The Julays Ninth Annual Lolcow Awards 2023 - Which lolcow will claim the throne?

[Dixieland Buckaroo]

I have managed to secure the servers in China, Venezuala, and Germany. Bad news, Balldo fans- the Fatrick sisters were right! The vote was rigged!

(With apologies to Altistic and the OPs.)

 

[JackoVerde]

Nick made lolcow of the year, congrats nick

he's gonna wish Null had all the success and make a trillion dollars,
scratch that, he's gonna wish all kiwifarmers made a trillion dollars

 

[Billie's Blues]

Congrats, Nick. You've come such a long way, baby.

 

[YellowIsACoolColor]

Could you add the voting numbers for each award? I wanna see how many votes everyone got in each subforum award.

 

[Jimmy Dean Bowl]

The award I'm most happy about is Jackie Singh clinching Fresh Meat.
Well deserved.
Thanks to @Hamplanet Fitness for your sterling efforts in hosting this glittering event year on year.

 

[Wooper]

I watched every MATI this year and other than being shitface drunk and falling in love with a catfish I can't point out anything that Nick even did in 2023

Well if you had you'd know he's pushed everyone away he spent years getting, audience and guest wise, in the span of a couple of months and ruined his marriage of nearly two decades for an obvious catfish just because he wanted to be "a nasty lil pervert". The reason why Nick won is because of how fast he managed to ruin everything for himself and the retarded reasons why. Everyone could see the signs and when people on YouTube and here were more on Nick's side they tried to warn him.
Bossmanjack wasn't a trillionaire who lost it all because his dumb gambling problem. Patrick S Tomlinson wasn't a beloved author before the stalker childs. Nick had the most to lose and managed to actually lose it.

 

[Zoobles]

fuckin' recency bias is what it is

 

[TheGrandDragonJesus]

Why isn't Null on the list to vote anyways?

 

[hawkisnight]

Why isn't Null on the list to vote anyways?

He refused to put on the balldo.

 

[Oilspill Battery]

For those who don't believe Rekieta earned Lolcow of the Year, I made a 12 minute supercut of Rekieta throughout the year to honor his massive election win.

Bro keeps 28 bottles of various spirits within arms reach of his desk at any given moment? That's absolutely unreal. I guess it checks out with being a bottle licker.

 

[888Flux]

i did not receive even mild amusement from the featured video, or anything Rekeita says or does. completely rigged poll.

in the good timeline, the featured video would be BossmanJack property damage compilation or Patrick Tomlinsons xeets superimposed over him grinding black children into pepproni.

FUCK Rekeita. if you find anything he does amusing or lolcow worthy you have terminal brain damage. Democracy has failed

 

[Honka Honka Burning Love]

I watched every MATI this year and other than being shitface drunk and falling in love with a catfish I can't point out anything that Nick even did in 2023

You fucking forgot the Shower Call?

 

[maguyver16]

I watched every MATI this year and other than being shitface drunk and falling in love with a catfish I can't point out anything that Nick even did in 2023

Nick had absolutely no reason to fail and yet he still managed to do so. Most lolcows aren't married with 5 children either. It's a unique shitshow.

 

[Lean In Ban]

Good thing Nick stuck around after the Vic Lasagna shit when he and Ty Beard were made to look like absolute mongoloids. Congrats Nick you did it. Grab a baldo and crack open a cold one. You've earned it buddy

 

[Aguirre]

would be fun to see a 'LOLcow glow-up' catagory next year? like the gunt losing weight or maddox having a good point for once whilst dick is slowly slipping.

 

[gh0stiexo]

Congratulations to Nick Rekeita on lolcow of the year. I do hope he gives a speech.

 

[Captain Manning]

Did any of you who voted for BMJ or Fatrick ever hear the tragedy of Cuck Rekieta the Alcoholic?

I thought not. It’s not a story that you would learn from the Bossman Jack and Fatrick threads. It’s a legend of the Rekieta thread.

