVIANT DRUNK WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT WHAT A HILARIOUS AND AMAZING TWIST TRUELY DESERVING OF LOLCOW OF THE YEAR I THOUGHT HE LIKE ALL OTHER LIBERTARIANS WAS TRAD

 

[Mariposa2.0 LTE]

This is the only way LOLcow of the year could end their night.

 

[ChrisIsGay]

Rat Rekieta stole the election.

#StopTheSteal.

 

[Tiny Chinaman]

Someone send this Niga some flowers

 

[Sneeds]

Since the Balldo Wine Moms and my boy :Lossmanjack: lost. Atleast some of my picks won.
Like that Owl femboy nigga Knudsen.

If you need a refresher on him

And the Dream Vs Gumball pick won

And the Genshin Fag won too
Also I will never wear the BALLDO

 

[make_it_so]

Congrats to Gumball for winning best lolcow media.

 

[Dr. Butt]

View attachment 5602447

even fun and merriment on this website triggers retards

Null is NOT a virgin. He's fucked my dog thousands of times.

 

[Pignat]

Reminder that the first few days it was neck and neck between fatrick and bmj, only after the sektards fortified the election did rackets start gaining a lead.
Also gratz on the win cobes, I hope you find Puffers soon.

 

[Morrowind: GOTY Edition]

He went super nova when whorese left the stable then falled out with nick Fuentes, all before September. Now he's but a husk of his flattened gunt

Probably the most minor of footnotes in Ralph's last five years to be honest. As specific of a circumstance as "knocking up a dumb white woman, leaving her penniless as she runs back home, then eternally warring with her A-log father on Twitter" is, it's not even the first time that's happened.

The America First stuff was entertaining, but inevitable. That shit show has been burning on the way to the bottom for years now. Anyone with half a brain would have bailed by now.

As far as I'm concerned, compared to 2022, Ralph's year essentially boils down to "upgrading women, sobering up, and dropping three digits on the scale." Far from

 

[ForTheHoard]

I don't follow BMJ, and while I don't wanna discourage anyone else from getting lulz from him losing and chimping out, I personally find him too pathetic and depressing to be funny.

I think you're on team Fatrick, but BMJ is probably the least depressing of the front runners. He doesn't have kids, a job, or any property. His rat parents take care of him, and if he got hit by a bus, the only person it would hurt is his crack dealer.

Nick has a wife and a shitload of kids that are going to have to live the rest of their lives under the shadow of embarrassment that is Balldo. If Nick's drinking hits rock bottom, it's going to ruin a lot of innocent lives.

I don't know as much about Fatrick other than he has very gay vocal affectations and something about nigger pepperoni.

BMJ has taught me that manic gambling addictions are much more entertaining than slow burn alcoholism.

 

[Sneeds]

Bossman Jack losing his lolcow award followed his own curse - he wins, gets on a good streak, then proceeds to lose it all in a string of massive losses.

And his fans chimping out that he lost just add to the irony!

I hope you meet a “woman” named MANdy

 

[make_it_so]

I just want to say that I'm disappointed that my man Karl "I Worship Satan and Chase Tactical Tranny Girldick" Kasarda didn't seem to have a chance. In the Internet Famous category, he was up against really stiff competition from established cows, while in the Fresh Meat category where he should've be placed there was no way he was going to be able to compete with the Pig-Guarding Internet Tough (Wo)Man Jackie Singh in terms of milkable content.

It's sad, because Karl truly is a pretty entertaining cow, not just because of the edgy Satanism or the Tranny/BLM taint licking and embrace of ANTIFA faggots, but because much like Rekieta he was once a very well respected YouTuber/e-celeb who put out interesting content that appealed to a wide audience. 2023 was the perfect year for him to finally get his lolcow thread not just because of all the cringe stuff listed above, but because this is the year that he really went off the deep end and had a complete fucking meltdown over comments on a boomer gun forum, which culminated in him burning just about every single bridge he had, including most significantly the very popular gun YouTuber Ian McCollum/Forgotten Weapons who was the main person responsible for Karl and his channel even gaining any following in the first place.

 

[DootSkeleton]

I followed the rules and only voted for three subforum rewards but if I were allowed to vote for all categories I would have picked:

Lolcow of the Year: Bossmanjack
Best Main Forum Lolcow: Yanderedev
Queen of the Beauty Parlour: Anisa
Breaker of Scales: Chantal
Best Animal Control Lolcow: Knudsen
Best Internet Famous & Grift Wars Lolcow: Boogie
Best Stinkditch & Rat King Lolcow: Goonclown
Fresh Meat: Shane Nokes
Best Put to Pasture Lolcow: Mandarr
Alan ((((((Michael White)))))) Opsec Fail Award: @Itsnatsutalbott
Best Lolcow Media: Boogie vs Wings

54.5% accurate. Not bad for my first time voting

Nick is definitely a lolcow and I get why he won but to me his fall is more sad and infuriating than funny. Bossman is just funny.

 

[Meat Target]

I think you're on team Fatrick

Correct

BMJ is probably the least depressing of the front runners. He doesn't have kids, a job, or any property. His rat parents take care of him, and if he got hit by a bus, the only person it would hurt is his crack dealer.

I'm not against "kicking down" in principle, but in BMJ's case, it feels excessive. He can't really go much lower, short of dying or becoming homeless.

Compulsive gambling is a no-joke addiction, and BMJ seems like he got hooked before he had any opportunity to mature and have a functional life.

Fatrick's an alcoholic and also goes berserk on his trolls, but in contrast to BMJ, he seems like he is (or was, at one point) capable of knowing better and walking away from Twitter. Yet, he persists out of stubborn, pig-headed pride, because he's a selfish, narcissistic liar.

It's hard to believe Pat is a real person. He always does something more retarded than anything anyone could have predicted.

 

[cerulean hydra]

Not My Cow
#DLTIW

 

[FunPosting101]

Nick isn't really "worthy" of this award, since he isn't nearly as funny as some of the other cows on this site. His story is more sad than anything else.

 

[Bookwork]

My congratulations to all the winners. You worked hard for your awards.

 

[Invertebrate Horse]

The bossman can never grab that jackpot. We lost it all .

 

[FunPosting101]

Where to see the results for all the subcategories?

Fatrick should have obviously won, but like Jack Murphy's 2021 year-end bombshell overtaking the 5th Josiah Munoz tape, Rekieta blessed us with some end-of-year shenanigans to overtake Fatso, who started 2023 off extremely strong before tapering off.

None of this year's lolcows can compare to Jack Murphy's manosphere manass shenanigans.