Cuck Rekieta was a drunken lord of the Balldo, so coombrained he could use the Balldo to turn himself from a "friend of the Farms" into a Lolcow of the Year. He had such a lack of inhibition that that he even started palling around with Vito the Pedo. The Balldo is a pathway to many traits some consider to be... degenerate. He became such a gigantic FAGGOT the only thing he was afraid of was @Null not returning his shower calls.

Which eventually, of course, is what happened.

Unfortunately, he decided he wanted to "fuck the shit out of" some person on his Locals, and that person turned out to be a dude.

Ironic. He could throw shade on others being catfished, but could not save himself from the same fate.

 

[Marchesa of the Vast]

Soo much happened with Nick towards the end of the year that I forgot he started going to bat for Vito the Pedo, had a 7hour white bread ass nigga cope stream, slurred about driving his kids around hung over and narcoleptic, continued to follow random prostitutes and drug dealers on Instagram, the struggle session over texting Josh with Potentially Criminal, the humiliating his wife repeatedly, the whining about how kids ruined his life, the revelation that the white bread ass nigga that grew up in the hood is actually a trust fund baby, the repeated rants about how NOBODY CAN UNDERSTAND MEEEEEE, the Rittenhouse interviews where after Kyle got disrespected by Nick he spent the whole 2nd interview mocking Nick, Nick's divorce with the anime crowd calling them all pedos after building his career on them, the revelation of Kayla's pinterest account where she devolved from 'crafty mom' to 'how to pray for your husband' to 'drunk sex guides', the stream where even diddler Dax had to pull on intervention on Rekeita's drinking, the repeated monologs about American Beauty where he identified with the pederast trying to fuck his daughters friend, the sex dungeon near his kids rooms, was crashing the mustang with his daughter in it because he wouldn't listen to the dealer this year or last(?), his rapid physical decline, his Anisa-tier tattoo additions, the disastrous stand up comedy event, getting kissed by a fat chick at the swingers bar, the $3000 a month snack bills, the bottle licking defense, HAVING +30 bottles of liquor around him at all times, the diet of snickers and doritos he lives on so he doesn't gain weight drinking just alcohol....

This is just off the top of my head. This doesn't even get into the hours of early morning mope streams in his dirty kitchen or the behind the scenes speculation of how over his marriage is.

Do tell me how a gambling addict is the peak of lolcowdown. Tell me more about how yet ANOTHER Fatrick "black child pepperoni" joke is the peak of comedy. Tell me more about how you totally watched every MATI this year and are baffled that Nick won LotY.

Yall niggas dumb as fuck.

2023 was the Year of the Balldo bitches.

 

[Lana Del Hitler]

Did any of you who voted for BMJ or Fatrick ever hear the tragedy of Cuck Rekieta the Alcoholic?

I thought not. It’s not a story that you would learn from the Bossman Jack and Fatrick threads. It’s a legend of the Rekieta thread.

Cuck Rekieta was a drunken lord of the Balldo, so coombrained he could use the Balldo to turn himself from a "friend of the Farms" into a Lolcow of the Year. He had such a lack of inhibition that that he even started palling around with Vito the Pedo. The Balldo is a pathway to many traits some consider to be... degenerate. He became such a gigantic FAGGOT the only thing he was afraid of was @Null not returning his shower calls.

Which eventually, of course, is what happened.

Unfortunately, he decided he wanted to "fuck the shit out of" some person on his Locals, and that person turned out to be a dude.

Ironic. He could throw shade on others being catfished, but could not save himself from the same fate.

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what did he actually do tho? pat was robbed

 

[Sicko Hunter]

what did he actually do tho? pat was robbed

Patrick's twitter feed alone is funnier then anything Nick's done in his life. His lawsuit and phone calls with trolls put him into an entire different level then him. From what I've seen of Nick it's baffling to me he's so popular as a cow. He runs a boring podcast for drunks, he's a libertarian who is a drunken hedonist like is there something I'm missing here? Where is the comedy? How are you people so amused by this boring drunk loser?